Reviews

Movie Review - "The Blair Witch Project"

Well horror fans, I don't like to give movies a bad review, especially if everyone else is giving it rave reviews. However, I have been recieveing email asking me to make a "Blair Witch Project" portion of this page and I will not be making one, because I personally found that movie WEAK. I admit that if I were there in that situation, I may have been scared, but as far as the movie goes, I was really really disapointed. There was such a good story line there, but the ending was so weak. I haven't been this disapointed in a movie since "Bordello of Blood". The Scream Queen is going to have to give this movie 1 star of four for effort. Please don't mail me or sign the book saying how wrong I am about this-I really don't think your insults will change my mind. However, people who agree with me, please let your voices be heard! I'd like to know I'm not the only person alive who didn't like the movie.

Movie Review - "Hollow Man"

I really hate to give another bad review, but this movie flat sucked. First five minutes of the movie, a rat is killed. Not just killed, but popped like a zit. Then Kevin Bacon beats a dog to death against a wall.(In case you can't tell, I'm strongly against animal cruelty-even the simulated kind). After all that, they suck the remaining life out of what could have been a half decent movie by milking it for all it was worth. The ending sucked, but I'm almost glad it ended the way it did - it ensures that there WON'T be a sequel.This movie gets credit for graphics and storyline only. Please don't bother to sign the book or mail me about how the movie was great and animal cruelty added to the plot in any way - I'm so angry I may simply sell your email address to every company I know. But if you agree about my views, please let your voice be heard!

Movie Review - "The Watcher"

I must be cursed with bad judgement. The last three horror movies I've looked forward to have been really awful. I guess I should have seen it coming, considering this movie features Keanu Reeves as a villan. Bad Move. Sorry Keanu fans, but he is not cut out to play a bad guy. This movie didn't really have a whole lot going for it. The storyline was thin and hard to follow, and the film had parts that made it seem like the director was going to a homosexual twist to "The Matrix". There was a part where I thought Keanu was actually going to kiss one of the male characters(Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against homosexuality and I don't want to hear about it if you do.). I give this movie 1/2 a star because of the chick with the tattoo on her neck. She was awesome!(My guy Matt and I were talking after the movie, and we decided the best part of the movie was that chick had a "Long Beach Dub All Stars" poster in her room.) Everyone else...well...that was SAD,guys.

Movie Review - "The Exorcist"

For it's time, this movie was pretty freaky. In a time when all out bloody murder movies hadn't really happened yet, I can imagine that this movie would have scared my parents. The special effects were pretty kool. How freaky was the image of the statue in the kitchen when the woman was on the phone? My best friend and I agree that that was probably the single scariest thing in the movie(Sadly). Definately worth your time, so that if for nothing else, you get all those excorcist jokes on tv and whatnot.

Movie Review - "Lost Souls"

If you see one movie this year, DON'T LET IT BE THIS ONE. The plot was great, casting was good, acting was an A+. It was the ending that killed me. The whole movie built up to this one point...and then it just dies. A CLIFFHANGER would have been better. This was the WORST movie ending ever for a horror movie. Aww, hell,save your $3.50, I'll ruin it for you. She shoots him. Nothing happens. He doesn't turn into Satan. She thinks she sees the clock turn into '666', and she shoots him. Then she gets out of the car and walks away. Fade to credits. End of movie. Money down the toilet, time poorly spent. The absolute best part of the movie is the part in the church when the guy is talking to one of those wooden Jesuses on the cruifix, and all of the sudden the hands break off and it turns upside down and is eye to eye with him. Symbolism and a freaky effect!! I loved it!

Movie Review - "Dracula 2000"

Finally horror fans, a horror movie has come out this year that didn't TOTALLY suck (no pun intended). The killings were a bit quick. I mean, there was no suspense-you saw Dracula, and BOOM someone is dead.Kind of cheesy death scenes in the begining too. There was a scream and some blood hit a wall. But, there were also a lot of really cool effects. My favorite was when one of the characters tries to shoot Dracula with a silver bullet, and he turns from a wolf into a thousand bats and flies away. This movie answers a lot of questions I had about the first Dracula, like who he was and why he is a vampire-stuff like that. Like most movies, it ended pretty stupid. I'm not going to tell you how because it's actually worth your time to see. If nothing else, the sound track is KICK ASS.You should definately add it to your Christmas wishlist (it's not too late! :))One totally gross point though - leaches. One latches on to this guy's eyelid and he has to pull it off...yeah. It was gross. All in all, if you don't have anything else to do, go see this.

Movie Review - "Signs"

First off, I am posting this review more than a year after this movie's release. That's because I was in absolutely no hurry to see this movie. However, I was recently convinced by a self-proclaimed "movie snob" to give this one a chance. How wrong they were. This movie is about an ex-preacher, his brother, and the preacher's two children. The little girl, "Bo", is creepy and obnoxious. She's really the only one who got to me through the whole movie. As for the little boy, all I can say is that is one resilient asthmatic. The family has two dogs and throughout the course of the movie, both are killed. You all know how I feel about animial cruelty. Then come the aliens. The effects are pretty cool, but the plot is all full of loopholes. Supposedly, aliens have come to harvest humans, but the aliens can be killed by water. But humans are something like 75% water. Why oh why would an alien want something that is toxic to itself?

Movie Review - "The Ring"

It's taken me forever to get this review up because I've been working on making a page for this one. This was a fantastic movie. Seriously. Scared the shit out of me. There wasn't a lot of gore or cheesy-ness in this movie. But there was a great twist at the end. The only thing I didn't like was the part where a horse gets killed. I couldn't watch it. But the rest of the movie was so good. I don't want to give anything away - you'll have to see it for yourself! And, congrats to Daveigh Chase (Samara Morgan) for winnning the MTV movie award for "Best Villan"

Movie Review - "28 Days Later"

This movie was not scary. This movie was, however, very gory. Also, this movie was BADASS.Long, but badass. It's about a guy who goes with two friends to an animal research facility to rescue the test monkeys only to discover that they are infected with rage. 28 days later, he awakens in a hospital (naked-hey, this is a foreign film) to discover he is one of the only people alive. Those that he finds are also infected and try to kill him. He meets up with some other uninfected people, and they spend the length of the movie fighting off the infected. Meanwhile the rest of the world (outside England) goes on as normal. The lead girl in this movie is so fucking awesome. The lead man is such a puss until almost the end of the movie. Overall it was really really good. See it. Go. Now.

Movie Review - "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"

Okay, this review is not about the 1970's version. This is about the re-released version for 2003.

This movie was awesome. It was funny. It was kinda scary. It was gory. It has left me nearly speechless. This movie is about a group of five teens who while traveling to see Skynard in concert happen upon a hitch hiker on a rural road in Texas. They pick her up and she nearly immediately commits a violent suicide in their van. They call the police, and while waiting for them to arrive discover that this is the single most disgusting, fucked up town full of crazies they have ever been in. Like most people, Erin was my favorite character. She's beautiful and smart, and tops it all off with a hot boyfriend. There were a few disapointing things in this movie. One, this is called the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Only 2 people are actually killed via-chainsaw. Everyone else is threatened with it, and one person gets his leg cut off with one, but that's it. Second, during the first actual chainsaw killing, there are feathers flying up from where the victim is. What the smeg? Feathers? Is he killing her or having a pillow fight? All in all, this movie is definately worth the money I spent on my ticket.

Movie Review - "Scary Movie 3"

A thousand times funnier than the first two! This movie spoofs only three films, The Ring, 8 Mile, and Signs. A quality grouping. It's hysterical. You should definately see this one.

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