God Bless the Losers
(This poem recieved honorable mention in West Senior High's 2003 poetry contest, but I still don't like it)
In a long ago time there were too many fools
So people invented something we call schools
And with these schools came a social system, alas,
Some are more "popular" than others in the class
Now popularity's not real; it's a notion
It seems random, yet it causes no commotion
That some girl's thought to be superior to you
Because she's dated a football player or two
It does not matter how many friends you have got
If your friends are "losers", then you are not
And many such "unpopulars" don't know why they are
They've got friends, good grades, and are quite normal by far
Time passed and they became the victims of users
Doing "cool" kids' math was the fate of the "losers"
And for what? To be some cheerleader's "pet geek"
All the while behind your back being called a freak?
They day came when the "losers" heard what the kids said
They did not listen, they ignored it instead
"This cannot be true," they said, "No, no it can't be!"
"The cheerleading squad would never say that 'bout me!"
But as it happened some older kids were nearby
"Stop your whining. You're a geek, deal with it. Don't cry!"
The sophomores explained "the system" and all its quirks
"Well, basically the popular kids are just jerks"
"No one knows how "populars" have come to be;
Not even all mighty seniors have come to see
These popular kids treat everyone else like dirt
And they become unpopular by wearing the wrong shirt"
"These silly children have no true value or worth
They are obtuse and in life they'll have no great berth
They'll not be doctors or teachers or anyone
Else that will do the world good. It'll be the smart ones"
They began to see that what the s'mores say is true
"They're popular but they are no better than you.
Everyone must learn it's okay to be a nerd;
Be cool with who you are. We've got to spread the word."
So God bless the Chess Team and all of their checkmates
God bless the Gothics who preppies fear and hate
God bless the runners up for the cheerleading squad
God bless those who're shunned for not believing in God
God bless those who are allergic to ev'rything
God bless Trekkies and Spock's Vulcan nerve pinchie thing
God bless the Cynics who the school counselors snub
God bless the loyal members of the Science Club
God bless the "brains" who do the football team's homework
God bless the Young Republicans and their hard work
God bless the Web Design staff and all that they do
God bless the AT kids and their teachers too
And the freshmen noticed that wherever they roamed
That the "losers" and "geeks" were not really alone
Though by the football team they were rejected
Sophomore and Senior classes had them protected
So if you're in Math Club, my friend, do not have fear
For all around the world High School students are near
Easing our brains with their gentle call
"God bless the losers, God bless us all."
Guilt
Recollections of a Senior
It creeps upon you like a frost,
Slowly covering all,
It seems as though it will not end.
I should have taken the fall
For what I did, but I didn't...
Now this numbing frost
Will chill to the bone and into the brain
It's much too late for "should have" and "could have"
Only mistakes and sadness remain
'Cause I did what I did, but I didn't...
My friends and I, last September
Were at my cousin's home
Her mom was gone and we were left
To do whatever, to romp, to roam
To do what I did, but I didn't...
My dear friend, he picked the lock
To the liquor cabinet from which he stole
A bottle of Scotch and oh, he drank.
In this terrible tale that is his role
And I didn't what I did, but I didn't
3:00 a.m. rolled along before we all knew it
The party had ended; it's time to leave
My drunk friend said he could drive
At the time it seemed okay, but now I grieve
Because I did what I did but I didn't...
I should have known better
And taken his keys, or asked him to stay
He tried to drive home; he got about a block
He crashed into a tree, It sounds cliche
But I did what I did, but I didn't...
Now I stand here in the churchyard
And make my last goodbye
I think of all you could have done
And I begin to cry
We were going to prom together
We've known it since eighth grade
Our plans to go to Stanford
Have been more than delayed
We'll never go to Paris
Or raise a family
You'll never know the joys of life
And all because of me!
Why was I so stupid? I cannot believe
That I did nothing. I didn't take his key
And now my best friend is dead.
My best friend from first grade spread out on a tree
Because I did what I did, but I didn't...
to West Senior High
I have given without pause
The best years of my life
Now you say you're done with me
O, how It pains me like a knife.
I can't so easily forget
The things you've taught me through the years
Recalling memories we shared
I can't help but shed these tears.
No words I know can say how much
I will miss you when we part
Just know my love, throughout my life
You'll always have my heart
For you, my dear, I am so much a fool
Who'd think my love, you are only my school
Silver bands of curiosity
Like Daedalus himself I
Create anything
And like the winged creator
I can run
I can fly
I can dance with these bands of silver about me
Thus adorned I am
Free!
I am safe
I am a curiosity
Nothing shall bind me
Save these bands of silver
God save the silver bands
And all they stand for:
Beauty, Freedom, and Creation
You're not supposed to cry
But you're standing on my front porch
That look in your eyes
Begging, pleading, bleeding
You can't cry
But you might as well be sobbing
You still cling to their lies
And think that you can come back.
Poor bastard.
Hours slip away
Painlessly, silently
One third of the day
Gone.
Thirty-five hours
Twelve weeks
My summer slips away
Wasted.
I could savor my time
Just hanging out
This summer could last
Forever.
Instead I gave in
Wasting my time
Earning money I don't need
Regretfully.
Inspired by Zardoz
Sharpe goatee, naughty smile;
Floating head, feminine wiles:
You are Zardoz,
My dear Arthur Frayn.
Sean Connery worships you--
He must be insane.
This summer should have been a non-stop party
Road trips, concerts, beaches, bonfires,
Adventures, conquests, mistakes, and memories.
I'm not out painting the town with the girls
I didn't see that concert with the boys
No adventures. No stories.
Senior year isn't what it should have been.
I write a(n) Haiku
They tell me that they're easy
Just like your mother
Heads tilt
Lips part:
A kiss.
Teasing
Intoxicating:
Your kiss.
Mama lingers in the afternoon heat
Lemon calico swaying in the breeze
She stretches and sighs
The rocking chair creaks
Between the poplars and the rotted tree stumps
We enjoyed every delicious hour
And found ourselves
The whispering wind
Tells a dark secret
As cold winter chills
Mother Earth
Calm waters stir none
Move little and be not moved
So does a still soul
I don't want to feel anything anymore
I don't deserve pleasure or want anymore pain
I just want to be numb and sleep forever
you will never bring me down.
everything you do is a deliberate act
cutting into my soul with a crystalline blade,
precise and calculated,
but you fail.
the wound is cauterized by the same knife;
you cannot make me bleed.
and you will never make my cry.
Sometimes I just want to crawl into a cave and hide.
Can I do that?
You'd notice I wasn't around,
And wonder,
But would you know where to look?
And if you came looking,
Would I want to come to you?
Years spent together
At the mall
On the phone
At your house, my house, her house
At lunch
At work
In class
Years spent chatting
Millions of conversations
Billions of words
If I wrote them down I'd kill a forest
Are you worth it? Am I?
Are we?
Years on the phone
When's my birthday?
Years in the hall
What's my favorite color?
What do I want? What do I need?
What do I fear?
Do you know? Do you care?
Christmas after Christmas of candles
I don't like candles
Do you know?
Do you care?
Candle after candle
And you wonder why
Why I spend time with him
Thinking about him
Talking about him
Wanting him
Missing him
Why?
Why?
He lifts me above my life
Of forgotten birthdays
Hollow conversations about nothing
And candles, those damn candles
He knows me and loves me
And he doesn't give me candles
You can keep your gossip
And your candles
And he'll give me my favorite colored flower
And protect me from you
And those damned candles
I see a young man with bright blue eyes
I see a someone who loves music and relishes life
I see his loyalty and his compassion.
When you look at him, what do you see?
You see a desired object you want for your own
You see a status symbol for others to envy
You see something to take away from me.
Will your actions make him love you more?
We both love him
We hold him in the greatest esteem
We are both equal in his eyes.
Why can't we share him?
You don't need to spirit him away from me
You can talk to him when I'm still around
You don't need to push me out of the picture.
Uninformed
A hypocrite
An atheist
Full of shit
Slightly liberal
Uninvoled
Afraid of life
Not resolved
Disloyal
Loose
Self-centered
Obtuse
And sorry
To ____ _____
I looked at everything
And yet saw nothing
I listened to so much
But I could hear only you
I had given up on life
And was all alone
But you opened my heart
And guided my soul
You were my crying shoulder
And my best friend
With you I found myself
And found myself in love with you
Twitterpated Lemming
Twitterpated strolling home from the hill
Hearts and flowers hearts and flowers follow the saint among lemmings.
Gemini knows much many everything.
Prodigal! Conversation hearts and flowers. Therefore gastric butterflies frolic.
Wooing wooing wooing an Einstein of a puppy dog. More puppy than dog. Far from a dog but near to a puppy.
Encouragement from the humble god, yet needing encouragement. Encourageable. He's incorrigible.
Twitterpated strolling home from the hill. The saint among lemmings knows much many everything. Hearts and flowers. Hearts.
I never wanted love.
I wanted you.
I'm writing this poem for you
And it's miserable
Like my pathetic, lonely soul.
When I think about you
I want to expose my soul to you
Be wholly taken by you.
You know me as well as any living person
But there is more
I want you to know it.
We are friends
But we flirt with so much more
Why can't it be?
I would rip out my heart and give it to you
Is that too much?
What else would you want?
If you want me
I am yours.
Everyone wants a Romeo,
Don Juan, Marc Antony.
I don't need a Don Juan.
I'd settle for Don Quixote.
Soft and dark
It fills the night
I hear it, see it
No-- feel it
A slow sigh
Speaking sweetly
Of the way we were
How can I even try to sleep now?
I can still taste you on my lips.
A brace of stellar kinsmen
The twins of the cosmos
Two times the fun
And two times to grief.
Why must you torment me so?
Why must you remain in the heavens?
Don't you get lonely?
In my fondest dreams I am dancing with the stars,
To the heavenly music of the spheres.
Weightlessly mingling with the wanderers,
Spinning and revoling 'round
My cosmic companion of the zodiac.
Wish I may, wish I might
Will you grant my dream tonight?
You try to hurt me to feel powerful
You feel good when you know I cry
And you make me cry
But you don't hold dominion over me.
I come crawling back to you
I put up with your constant abuse
And you continue the abuse
But you don't understand why I stay.
We have good days sometimes
We talk for hours and it means so much
And I love you so much
But you don't understand at all.
You are my brother and my best friend
You mean everything to me on good days
And we have had good days
But I guess that wasn't good.
I am the enemy now to you
I am all the nasty names you call me
And you think you hate me
But when you hate me, you hate you too.
We can be back to normal again someday
We can be friends like we were then
And you'll be my brother then
But right now I'm still the enemy.
(awful poem comprised completely of song titles)
i did it.
i'm sorry.
don't hate me--
no, not now.
i will always love you--
you've made me so very happy
all my life--
you're the one.
all apologies.
ain't too proud to beg.
forgive me--
just say yes--
it's never too late.
oh scheisse--
why can't we be friends?
i wish i knew.
vaguely inspired by you
My dear, I die a thousand times
Whene'er I see you cry,
If you never shed another tear
A thousand more I'd die.
I'd sacrifice my right to see
The blessed moon again,
My sky forever black and cold
So that you'd never know pain.
Everything that I possess
I lay down at your feet,
There's no thing I'd not sacrifice
For your life to be complete.
But you'll never know my loyalty
Until I give my life for thee
Perfect sunset
Melting like colby into the water;
Dissapointing fireworks
Those illegal ones are better;
Puns and Doritos;
Uproarious siblings;
Sparklers glisten between my toes;
But it's cold, and you'd be warm.
Stars are hotter than our sun
But even a sky full of them can't keep me warm.
Why aren't you here?
I wouldn't mind being the other woman
Your friend with bennefits
Any ugly name you want to throw at me
As long as I could be with you.
Not that it doesn't hurt me
I'm the same as any woman inside
I want true love and two and a half kids
But you don't want to give me that.
I can't help but think-- not think, dream
That if I try hard enough
And I'm a good girl
Maybe you'll be pleased with me.
Then I'll have you all to my own. But no,
It's all just a dream.
Did you ever look at someone and couldn't stop?
He'll tall, dark, and handsome.
Absolute elation.
Did you ever look at somebody and just want to rip your clothes off?
Or maybe just rip off his.
Perfect passion.
Did you ever know someone who could turn anything into innuendo?
He makes chess sexual.
Unbearable teasing.
Did you ever get lost in someone's eyes?
They're wild, tempestuous, endless.
Paralyzing ecstasy.
Did you ever find that someone?
Complete perfection.
I think it's him.
memories of yesterday
are rotting in the dust
the hope i held has been destroyed.
it is me and you. not us
Will I ever mean anything
To you, or anyone,
Or is my labor soon forgot
At the rising of the sun?
I can tell myself a thousand times
That it means nothing;
I'll tell you nothing will change
And I expect nothing from you when it's over,
But when I close my eyes
I can't help but wish
That when you touch me
You'll change your mind
And you'll want to see me again.
In your arms, I have no regrets.
On the floor, there are still no regrets.
But on road, as I drive home alone
in the rain
I start to think dangerously
and one little regret is born.
But as I stand here in the rain
My sins are washed away
And my mind is again filled with you
Countless dreams
of complete bliss.
Your gentle lips
your tender touch
sinful pleasures
mean so much.
I've waited ages
for this kiss
should i want it
to mean more than this?
To want it
and yet to know
it means nothing
when I go.
This is what it means
to know this kiss.
Tears stream down my face
I could drown in these tears
Or at least choke on the clichés
I just want to hold you
To be more than a conquest
To be your girl
Is that too much to ask?
Is it too junior high; too romantic?
Maybe I'd rather drown
Whenever you call my name
I can't hear you
Whenever I need a hand to hold
You're out of reach
Whatever is destined to happen
We always screw it up
Always
Laying on my back
Staring at a million stars
I realize how cold I am.
You'd keep me warm.
Last time I looked at the stars
We looked at the stars
It was weeks ago
By the lake at her house.
You put your arm around me
And you kept me warm.
It was kind of nice.
I feel a bit warmer now,
But I won't always feel warm.
Someday I'll want someone
Who'll be there to keep me warm.
I tried to fight it.
I'm still not sure why.
I was with him last night
Does that bother you?
Probably not.
I'm the jealous bitch--
Not you.
So now I'm drinking alone
Savoring every last drop--
Every drop of shame and guilt
Of jealosy and longing and hate
And of love.
Why am I drinking alone?
I'd run to your arms
You'd kiss me and smile like that
And I wouldn't even want to
But right now I'm alone.
As I look into those blue, blue eyes,
I am lost in myself
I am lost in a world not of myself
I am lost in you.
In your eyes I feel a passion,
It’s like a flame that burns brightly
Glowing like a hearth;
Growing to an inferno when provoked.
In your eyes I find comfort,
A blanket of the deepest blue
That surrounds me and warms me
When life is so cold.
In your eyes I see an ocean,
An ocean of love so great
That I have lost all sight of shore
And have no desire to return.
I'd lived my life in gray
I was dead inside
Then I awoke from my slumber
When I saw you in blue.
When you touch my face
I feel new again
I've seen nothing as pure
As your blue eyes sparkling.
I wake up from blue dreams
Get up from my blue pillow
To suffer the gray world
Until I come home to you
And you paint my world blue
Walking quickly, home from the station
The cold dusk biting my ears and nose
I see his train again, up at the railroad crossing
Can he see me? Does he know I'm crying?
I promised no tears. No more crying.
I'll be one year older when I see him again.
I think I'm allowed these tears. An indulgence.
Best friend, lover, confessor, teacher, brother, drinking buddy
Walking quicker, hands thrust deep into pockets.
Everything I've missed for weeks, regained for fifty glorious hours
He's gone again. Don't think about it. Two months.
It wasn't this cold walking him to the station. Walking quicker.
Empty streets, empty campus, empty room. Empty bed.
Two days of pre-marital bliss. Strip the sheets off and try to forget.
His scent lingers on the pillow. Don't cry. Don't cry.