*~My Future Lies...~*
by
Courtney Brown

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"We keep repeating  mistakes for souvenirs, but we've been in between the days for years.  I know that when I see you I'm going to die, you know I'm gonna want you and you know why."--"Ex-Girlfriend", No Doubt--The Return of Saturn

Part Two

"Mommy!  Mommy!"  Gina Rossdale screamed in delight.  "Daddy's here!"

Oh great, Gwen Stefani, Gina's mom, thought to herself.

The doorbell rang, and Gwen's black lab Spiderweb began to bark.  She'd just gotten him, and so far he was only getting on her nerves.  She'd only just recently been able to bring herself to get another dog, since her precious Magan had meant so much to her. "Shush," she said to him, as she smoothed out her shoulder-length once-again platinum-blonde hair and opened the door.

Gina's father, and Gwen's ex-boyfriend, Gavin Rossdale stood there with a huge smile on his handsome face, and a bouquet of daisies in his hand.  "Gwendolyn," Gavin said in his British accent, "these are for you."

"Thanks," Gwen said neutrally as she took them and stood aside to let him in the door.  She let him kiss her on the cheek.

"Daddy!"  Gina cried, running to Gavin.

"How's my girl?"  Gavin said happily, bending down to scoop her up in his arms.  He kissed her and she giggled.

Gwen couldn't help but smile as she put the flowers into a vase.  She had to admit that Gav was a great father.  She plucked at her blue dress, which was similar to the one she'd worn in her band's "Don't Speak" video ten years earlier, as she said," Gav, you want something to drink?"

"Yeah," Gavin said, smiling.  He watched the back of her dress as she walked away, the unconsious sway of her hips.  God, she was still incredibly sexy, eleven years after he'd met her, at thirty-six.  Shut up, you wanker, he told himself.  You know she doesn't want you anymore.

"But I don't care," he said aloud, and Gina just looked at him.

Gavin and Gwen had met in late 1995, when their mutual label, Trauma Records, had put their bands Bush and No Doubt on tour together.  Gavin had been just coming off a bad breakup with Jasmine Lewis, whom he had thought to be the love of his life.  Gwen had broken up with Tony Kanal, the bass player for No Doubt.  Despite this, Gavin and Gwen had been instantly attracted to each other, and became involved soon after they met.

They were inseperable thereafter, except for part of 1999 in which they'd had some problems and broken up for a few months.  It was during this time that Gwen wrote "Ex-Girlfriend", which, ironically, became one of the biggest hits of No Doubt's career.

They got back together, and things were fine until early 2001, which was when Gavin decided to leave Bush.  The strain he experienced while recording his first solo album also rubbed off on the rockers' relationship.  Gwen got sick and tired of Gavin's problems.  She fronted a successful band and had no plans to ever go solo, so she couldn't understand what her boyfriend was going through. 

She was also growing bored with competing with all the women after Gavin.  Gavin loved Gwen, but he also loved women, as well.  He had willpower, but with dozens of girls literally throwing themselves at him everynight, it was hard to resist sometimes.  Gwen wanted to get married and have children, and Gavin just wasn't ready yet.

Not that Gwen didn't have her own share of male groupies.  She was just better at fending them off.  In any case, Gwen finally ended it with Gavin in early 2001.  It wasn't until he lost her, and realized that this time was for real, that Gavin began to see how much he loved her.  He dated several women, and even tried to pursue his old flame Jasmine, but he always found his heart going back to Gwen.

It also didn't help that one month after they'd broken up, Gwen had discovered she was pregnant.  Even though she had no man in her life now, and actually found herself not wanting one, for awhile at least, she was overjoyed.  She had wanted to have a baby for a couple of years, but it would have interfered with hers and Gavin's careers.

Gavin was also overjoyed, despite the fact that, prior to their breakup, he hadn't been sure he'd wanted children at all.  Even though he was still completely in love with Gwen, he knew she probably wouldn't take him back, despite the pregnancy.  But he could try. 

And he had been trying, for five years.  He was determined to get her back, to keep trying until she married him or found someone else.  Gavin Rossdale had finally grown up, but now it might be too late.

Except, Gwen had not dated anyone else seriously in the past five years, although God knew she'd had the chance.  This was the main factor that kept Gavin going.  Maybe, just maybe, she hadn't dated anyone because she still loved him.

Gina pulled on his hair, startling him out of his remembering.  "Daddy, you're silly sometimes," she said.

"I know," Gavin said.  "That's where you get it from."  He tickled her.  She giggled, and it reminded him of Gwen.  Everything about her did, from her blonde hair to her brown eyes, right down to that little pounting look she got when she wasn't getting her own way.  She was the spitting image of her mother.  God, he loved them both.

He carried Gina out into the kitchen and sat at the table.  Gwen set a Coke down in front of him and said, "Sacha called here today, looking for you."

"And what did you say?"  Gavin asked, taking a sip of his drink.

"The truth," Gwen replied, raising an eyebrow.  "That I hadn't seen you, and I'd tell him you called."

Gavin chewed his lip, looking thoughtful.  God, it used to drive me crazy when he did that, Gwen thought.  An involuntary shudder passed through her, which was not at all unpleasant, and she blinked the thought away quickly.  "Are you going to call him?"  she asked quickly.

"I don't know," he said truthfully.

"I think you should," Gwen said gently.  "He used to be your best friend, for God's sake.  He also said you haven't spoken to Nige, Rob, or Dave for months, either."

Gavin sighed.  "I really don't want to talk about it."

When it came to Bush, Gwen was just as in the dark as the Bushmen were, although she still knew Gavin better than anyone, five years after their breakup.  She let the subject drop, even though she was concerned about the situation, not only because of Gavin, but also because she cared about the Bush guys, too.

Gavin looked at his watch.  "Well, love," he said to Gina, but he was looking at Gwen, "we better go." 

Gina clapped her hands and jumped up to go grab her backpack.  Gavin stood up next to Gwen, and looked down into her face.  "Thanks for the Coke, love," he said softly, attempting to touch her arm.

Gwen pulled her arm away gently.  "Gavin-"

"I know, I'm sorry.  But I can't help it and you know that.  You know I still have feelings for you."  He looked into her eyes, which were beginning to tear up.  "I still love you, Gwen."  He moved closer.  He was going to kiss her.

"Don't," she said, blinking away tears and backing up slightly.  "We've been over this--"

Luckily, Gina came bounding into the room with the dog at her heels.  "Let's go Daddy!"

"Not until you kiss Mommy first," Gwen said, avoiding Gavin's intense gaze and trying to keep the tremor out of her voice.  She bent down to her daughter.

"'Bye Mommy," Gina said, hugging Gwen's neck.

"You be good for Daddy, okay?"  Gwen said, kissing her baby's face.

"I will Mommy," Gina promised.  "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie," her mother said.

Gina kissed Gwen one last time and then took Gavin's hand.

"We'll be back Tuesday by fourish," Gavin said quietly, looking into Gwen's eyes adoringly.

"That's fine," Gwen said quickly, dropping her gaze.  "I'll miss you, honey," she said to Gina.  "Have fun."

"'Bye Mom," the five-year-old said as they walked out the door.

Gwen stood in the doorway and waved as they walked to his car.  Gavin turned briefly and met her eyes again.  He put his hand over his heart as he gazed at her, and she had to look away.  They got into the car and drove off.

Gwen slammed the door behind her and leaned against it.  Spiderweb stared at her as she wiped the tears from her eyes.  God!  All these years later, and he could still affect her like that.  She had never exactly figured out what it was that drew people to Gavin, but she had never been able to resist it.  She had wanted him to kiss her so much.  But that would have brought out all the old feelings, all the pain of remembering everything, the bad times.

"The good times too, stupid," she said aloud.  She walked around and slumped down on the couch.  Spiderweb walked over and put his head in her lap, begging to be petted.

She laughed to herself.  "Jesus, why the hell can't I even admit it to a damn mutt?"  she said, patting the dog absentmidedly.  She shook her head.  "I still love him, too, God help me.  I still love him, too."

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