A friend of mine came in today from Chicago. He brought along with him someone I have wanted to get into my chair for a long time. Their visit was the result of a certain bet made between the two. Mark Grace bet Mike Piazza a visit to my shop if Piazza could get Grace out at home plate. Well, since we all know that Piazza is best known as a hitter, this was a no-brainer. Grace made it home safely and brought Piazza to me. Mike was not thrilled, but went along because he was ready for a change.
I put the #2 (1/4”) attachment on my Oster and clicked it on. Letting the clippers hummm a bit, I tilted Piazza’s head forward. Slowly I ran the clippers up the back of his head. Thick brown hair tumbled to the cape and floor. Buzz up the back of his head slowly. Watch the thick hair float to the floor. Again and again up the back of his head. Reducing all that thick brown hair to 1/4” buzz. Around to his left.
Buzzzz around his left ear from the back to the front. Slowly. Thick brown hair falls onto the cape in his lap. Run the clippers straight up the side of his head. See it fall to the floor and cape. Over and over again. Buzz up, thick brown hair on the floor and cape. To the right side.
Straight up the right side of his head to his temple, slowly. Brown hair lands on the cape and the floor. Watch all that thick brown hair get mowed down to 1/4” buzz. Again and again, slowly buzz up, thick brown hair ends up on the floor and cape.
Take off #2 attachment. Shave off his long, thick sideburns so that there is a nice straight line back across the ears. Moustashe next. Slowly, left to right. Buzz, buzz buzz. Facial fur floats to the cape. Buzz, buzz, buzz. All done. Almost don’t recognize him.
Get flattop comb. Let’s get rid of that moppish top. Start in the front. Keep his head level. We’re going to be generous and leave him an inch. Insert comb. Buzz goes clippers across the comb. Thick brown bangs cascade to the cape. Insert comb again in line with first swipe. Clippers buzz across the comb. Insert. Swipe. Insert. Swipe. All the way to the crown. The mound of thick brown hair on the cape keeps growing and growing with each swipe. (I’m assuming it’s the hair that makes up the mound down there.)
Left side. Blend it in with the side. Insert comb to even out the cut and make it nice and boxy. Buzz across the comb. Insert. Buzz. Insert. Buzz. Front to back. Insert. Buzz. Insert. Buzz. Insert Buzz. Thick brown hair is floating down all over. Around to the back.
Blend in top and back. Insert. Buzz. Make it boxy in the back. To the right. Blend in the sides and top. Then flaten it. Insert. Buzz. Slowly. Insert Buzz. Relish each lock of thick brown hair floating to the floor and cape. Insert. Buzz. Insert. Buzz. Part One done.
Now that the bulk is hacked off. Make sure it stays that way for a while. Click off clippers. Wax time. Nice glob between fingers and rub it across the top front to back make it all stand up at attention. Wipe fingers off. Click on clippers. Insert comb. Buzz. Even it out . Get every last stray hair. Make sure it is 1”. Re-check the sides and back. Insert. Buzz. Insert. Buzz. Click off clippers. More wax. As stiff as it can be. Click on clippers. Insert. Buzz. Insert. Buzz. Go all the way around just to make sure. Click off clippers. Wax one last time. Perfection.
Get out shaving cream. Lather up around his ears and the back of his neck. Straight razor. Slowly and carfuly, glide the straight razor around his ears and the back of his neck, cleaning up and defining an edge.
Shave the face. Slowly, rub the shaving cream on his face. Start on his right side. Slowly, carefuly. Long Swipe. Again. Long slow swipe. Once more. Swipe. Carefuly. Where there once was a mustache. Swipe, swipe, swipe. Swipe, swipe, swipe. Left side. Long, slow swipe. Again. Long swipe. Repeat. Swipe. The chin. Swipe, swipe, swipe. The neck. Carefuly. Left to right chin to neck. Long swipe. Long swipe. Clean up all that stubble. Long swipe. Long swipe. Long swipe. Done.
Get out the tonic. Slowly and firmly, massage the tonic around his ears and the back of his neck. Then slowly and firmly rub the tonic across that nice, smooth and very handsome face.
Mike got up and rubbed his hands up the back of his head and across his face. He smiled and Mark laughed and told him that next time it would all come off. Mike froze and then we all laughed. Batter up.
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