10/01/00
LIKE TEARS IN RAIN
drawn to impossibilities, i watch the city lights
hear the noise of millions struggle in this world
stare into the sky, where few and far between...
black night full of stars, wide with memories
lie down in the park, and watch the satelites
hear the children sing, just a breath away
dance in heavy air, along the interstate
black lung full of fumes, choke on memories
every street i ever walked, every home i ever had is lost
every flower i ever held, every spring i ever had has dried
every man i ever knew, every woman i ever had is gone
everything i ever touch, everything i ever had has died

6/24/00
HELP ME I'M IN HELL

5/20/00
UNDERNEATH IT ALL
all i do... i can still feel you
numb all through. i can still feel you
hear your call. underneath it all
kill my brain. yet you still remain.
crucified... after all i've died
after all i've tried... you are still inside
all i do... i can still feel you
and i am so stained

10/05/99
SOMEWHAT DAMAGED
so impressed with all you do.... tried so hard to be like you
flew too high and burnt the wing... lost my faith in everything
lick around divine debris... taste the wealth of hate in me
shedding skin succumb defeat... this machine is obsolete
made the choice to go away... drink the fountain of decay
tear a hole exquisite read... fuck the rest and stab it dead
broken, bruised... forgotten, sore...
too FUCKED UP to care anymore...
poisoned to my rotten core...
too FUCKED UP to care anymore...
in the back, off the side, and far away... is a place. where i hide. where i stay
tried to say, tried to ask, i needed to. all alone, by myself
where were you?
how could i ever think it's funny how everything it swore it wouldn't change
is different now
just like you would always say we'll make it through
then my head... fell apart
and where were you?
how could i ever think it's funny how everything you swore would never change
is different now
like you said, you and me... make it through
didn't quite. fell apart...
WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU

09/27/99
THE GREAT BELOW
staring at the sea... will she come?
is there hope for me? after all is said and done
anything at any price... all of this for you
all the spoils of a wasted life... all of this for you
all the world has closed her eyes. tired faith all worn and thin
for all we could have done... and all that could have been
ocean pulls me close, and whispers in my ear
the destiny i've chose, all becoming clear
the currents have their say... the time is drawing near
washes me away... makes me disapear
and i descend from grace, in arms of undertow
i will take my place... in the great below
i can still feel you...
even so far away

07/29/99
THE DAY THE WORLD WENT AWAY
i listened to the words he'd say
but in his voice i heard decay
the plastic face forced to portray
all the insides left cold and grey
there is a place that still remains
it eats the fear, it eats the pain
the sweetest price he'll have to pay...
the day the whole world went away

06/11/99
CRASH INTO ME
you've got your ball you've got your chain, tied to me tight tie me up again
who's got their claws in you my friend? into your heart i'll beat again
sweet like candy to my soul, sweet you rock and sweet you roll
lost for you i'm so lost... for you
and you come crash into me...and i come into you
in a boy's dream
touch your lips just so i know in your eyes, love, it glows so
i'm bare-boned and crazy for you
when you come crash into me, and i come into you
in a boy's dream
if I've gone overboard, then I'm begging you to forgive me for my haste
when I'm holding you so girl...close to me
oh and you come crash into me, and I come into you
hike up your skirt a little more, and show the world to me
in a boy's dream... in a boy's dream
oh i watch you there through the window and i stare at you
you wear nothing but you wear it so well
tied up and twisted, the way i'd like to be
for you, for me, come crash into me
crash into me...
i'm the king of the castle, you're the hooded rascal
crash into me...

4/5/99
BELIEVE ME SOMETIMES
should i give you words? and if you don't believe them, should i care?
all these times we fight without a reason. i must be blind to believe you
believe me sometimes...
to choose to fight for love and love to fight, is to get as much as you lose
i hate to see you...i hate the way you're slipping back to a life you never wanted
i wish somehow i could leave you something...
leave me something...something more
i could be a saint to you. and i could play a hero for you
and i could be a lover to you, 'cause i might just fall for you
should i believe you...? should i believe you...
'cause i might just fall for you

2/5/98
TANGLED UP
what do i live for? the sins of joy sometimes makes it all worth fighting for
lovely as the wind that takes me breath and breathes it in
oh no not again...did i really fuck it up again?
it seemed so close this time. got tangled up and caught inside
i tried to explain the peaceful life i thought i wanted
gentle as the rain that falls on us from every corner.
lovely as the clouds that makes me ache and cry out loud
oh not again...did i really fuck it up again?
it seemed so close this time. got tangled up and caught inside

12/20/98
SAVE YOURSELF
i know your life is empty and you hate to face this world alone
so you're searching for an angel, someone who can make you whole
i cannot save you. i can't even save myself...
so just save yourself
i know that you've been damaged, your soul has suffered such abuse
but i am not your savior...i am just as fucked as you
i cannot save you. i can't even save myself...
so just save yourself
please...don't take pity on me
my life has been a nightmare. my soul is fractured to the the bone
and if i must be lonely, i think i'd rather be alone...
i cannot save you. i can't even save myelf...
you cannot save me. you can't even save yourself...
so just save yourself

11/30/98
A WARM PLACE

11/21/98
WISH
this is the first day of my last days. built it up now i take it apart, climbed up real high now fall down real far
no need for me to stay, the last thing left..i just threw it away
put my faith in God and my trust in you, now there's nothing more fucked up i could do
wish there was something real wish there was something true
wish there was something real in this world full of you
i'm the one without a soul, i'm the one with this big fucking hole
no new tale to tell 26 years on my way to hell...gotta listen to your big time, hard line, bad luck FIST FUCK
well don't think you're having all the fun, you know me...i hate EVERYONE
i want to...but i can't turn back
but i want to...but i can't go back
wish there was something REAL wish there was something TRUE
wish there was something real in this world full of you...
this world full of you...
this world full...

11/16/98
SHAME
i only see myself reflected in your eyes, so all that i believed i am essentially are lies
and everything i've hoped to be or ever thought i was died with your belief in me, so who the hell am i?
i don't know if i am real without you. what is left of me without you? i don't know what's real without you.
how can i exist without you?
i'm wandering around confused, wondering why i try. and the more that you deny my pain, the more it intensifies
i pray for someone to ache for me, the way i ache for you. if you ignore that i'm alive i've nothing to cling to
i don't know if i am real without you. what is left of me without you? i don't know what's real without you
how can i exist without you
i stare into this mirror, so tired of this life. if only you would speak to me or care if i'm alive
once i swore i would die for you, but i never meant like this...no i never meant like this
i don't know if i am real without you. what is left of me without you? i don't know what's real without you
how can i exist without you....

11/09/98
MAYBE JUST ONCE
i can't believe that what i feared is finally happening to me. make it hurt, and point the finger at my insecurities
well i guess i just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
and i guess i just don't understand why this world seems to unkind
maybe....maybe just once i could get what's coming
maybe....maybe just once i could get what's coming to me
so once again the way you feel will never ever stay the same. and i'm to blame
i wonder just who made the rules up for this game...
well i guess i just don't understand about what you want and what you need
and i guess i just don't understand about why this is how it has to be
maybe...maybe just once i could get what's coming
maybe...maybe just once i could get what's coming to me
so go ahead...you say those thousand things you think you have to say
look at me...and tell me love's not such a hard word anyway
well how can you count on me? i thought you realized for sure
and how can you just believe? i thought i deserved a LITTLE more
maybe...maybe just once i could get what's coming
maybe...maybe just once i could get what's coming to me
what's coming to me...
oh god...what's coming to me

11/02/98
TERRIBLE LIE
hey god...why are you doing this to me? am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?
why am i seething with this animosity? hey god...i think you owe me a great big apology
terrible lie..
hey god...i really don't know what you mean. seems like salvation comes only in our dreams
i feel my hatred grow all the more extreme. hey god...can this world really be as sad as it seems?
terrible lie...
don't take it away from me, i need someone to hold on to. don't take it away from me, i need someone to hold on to. don't tear it away from me, i need you to hold on to. don't take it away from me, i need someone to told on to. don't tear it away from me, i need you to hold on to. don't tear it, PLEASE don't tear it, PLEASE don't take it, don't take it, don't...
hey god...there's nothing left for me to hide, i lost my ignorance security and pride.
i'm all alone in this fucking world you must despise. hey god...i believed your promises. your promises and lies
terrible lie...
you made me throw it all away, my morals left to decay. how many you betray? you've taken everything
terrible lie
my head is filled with disease my skin is begging to please. i'm on my hands and knees...
i want so much to believe
i give you everything...my sweet everything