The local public cable access station has a game show called “Cash or Clip” that comes on every Tuesday night at 8pm. Contestants spin a giant roulette wheel to take a chance at winning money or getting clipped. There are twelve slots on the wheel four of them have cash signs on the top side with values on the back side ranging from $500 to $2,000. Eight slots have a pair of clippers pictured on the top side. If a contestant ends up with one of the eight clipper slots, they have to get their hair cut in whatever style is written on the back of the slot. Each contestant spins the wheel once per round. If you get clipped, you’re out of the game and a bunch of hair. After three rounds, whoever is left and has the most cash wins. The winner can then try for a bonus round of $5,000 if they win or a head shave if they loose the bonus round. Men and women both can play, but for the most part, men choose to be contestants. Contestants compete in front of a live audience of about 150.
My friend Larry is the production manager and host of the show. (Instead of going back to Hollywood after the movie he made in town, Larry stayed in town and was hired by the TV station. See “Stunt Studs”, “Clipping Stars” and “Assisting the Production.”) Larry asked me to be the “official” barber for the show. Since I would be given on-air time with an intro naming my barber shop and it’s location, I said that I would be delighted. The show has been a local hit. We’ve beat out the networks in our time slot. Grant it, our city is not huge, but we do have about 70,000 in the metro area. People line up outside the studio to get tickets about 5pm. The doors don’t open until 7:30pm. We got a funny but positive review in both of the local newspapers and one from the State paper down in the Capital.
Last week was a great show. Contestant #1 (Jon) was a businessman with brown eyes and brown hair cut in a proper, slicked back and tapered businessman’s haircut. Contestant #2 (Kyle) was a travel agent with blue eyes and thick surfer-shaggy blond hair. Contestant #3 (Bert) was a manager at a local department store with green eyes and thick, curly black hair.
The first round saw no one clipped. The second round saw Kyle win $2,000 and Bert win $750, but Jon ended up with one of the clipper slots. A drum roll sounded as the clipper slot was turned over to see Jon’s fate. A total buzz with an Oster #1 (3/32”). The audience cheered. Jon was not so pleased, but he came over to the barber chair that was set up. Jon was about my age, 5’10” and had a nice businessman’s cut with a longish taper (1/2” to 2”) on the sides and back with thick medium length sideburns and with the hair on top much longer (5”), but slicked back.
I put the cape around Jon and placed the #1 attachment (3/32”) on my Oster. I started in the back. While tilting his head forward, I clicked on the clippers. I ran the clippers up the middle of the back of Jon’s head up to his crown, buzzing away that ever-so-correct businessman’s taper down to 3/32”. The clippers chopped away over and over again, up the back of his head first towards the right and then the left of the back of his head. Then, I ran the clippers around his left ear towards the front. A shower of thick, brown, tapered fluff pelted the cape and floor. I ran the clippers back-to-front again and again until I had reduced that neat taper on the left side of Jon’s head down to 3/32” stubble. I moved around to his right side and ran the clippers front-to-back buzzing away that nice tapper. Once I had finished buzzing the right side of Jon’s head, I tilted his head forward. I slowly ran the clippers across the middle of the top of Jon’s head from his crown to his forehead. A mass of 5” thick brown hair landed in Jon’s lap. Over and over from crown to forehead reducing 5” of thick, slicked back, brown hair down to 3/32” prickly stubble. When I had finished with the top, I ran the clippers all over Jon’s head to make sure there were no uneven spots. Then, I took off the attachment and shaved of both of his thick medium length sideburns. I cleaned up the back of his neck and around the edges and that was that. The audience cheered. Jon rubbed his buzzed head in dismay and walked off “with some nice parting gifts from our sponsors.” Oh, joy. A year’s supply of shampoo and shaving cream and best of all a year’s supply of dog food. Don’t ask, you don’t want to know.
Round three saw Kyle win $1,000. Bert spun the wheel and he came up with one of the clipper slots. A drum roll sounded while the clipper slot was turned over. A high and tight with an Oster 1A (1/8”) on top. The audience applauded loudly and Bert sheepishly came over to the barber chair. Bert was just out of college around 6’2” with green eyes and thick curly black hair about 4” all over and long, thick sideburns. Since this was to be a H&T, I started without an attachment. Starting on Bert’s right side, I tilted his head and clicked on the clippers. I ran the clippers up his right sideburn from his earlobe to the hairline removing that long, thick fluff. I continued to run the clippers up the side of his head up to his right temple. A cascade of thick black 4” curls showered the cape and floor. Running the clippers up the side of Bert’s head, I continued around his right ear to the back of his head where I tilted his head forward and ran the clippers up the back of his head to his crown. Thick black curls were flying all over with each swipe of the clippers reducing all that mass of 4” black curls down to nothing. I continued around to the left side of Bert’s head running the clippers around his left ear towards the front. A mass of thick black curls piled on to the cape and floor. I shaved off his long, thick sideburn and I then returned to running the clippers up the left side of Bert’s head. Once I had finished buzzing the sides, I put on the 1A (1/8”) attachment. I tilted Bert’s head forward and starting on his left side ran the clippers straight back across the top of his head to his crown. Over and over again, methodically I slowly ran the clippers across the top of his head back to his crown reducing all that thick mass of 4” black curls down to 1/8” stubble. When I had finished, I clicked off the clippers and brought out the shaving cream. I lathered up the sides and back of Bert’s head. Slowly I shaved the sides and back of Bert’s head with my straight razor rubbing my thumb over the freshly shaved section to make sure it was smooth enough. Mmmm good!!! After I finished, I rubbed tonic on the back and sides of Bert’s head. I brought out the clippers again and blended the edge around the top. When it was over, Bert rubbed his hands over his head and laughed. (I think he liked it.) He too walked off “with some nice parting gifts from our sponsors.” A complete Oster clipper set with three clippers and oodles of attachments and a nice bathroom vanity set. Not, bad actually.
Well, Kyle ended up with Kyle winning $3,500 combined from all three rounds. That was his to keep or he could chance it all and go for the $5,000 bonus which, if he won his total would be $8,500. Guess what he went for. Greed is good - - sometimes. Kyle spun the wheel and it landed on one of the clipper slots. The audience went nuts. Kyle was stunned. He had just blown $3,500 and was about to become bald. Kyle took a deep breath and confidently strode over to the chair. Kyle was my age 6’ with blue eyes and thick, shaggy surfer hair that was 5” all over with very wide, long and thick sideburns. After putting the cape on him, I tilted Kyle’s head forward and starting in the middle of his forehead, I clicked the attachment less clippers on. I ran t the clippers back across the top of his head, shaving a bald path to his crown and showering the cape with a mass of thick 5” long blond hair. I continued to shave the top of Kyle’s head first the right section and then the left so all that was left was just fuzzy blond stubble on top and shag on the sides and back. Moving to his left side I continued shaving straight back from his temples back going down section by section to his left ear. Then, I shaved off his left sideburn. It took two long, slow swipes to get it all. I continued around to the back of his head, tilting his head forward and running the clippers up the back of his head to his very bald crown. Thick, 5’ long blond hair fell in a golden mass on the floor as I went around Kyle’s head. I had to kick it out of the way so I wouldn’t trip. When I finished shaving the back of his head, I ran the clippers from just behind his right ear around his ear and to the front showering the cape, already a large mound, with another pile of thick blond hair. Then I shaved off his right sideburn and again it took two swipes to remove that long, wide and thick mass. I shaved up the side of Kyle’s head again and again reducing all that blond mass on the right side of his head to nothing. When I was finished, I got out the shaving cream and lathered up his head. I would shave a section with my straight razor and then rub my fingers over to see if it was smooth enough. Oh my! I was so glad I was wearing a longish over-shirt that covered everything. Kyle was glad that the cape covered most of everything. I could tell, but I didn’t know what the folks at home saw. Finally, I finished shaving his head and face and I slowly rubbed tonic all over his head and face. My my!! Kyle rubbed his hands over his bald head and grinned and gave two thumbs up and the audience cheered. Kyle also walked off “with some nice parting gifts from our sponsors.” A trip to San Francisco, CA and a year supply of shaving lotion. Larry closed the show and they ran the credits.
Bert and Kyle came over and told me they would be over to see me at my shop. Jon, well, he was kind, but not so happy. Hey, it’s just a game!!!
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