This page contains the poetry of fellow survivors. I want to thank all of you that wrote this poetry. You all have tremendous strength, and talent. Please do not take any of this poetry, without consent from the author. If you would
like to submit your poetry, please e-mail me.

think about what you did

i can't tell
if i would ever want to see you again
would i rather face you and be glorious
or turn away from my shame and hide from the stain
i know i must have my own scent
i must
because if it isn't mine it's yours
i can't say you're a bastard
as far as i know your parents were united in matrimony
before from her loins you sprang
like a worm
like a mindless evil little ugly stupid wicked worm
do you know what you did to me
sure i built myself a facade
of pure whiteness and gardenia blossoms and fluttering butterflies
underneath it all do you know what i am
a soiled dirty embarrassed former princess
a liar
a cheating freakish confused wannabe empress
you!
you made me a liar
and it's safe for me to blame you
now
you think i would dare to blame you
when you had me backed up in a corner
sniveling aching smothered
while your tongue like a snake played games with me
you knew better
and you knew worse and you did worse to me
do you know what it's like being unable to touch a man
without feeling panicked
do you know what it's like seeing shadows everywhere
and expecting them to jump out and murder you
kill you
stab right into your fucking soul
you stabbed me
sliced me
hid me away like your own possession
and then after you'd plundered and sucked all you could get
you flung my empty shell away
i can't say you're a fucker
because i don't remember everything you did
was it a game to you
did you think it was funny
pinning me down and stopping my breath with your hot mouth
slimy slithering oozing awful black rotting - fuck!
you made this of me
i am your masterpiece
your broken dollbaby
who could have been more if you hadn't worn me out
let me go!
leave me alone
and let an embrace mean more than for him to
get his hand up my shirt
or his tongue between my quivering lips
or anything else like that
do you remember things about me
remember how you forced me to touch you
i didn't want to!
i can't cry anymore
and it's your fault
it's you
and i hate you!
you sick vile vomitous disgusting thing!
if it makes you feel powerful again
maybe think about me
think and know that i can't cry now
think and know that i'm not curling up in anybody's arms
nobody wants to hear shit like this
they want a sugar-coated version of my life
not stories about you bruising me in my playhouse
my daddy built that playhouse for me
and you invaded it
i built myself a teenage seventh-grade romance
and you invaded it
i had a life
and you invaded it
i had a childhood a grace a purity a beauty
and yes a blamelessness
and you stole it
i hope you die alone and as scared as you've made me
-butterfly

Molested

she sits concentrating hard on every detail
of the catalog people
shaking shaking scared to look up
from her world of make-believe perfection
he's watching her watching
while her fingerprinted frail baby's body
shudders there on the floor
surrounded by her paper family
she's in the woods
he took her fishing
catfish with their long water whiskers
hooked with their lips torn
and she's running running through the woods
he's behind her somewhere
stay away please stay away
in the bathtub
beneath the skylight
in among the houseplants like a little dying bug
afraid, so afraid
he'll be on the roof and see her
in this vulnerability of now
but he isn't there
he isn't seeing her
he's seeing me
-butterfly

Silent Sobs

The Silent Sobs shudder through my soul.
As my body remembers it's torment and hell.
The little girl sobs within, whimpers and groans,
As the shame and fear squeeze my heart.
Muscles clench tight as bells ring inside
We squirm about, in deep agony and hell
As every fiber of our being, recalls and feels
This nameless torment our souls endured.
Oh why can't I cry and scream my pain?
Why can't I tell of this great outrage?
He told me that I should never, never tell,
The secret I must keep and remain in hell.
Oh, I WON'T keep this hideous secret;
I will scream it out and tell the world.
Why should I sob from the depths of my soul,
Just because he told me this should be so.
I have had enough of this horrible hell.
I have had enough of the sobs that can't tell.
I have had enough of the pain that crushes.
I have had enough of all the secrets my body holds.
Let's let it go, release its hold.
And tell the world that it really is so.
We're tired of the tears we can not shed,
Oh let us be free, when all is done and said.
-cygnet

I Am an Orphan

I am an orphan, no parents have I
They gave me birth, but they aren't mine
I called them mom and dad
They were all I had.
From my earliest memories, age two
There were no words that were kind
I was all too familiar with the beatings
Very convinced their love was mine.
They had no conscience, no scruples at all
They took away my body, scraped it all
They took what they wanted, leaving a shell
And prepared me well for a life through hell.
Yes, you sent me to school, paid for it all.
Yes, you clothed me, and fed me on time.
Yes, you were there...your bodies, no heart
Yes, you incestuous parents, you tore me apart.
You have no care, that my body is scraped
You do not care, the tears of anguish I shed
You do not care, the memories that drive me insane
You do not care if little hope remains.
I have paid the price of your sin, your crime
I have carried your guilt and all of your shame
I have borne it well, living in hell.
But things have changed...I give to YOU the blame.
I still struggle with rage almost out of control
I struggle to find life within my soul.
I struggle to survive this hell
I struggle...and I will struggle until I win.
I am an orphan...I do not care
I really do...I grieve deep within my soul
But healthier without you
I struggle to reach my goal.
I want to live, to survive in spite of you.
To prove you wrong, and live with joy.
You can not stop me…though you try
I will win...I WILL...I am no longer your toy.
- Cygnet 2-20-99

Guest

I feel so weak
As though I've been
Nailed to the floor.
I feel like I'll never
Completely get you out
Of my system.
As if your semen
Runs through my veins
In place of the blood I lost.
But if I sliced them open,
You would not come pouring out,
For it appears you are here to stay,
A most unwelcome guest.
No physical evidence is left,
The swollen flesh has healed,
As have the grazes from
Being forced upon my knees.
But you have taken a razor,
And scarred me from inside
And planted your seed
In a million different ways.
Though there is one way
In which I count myself fortunate:
I do not have to see you again
In nine month's time.
- Mercutia

VIOLATION #2

He violated me again
Externally
I shut my eyes and went someplace else
As his hands went where they should not have
As he took something that had never been offered
And I wished I would wake up
But no one told me it wasn’t a dream
And no one came to save me from the dark
I could not save myself from
The dark I was unwillingly forced into
By hands and a tongue
And the smell of beer
And a "thanks" for letting him do it
- Mercutia

Screaming

You've caused me so much pain...
You've left my life broken
In pieces scattered all over the floor...
Now there's nothing left of me...
And you still think it was my fault?

I'm suffering because of you
But why can't you hear me screaming?
I'm suffering because of you
But why can't you hear me screaming?

Depression seemed to be the only answer
Drowning in blood and tears
The deep cut of a sharp knife
The sweet taste of bloody sorrow...
And you still say it was my fault?

I'm bleeding because of you
But why can't you hear me screaming?
I'm bleeding because of you
But why can't you hear me screaming?

Death is all that's left of my lonely soul
Eternal happiness in eternal darkness...
I hope you're satisfied
There's nothing left of me to abuse
You're fucked if you still say it was my fault

I'm dying because of you
But why won't you hear me screaming?
I'm dying because of you
But why won't you hear me screaming?
Why won't you hear me screaming? (I'm screaming because of you)
-Autumn

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