Hollywood blew into town this past week. I had heard that a movie would be shot in the vicinity, but I didn’t know just how it would change my business. Peter (see “Long & Short of It”) came by to have his flattop cleaned up and told me that he had been hired as an extra. Evidently the movie was going to have lots of military types in it. Further more, Peter said that the production assistant he spoke to told him that the production company needed a couple of barbers. Peter volunteered my services - - nice of him to tell me. I nearly dropped my clippers.
I showed up with Casey (see “Long & Short of It”) at the movie set. The production assistant Larry or Barry (whatever) was thrilled to see me. He sent me right over to the main building where there were three other barbers, and I started hacking down mops to nice buzz cuts. That production assistant (lets just call him Larry) stood and watched me work for a while and seemed satisfied and left to do whatever production assistants do.
After about 2 hours of solid clippage I was numb. (It was worth it, $25 bucks a head - - hurrah for Hollywood!) Larry the assistant came back just as I was finishing up a guy and stood and watched some more. The movie extra got up and headed for the costume department. The next extra started over to get his mop chopped, when Larry stepped in front of the extra and said that I was needed elsewhere. I got my things and followed him to the stunt double’s trailer.
There were four guys were all big and had long hair and beards. Boing!!! Larry said to get started. Each guy had to get a specific cut so as to match the movie star’s appearance and Larry gave me a list of who got what. So, I set up my stuff and the first stud double --- oops! stunt double sat down.
His name was Hank and he was thirty-something and about 6’ 4” , blue eyes and with long, thick, curly, black hair that was well below his shoulders about half way down his back. Hank also had a beard that was thick but not long and scraggly. Hank obviously worked out at least once a day. I looked at the “cut list” and took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Butch cut. Double Boing!!!! Hank put me at ease. “Just do whatever the card says. Don’t tell me, just do it.” Had to be from Texas with his drawl.
I got out Oster and then set it down. He had to much hair. I have an Oster, not a Paris Island Marine Corps Regulation clipper. First, I ran my fingers through that very long, very thick, very curly black hair. Did I say Boing??????
I took out my scissors and got started on his left side by his temple. I tilted his head away. I held a long strand through my fingers and held my fingers vertically right up against the side of his head and took the scissors and snipped from in front of his ear up to his temple. 1’ 6” of thick very long, very thick, very curly black hair fell into his lap. I continued moving towards the back slowly and carefully snipping the hair vertically right up against the side of his head. Mounds of those rich black locks fell into Hank’s lap and onto the floor. I had to kick some out of the way so I would not slip.
As I moved around behind his ear I tilted his head forward. Even with his head tilted forward, his hair was still well below his shoulders. Starting at the nape of his neck moving up to his crown, I slowly and carefully snipped the hair vertically right up against the back of his head. 2’ of thick very long, very thick, very curly black hair fell onto the floor. Again and again I snipped and snipped and a mound of raven black silk fell to my feet.
I moved towards his right side and tilted his head and continued to hack down those beautiful lock down to stubble. When I made it to his right temple, I looked down and noticed that Hank was - - well Boing himself. I was glad I had on my “barber’s cloak” because I had been Boinged out the whole time.
Then, I attacked the top. I tilted his head forward and brushed his hair forward. The bangs reached down to his chin. I took the scissors and went snip, snip, snip just above his eyebrows. 5” of bangs fell into his lap. I stopped and surveyed the damage. Hank looked like a different man. Before I was done, he would change some more.
I picked up my Oster and put on the 1A (1/8”) attachment. Starting on his right, I tilted his head and clicked on the clippers. I moved the clippers up the side of his head reducing the 1” left from the scissors down to 1/8” stubble. Again and again I moved the clippers up the side of his head and then around to the back of his head. Moving the clippers up the back of his head to his crown, I felt like I was in a dream or a trance.
On to the right side of his head ran the clippers up the side of his head and on around his ear mowing down what was left of the once long beautiful locks.
Once again I attacked the top. I tilted his head forward and starting at his forehead, I mowed straight back to his crown chopping off what was left of those lush locks. I ran the clippers over the top of his head again and again. Then I ran the clippers all the way around again just to make sure it was even.
By this time my poor Oster was overheated (the clippers you dolt), and so I got out my spare set. I did not put an attachment on. I cleaned up the back of his neck and outlined his ears.
Then I started on his very thick beard. I ran the clippers up the side of his face next to his right ear. A mini shower of thick black fuzz fell on to the cape. I continued to run the clippers up the side of his face and chin and then I moved around to his left side. I removed his moustache and then I carefully buzzed down under his chin and neck.
I clicked off the clippers and got out my shaving cream. I lathered up his face and took the straight razor out and carefully and slowly shaved his face removing the prickly stubble and leaving a very smooth surface. Then I lathered up around his ears and the back of his neck. I took the straight razor and smoothed out the line around his ears and back of neck. Then I applied Wintergreen tonic. I rubbed my hand up the back of his head. Someone moaned. I hope it was Hank - - I can’t remember.
Well, to say the least, Hank was a new man. He got up and looked at all the hair on the floor and rubbed his hands over his head and sat down to watch the other three get buzzed.
Stunt stud #2 was also very big - - 6’ 3” big build green eyes brown curly hair with curls that were about 3” long all over. He also had a thick beard. His name was Jake and his card said “High & Tight with runway.”
I got out the Oster and did not put an attachment on. Starting on his right, I tilted his head and clicked on the clippers. I moved the clippers up the side of his head through 3” of thick curly chestnut brown hair. Then I changed direction. I buzzed straight back from his temple to the back reducing those beautiful curls down to nothing. Again and again I mowed down the curly locks and moved around to the back.
After I tilted his head forward, I moved the clippers up the back of his head and buzzed down all those pretty brown locks to nothing - - right up to the crown. I mowed on around to his left side and buzzed around his ear and a flurry of brown curls fell into his lap. I buzzed the left side of his head down to nothing.
I grabbed my spare clippers and proceeded to buzz down his thick brown beard to stubble. I took out shaving cream and lathered up his face and removed the stubble. Then I lathered up the sides and back of his head and removed what stubble was left there. I applied some tonic and moved on.
Moving to the top of Jake’s head, I put the #1A (1/8”) attachment on the Oster and clicked them on. I tilted his head forward and I ran the back over the top of his had to the crown. Again and again I reduced the beautiful 3” curls to 1/8” stubble showering the cape and floor with piles and piles of brown curls.
Once I finished the main reduction of mop, I took off the #1A (1/8”)attachment and put on the #1 (1/32”) attachment. Starting in the back on the crown, I carefully buzzed forward and gradually released the down-pressure so there would be a gradual decent from forehead to crown. A fine dusting of brown fuzz showered the cape.
I buzzed forward in three swipes and then evened them out precisely. I went around and cleaned up the edges. After I clicked off the Oster, I rubbed my hand up the back of Jake’s now very smooth head. Both of us moaned and I think Hank did too. Jake got up and rubbed his hands over his buzzed head and joined Hank to watch the fun continue.
Stunt stud #3 was, well, let’s say WILD. 6’5”, muscles abundantly distributed, piercing dark blue eyes, and thick, wildly wavy, red hair that was about 5” all over. Like his fellow stunt studs, he had a thick beard as well. His name was Dillon and his “cut card” said “flattop.”
I put the #4 (1”) attachment on my Oster, tilted Dillon’s head forward and clicked the clippers on. Starting just above his left temple, I ran the clippers back over his head. A cascade of red wavy hair fell into his lap. Again and again moved the clippers over the top of his head reducing the 5” of thick, red, wavy mop down to 1” of manageable flattop potential.
When I reached the right side of his head, I tilted his head slightly and continued mowing from his temple towards the back. Red locks showered the cape and the floor. I kept on mowing down the red mass of locks to the back. I tilted his head forward and ran the clippers up the back of his head to his crown. Slowly and almost trance-like, I hacked my way through that forest of thick red hair. Across the back and then around to his left side.
I ran the clippers from just behind his ear, around his ear and towards his right temple. A pile of thick wavy locks fell into his lap. I then, continued by running the clippers back to front until I had reduced all of those beautiful locks down to 1”.
Then, I changed attachments and put the #1 (3/32”) and clicked the clippers on. I started on his left and ran the clippers up the side of his head reducing the 1” down to 3/32”. Clumps of red showered down onto the cape. I continued moving the clippers up the side of his head and around to the back. In the back, I tilted his head forward and ran the clippers up the back of his head spraying the cape and floor with red. Moving around to his right side I continued to reduce the 1” of thick red mop down to 3/32” stubble.
When I had finished the sides and back, I took the attachment off and started in on his thick red beard. Bright red fuzz fell onto the cape. Carefully, I buzzed the red mass under his chin and on his neck down to stubble. Then I removed his moustache. After that, I cleaned up around his ears and the back of his neck.
I got out the shaving cream and lathered up his face. When I was finished removing all that prickly red stubble off his face, he seemed transformed from a North Woods Logger into a real military type. I lathered up around his ears and the back of his neck and defined the edge and cleaned up the back. I applied tonic and then started on the top.
I left off the attachment and got out my best comb and started in the back at the crown. Slowly and methodically I inserted the comb and ran the clippers over the comb reducing the 1” top down to a 1/4” at the forehead and 3/32” at the crown. Showers of red dust fell all around as I flattened and tightened the top.
When I was finished I applied a pomade and rubbed my hands back across his head and then back up the stubble on the back of his head. Ok, Boing again. I don’t remember any moans - - well actually outside of remembering the cuts, by this time, I couldn’t tell you whether it was Thursday or Cleveland.
Dillon got up and sat down rubbing his buzzed head next to Hank and Jake. All three waiting for #4.
Stunt Stud #4. Not as big but big enough - - ok moan here. His name was Cody and he was 6’2”, toned muscles, bright blue eyes, and very thick, straight, light blond hair about 6” all over and a thick light blond beard. His “cut card.” BALD. It’s a good thing I don’t have a heart condition. I’d have been dead.
Well, as I tilted his head forward, his thick, light blond bangs fell forward covering his handsome face. I clicked on the clippers (without any attachment) and starting on his right ran the clippers back over his head to his crown. A cascade of flaxen locks fell onto the cape. I continued running the clippers across the top of his head reducing the 6” mass of thick, light blond locks down to minuscule stubble.
By the time I had finished mowing down the top of his head, the cape in his lap was piled high with beautiful light blond locks. I continued on his left side shaving straight back from his temple towards the back. Blond locks showered the cape and the floor all around.
As I moved around to the back, I tilted his head forward and ran the clippers up the back of his head. Again and again I moved the clippers up the back of his head through the thick light blond mass up to his crown reducing all that beautiful blond glory down to prickly stubble.
I moved on around to his right side and ran the clippers from just behind his ear to just in front of his ear. A cascade of blond fell onto the cape. Then, I ran the clippers back from his temple towards the back. When I was finished reducing all those long locks to stubble, I turned to his thick light blond beard.
I carefully ran the clippers up his face showering the cape with bits of light blond fuzz. I removed his moustache and then very carefully reduced the longish, thick mass of light blond fuzz under his chin and on his neck down to stubble.
Then, I took out the shaving cream and lathered up his face. I moved the straight razor over his face reducing the stubble down to silky smoothness revealing a very handsome face. After I finished his face, I lathered up his head.
Slowly and carefully, I started on his right and glided the straight razor over the side of his head reducing all that prickly light blond stubble down to a wonderful smooth surface. I moved slowly around to the back and moved the razor down the back of his head and then slowly back up. Moving on around to his left I shaved the stubble off. I went over his entire head again and made sure his head was as smooth as possible.
Slowly, I rubbed the Wintergreen tonic all over his head and face with my hands. So smooth. I had to stop before things got embarrassing. Corey got up and rubbed his hands over his bald head. Hank, Jake and Dillon all joined in and rubbed Corey’s bald head. Well, while they were having a rub-a-thon, I cleaned up the area and packed my things and got ready to leave.
Larry the production assistant - - (remember him?) - - came in and smiled. “Good job,” he said. Now we need you in the production office. I took a deep breath and followed.
To be continued . . .
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