Talk Show hosts, whether they be the daytime, prime time or nighttime variety, are always running their mouths about something or someone. Good or bad. Right or wrong. Sometimes they get themselves into trouble. Such is the case with the young, blond and handsome host of Late Night, Craig Kilborn. Recently, he had both Mike Piazza and Ricky Martin on his show. Craig laughed at both of them and made fun of their Cal Corner haircuts. Big mistake. Both laughed it off on the show, but backstage they told the producers that unless Craig got an on-air haircut from me, they would never come on the show again. I got the phone call from the producer and agreed to do it. They flew me and Casey up to NYC and put us up at the Pierre Hotel overlooking CP. Limo rides to and from the show and tickets to both a Broadway show and a Nicks game. Show time . . .
They waited until the end of the show and Craig was more and more uneasy as the show progressed. Until he finally broke down and said he just wanted to get it over with. The stagehands pushed out an old fashioned barber’s chair and a sink and table for my equipment. The crowd applauded loudly. I walked out in my best white barber’s jacket and black pants. Craig took one look at my and went very pale. He sighed and reluctantly sat down in the chair. I put the cape around him. Then, I took his hand and rubbed it over my freshly buzzed head. (I had asked Casey to give me a nice short crewcut before the show.) Craig moaned. The crowd laughed and applauded. I told him to run his hands through his hair one last time. He did. I thought he might cry. Then I ran my fingers through his thick long wavy blond hair that covered his collar and well over his ears and major pomp on top. The show put mics on Craig and myself and had a boom set just for the clippers. The producer told me I could shave him bald if I wanted to.
First things first. Since they provided a sink let’s get all that gooey gel out of his hair. Tilt him back. Run the warm water all through his thick long wavy blond hair. Dab of shampoo. Massage the shampoo all over his head. Feel all that 6” - 7” thick long wavy blond hair. Knowing it was about to all come off. Rinse out the shampoo. Lift up his thick blond hair section by section and rinse out the shampoo. Turn off water. Tilt him back up. Towel dry his mop. The crowd laughs. Get out blow dryer and slowly blow - dry all that thick long wavy blond hair. Lift each section of hair up with one hand and blow dry it. All over his head. Brush that thick blond hair into place.
Out came my Oster. The crowd applauded again. Off to the sides I could see the entire production crew both stage and front office standing around laughing and applauding. I put on the #2 (1/4”) attachment and tilted his head forward. Drum roll from the band. Click on the clippers. whhhirrrrrr. Crowd roars. Craig winces and moans. Starting in the middle of his forehead. Buzzzzz straight back to his crown slowly. 7” of thick blond wavy pomp tumbles to the cape. Crowd goes nuts. Craig’s blue eyes get big and wattered up. Buzzzzz back again slowly and firmly. Shaving down 7” of thick blond pomp down to 1/4” fuzz. Over and over. Buzz back. Thick blond mop on the cape. By this time Craig had his eyes shut tightly. I momentarily clicked off the clippers and he opened his eyes and saw the huge mound of thick blond mop on the cape and moaned very loudly. The crowd laughed, shouted and applauded. So, I clicked the clippers on and moved to the right side of his head.
Buzzzzz straight up the side of his head. Thick wavy blond hair falls to the cape and floor. Again and again. Buzzz up. Thick blond mop down. Buzz around his ear. More blond on the cape and floor. Buzz up. Slowly. Blond on the floor. To the back. Slowly, firmly, buzzzz up the back of his head. Long thick wavy blond hair falls to the floor. Rub my fingers up. Mmmmm. Buzzz up slowly. Blond mop cascades to the floor. Rub fingers up. Better. Over and over again. Buzzz. Rub. Buzzz. Rub. Craig stopped moaning and just whimpered every now and then. The crowed really got into it and applauded and shouted. To the left side. Buzzzz around his left ear towards the front. Long thick wavy blond hair tumbles onto the cape. Buzzzz straight up the side of his head. Again and again. Buzzing down all that 6” - 7” long thick wavy blond hair to 1/4” blond fuzz. Buzzzz up blond down. Done. Then buzz all over his head just to make sure. Click off clippers. Look at that mound of blond mop in his lap. The camera zooms in on the mound and then zooms in on Craig and goes all the way around his buzzed head. Are we done yet? Craig wants to know. No. The crowd shouts. Then they applaud and shout some more. I shrug and change attachments. Off comes the #2 (1/4”) and on goes the #1 (3/’32).
Click on clippers. Start on his right side. Buzz up the side of his head to the top. Reducing that 1/4” fuzz to 3/32” stubble. Around his ear. Buzzzzz. See the blond fuzz float to the cape and the floor. Buzzz up fuzz down. All the way around his head to the back and to the left. Buzzz up slowly and firmly. Thick blond fuzz gently floats down and dusts the floor and cape. Rub my fingers up the back of his head. Buzz up. Rub up. Buzz. Rub. Buzz. Rub. Mmmmmm. Around his left ear. Buzzzzz. Thick blond fuzz dusts the cape. Straight up the left side of his head. Buzzz. Rub. Buzzz. Rub. Much better. Getting rid of all that silly blond fuzz and leaving prickly, bristly blond stubble on the sides and back. Click off clippers. Is there anything left Craig wants to know. Not much. He groans loudly. Crowd roars.
Take off attachment and get out comb and blend in the top, sides and back. Go around slowly and carefully to make sure it’s perfect. When done blending put comb in jacket pocket and clean up sides and back. On his left. Shave off what is left of his thick wide long sideburn and make a clean straight line going back above his ear. Go around and shave the back of his neck and then shave 2” up into the hairline all across the back of his head. (Yes, I know that was mean. He shouldn’t have made fun of my clients.) Then to the right side. Shave off that sideburn and make a straight line above his ear. Click off clippers and set them down.
Out comes shaving cream. Lather up around his ears and the back of his neck. Out came the straight razor. Slowly and carefully glide the razor around his ears and the back of his neck cleaning up and defining the edge. (Particularly the new higher hairline in the back.) Towel off around his head and then massage tonic around his ears and the back of his neck. Spend a good amount of time rubbing the newly smooth higher hairline in the back. Then out come my fav extra hold gel. Standing behind him, I rubbed my gel filled hands back across the top of his head. The crowd hooted and laughed. Little 1/4” fringe stood up.
I took the cape off and all that thick long wavy blond hair tumbled onto the floor. He stood up and the crowd roared. Camera zoomed in on mound of blond on floor and then Craig standing there rubbing his hands all over his buzzed head. He glumly acknowledged me and blew a kiss to the crowd. The show put up before and after shots.
Backstage everyone was patting me on the back and said I was great. Producer said he would come by and see me himself sometime. In the dressing room, Casey & I cleaned up the equipment and put it away. Craig came by an hour later and shut the door behind him. I held out my hand and started to thank him for being such a good sport. Instead of taking my hand, he walked over and put his hands on the sides of my head and drew my to him and kissed me on the mouth. Long, slow kiss. He rubbed his hands up the back of my head several times. And then left. Fortunately, Casey was there to catch me. Something tells me we will see Mr. Kilborn again. Same buzzed time, same buzzed station.
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