It was late Friday evening and I had cleaned up the shop and was about to close when a car pulled up and two twenty-something guys got out and came up the walk. They came in and one of them asked if I would stay open long enough to give them haircuts. (Well, now, you tell me. Would I?) The two guys had heard about me from one of Casey’s clients who’s a regular of mine.
The first guy sat down in the barber chair and started rambling about this and that. His name was Rudy and he loved computers. (Oh, joy! A techno-geek) Rudy is skinny, about 6’2” , (plays a lot of basketball and has the muscles to prove it) and has brown eyes and had thick brown hair that just touched his ears and collar. His sideburns were medium length, but very thick. His bangs fell straight down to just above his eyebrows. He said that he wanted a very short cut. Of course, my pleasure.
I took out my trusty Oster and put the #1 (3/32”) attachment on. Starting on his right side, I clicked the clippers on . I moved the clippers up the side of his head buzzing away shaggy brown hair that drifted to the cape and floor. Buzz up. Hair falling to cape and floor. Around his ear. Buzz up. Thick brown hair falling to cape and floor. Around to the back of Rudy’s head.
Slowly, I moved the clippers up the back of his head to his crown. Thick brown hair fell in a pile on the floor. Buzz up. Thick brown hair falling to cape and floor. Over and over up the back of his head. Buzz up. Thick brown hair falling to cape and floor. Around to the left side of his head. Buzz up. Thick brown hair falling to cape and floor. Buzz forward around his ear to the front of his head. Brown hair showers the cape in Rudy’s lap. Buzz up. Thick brown hair falling to cape and floor. Finish reducing the thick, shaggy brown hair down to 3/32” of prickly stubble.
I removed the attachment and shaved off both of his thick medium length sideburns and cleaned up the back of his neck. Then I put the #1 (3/32”) attachment back on and started on the top of his head. I tilted his head forward and starting on his left side, I ran the clippers back across the top of his head to his crown. Thick brown hair cascaded to the cape. Long buzz back towards the crown. Thick brown hair showers the cape. Long buzz back towards the crown. More thick brown hair showers the cape. Over and over until all that thick brown hair was reduced to 3/32” of prickly stubble. I ran the clippers all over Rudy’s head until I was confident that it was 3/32” all over his head. I clicked off the clippers and set them down.
Then, I took out the shaving lotion and lathered up around his ears and the back of his neck. Carefully and slowly, I used the straight razor to define a clean line around his ears and the back of his neck. Then I lathered up his face and gently and firmly shaved his handsome face. I wiped off the excess lather and slowly and firmly rubbed wintergreen tonic all over his head and face. Mmmm. That felt sooo goood!!! Rudy got up and rubbed his hands all over his head and smiled real big and sat down opposite the chair while his friend stood up to take his turn.
Rudy’s friend was Darcy. Darcy is muscular and about 6’ and had thick short curly blond hair. His blond curls were only about 1” long, but they were very thick and tight all over his head. I was very jealous when I realized that Darcy’s thick curls were natural and not salon made. Unlike Rudy, Darcy had no sideburns to speak of. Darcy told me to “chop it all off.” Your wish is my command.
I took out my Oster without the attachment and clicked on the clippers. I tilted his head forward and ran the clippers back across the middle of the top of his head to his crown. A shower of thick 1” blond curls fell to the cape. I rubbed my fingers across the newly shaved path. Oh, so nice!! Long buzz back towards the crown. More thick blond 1” curls reduced to almost nothing. Rub. Long buzz back towards the crown. Rub. Over and over until the top of Darcy’s head was curl-free.
Moving to his right side. Long buzz back across the side of his head. Thick blond curls cascaded to the floor. Rub. Again and again. Long buzz back across the side of his head. Rub. Watch out for the ear. Rub. Around to the back of Darcy’s head. Long slow buzz up the back of his head. Thick blond 1” curls shaved off falling to the floor. Rub. Long slow buzz up the back of his head. More thick blond 1” curls falling to the floor. Rub. Long buzz up. Rub. Long buzz up. Rub. Move to his left side.
Long buzz around his left ear to the front. Thick blond curls shower the cape. Buzz up the side of his head. Rub. Buzz up. Rub. Buzz up. Rub. Buzz up. Rub. Blond curls reduced to nothing. Then, long buzz straight back across the side of his head again and again to the back just to be sure. Buzz all over his head just to be sure. Rub. Sooo nice!!! Click off clippers.
Then I got out the lotion and lathered up his head. Starting on his left side, using the straight razor, I carefully and gently removed the blond stubble. Long swipe back across the side of his head. Rub. Mmmm. Again and again. Long swipe back across the side of his head. Rub. Mmmm. Move to the back of his head. Long swipe, rub, long swipe, long swipe, rub. All the stubble on the back of his head now gone. To the right side. Long swipe back across the side of his head. Rub. Long swipe, rub, long swipe, long swipe, rub. Oh, my! To the top. Long swipe back across the top of his head to his crown. Long swipe, rub, long swipe, rub, long swipe, rub. Smooooth!!! Once again all over for good measure. Rub. Then lather his beautiful face and shave that beautiful face smooth. Rub. Mmmmm. Rub on tonic all over head and face firmly, slowly. Soooo Smooooth!!!!
Coming out of the trance, I did my best to regain my composure. Darcy sat there for a moment rubbing his hands all over his bald head. Then he got up and Rudy and he paid me and left rubbing each other’s heads. Casey cleared his throat. Evidently he had been observing for some while. He sat down in the chair and informed me that I had better spend a great deal of “attention” to shaving him. I walked over changed the “open” sign, locked the door and pulled the blinds. Then I did spend a great deal of time shaving him. Things got a little messy. But hey, muscular Casey is well worth it. Eat your hearts out y’all.
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