The NFL season is here and with it comes the usual antics of the sportscasters. Howie Long is a perennial favorite of mine because he always looks so sharp with is suit and flattop. The others are usually sloppy-moppy dopes. Howie is outspoken and usually correct. He came into the shop this week and said he wanted something different than his usual. Ok. I can do different. Uh, how much different?
Out comes the clippers. No attachment. Click the clippers on and let them hummmmm. Tilt his head forward. Buzzzz. Slowly. Shave a path across the top of his head. Mowing down the blond flattop to bristly stubble. Blond hair floats to the cape. Again. Buzzzz. Straight back to his crown. More blond flattop on the cape. Buzzzz. 1” of crisp blond flattop falls to the cape. Front to back over and over until nothing but blond stubble remains. To the left.
Straight up the side of his head. 1/4” blond fuzz coats the cape as I buzz up the side of his head again and again. Around to the back. Buzz up the back of his head. More blond fuzz removed. Slowly, buzzzz up. Fuzz floats down. Buzzzz up. Fuzz showers the cape. Buzzzz up. Fuzz down. Stubble remains. Around to the right. Buzz around his ear. More blond fuzz falls on the cape. Buzzzz up the side of his head. Slowly. Buzzzz. Fuzz off. Stubble left. Buzzzz up. Fuzz falls. Stubble only. Done. Then buzz slowly all over. Lather time.
Slowly and firmly rub shaving cream all over his stubbly head. Mach 3. Slowly, carefully glide it back across the top of his head. Rub thumb back across. Mmmm. Glide back. Rub back. Back across the top of his head over and over. Nice and smoooooth. Left. Back across several times and then straight up. Rub. Rub. Rub. Mmmm. The back. Straight up. Glide. Rub. Smoooth. Get rid of all that blond stubble. Glide up. Rub up. All the way across the back of his head. Glide up. Rub up. So nice. So smooooth. Slowly glide around to his right. Straight up the side of his head, slowly get rid of that stubble. Rub. Mmmm. Glide up. Rub up. Around the ear and rub. Sooo very nice. Glide up. Rub up. Continue with his face. Extra lather rubbed on face. Glide across handsome face. Slowly. Glide. Rub. Glide Rub. Take in that face. Oh, my. Glide. Rub. Glide Rub. The chin and upper lip. Left side. Glide rub. Glide. Rub. Glide Rub. The neck. Glide. Rub. Glide. Rub. Glide. Rub. So very smooooth all over!!!!! Tonic time. Slowly and firmly, massage the tonic all over his very smooooth head and face. Take as long as possible. Rub. Rub. Rub. Done too soon.
Howie got up and looked in the mirror and then at me. He rubbed his hands all over his head and face. The boys at the studio are going to have a fun time with this he said. Why not encourage them to come here for a visit, I asked. Howie laughed and said he would be back and with one of his studio pals. As he walked out, I thought - - he may be an old quarterback, but what a nice tight end.
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