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Match Reports

Kev's Match Report

A good day was had by all as a fine entertaining game ended 7 all. Everyone was ready, but waiting for John Childs who was late and then turned up with a big cardboard football boot and a load of crap we didn't need. Team captains were Kevin Stoyle (team A)and Childs (B). 3 other players were late but Childs still picked them.

The game started fairly evenly with Stoyle's team having a slight advantage and it was Stoyle who put them ahead with a stunning 25 yard lob over Paul Watts in goal. Team A then went two up when Luke Maker scored after a Stoyle flick left him one on one. Childs' team then pulled one back with a Watts goal and equalised when Ian Hicks scored with a simple tap in after good work by Simon Longthorpe. Team A could have had a hatful if it were not for Tom Hjelm who was really shit. Rob Butler missed a good chance after Watts had saved a Stoyle strike and Butler had the goal at his mercy. Stoyle also skimmed the post with a long range header. Against the run of play Jon Hook scored for B from the edge of the area on the stroke of halftime with a good right footed drive.

Second half saw Eddie Brown and Simon Longthorpe pissing off to go and see Plimuff play and Luke Parsons, who had an ineffective game switch to team b. David Tucker scored a 20 yarder to equalise and he scored soon after to make it 4-3. Stoyle saw a 25 yard shot narrowly go over. Ian Weller then went in goal and was soon picking the ball out of the net as Tucker scored again from a Stoyle pass and then Ray Barlow scored with a low shot to make the score 6-3. Tucker scored again to make it 7-3. Parsons dived in the area after a tackle by Barlow. Parsons took the kick himself but Stephen Tolcher pulled off a great save. Justice was done as Parsons had cheated. It was Parsons though who scored the next goal with a little header in the near post from someones cross. Hicks scored and Parsons again made it 7-6. Hjelm who managed to use his toblerone feet to control a pass was brought down in the area by Weller but Hjelm hit the bar with the penalty and Colin Fisher smothered the rebound. Someone scored for team B to make it 7-7 with a few minutes to go. Stoyle volleyed wide from the edge of the area and Lamble managed to knock a good chance past the keeper but Alan Morris sprinted back and cleared the goal on the line with the help of the post. This is how it finished.

Man of the match went to Alan Morris. This is not a joke. All he fucking did all game was to retrieve the ball from a tree and clear the ball off the line. What a fucking farce.

Line ups: A. Lamble, Colin's mate, Barlow, Tolcher, Mackay, Weddell, Parsons, Butler, Hjelm, Stoyle, Maker, Tucker

B. Watts, Morris, Weller, Brown.M, Brown, E. Hicks, Longthorpe, Fisher, Colins mate, Hook, Childs.

Anybody I forgot were obviously irrelevant. Connor did not turn up cos he couldn't be arsed and John Childs could not organise shit.

Weddall's Match Report

Well Candy, Your organisation skills were sorely missed!, Its true, Chilos has "organised" sponsorship for next year! and there's talk of it being held at our "true home" Churston Pitches!. Ace!. Anyway, I can't remember the teams, but Fisher was on the opposite team to me. He was shit. There were many chances, a lot were wasted by Dave Tucker (yes, as selfish as ever). Can't remember the half time score either, but Parsons defected in the second half. Boooooo!!. Longy and Eddie left at half time to go see plymouth Argyle (punks) Wedds made a mockery of Weller in goal with a 25 yard effort that flew in past the out-stretched limbs of "The Slug". Parsons had a penalty saved amazingly Seaman-esque like by "Ol' Safe hands Tolcher". But made amends later with another penalty after a reckless challenge by Ray Barlow.... Can't remember any more "Events" but the score ended 7-7 !, even after the Golden goal. A democratic decision was made to not have penalties as "we were all winners", apparently.....

Anyway, Alan Morris won the MOM award!, after amazingly stopping a certain goal from lamble...., Gk came out and rebounded of his legs and was rolling goal-bound, then, out of no where the trusty boot of Morris hoofed the ball clear - via the inside of the goal post then back into play!. Unbelievable!

More news on the piss up later......We are meeting at 4pm Appleby's, so bring it on!!

Ray's Match Report

Dear Candy The football match was a success, and was enjoyed by all.

Roughly 11 aside. Personel stats:

Tackles made: Lots

Tackles missed: A few

Penalties conceded: 2 (Luke admits to diving on the first)

Shots on goal: 1

Goals scored: 1

Length of the pitch runs to get in the box just in time for some joker to pass the ball to the nearest defender, fall over and generally be crap: 2395876032

Opposition players injured: 1 (After receiving the ball on the wing (I don't know how I got there I was playing centre back) I looked up to see Paul Watts in front of me. Laughingly I ran at him, knocked the ball one side of him, ran around him on the other side of him, and shouted "go on then try to turn you fat bastard" At this point I re-gathered the ball (Paul having failed to turn in time to beat me to it) just in time to look up and see Paul fly past me in the air clutching his knee and shouting many obsenities. Not strictly my fault then, but we all know that if I hadn't antagonised him he wouldn't of tried so hard to chop me down)

I handed over the man of the match trophy (placed on a velvet cushion) to the new holder...... .....................................ALAN MORRIS! He stayed sober, he stayed in defence, he kept tackling people, he didn't foul anybody, he even ran, and at seven all (the final score on a day that was too hot to even bother with penalties) and in the dying moments, ran half the length of the pitch to get back and clear the ball of the line after a piss poor shot had slipped straight through fishers hands.

All in all a good day. It is the Sunday afterwards and my leg muscles still ache.

Parsons' Match report

Unfortunately, the whole man-of-the-match thing has fallen into farce with Morris taking the title! I'm sure Mr. Childs will be giving you a minute by minute breakdown of the game so I won't elaborate. Except to say that winning 7-3 I was forced to swap sides as some lightweights (Eddie B, Longthorpe) went home early. I was a real inspiration and my big money transfer, although the press initially scoffed at the amount of money that changed hands, was a magnificent decision by the board. Within minutes I had made an impact winning a penalty after Ray had put in a typical clumsy challenge. There were those that suggested I had fallen a little too easily - I wouldn't disagree. Justice was done as Tolch saved my spot kick. The comeback couldn't happen now, could it? After all we had Fisher in goal! Inspired by the powerful Parsons up front we clawed our way back to 7-7, with Parsons bagging a brace! And that was how it finished thanks to Morris' M.O.M. moment.

Colin Talking Shite

Where were you candy? Fancy pissing off to Australia and leaving (of all people) JC to organise the footie match, I thought he was going to have a breakdown, he took it that seriously. You might well be off seeing wonders of the world, but you missed one of the best goalkeeping performances in football history, people will be talking about it for years to come. I bet your well cut up.