Patrick Rafter lost Wimbledon to Pete Sampras this year and since Pat and Pete had a bet going Pat also lost that. Pete’s pal Andre comes in sometimes for a “clean-up” and suggested Pete send Pat over for a “clean-up.” So, on Tuesday morning in walks Pete pulling a very reluctant Pat along. Pete said told me the story and said that he wanted Pat to have the same cut as his good friend Andre. Pat moaned and started to protest, but Pete just pushed him into the chair and reminded Pat of the bet and that he lost both the bet and Wimbledon. (Poor baby.)
Pat had long curly brown hair that he had pulled back into a ponytail. He also had a full beard which Pete said had to go also. I asked Pete if he would like to get the festivities under way and handed him the scissors. Pete grinned and grabbed Pat’s ponytail hacked it off; waved it in Pat’s face and stuffed it in his shirt pocket as a keep-sake I guess.
I took out the Oster without an attachment, tilted Pat’s head forward and clicked the clippers on. I ran the clippers up the middle of the back of his head slowly and firmly. 6” of long curly brown hair fell to the floor. Buzz slow up. 6” on the floor. Over and over all across the back of his head until nothing but stubble remained.
Then buzz around his left ear. Long brown curls fall onto the cape in his lap. Over and over again back-to-front piling up the cape with long brown curls. Then straight up the side of his head just to make sure I take it down as close as possible. Around to his right side. Buzz straight up the side of his head and more long brown curls come falling down. Again and again buzzing slowly and firmly up and long brown curls cascade down.
Keeping his head tilted forward and staying on his right side, shave straight back across the top of his head. Slowly and firmly buzz back removing all that long brown curly hair he is so proud of. It drifts down onto the cape and adds to the mass of long brown curls already there. Across the top of his head front to back again and again until only stubble remains. Then, I run the clippers all over his head again rubbing my hand across his head after each swipe.
The beard was next. I clicked off the Oster and got out my smaller trimmer and ran the trimmer up the right side of his face. Thick brown fuzz floated to the cape. Buzz up slowly and carefully. Fuzz on the cape. Over and over again with one hand on the top of his bald head and one guiding the trimmer. Buzz went the mustsashe. Over to the left side. Buzz up slowly, thick brown fuzz falls to the cape. Under his chin and his neck. Buzz slowly and firmly. Fuzz floats down. Once I was done, I clicked off the trimmer and set it down.
I got out the shaving cream and lathered up his head and then took out the Mach 3. Slowly and carefully, I glided the Mach 3 over his buzzed head. After each swipe I ran my fingers over his head just to be sure. Over and over again swipe, rub. Mmmm, mmmm good. Gliding around the side of his head and up the back of his head to the other side and across the top of his head. Long slow swipe, long slow rub. Removing all the stubble. Then I lathered up and shaved his face. Slowly gliding the Mach 3 over his handsome face, carefully and firmly. Rubbing my fingers over his face.
When I was done, I rubbed my hands all over his head and face and was not satisfied, so I lathered up his head again and got out my straight razor and went at it again. Slowly and carefully gliding the blade around his head rubbing my fingers along as I went. Around the sides. Up the back. Across the top of his head. Over and over until I was satisfied it was smooooth. I put the razor down and got out the Wintergreen tonic and slowly and firmly massaged it all over his very smooth head and handsome face.
Pete rubbed his hands all over Pat’s head and face and then applauded and laughed. Pat slowly rubbed his own hands all over his head and face. Pat nodded and smiled an evil smile told Pete to wait until next time. Pete just laughed some more.
Game, set, match.
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