101 Good Things to do With SHITTNEY
As collected from the Yahoo Club SHITTNEY SPEARS. Most of the posts are credited to their inventor's Yahoo ID (some repetitions shortened later on), profound apologies to those who are not mentioned. You still rock!!!!
1) use the ugly slut as a punchbag -BUTTHEAD_RULES_99
2.) Harvest her donor organs *before* she dies! - BARNABY T
3) Use her as a target in combat training (esp if they are using sharp painful pointy objects) -BARBIE_IS_A_NYMPHO
4) have fun slowly maiming and torturing her and when she reaches the peak on pain, tell her your gonna set her free and then dont and watch her suffer and then leave her to slowly die. BARBIE_IS_A_NYMPHO
5.) Make fudge with a little cat poop in it and give it to her as a 'let's make up and be friends' present! Ask her if it's *really* moist and gooey. Ask her if she likes the special ingredient. Ask her if she's ever eaten cat shit. -BARNABY T
6) tie the little slut up and let all dogs piss on her leg,then after that set fire to the bitch -BUTTHEAD_RULES_99
7:)use the whore as a dartboard,it would be an improvement,throw as many darts as possible hahahahaha -BUTTHEAD
8) The best thing to do with the grotesque Shitney would be to take a fucking blowtorch to the stupid bitch and recycle her - she's made of plastic anyway, mwahhaha - EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
9.) Pimp her out to convicts who haven't seen a woman in years...who knows? It might just work! -BANABY_T
10)use her as kebab meat then feed her to all the drunks on a friday night -BUTTHEAD_RULES_99
11) Make her a living modern art exhibition by breaking all her limbs and twisting them round her neck then covering her with cement and brown paint. -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
12) hang her on the washing line and hold a blow torch close to her and watch her silicone boobs slowly melt whilst also causing agonising pain due to blisters. -BARBIE_IS_A_NYMPHO
13)use her head as a football so that thierry henry can really kick her head in -BUTTHEAD_RULES_99
14) Two words - rat torture!!
For those who are unfamiliar with it, in simplest terms,
let me explain.
We tie a large casket with a starving rat in it to Shitney's warty
old arse. There is a hole in the bottom of it allowing for a
red hot poker to be inserted into the casket from the bottom.
Said poker is slowly inserted into the casket towards the rat.
It claws frantically at Shitney's shitter to try and escape.
As the poker draws nearer the rat is burrowing with it's claws
and teeth deep into the shit, and in the end both rat and Shitney
are killed, with Shitney having gone through considerable agony. -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
15) Have you all seen the film Misery? Remember the bit with the wood positioned between the ankles and the hammer? Lets see her do those idiotic dance moves after thats happened. -BARBIE
16) Stick her head in a vice and turn it really slowly and laugh as she screams in agony until finally her head bursts open. -BARBIE
Actually, I've always thought that her head would make a lovely toilet brush... -GEVAUDENN
18) IN CASE OF SHIPWRECK, PLANE CRASH ETC:
get a small but sharp knife, kidnapp Shitney and slice open her chest(slowly) remove the implants and use as two large life saving rafts, and then while slutney is writhing in pain tie her in the boat/plane, get in the makeshift raft, and listen to her screams of agony and her begging while she slowly sinks into the sea. -BARBIE
19) Kidnap the shit and then we can peel off her hideous mask - what do you all think we'll find? I reckon either the alien from Independance Day, or Pete Waterman... -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
20) Sell her to the military for scientific experiments - just tell her she's going on a *duh* vacation -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
21)get some rope,put the rope round her neck,tie the rope to the car and then the married couple can drive off knowing the $5 whore is behind been dragged -BUTTHEAD_RULES_99
22) use her record as a last resort to demolish buildings. . when buildings refuse to budge play one of her songs and it will soon be destroyed. -BARBIE
23)use her as a kickbag for steven segal to practise on -BUTTHEAD_RULES_99
24) We should try our ancestors forms of torture the rack or the iron maiden should be pretty fun! -BARBIE
25)pretend you are a client, pretend you are gonna do some form of bondage, tie her to a bed, blindfold her then slowly drive large nail into her arms and legs and then most of her major organs (including implants) then make sure she isn't dead and then leave her believing that help will be coming,leaving her to die. -BARBIE
26) Chop her into small bite-sized pieces then sell her to your local Chinese restaurant. Fun and profitable. -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
27) Use her to play pin the tits on Shitney at your little cousin's birthday party - you can chop off the implants, blindfold the kids, and laugh as they use a nail gun to try and re-affix them, often missing completely and nailing them onto her eyes, chin, stomach etc. -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
28)nail her to a plank of wood, cover her in maple syrup, when the sea is calm set her afloat and then cover her in brazilian fire ants and set her adrift. -BARBIE
29) Write her a letter telling her that there's an Oxfam fire sale in a small outlet in Haiti. She'll be off in a flash and more than likely the local witchdoctors will drill into her head thinking she's a demon, and then we only need to wish we were there to see them stick the ceremonial daggers into the body... -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
30.) flip the switch on her liposuction machine on to 'reverse' and watch the bitch inflate until she explodes in a glorius fireworks display of fatty tissue! - BANRABY
31) Tie her in a chair and make her watch a video of the grammys were she LOST LOST L0ST!!!!!!!
Then force her to watch her own videos until her "brain" can no longer take the wailing and it REALLY painfully explode (no matter how small it is it'll still hurt) but first her implant will explode coz they cant take her voice frequency so she will constantly be in pain.
Does this make sense to anyone other than me? -BARBIE
32.) Call her up and pretend to be Christina Aguil-whatever. Then say that you (Christina) wished that she (Shitney) had won. Then say that you're coming right over to give the award to the 'rightful' winner. Then sit back and laugh your ass off! 'Loser is as Loser does' I always say! Hahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahaha! -BARNABY_T
32) Drag her scrawny vocal chords out her throat (taking care not to actually remove them completely) and use them to repair your grand piano. That should shut the squawking bitch up for a while, hahaha. -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
33.) Or, jumping off from Epi's piano idea: tie her up and then put her inside a piano and then roll it out onto the sand at low tide. Watch while the tide slowly comes in (maybe have a few beers or a BBQ). I wouldn't even gag her but I would keep asking her, "How's the water? Bitch!" -BARNABY_T
34) tell Mike Tyson that Shitney said he was a wuss, lock them in a room together and see what happens -BARBIE.
35) Tell Prince Naseem Hamed that Shitney reckons she could end his undefeated career and lock them in a room and wait and see what the results are. -BARBIE
36 tie her up and keep socking her in time to her song Hit me baby one more time!! Lovely! -DAWSON_1983
37.) Shave her head and reveal her to be Dennis Rodman with implants -BARNABY
37) Use a nail gun to affix a wasp's nest to her head, then film the dance to use for her next video! It'll involve quite a bit of twisting and writhing! -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
38) Cover her in ketchup and drop some flesh eating ants on her - maybe it could do the single after that, hehe -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
39) Stick a blow torch up her arse and see how "well" she can sing and dance with fire up her arse - BARBIE_IS_A_NYMPHO
40.) Ask her if she wants to go for a ride in a 'spaceship'. When she says. "Yes!" push her into a laundry dryer and press 'High Heat- 60 mins'!-BARNABY -
41)use her head as a baseball -BUTTHEAD_RULES_99
42)feed her to to the sharks -BUTTHEAD_RULES_99
43) Offer her another boob job and use plastic explosives instead of silicon - kabooom!!!!!! -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
Shave her head like a coconut and then let small children throw cricket balls at it at a fairground. -GEVAUDENN
45.) Tie her, naked (ewww) and spread-eagled (ewww), on the front of a Range Rover and then go bushwacking(heeheehee) through briar patches, swamps, etc... -BARNABY_T
46) Give her into the borstal for the *lovely* crim kiddies to play with...."No, you're not meant to pull all the hair out like that!!! No, the head DOESN'T...COME...off..." -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
47) Put lit matches under her toenails and fingernails, pull out her eyeballs, put thumbscrews on her, nail her to a wall with a large spike through her and charge admission to see her star in your "Japanese Torture In World War II" exhibition... -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
48.) Tape her eyes open and lock her in a room covered with mirrors! AAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHH! - BARNABY
49.instead of hammer throwing at the olympics,have the shitney throwing contest - BUTTHEAD
50) The girl was "born to make us happy". Find her, point this out. Remind her how unhappy you really are in life. Constantly. Watch her fresh, hopeful, young, bright, bubbley, smiley face collaspe into agony as you explain the problems of the human race to her {in detail}. Make sure she understands that, as she sang the song, it is her duty to make us all happy and she has failed. If she denies the song meant that,tell her she's a big, fat-ankled lier. Eitherway, she's going straight to hell. Then ask for her autograph. -WHITETRASH_KISSMYFEET
51. force her eyes open and make her watch the footage of Christina Aguilera recieving her award again and again and laugh as she screams her whore eyes out "Noooooooooooooooo!" as she sees she's too lame to even be no.1 teenybopper hooker -EPILOGUE
52. feed her mercury telling her it's the new breast enlargement drug...eek indeed! -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
53. melt her plastic tits down and reshape them in odd and mysterious ways...if she insists on showing so much plastic it would at least be amusing to see it shaped like the awards she DIDN'T win...You could even do an Aguilera sculpture! >:-) -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
54.give her a one way ticket to zimbabwe so the black squaters can rape the shit out of her -BUTTHEAD_RULES_99
55) if you are male pretend you are gonna have sex with her and then insert flesh eating maggots into her, sit back and watch her scream in agony as she is slowley eaten from the inside -BARBIE_IS_A_NYMPHO
56 why don't we digg a really big hole in the jungle, kiddnap her and chace her into the jungle and gunge her and tie her up near the hole but by then, she'll be so dizzy that when she finally escapes, she will fall into the whole breaking her neck and legs.
(well, that was just an idea, don't blame me if something gets deleted) -AATANGO_O_O
57 How's about strapping her to a table with a full length mirror over it ( no I'm not getting kinky) braking her neck so she's paralyzed from the neck down (bin paralyzed from the neck up for years) then using a laser cut of bits of her arms and legs…..eventually she'll die (we can't keep her alive forever). I know what you're thinking. But why all that hassle with the mirror and stuff? Well I shall explain in fact imagine seen from her point of view.
Being held down completely paralyzed and watching bits of your self being cut off.
You wouldn't pass out from blood loss as the laser cauterizes the wounds.
you wouldn't pass out from the pain because their is non (ho how boring a hear you saying well read on).the thought of pain is probably wears than the pain itself . your body won't block it out as it dose with actual pain resulting in a massive psychological trauma. Then also as an added bonus if we keep her alive she would end up as a disfigured paraplegic with intense psychological problems…. -ESCAPEE
58) Anyone seen the movie Urban Legend? Yes, we could tie her down to a bed and gag her, then try to remove one of her kidneys (or which ever organ comes first) while she's still awake. Just like playing "Operation" when you're a kid :) -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
59 Make her eat lots of food preservatives kill her and see how long it takes for her body to decompose -BARBIE_IS_A_NYMPHO
60) Force-feed her ten tins of baked beans, then ie her up with no skirt or underwear and a blowtorch burning just behind her backside. Flatulence burns . . . -DR MERCER
(as are all the following up to 78)
61) Tie her up, remove her head with a junior hacksaw blade (optional : spit/piss/shit/etc. down neck afterwards)
62) Tie her up topless; Use sheet of plastic and small flame to drip molten plastic onto breasts (plastic outside as well as in - flesh sandwich effect)
63) Draw pretty patterns all over her body with a carving knife
64) Die pubic hair green, tattoo "Don't walk on the grass" immediately above
65) Insert hosepipe into orifice of choice, strap into place, turn on at full blast
66) Insert glass tube into orifice of choice, strap into place, pour acid down tube
67) Tie her up in a room, wait for her to wet/crap herself, photograph and post on internet, let her imagine perverts whacking off to pictures
68) Remove head with chainsaw
69) Capture her, force-feed her fatty foods until she makes Vanessa Feltz at her fattest look slim, call a press conference
71) Amputate breasts. Call a press conference. Laugh.
72) Slip strong emetic into her food immediately before live appearance
(Shitney Spears, anyone?)
73) Strap to floor, run over repeatedly with a Lada.
74) Lock her in a room full of maggots. Place bets on how many will be poisoned by the breast implants, how many she'll stamp on and how many will just get a not-particularly-meaty meal . . .
75) Inject shrimp eggs (perferably 100 or so) into womb, wait for them to gestate, laugh when she gives birth
76) Give her diet pills that are actually tapeworm eggs (someone really sold these once). Watch and laugh as they eat her intestine as a result of which she gets thinner and thinner and thinner and then dies
77) Force feed her 150 aspirin. Dump her in an alley and anonymously call an ambulance about 10 minutes too late
78) Give her food laced with cyanide (dies in 30 seconds of the worst agony possible) - DR MERCER
79) inspiriation from song RVSP by bloodhoundgang force her to hump splintered balsa wood, imagine the pain hehehehehehe -BARBIE_IS_A_NYMPHO
80) Make a cocktail using household items like bleach, nail polish remover, turp etc, add something to disguise the smell and tell shitney its a natural breast enhancer and watch the bitch drink! -BARBIE_IS_A_NYMPHO
81) Find out her telephone number and address then pass it on to all the internet psychos, perverts, and child molesters you can find with a VERY detailed personal ad and some doctored photos. Watch the news for a week to find out her horrific fate. So see, it's kind of like a mystery game too! Guess the fate of the plastic whore! -EPILOGUEOFYOUTH
82) Have you seen the episode of Buffy the Vampire slayer where the invisible girl ties Cordelia to a chair, numbs her face and with lots of surgical equiptment says she'll give her a face she'll never forget, so inspiration from this : tie Shittney to a chair, numb her entire body and the using sharp pointy objets cut and stich what we want (she has to be awake so she is aeare of whet we are doing but she cant feel it so doesnt realise how much damage has been done) then once we have finished knock her out and while she is unconsious leave a mirror infront of her when she wakes up listen to her scream in horror!!!!!!!! - BARBIE
83) Take her platinum record, shine it up REAL nice, turn that SonBitch sideways...and shove it right up Shitney's roodypoo NOT SO candyass, hahaha -EP
84) Just kick her to death while wearing some big fuck-off jack boots. Just as fun as any of the other tortures, i guess...and one horribly painful way to go -EP
85)make her fuck a fork -BARBIE
86) Cut off her nose to spite her face -EP
87) disguise yourself as a proffesional acupuncturist (or whatever theyre called) and when you are treating her tell her that it is normal for you to use large rusty nails in the treatment -BARBIE
88.get mike tyson and his savage mates to beat her up and gang rape her -BUTTHAED
89) strap her to a conveyer belt with a large cheese grater hung very low above it -BARBIE
90.get our savage friend mike tyson to eat her alive -BUTTHEAD
91) This is one to do at Halloween. Cut her head off, clear out the mush and sawdust inside her skull, take her eyes out, and stick a candle inside her head. Voila! A Jack-o-lantern for the kids to play with (may be a bit too scary). The best fun bit is smashing it afterwards, hahaha. -EP
92) Tie her hair in bunches like in the Baby one more time video and use them as handles. Jump on her back and use her as a spacehopper (her breast implants come in handy here). Then make her bounce about all over broken glass, rusty nails, mantraps, etc. -FUNKY
93) go to her next implant op posing as a doctor and implant bombs instead of silicone and set the timer for when she is doing a live concert being broadcasted world wide, But a minute before it goes off let her know whats about to happen. See the terror!!! -BARBIE
94) Lock her in a room with Slipknot and see who comes out alive. Considering of course that she's been locked in with 3 vicious circus midgets, 2 giants, and a guy with a spikey helmet...
95) Switch the tape that she lip syncs to in concerts. She'll be miming to Oops or something but the music will be something cool. Something kinda dark and bleak preferably. -FUNKY
96) Crack her shins with a ballpin hammer then cave her skull in with a claw hammer
97.let the IRA blow her up while been driven on a motorway -BUTTHEAD
98) lets just shoother in the head acouple of times -BARBIE
99) Cut off her legs and cut off her lips, then promise you won't brutally kill her if she can run through the streets playing the trumpet. -EP
100 Flay her alive (for those unfamiliar with flaying, it's when you stip away the skin down to raw flesh and muscle while they're concsious) then, using a spork, gouge out her eyes and skull-fuck her.
-I_SODOMISE_DEAD PEOPLE
101 First of all, get the necessary equipment together. You will need a large iron hook, a brazier, a poker, a pair of pliers, a spoon and a shitload of bandages. Oh, and a few syringes full of adrenaline.
Now to begin. Wrap her from head to toe in bandages, but leave her face uncovered.
After that tie her down and inject her with the adrenaline to keep her awake. Then get someone to hold her mouth open. Use the pliers to rip her tongue out and put it in a jar of formaldehyde.
IMPORTANT NOTE: make sure she sees this, it's the last thing she ever will.
Next, using the spoon, remove her eyes. Make sure they are unharmed, then preserve them in formaldehyde too.
After you complete the first three steps you'll need that poker. It should be red hot by now after being left in the brazier so wear thick gloves when you pick it up and ram it up her nose as hard as you can. Once it's up there, wiggle it aroung for a few seconds then pull it out quickly, with any luck she won't be dead yet. Take the iron hook and force it up the other nostril and procede to rip her brain out of her nose. Place the brain in a jar of formaldehyde also, just for good measure.
Finally, lie the fresh corpse on its' stomach and rip the bandages off from the buttocks and brutally sodomise the cadaver, repeatedly. Once you've finshed violating her, bandage her back up and put her on display in a museum in the Egypt exhit, but make sure you have access to her any time you want, after all, a mummified pop star makes a wonderful talking piece at a dinner party.
-I_SODOMISE_DEAD_PEOPLE