Well, it has been a while, but Casey and I have been abroad taking some time off from the old “rat race.” When we got back this past week we were in for a treat. The National Bodybuilder’s Competition had come to town and the finals were to be held on Saturday night. Saturday morning, before I was ready to open, someone was banging on the shop door. I opened the door with one hand and clutched my coffee cup with the other hand. Three muscle-bound studs were lined up out front. Before they could say anything I motioned for them to come in. The guy who had almost knocked the door down told me that Peter (Story #6) recommended me to them. They had come over last week, but since I wasn’t here they had waited because Peter said that a visit to my shop was worth the wait. (Hmmm, what is he up to?)
These three guys were in the competition and they had made it to the final round. They wanted to look their very best and were actually surprised that they had made it to the final round since they all looked rather shaggy - - muscular, but shaggy. Did I mention that they had lots and lots of well toned muscles - - and shaggy mops. (Down boy.)
The first guy sat down in the chair. Told me his name was Seth and as he rambled on about life in general I got the cape around him. Seth was about 6’4” and had pale green eyes and thick black hair that about 4” all over his head. His sideburns were long, wide and thick. (Didn’t Elvis leave the building already?) I asked Seth what kind of haircut he wanted. Seth said to cut it real short all over. He wanted the judges to notice his muscles not his hair. (Less is more.)
I put the #1A (1/8”) attachment on my Oster and clicked on the clippers. Starting just behind his right ear I ran the clipper forward around his ear. Thick black hair fell onto the cape and the floor. Buzz up the right side of his head. 4” of thick black hair showers down. Buzz up again and again reducing 4” of thick black hair to 1/8” of prickly stubble.
Moving to the back of his head. Slowly, buzz up the back of his head to his crown. Black hair floats down to the floor. Buzz slowly up over and over. Thick black hair buzzed down to stubble from the nape of his neck to his crown. Over behind his left ear. Long, slow buzz around his left ear to the front. Thick black hair showers all around the cape and floor. Slowly, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz up the left side of his head. 4” falls onto the floor and cape.
To the front. Tilt his head forward. Long, slow buzz straight back from just above his left temple to his crown. Thick black hair falls in a mound on the cape. Slowly, long buzz back, over and over again reducing all that thick black 4” long hair down to 1/8” stubble. The mound of thick black hair on the cape grows with each long, slow buzz of the clippers.
I finish and run the clippers all over his buzzed head again, slowly and firmly. Then, I take off the attachment. Shaving off the right sideburn, thick. long and wide, up from his earlobe to the hairline. Slowly, firmly, buzz up twice. All gone. Around the sides and back cleaning up. To the left sideburn. Thick, long and wide. Slow, long buzz, slow long buzz. All gone.
Click off clippers. Get out the shaving cream. Lather up around his ears and the back of his neck. Using the straight razor. Slowly, firmly, carefully with one hand on his wonderfully prickly stubbled head and one hand guiding the razor around his ears and the back of his neck. Rubbing my thumb over the newly smoothed surface. Done. More lather. On his handsome face. Again, slowly, gently, with purpose one hand on is prickly head and one guiding the razor over his beautiful face. Feeling the difference before and after with my fingers. Done. Wipe off any excess lather with a hot towel. Slowly, firmly, gently rub lotion around his ears, the back of his neck and on his very handsome face. Done. The cape comes off and all that thick black hair falls to the floor. Seth got up and smiled. As he went to sit down and wait for his two friends, he rubbed his hands all over is buzzed head.
Muscle man #2. His name was Travis and he was about 6’ with dark blue eyes and thick brown hair that hung down in curls about 5” long all over his head and thick, wide and long sideburns. He said two words. “Higher, tighter.” (Your wish is my command.)
Out comes the Oster again with the #1 (3/32”) attachment. Click on clippers. Tilt his head forward. Starting just above his right temple. Buzz, slowly straight back from his temple to his crown. 5” of thick, brown curls cascade to the cape. Over and over long, slow buzz front to back reducing all those thick brown curls down to 3/32” of prickly stubble. Rubbing my fingers over each freshly buzzed area. Slow, long, buzz back, rub, mmm. Again and again.
Left side of his head. Tilt his head away. Long, slow buzz back temple towards the back, rub. Again. Thick brown curls float to the floor. Buzz. Rub. Buzz. Rub. Buzz around his ear. Rub. To the back. Tilt his head forward. Slow, long buzz up the back of his head. Rub. Mmmmm. Again and again. Buzz up. Brown curls fall to the floor. Rub. Buzz up. Rub. All those thick brown curls reduced to stubble. To the right side of his head.
Tilt his head away. Buzz up around his right ear to the front. Thick 5” brown curls fall onto the cape. Rub. Mmmm. Again. Back-to-front buzz. Cascade of curls. Rub. Buzz. Curls. Rub. Prickly stubble. Mmm, mmm good. Done. Buzz clippers all over again.
Take off attachment. Left sideburn. Three long, slow swipes from below the earlobe up to the hairline. Done? No. Tilt his head away. Shave the left side of his head. Buzz up the side of his head. Brown fuzz dusts the cape and floor. Again and again, buzz up rub smooth. Around to the back. Tilt head forward. Long, slow buzz up the back of his head. Rub. Over and over. Brown fuzz falls all over. To the right side. Tilt head away. Buzz up. Rub up. Fuzz dusts. Buzz, rub. Buzz, rub. Done? Right sideburn. Three more long, slow swipes from below the earlobe to the top of his head. Rub. Nice. Click off clippers.
Rub lather all over the sides and back of his head. One hand on the top prickly stubble. One hand guiding the razor and rubbing the smooth head. Tilt head away. Left side of his head. Swipe, rub. Swipe, rub. Swipe, rub. Swipe, rub. Tilt head forward. Swipe, rub. Swipe, rub. Swipe, rub. Swipe, rub. Tilt head away. Right side of his head. Swipe, rub. Swipe, rub. Swipe, rub. Swipe, rub. Done? Lather his handsome face. One hand on the top prickly stubble. One hand guiding the razor and rubbing the smooth handsome face. Done? Wipe off excess lather and slowly, firmly rub lotion on the sides and back of his head and on his handsome face. Done.
Take off cape and 5” of thick brown curls cascade to the floor in front of Travis. Travis gets up rubbing his hands all over the top of his head and the smooth sides. He is very happy. (I’m a little pleased also.)
Muscle man #3. His name was Leon and he was about 6’5” with light topaz-blue eyes and thick long blond hair that came down to his shoulders and thick, wide and long sideburns. He said one word. “Nothing.” (Down boy.)
Out come the Oster. No attachment. Tilt his head away. Starting on his right side. Right sideburn below his earlobe. Buzz up the side of his face and up the side of his head removing that thick long sideburn and thick shoulder-long blond hair. Long blond locks fall to the floor. Then, buzz straight back. Right temple to the back. Long, slow buzz back. Thick, long blond hair falls to the floor. Rub my fingers across the newly shaved spot. Mmm.
Buzz back. Rub. Buzz back. Rub. Buzz back. Rub. Thick long blond hair piled high on the floor. Kick it out of the way so I don’t slip. To the back. Tilt head forward. Buzz up the back of his head. Slowly. Thick, long blond hair falls to the floor. Rub. Slowly now. Buzz up. Rub up. Buzz up. Rub up. All that shoulder-long thick blond hair ends up on the floor. Slowly, over and over. Buzz up. Rub up. Buzz up. Rub up. Back done. Nice and smooth. Tilt head away and forward. Left side. Back-to-front around his left ear. Buzz. Long blond hair shaved off. Back-to-front over and over reducing all that long, thick blond hair down to nothing but very fine stubble. Left sideburn. Long, slow buzz up the side of his face. All gone.
Top of his head. Tilt head forward. Left side just above left temple. Long, slow buzz back. Long, thick blond hair cascades to the cape in a pile that grows into a mound as the clippers shave the top of is head. Over and over. Buzz back. Rub the prickly stubble. Buzz. Rub. Over to the right temple. Buzz. Rub. Done? Buzz all over his now almost bald head. Rub after each buzz. Mmm. Click off clippers.
Slowly, firmly lather up his buzzed head. One hand on his buzzed head and one hand guiding the straight razor and rubbing after each swipe. Tilt head away. Left side. Swipe. Rub. Again. Swipe. Rub. Smooth. Nice. Swipe. Rub. Swipe. Rub. Again. Left side done. Tilt head forward. Back of his head. Swipe. Rub. Swipe. Rub. Oh, so nice and smooth. Swipe. Rub. Swipe. Rub. Back of his head done and very smooth. Right side. Tilt head away. Swipe. Rub. Swipe. Rub. Mmm. Swipe. Rub. Swipe. Rub. So smooth. Right side done. The top. Tilt head forward. Long, slow swipe back. Long firm rub back. Again. And. Again. Long, slow swipe back. Long firm rub back. Until the top of his buzzed head is stubble-free and smooth. Check all over his bald head to make sure.
Lather up that beautiful face. One hand on his smooth, shaved head and one hand guiding the straight razor and rubbing his beautiful face after each swipe. Slow, swipe. Firm, slow rub. Again and again until his handsome face is nice and smooth. Wipe off any excess lather. Rub lotion all over his beautiful, smooth, shaved head and face. Rub, firmly and slowly. Oh, my.
Take off the cape and watch as all that shoulder-long thick blond hair falls from the cape to the floor. Leon kicks the pile of blond hair out of his way as he gets up. He rubs his hands all over his bald head. The three of them pay and leave very happy. Almost as happy as me.
Who won the The National Bodybuilder’s Competition? Muscle man #3 of course. Leon, bald and beautiful.
I feel two very strong arms come from behind me. Casey. He wants the same and then some. Of course. The shop closes until after . . . .
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