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The 9th Churston Old Boys Annual Reunion Football Match

Saturday March 26th 2005

Churston Grammar School playing fields (top pitch)

As usual a glorious day announced the arrival of the 9th Churston Old Boys Reunion Football Match. As the players gathered, along with a small but dedicated crowd, it was noticed that Chilos had secured the services of not one, but two cameramen for the occasion with the aim of producing a multi-angle DVD of the occasion. As usual there were the usual comedy excuses from some players who couldn’t make it and with a couple of last minute no-shows the matchday squad was cut to just 20.

The players assembled before the captains Robin Butler and Luke Parsons, the teams were picked, players scrambled for the shirts with their desired numbers on, and we were ready for the off.

Line Ups(and Squad Numbers)

Whites:

1. Glyn Saunders 2. Ian Hicks 3. Robin Butler (capt) 5. Ross Hunt 6. Colin Fisher 7. Kevin Stoyle 8. Tom Hjelm 9. Candy 11. Simon Longthorpe 14. Stephen Tolcher

Blues:

1. Daniel Connor 2. Alan Morris 3. James Boyd 4. Nick Weddall 5. Ray Barlow 7. John Childs 8. Simon Liggins 9. Luke Parsons (capt) 10. John Hook 11. Paul Watts

The Match

With no referee available Candy and Watts assume the responsibilities and decide to referee a half each.

Hooky and Liggins get the game underway and straight from the kick-off the Blues threaten in an early attack involving Liggins and Weddall. However the danger is snuffed out by Stoyle. The Blues continue to press and after just 3 minutes Liggins crosses to an unmarked Weddall who misses a great chance at the far post to give his side the early lead.

Barely a minute later and the Whites have a throw in near the corner flag. Following the throw from Stoyle, Candelaria kippers Barlow and crosses to the far post where Hjelm wastes a decent chance. Just two minutes later Fisher feeds Candelaria down the right who supplies another great cross only for Hicks to miss the ball completely from 10 yards out with only the keeper to beat.

Longthorpe begins pulling the strings as usual in midfield and after 8 mins he sets up Hunt for the Whites who beats his man but then drags his low shot just wide of the far post. A minute later Longthorpe is again at the hub of things when he crosses for Hicks to head narrowly over.

On 13 minutes Fisher fouls Hook and a free kick is awarded for the Blues. This moment is not memorable in any way other than the fact that the two lads who have put the DVD together have captured the hack in a slow motion replay. Despite the fact that Hooky is the victim of the foul Fisher ends up worse off and hopping around like a gimp. Pure comedy gold.

After 15 minutes Hooky plays a majestic ball with the outside of his right foot which puts Liggins in on the right hand side for the Blues. However rather than cross to one of his team-mates in the box who are streaming up in support Liggins selfishly goes for glory from 25 yards out on his wrong foot. Unsurprisingly his terrible shot ends up in a different postcode from the goal.

The deadlock is broken on 19 minutes and it is the Whites who take the lead. Hunt picks out Hicks who is totally unmarked in the Blues box and he strikes a beautiful left-foot half volley past the despairing Connor. 1-0 Whites.

The Blues reply strongly. Liggins surges at the Whites defence and hits an audacious 25 yarder that Saunders does well to tip over the bar for a corner. It is the Blues best effort of the half so far. However, the Blues are finding it hard to break down the Whites defence with Robin Butler leading by example and proving to be a commanding figure at the back.

On 25 minutes intricate build up play by the Whites involving Longthorpe, Hicks and Stoyle eventually results in Hicks hitting another half volley, this time with his right foot, that Connor feebly parries almost allowing the goal hanging Stoyle in. Two minutes later the Whites break from defending a corner and Longthorpe releases Hicks whose first touch lets him down when clean through. His touch takes him wide and allows Connor to come out and narrow the angle and make a smart save.

On 30 minutes Chilos, who normally patrols the right-hand touchline, breaks down the left. His cross however falls just in front of Watts, who under pressure from keeper Saunders, can only stretch to divert the ball a few yards wide. Four minutes later and Chilos is presented with a great chance for the Blues. Liggins slips the Duracell Bunny in but although he beats the advancing Saunders with the shot, his rather tame effort allows Butler a chance to race back and clear of the line for a corner.

Fisher squeals for a penalty after 35 minutes when he is blatantly tripped by Morris when trying to get to the ball just inside the area. Although referee Candelaria realises that it is a foul he knows that Fisher would have missed the resulting penalty anyway and allows the game to continue. Fisher is furious.

The Blues are steadily forcing their way back into the game and win a corner on 36 minutes. Chilos’ pinpoint cross finds Hook totally unmarked on the penalty spot, however the show pony drags his half volley chance wide. Just a minute later and Hook and his teammates are made to pay for his miss. Paul falls over the ball claiming he is fouled. He isn’t. The incident occurs right under the nose of the referee who waves play on. The ball is hoisted forward but finds only Barlow who has time to clear for the Blues. However the former man-of-the-match award winner is caught napping by Hicks who steals the ball from him before racing clear to slot the ball into the bottom corner of the net. 2-0 Whites.

It gets worse for the Blues just three minutes later when Hjelm sets up Hunt on the left. Hunt strikes a shot towards the near post which clown keeper Connor can only parry into the roof of his own net. 3-0 Whites.

Hook wastes another chance for the Blues after being fed by the ever willing Childs before the Whites almost grab a 4-0 lead on the stroke of half-time. Parsons concedes a throw-in under pressure which is taken quickly by Longthorpe who finds Hicks with only Connor to beat. Hicks deftly lobs the advancing keeper and just when it looks as though the ball has crossed the line Parsons appears from nowhere to hook it off the line. The ball actually hits the top of the crossbar on its way back down before being grabbed by the grateful Connor.

Whites 3 Blues 0 at Half-Time.

The Blues start the second half brightly as they have to if they are to get back into the game. Hook displays his dancing feet when he jinks past a couple of defenders in the box before opening up his body and curling the ball towards the far top-corner. However the ball sails a few yards wide and the Blues are still looking for that elusive lifeline. Hook again wastes another chance just a minute later following an amateurish goal kick from Saunders.

Again the Blues are made to pay for their wastefulness in front of goal. Watts is tackled by Hicks following a goal kick but the ball seems to be heading back harmlessly to keeper Connor. However indecision between keeper and defender Parsons who is trying to shepherd the ball back allows the pint-sized Candelaria to nip in and slot past Connor. A calamity for the Blues, and they are 4-0 down after 52 minutes.

In the next few minutes Candelaria, Watts and Liggins all try long range efforts with Liggins effort the most spectacular in that it nearly ends up on the railway line. After an hour Barlow is put through by Weddall, however his shot is smothered by Saunders but falls straight to Hook who only has to find the empty net. Surely this is the moment…However, Hook’s effort is spectacularly cleared off the line by Tolcher and the score remains 4-0

On 62 minutes there is a real moment of controversy. The ball falls to Weddall almost 30 yards out and with little passing options he takes a first-time pot shot towards goal. It catches Saunders slightly off his line and with the keeper stranded the ball bounces down off the underside of the bar and into Saunders hands. Not even Saunders is sure if the ball has crossed the line. However referee Watts takes one look at his Russian linesman and signals goal. 4-1 Whites.

On 66 minutes another comedy highpoint. Liggins crosses to Barlow at the near post who falls over in his attempt to guide the ball goal wards with the outside of his right foot. The match switches quickly from the ridiculous to the sublime as following a throw in by Hunt, Hicks turns to fire a volley from a narrow angle which Connor turns spectacularly round the post at full stretch. The save of the match. Two minutes later Chilos is played in by Barlow but Saunders blocks his initial effort and then Chilos lamely puts the follow-up wide.

On 73 minutes the livewire Hunt effectively puts the game to bed. After picking the ball up on his favoured left hand side Hunt jinks past a tired looking challenge from Barlow and from another tight angle fires another shot which once again beats Connor at his near post and smashes into the roof of the net. 5-1 Whites.

On 75 minutes referee Watts is once again at the centre of a controversy. After Saunders parries a Liggins shot onto his near post the Blues win a corner. The first corner is cleared for another Blues corner. This time Chilos floats it over, Liggins leaps in his trademark Salmon style and heads downward and goal wards. The ball hits Butler on the arm who is standing about 2 yards away and has no time to get out of the way. However, referee Watts points to the spot and awards the penalty. A hush descends as Liggins steps up to take the kick. The resulting penalty is one of the worst ever seen on any football pitch as Liggins’ weak effort is hit almost straight at Saunders who dives to parry. Stoyle reacts quickest for the Whites and looks to get to the ball first to clear, however, Liggins makes a desperate attempt to get to the ball and slides in to get a touch whilst arguably pushing and fouling Stoyle in the process. Liggins then falls on the ball with his ever-expanding belly as the ball inches towards the goal line and Watts blows for a goal before the ball is anywhere near crossing the line. Liggins eventually ‘lards’ the ball across the line with the Whites appealing in vain for an infringement. 5-2 Whites.

(After watching numerous replays of the goal and after a sitting of the Reunion Football Dubious Goals Panel – a mysterious and secretive body – the goal has officially been awarded to Simon Liggins and is not a Kevin Stoyle own goal as some may have previously thought)

After 84 minutes Hjelm has a glorious chance at the far post in what would have been a repeat of his extra-time winner the previous year. However this time he is denied by a good save from Connor. But just minute later the Whites do score again. Following some Blues pressure Candelaria heads clear in his own box, going down with his obligatory cramp in the process. The ball falls to Hicks who beats Morris and still has the energy to race half the length of the field before feeding Longthorpe who cheekily steps over the ball and lets it run to Fisher. As Parsons moves to close Fisher down he squares the ball back to Longthorpe who turns and lashes a left foot shot past Connor – arguably the move of the match and remarkable in that Fisher was instrumental in it. 6-2 Whites.

Hunt misses a great chance for his hat-trick a minute later skewing his effort high and wide following a mis-hit shot from Fisher, and in the dying minutes Weddall fires a snap-shot into the arms of Saunders following a pass from Hook and Hunt manages to miss another great chance to claim the match ball curling an effort just past the top corner with the Blues defence in disarray.

The 90 minutes are up but as usual Watts finds some injury time from somewhere and in a crazy five minutes there are 3 further goals. First the Blues reduce the deficit to 6-3 when following a Chilos corner, a flap from Saunders, a couple of ricochets and an assist from Boydie, Weddall slams home the loose ball for his second of the game. Then with players on both sides tiring the Blues manage to string together a decent move. A Connor goal kick is headed on by Watts into the path of Childs on the right wing. His first time cross finds Liggins on the run at the far post who calmly places the ball back across Saunders into the bottom corner. 6-4 Whites. Finally Hjelm manages to successfully repeat his far post toe-punt from the year before as he meets a perfect cross from Fisher to slam the ball into the roof of the net and make the final score Whites 7 Blues 4.

The teams convene for the post-match awards and the votes are collected. Despite there not being an obvious candidate for the Wooden Spoon and despite the fact that he didn’t deserve to win it 13 of the 20 players vote for Fisher and he has to reluctantly accept the ‘accolade’. He is mortified. For the first time in Reunion Match history there is a tied vote for man-of-the match with the two winners, Robin Butler and Ian Hicks claiming a large percentage of the votes between them. Although the trophy is to be shared a sudden death penalty shoot out is hastily arranged for bragging rights. This only lasts 2 kicks as Butler coolly slots into the bottom corner and Hicks blazes over the crossbar like a true Aston Villa great.

And that’s it for another year...

Goals

Whites : Hicks 19 & 37, Hunt 40 & 73, Candelaria 52, Longthorpe 85, Hjelm 90(+5)

Blues : Weddall 63 & 90(+2), Liggins 77 & 90(+4)

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