Recently the two major wrestling federations decided to have a “Pan Federation Tournament.” Wrestlers from both federations would compete to see which organization was better. Each match had a given number of points to it. The side with the most points at the end won. They had every kind of match imaginable from a ladder match to an “anything-goes-locked-in-the-steel-cage-match.”
One of the matches was a “hair” match between Chris Jerico and “The Edge.” The rules were simple. Whoever lost, got his head shaved. No ring-side supporters were permitted. The clippers sans attachment, were given to the ref for “safe” keeping.
Chris is 6’ with thick blond should-length hair. Edge is 6’4” with thick blond hair half-way down his back. The first moments of the match set the pace for the whole match. When Chris entered the ring, he waved to the crowd on all sides. Edge got impatient and elbow slammed Chris from behind. This knocked Chris loopy for a moment, but he quickly regained his faculties and retaliated with one of his “1,004” moves. Did not faze Edge at all. Edge picked up Chris and did a full press above his head and slammed Chris head first onto the mat. Then Edge did one of his famous flying leaps from the top rope and elbow slammed Chris again. Well, that did it. Chris was not getting up from that. One, two, three. The ref held up Edges hand as the winner and gave Edge the clippers sans attachment.
Edge went over to the side of the ring and reached under the ring and pulled out a rope. Then he hog-tied Chris. Edge shook Chris until he came to. Chris realized his predicament quickly and started to beg for mercy and yelling for help. Edge brought the clippers in front of Chris and clicked them on. The look on Chris’s face was sheer horror. Edge went around to the back of Chris and yanked Chris’s head forward with one hand and shoved the clippers up the middle of the back of Chris’s head to his crown and down to his forehead. A cascade of thick blond shoulder-length hair fell onto the mat. Chris screamed. Edge laughed and repeated shaving Chris’s head from the nape of his neck to his forehead, so it all fell in front of Chris. After each swipe of the clippers, Edge would pick up the growing mound of shoulder-length blond hair and toss it up in the air. Chris was crying by this time. That just motivated Edge even more. Edge ran the clippers from behind Chris’s left ear forward around the ear and towards the front. Another mass of thick long blond hair showered the mat. Again and again Edge ruthlessly plowed the clippers through Chris’s thick long blond hair. Edge shaved off Chris’s earlobe-long sideburns and continued until Chris was completely bald.
Then Edge went back over to the side of the ring and got out a shaving kit. Edge lathered up Chris’s head and face and took out a straight razor and shaved Chris’s head and face. Once Edge had removed the stubble from Chirs’s head, he rubbed his hands all over Chris’s head and picked up some of the hair on the mat and rubbed it on Chris’s head and face. Edge picked up a hand full of hair off the mat and proudly paraded out of the main hall of the arena. The ref cut the ropes that bound Chris. Chris rubbed his hands all over his smooth bald head and screamed and ran out of the arena.
Backstage, things were already happening. Several of Chris’s fellow federation wrestlers decided that they would even things out backstage. Five of them ganged up on Edge and held him down in a chair while two more found some ropes and tied him to the chair. Edge’s thick, blond hair came down halfway down his back and the captors yanked it and played with it taunting Edge all the while. They waited until bald Chris came backstage and gave Chris the clippers.
Chris howled with delight and Edge just roared. Chris started on Edge’s right side and clicked the clippers on. Edge’s eyes got real big. Chris started with Edges long, thick sideburn and shaved from his earlobe all the way up to his temple. Chris continued by shaving straight back to just behind Edge’s right ear. Then Chris moved around to the back of Edge’s head and forced Edge’s head forward. Chris ran the clippers up the back of Edge’s head to his crown and tossed the long blond locks over Edge and into his lap.
Each time Chris shaved another section of long thick blond hair, he would rub his hand up the back of Edge’s head to feel the prickly stubble and to let Edge know just how bald he was becoming. Over and over Chris ran the clippers up the back of Edge’s head tossing the shaved hair over Edge and rubbing his hand up the back of Edge’s head until the back of Edge’s head was shaved.
Then, Chris ran the clippers forward around Edge’s left ear towards the front. Golden locks spewed into Edge’s lap. Chris continued shaving back to front removing all that thick long blond hair from the left side of Edge’s head. Moving to in front of Edge’s ear, Chris shaved off Edge’s remaining long thick sideburn.
With the sides and back shaved, Chris moved around to shave the top of Edge’s head, who by now was hoarse from roaring his displeasure. Starting in the middle of Edge’s forehead, Chris shaved a path right back to the crown rubbing the shorn locks across Edge’s face and then tossing the locks up in the air. Then Chris rubbed his thumb across the shaved path and mocked Edge. Chris continued this process of shaving a path through that long thick blond hair forehead to crown, rubbing it in Edge’s face, tossing it up in the air and then rubbing his hand across the prickly stubble.
Once Chris had reduced all of Edge’s hair from long half way down the back thick blond hair to prickly stubble, Chris rubbed his hands all over Edge’s head. Then Chris got some shaving cream and lathered up Edge’s head and face. Chris took out the straight razor and shaved off all that prickly blond stubble down to a smooth surface on Edge’s head and face. Then Chris rubbed his hands all over Edge’s head and piled as much of Edge’s shaved locks on Edge’s head and lap as possible and laughed and then left with his fellow federation members.
Gee, now only if I had thought to tape i t . . .
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