Please, don't let me fall in love with you again


“I’m sorry, what did you just say?!” Rebecca repeated slower. “Rebecca, you’re almost 10 weeks pregnant…” The doctor motioned for her to sit back down. “But how…..I….” Rebecca stuttered slightly. “I thought you already knew…..This is why I’ve been stressing that you need to take extra care with your body right now….” He said calmly, not wishing to upset his patient.
“Oh God…..” Becca dropped her head slightly.
“Hey, what did I say about stress, you mustn’t get yourself too worked up. Now I assume your boyfriend has no idea that your pregnant either?”
“No…..like I said we’ve been having troubles…” Rebecca replied sadly.
“Well If you like, I can be with you when you tell him about the baby…” He suggested kindly.
“Thanks but no….I’d uh rather do it myself….”
“That’s fine….but Rebecca, you’re still young. At nineteen it’s not going to be much fun raising a child alone. That’s even if you decide to keep it, you’ve got a few things to think about; I don’t have to tell you that….”
“Yeah…” She answered softly.
“OK well I don’t see why you can’t go home today….I’ll just sign your release forms and your right to go….”
“Thanks a lot doctor…” Rebecca got up slowly to leave.
“Just remember those exercises and look after yourself ok!”
“Yeah I will….” She replied as she left the small office. She sat down on a hospital bench around the corner, quiet sobs escaping her lips as she let her head fall back against the cold wall.

“What do I do now……”

“Hey Nickerz…… ‘I’m not inadequate at all!’ What’s the go man!?” AJ laughed as he jumped into the black van.
“Nothing why…..” Nick lowered his head and pulled out his Discman.
“I’m not inadequate!?” Kevin raised his eyebrows amused.
“What! What was I suppose to say!”
“Ok, ok! So everything’s all right down there, you know…..in that department….” Kevin made a subtle nod in the direction of Nick’s crouch suggestively.
“Yes!! Just fine…back off would yas!” Nick said defensively before turning his music up loudly. AJ and Kevin were both in fits of laughter, AJ had already forgotten about Beth’s envelope which lay idly beside him.

“So What’s everyone doing for Christmas?” Howie looked around the van.
“You coming home to Lexington?” Kevin looked over at Brian who sat quietly by himself.
“Yeah…..” He replied distantly as he stared out of the tinted window. Nick shifted and went to sit beside his friend.
“You miss her huh….” He asked gently.
“What do you think Nick….” Brian snapped.
“You don’t have to snap I’m just trying’ to be your friend….you know ‘Frick and Frack,’ like before….but obviously you don’t give a damn about that……” Nick stared at Brian hurt.
“I’m sorry Nick…It’s just….” Brian looked away from the window at Nick..
“Yeah I know…but I’ve got stuff going on too!” Nick looked down, unable to look Brian in the eye.
“Wanna do something tonight…..Just you and me…. ‘Frick and Frack.’…..” Brian gave a small smile.
“Yeah cool…” Nick smiled back.
“You’ll get her back…. don’t worry….” He slapped Brian’s back softly.
“I hope so…”

“Ok we’re here……..”
“There’s no place like the hotel….” AJ groaned as he jumped out of the black van, Beth’s letter falling onto the floor of the van, slightly hidden from sight.

“I can’t tell Brian about this baby…….He’s got his whole life ahead of him, this would just hold him back..” Becca cried silently. She looked down, tenderly touching her stomach, but not feeling anything out of the ordinary.
“He would be so sweet with a little boy or girl though…..” She smiled at the thought before bursting into tears again.

“Hey there she is…” Kirstie pointed at Becca sitting alone on a hospital bench.
“I think she’s crying….” Cassidy became suddenly concerned and rushed over.

“Bec, babe what’s wrong….” Cassidy and Kirstie sat beside her on the bench.
“I…I….” Becca stuttered emotionally, and began to wipe the tears away from her face.
“Have you seen the doctor yet? What did he say…” Kirstie wrapped her arm around Becca’s shoulder for comfort.
“Yeah……everything’s fine, I can come home later today…” Becca managed to keep her voice a little steadier, despite her earlier news.
“Well that’s great! Why were you crying….thinking about Brian….” Cassidy asked.
“I just realized its over with Bri….Brian…” Becca’s voice cracked as her eyes threatened tears again.
“Why! What has he said!?”
“Nothing….I just have to face it that we’re not gonna get back together…….” Becca answered painfully.
“Bec he loves you so much……” Cassidy emphasized.
“I know and it’s killing me….” Becca burred her head in Cassidy’s shoulder.
“Oh Bec….” Cassidy held her tightly.
“I’m so glad you guys are here….” Becca looked up.
“Hey we’re always gonna be here for you sweetie…” Kirstie smiled.
“Thanks…..”
Cassidy laughed, “You know I’m gonna have to make a lame joke to follow all this raw emotional stuff now..”
“God your such a git!” Kirstie smacked Cassidy playfully on the head. Rebecca laughed as they all hugged each other tightly.
“Want us to help you pack up your stuff?” Cassidy pulled away first.
“No I can do it thanks….you’ll come back later and pick me up?”
“You don’t want us to stay….” Kirstie asked.
“Uhh well you guys probably have other stuff to do…” Becca said quickly.
“Hey we’re only the girlfriends…..we got nothing to do other than…..” Cassidy began, Kirstie promptly elbowed her in the ribs.
“We’ll leave you alone to pack…..pick you up later?” Kirstie smiled, linking arms with Cassidy.
“Thanks guys…” Becca smiled as Kirstie and Cassidy walked back down the corridor.
She touched her stomach again gingerly.

“It’s just you and me now baby….”

“Hey Guys…you visiting Becca…” Cassidy and Kirstie approached the boys in the hospitals reception area.
“No, visiting the children’s ward actually…” Howie replied as AJ pulled Kirstie into his arms.
“Well they’re letting her out today anyway…” Cassidy said as she kissed Nick’s cheek.
“How are feeling…” She whispered into his ear.
“Uhhh…. Fine……” Nick replied agitatedly.
“Cause while we’re here…we can uhh get things looked at….” Cassidy bit her lip slightly.
“No! It was probably just something I ate…” Nick said quietly through gritted teeth.
“If you hurry…you can probably get a lift back to the hotel…” Kevin’s voice cut into Nick and Cassidy’s private conversation.
“Yeah that’d be great…coming Cass…” Kirstie kisses AJ one last time before the two girls headed out to the car park.

“I feel so bad for Becca…..” Kirstie sighed as they got into the same black van that the boys had ridden in earlier.
“Maybe she should go back to Australia for Christmas….” Cassidy suggested.
“What alone….” Kirstie pointed out.
“Good point….you staying with AJ for the holidays?”
“Yeah….we’re getting pierced together…” Kirstie grinned mischievously.
“Uhhh pierced together!? What a lovely relationship you two have!” Cassidy laughed.
“Not together together…He’s getting his chin done and I’m getting my tongue done…” Kirstie poked out her tongue in demonstration.
“Because…….you can’t do enough tricks already!!” Cassidy laughed sarcastically, Kirstie just grinned.
“Oh I don’t wanna know!” Cassidy laughed and bent over to tighten the clasp on her shoes.

“Hey what’s this….” She spotted a white envelope, slightly hidden under the seat, she picked it up curiously.

To Mr. Brian Littrell

“Fan mail?” Kirstie took the envelope from Cassidy’s hands.
“I don’t think so….usually fans address they’re mail to ‘B-Rok my future husband’ or something deluded like that…” Cassidy replied.
“Open it?” Kirstie asked, turning it around in her hands.
“Yeah…Brian won’t care….” Cassidy shrugged. Kirstie ripped open the envelope and unfolded the neat handwritten letter.
“Remind me not to wrap your Christmas present up too fancy….you’ll destroy the wrapping in 2seconds flat!” Cassidy continued to make conversation with Kirstie who was now skimming through the letter. Her face dropped dramatically as she read the content of the mystery letter.

“Oh God Cassidy….It was Leighanne….” Kirstie could barely take in breath.
“What…what was Leighanne?” Cassidy asked confused, taking the letter from Kirstie’s hands.
“The tape…..everything…I knew it, that bitch!” Kirstie spat angrily.
“Oh no……they’re gonna release a copied tape on Christmas! We’ve gotto contact this Beth woman!” Cassidy continued to read the letter.
“We need to show this to Denise, shits gonna fly…..” Kirstie shook her head in disbelief.
“The guys need to know it wasn’t Becca…..Brian needs to know…” Cassidy said determined.
“Yeah……I knew it was that skank, she was right under my nose!”
“Yeah ok Sherlock Homes…..we’ve gotto tell Denise, do you have her cell number?” Cassidy asked flustered.
“Yeah here…”

Becca walked by the baby window, each little bundle of joy safely in their cribs. She pressed her face up against the cool glass and watched as each child yawned, slept, cried and wriggled their tiny fingers and toes.
She heard the familiar sound of laughter coming from the next room. The children’s ward always made her sad, so the sound of laughter was comforting.

“When I grow up I wanna be just like you guys…..”
“What do you wanna be when you grow up darling?”
“I want to be a ballerina…..with dance in swan lake……” Small voices floated down the hall. Rebecca stepped around the doorway to see a room full of small children, some in beds, the rest either in wheelchairs or standing on crutches. Among them sat Kevin, Howie, AJ, Nick, and Brian. She gasped and shrunk back against the doorframe, silently watching on.
“Wow three points!” Brian laughed loudly as a frail boy threw small plastic ball into a waste paper bin. “I’m not as good as you….” The boy smiled widely and his eyes lit up as Brian signed his ball and continued to play with him.
Rebecca laughed as Brian goofed around with the small boy. He had short blonde hair and large glasses that frame his small face. He coughed loudly and Brian whispered something into his ear, causing him to laugh and smile even more. Rebecca smiled sadly as she watched them together.
Brian looked up suddenly, catching Becca’s eye. Becca frowned sadly but didn’t look away. He stood up slowly, holding her gaze longer.

Don't walk too close
Don't breathe so soft
Don't talk so sweet
Don't sing
Don't lay oh so near

Please, don't let me fall in love with you again

Please let me forget
all those sweet smiles
all of the passion
all of the peace, the heat, the pain
all those blue skies where your words were my freedom

Please, don't let me fall in love with you again

Too many times
I've cared too much
I stood on the edge
and saw that you held my hand
and knowing too well
I couldn't hide from those eyes

Please, don't let me fall in love with you again