The car was overwarm

And choking with the scent of bonfire and regret

A reunion with old friends

Left my parents reminiscent and resentful

Of the people

They thought they would be

Now.

They spent the afternoon

Comparing children

And careers

I was elevated

To the levels of genius

And saint

For the purposes

Of pride.

We drove

In sullen, joyful silence

Broken by the music

We play to cover our defeats.

The ocean reflected the moon

Half-empty and

A red smeared stain

On the placid water

I was bored and

Tired

And vaguely irritated

By my angelic brother

Asleep

And drooling on my shoulder.

I lent my weight

To the creaking balcony rail

My bare feet greedy,

Stealing the last of the wood's gathered warmth

The fading light

Held the world up for inspection

Through a filter of marmalade gauze

My eyes

Too narrow

To breathe it all

in at one glance

Flitted eagerly across

The panoramic postcard scene

The water was fabric

Folded into mythic design

Swallowing itself

In great misty riptides

Sunset glazed the sky

And faded slowly into the encroaching, marauding

Comforting velvet

Which fell flawlessly

Into the sea.

I burn

I bleed

But I don't blink

Afraid to miss a moment

I scream

Pulling the sky down around me

I can feel the thunder

Pressing up against my skin

I soar

Untouchable, sinking below

The conscious mind

To where the rivers flow dark

And deeply red

I can swim unafraid

Breathing full of black water

Filling my soul

With its cool escape

I cry

Sobbing with no release

No peace to follow

Tears burn like kisses

Wrought from no kind of love

I whisper

Feverish prayers

To myself detached

Blown out of proportion

Given pretense of meaning

And light

I blink

And I am alone.

ASSURANCE

Darkness pulling

Mindless drooling

Can you see behind my eyes?

Between my lines?

Through my lies?

If you touch me

I won't feel

And I'm not real

But neither are you

And I don't cry

Just close my eyes

Ignore the world

And float away

If you cut me

I don't bleed

And I won't plead

For you to stop

And you can't stop me

You don't see me

Or know me

Love me.

Screams are quiet

When you can't hear

When you don't care

Or if you leave

Refuse to believe

The scars aren't real

They don't exist

Ignore me will I go away?

I won't remember

Or forgive

Just let me live.

There is a cradle hidden darkly here

Built slow of wood and mud and clay

Padded with the sharp points of years

Where footsteps, muted, echo silently

Dissipating into the warm scent

Of cycles, each and none appear alone

Where hands describe circles and lost respect

First breath and tears and final dying moans.

It seems, the sound of faint reality

Jarring and grotesque, my soul is kept

The patterns filtered through the sun to me

Indelible lace, unaltered by my step.

And running fall into my cradle lay

To watch the darkness rusting into day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes I think

I'm on top of things

And sometimes I'm crushed

By my angel persona wings

Which i do so well

But i wonder

How will the halo fit in

When i see you in hell.

Are you shocked? Are you frightened?

Do my eyes burn your veneer?

Should i apologize for my demons?

Or just tell you to fuck your fear?

Oh and does that surprise you?

You know, i turn see-through in the sun,

The wings come off I think they're velcro

I wear them to get things done

Besides, i'm too naked without them

And without the halo to shade my eyes

And its easier, devils are supposed to hurt,

But an angel never cries.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Look, I’m doing it again

Aren’t we all surprised

Yeah, and your words

Were branded in my eyes

And yeah, your hands still haunt me

And yeah, they keep me awake

But Christ, do you think it mattered

That some of me died that day?

So, look at me now

Aren’t I doing great

Smile and nod and stab me again

But don’t tell me to fucking wait.

I’m bored, and I’m tired of these stupid games

Of the shit we all go through

And I’m damn well aware that none of mine

Even begin to compare with you

It doesn’t matter who you are

Or who you want me to see

If you’re happy, good riddance

If you aren’t...

You can at least pretend to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heavy deep darkness

Pull away from life and breath

Leave me in this boundless

Parody of death

Though the pain is not of body

Nor of ascertainable depth

Screams are not accounted,

Heaven is not blessed.

Its easy to ignore the water

If you only face the shore,

Its easy to clean the streaks

Of red that mark the floor.

Simple to say "Its alright"

When you don’t want to see the pain

When dreams are heavy nothings

That add guilt to every gain.

Drowning in potential

What the world sees in you

What you should, what you might

What you are able to.

Do you cry, there in the morning?

Do you leave the worst for last?

Do you understand your dreaming

How the future haunts the past?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hold the hands of angels

And complain about light in my eyes

I sleep in warmth and comfort

And stumble over petty lies

I look at the world from within

My house of diamond and glass

Criticizing the smudges on

The faces of those who pass

Undeserving and ungrateful

Unhurt, undamaged and unkind

I stare into the sunlight

Hoping sight will make me blind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They forgot to tell one part

In the fairy tales and lies.

They forgot to add the ending

After the hero dies

They didn’t include reality

They didn’t include the pain

They forgot to mention the burning

That accompanies the flame

They left out tears of grieving

And everyone else’s lives

The part where morning is torture

And even the princess cries.

Such a valiant, tragic ending

But an end, truly it is not

The story isn’t over

‘Til the crime’s forgot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grief is coiled inside of me

Like the rope from which I hang

Off a cliff I built

Over the depth of nothing

Only I can see

And the serpent which resides

Angry, deep within me

As slowly I drown

Desperately hoping for a breath

Of life to sustain me

In the darkness

Of the night I create

And waiting eats at my soul

As memory dims a little

With every dawn

That burns the dreams like fog

And leaves me

Dangling

Again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PUNISHMENT

Darkness fills the vacuum

That the thunder left behind

When it rolled out of the mountains

Into the valley of my mind

Now my life is flooded

With the torrent of salty rain

That burns the skin like acid

And tastes like liquid pain.

When the ocean, she is angry,

You can smell it on the air

In the wind that knocks me over

Chokes me with my own hair

The storm of this world’s vengeance

That can snap a heart like bone

You fight the tide that pulls you under

But you’re drowning in alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a bruise

That ran the length

Of my vein.

It turned beautiful colors,

Then it went away.

I cut myself

With a piece of glass

And when people look

Questioningly

I say "Don’t ask."

And I have these circles

Underneath my eyes

A testament

To the darkness

And to the broken lies

That keep me awake,

Though they are not mine

But still they haunt

My dreaming

Ain’t it an ugly crime?

There’s an ache

Beneath my breast

That steals away

Everything

I love the best

And though I know

The one thing

That will ease this pain

Everyday you get

A little farther away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You cradle your obsessions,

Which you defend as love,

And your figments of mass delusion

You call Faith and God Above.

Your smiles are chronically empty

Your eyes are jewels, glassy and fake

And though they sparkle in the sunlight

Your ideals so easily break.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patience is a parody

Of what, I am not sure

But I can hear it mocking me

From my place along the shore

A sea of sweet emotion

Raging deep and wild and free

A wall of time and distance

That’s keeping you from me

Music is a blessing

Reality a curse

And If I want to really touch you

I have to wake up first.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN OFFERING

I am

An offering, to the world.

I bleed

From wounds in my soul

And I leak out

With every tear

I shed for you.

But I heal with laughter

I feel for you.

Too many

Tired sighs and screams

Piercing the cloak of night

With diamond stars

Leave me naked

Shivering with stark denial.

In purple rage and

Sunsets.

I lay

Open to the world

To you.

To take me, if you choose.

I know you never will.

So I stare,

Into the sun

Hoping one pain

Will replace the other.

And I know it never will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GOD’S VIEW

I reach for the light

Pull myself up by the sun

Using the rays as ropes

Until I stand, proud

Gazing over the land around me

Realizing I never knew, before,

What it looked like.

Torn, ravaged is the earth

The sky sheds corrupted tears

Into the blackened sea.

And my own tears join them,

Still proud, but shaken

I touch a child,

Who breaks beneath my hand.

A wave crashes into me

From the sea which was my solace

And the water burns my legs.

I reach to pick up pieces,

Of burnt and broken life

Which crumble in my grip

Leaving me with nothing

The sun sets, and I have no light

To hold me up.

So I fall on broken moonbeams

Back to my world,

Where children seem whole.

Where the blackened sea,

Sill appears blue

And we can only see today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REVELATION

Whispering darkness

Creeps into my soul

And in heavens eye, I stand

Tired moments

Create a peace

Of empty heart and open hand.

Liquid sound

Burns my soul

And deep inside I cry

Let your laughter

Set me free

You set me free to fly.

Hope and glory

Heaven, hell

Pain is what we are.

Deep of night

And blinding days

And love is never far.

Dizzy joyous

Dark and wet

Body soul in one

Time keeps turning

Inside out

And life has just begun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You burn me

With dark consuming sound

Liquid on my dry tongue

These bruises were songs

Slicing like glass after wind

A crack in slender skin

Lets secret love run over me

Staggered by a red minute

Dirty summer blossoms thorough morning

Full from this wild lace day.

We see evening use people and leave