But oh for a gun, oh for a gun
Oh for a gun
Just to kill, kill, kill, kill
Oh for a gun, oh for a gun,
Oh for a gun,
just to kill  Oprah Winfrey

There oughta be a law
Against shooting off your mouth
I don't invite you in
But you still get into my house

You've....
Got the world upon your sholders
And a weight upon your mind
Tell you something Oprah Winfrey
There's more weight on your behind

I'll.......
Take some guns and ammo
Cruise down to LA
Ask you for your autograph
And blow you away
When the cops truss me up
And drag me to the station
I'll tell them very simply
I did it for the nation

And....
There's a reason for my plan
Something that they do not know
To seel the story of my life
And guest star on Geraldo
Oh Oprah, Oh Oprah,
I want to turn you off!

And I saw this girl across the way
Who was smiling through the wine
So I begged her come on over
Come on over, spend some time
And I spilled my life before her
And she seemed to understand
Although she was a girl
We were talking man to man

For love is where you find it
Wherever that may be
For me it was in the Sailors Arms
At twenty-five past three
There's something strange about her
I can't put my finger on
But I wanna tell the world
That she's the one
I wanna tell the world
That she's the one.

She strolled up to the toilets
She strolled into the Gents
I asked her why she did it
Why she'd gone to pay the rent
We arm-wrestled and I lost
She beat me with a spike
Told me filthy jokes
That were quite unlady-like
It was four in the morning
And through the smokey haze
I could've been mistaken
But she needed to shave

For love is where you find it
Wherever that may be
For me it was in the Sailors Arms
With a better man than me
Her husky voice seduced me
My heart was in a mess
I sat upon her knee
As something twitched beneath her dress
There's something more than knees beneath her dress

You've got nice eyes says I
        Oh Sir, I am suprised
What large hands I said
        All the better to touch you with
God, you arms look strong
        A woman's work is never done
Your legs are quite hirsuite
        Aren't you the saucy one!

I was feeling less than stable
When she said her name was Ken
Well if I had suspicions
Lord I should've had 'em then
She cried as she told me
How she was so confused
One more visit to the doctor
She'd have nothing left to lose

I ran my fingers through her wig
She lightly stroked my hair
She said she was a man
I told her I don't care

For love is where you find it
Wherever that may be
For me it was in a hopper bin
With my trousers 'round my knees
There's something strange about her
I just put my finger on
And I want to tell the world
That she's the one (he's the one)
I want to tell the world
That its the one!

Who's that walking on air?
Bouncing down the street without a care?

It's Skin-head Skippy, the killer kangeroo
With blood soaked bovver boots and a racist sttitude.
A mean fucking mother's son,
Not afraid of anyone,
Got the others on the run,
Here he comes, here he comes
Skippy the skin oi!
Tch tch tch tch tch oi!

Skippy's got a tattoo and he's gone and shaved his head
He's dating wallabies half his age
And getting them into bed
He says his old firends are all miserable pricks
They're married now or dead or gone
Or mentally sick.

Who's that walking on air
Boucnsing down the street without a care?

Well my friend Flicka died in "Man from Snowy River 2"
Benji got the snip and tuck and now he's sniffing glue
Milo and Otis died at least eight times over
Rin Tin Tin blindly humps the leg of his owner
Flipper became sushi
Mr. Ed loves drag
Lassie's a transvestite
And Gentle Ben, Gentle Ben's a fag

Who's causing havoc on the docks?
In a pair of coloured braces and cherry red Docs?

It's Skin-head Skippy the facist kangeroo
With a blood soaked stanley knige
And a racist attitude
He'' wait until your all alone
Smash your skull, break your bones
Send the pieces to your home.
He's the one
All in fun
Skippy the Skin-head!
Tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch
Oi!

Ladies and gentlemen we present for you now the lost songs of
Gilbert and Sullivan's "Mikado". These songs were censored at
the time by Queen Victoria herself because of their intense
political and revolutionary nature. We present them to you now,
translated from the original Japanese.

Loudly bang the sounding brasses
Bom Bom Babom Bom Bom Bom

Can we walk hand in hand through the park?
We'll whisper sweet nothings and love sonnets by the bard
It's a love I'll know will always last
If we walk hand in hand through the park.

Shall we stroll along the promenade?
I shall buy you ice-cream treats and shield you from the sun.
My heart beats louder than Venus did for Mars
Shall we stroll along the promenade?

Let us dine by romantic candlelight
We'll drink wine and whiskey and I'll get you slightly drunk
And if my hand slips, maybe you won't mind
If we dine by romantic candlelight.

Shall I babysit for your sister Gwen?
I shall run round her house naked and try on her underwear
Oh! Have I said something wrong again?
Shall I babysit for your sister Gwen?

You look so lovely in your dress of pale chiffon
With its tight bodice and its lovely little bows
Oh please let me try it on
Please dress me up in pale chiffon

Can you staple-gun my genitals to the wall?
I wouldn't normally beg but I've been a trifle tense
We could both have a ball
If you staple-gun my genitals to the wall.

Will you let me be your cocker-spaniel pup?
Punish me for disobedience, rub my nose in "it"
You can treat me rough (ruff, ruff)
Oh! Let me be your cocker-spaniel pup?

Push bamboo shoots up my arse.
Beat me with piping while you wear a latex mask
I'm so shy I dare not ask
Will you push bamboo shoots up my arse?

Oh let me urinate upon your tongue
Let me give you a tickle with my little golden trickle
I will be your pee-wee chum
If you let me urinate upon your tongue.

Oh, let me rub up against your thigh
Let me shoot my load and spray cum into your...(fa la la la)
I will be your very steady guy
If you let me rub up against your thigh.

Can I fill your gutty-wutz with curdled cream?
Baby-gravy, a **** choker, a necklace made of ****
There's so much you'll be bursting at the seams
When I fill your gutty-wutz with curdled cream

Oh permit me to penetrate your arse
Push my red hot poker along the dirt shaft
I'm not the first - I will not be the last
Oh permit me to penetrate your arse

Let me lick your sticky sopping ****
Roll my tongue around your **** and kiss your ****
I'm so hot - Oh! I think you've got a rash
Let me lick your sticky sopping ****

We'll play with ****
A giant **** called **** I'm sure will do the trick
I will be your sweet little boy
If you let play with ****

[Everyone!]
Stimulate my penis with your hand
Help me reach climax with the back of your throat
I will be your ever-loving man
If you stimulate my penis with your hand!

Transvestite in the House of Commons
Margret Thatcher witches coven
I journeyed through Hell
Through a virgin blood bath
Tie me up, and tease me,
Rubber please, says specialist
Athlete fails drug test - trio in a love nest
Kylie is a brussel sprout.
Reform girls castrated cockerspaniel
Minister in panty-raid
Schoolgirl scandle
pervert vandal impaled on the handle
'Bug-eyed fruit loops'
we are at war with evil (ah gotch).

Here comes the sun.
The Guardian and the Truth
The Hearld, The Times
Delivered to me and you -
I read it all in letters 10ft tall
The muse of the newspapers
Writing on the toilet walls

Simese twins in incest torture chamber
Herbal remedy fot terminal cancer
Midget doctor-caesarian catastrophy
Test tube-baby turns to black tar algae
I didn't mean to hurt her,
the bastards forced me.
Acupunture proved to be a cure for haemophelia
And Kylie has a sister.

Quiet student real life panty hose serial killer
Vile sex crimes and a cannibal dinner
Dwarf and giant in a dirty sex video.
Man dies of rust after eating auto
Poligamy for lager lout whose
Bestfriend is a brussel sprout and
Kylie is a poofter.
And Jason is a a hetero!
Boy 5, gives birth to a deformed older brother
Maltese girl, 13, now great great grandmother
Sewerage system feeds
2-headed monster, medal of honour
For an armless butcher.

Here comes the sun, day sport
The news of the world
My page 3 lady is
A big- big girl
I read it all, in letters 10ft tall
The muse of the newspapers,
Smwaring shit down toilet walls
Through the halls, across the floor
Smearing the shit over us all -
Ah, gotcha!

He saw a sign for a stock car race
Thousand dollars prize it read
So he gets Laura on the phone
So to her Mother Tommy said

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
There's something I must do that cannot wait

He drove his car to the racing ground
He was the youngest driver there
The crowd roared as they started to race
Round the track they went, at a deadly pace

No-one knows what happened that day
How his car overturned in flames
But as they pulled his body from the twisted wreck
With his dying breath they heard him say

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
There's something I must do and that is die

Now in the chapel where Laura prayed
For her Tommy who passes away
It was for her he lived and died
Alone in the chapel, she hears him cry

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die.

Throw Your Arms Around Me
I will come for you at night time
I will raise you from your sleep
I will kiss you in four places
I'll go running along your street
I will squeeze the life out of you too
You will make me laugh and make me cry
We will never forget it
You make me call your name
And I'll shout it to the blue summer sky.

We may never meet again,
so shed your skin and let's get started
You will throuw your arms around me.

I dream of you at night time
I watch you in your sleep
I met you in high places
I touch your head, I touch your feet.
So you disappear without a clue
You know I will never say goodbye
You know I will try to forget
You make me call your name
And I'll shout it to the blue summer sky

We may never meet again
So shed your skin and let's get started
You will throw your arms around me
And you will throw your arms around me

Oh, yeah, oh yeah.
Yeah, you will throw your arms around me
Yeah, you will throw your arms around me
Yeah, you will throw your arms around me
Yeah, you will throw your arms around me

You play fair, you're Mayfair
Your hotels on Park Lane
Your waterworks are wonderful
Oh how can I explain
That to me your more than cute
Your no trivial pursuit
Your the one I'd go to jail for
The one that I'd post bail for
I wont pass go if you say no
Give me the chance to play for -
Kiss me you fool, kiss me you fool

Your not cupid,
Just kiss me stupid!
Kiss me!

Come on and kiss me you fool
Come on and kiss me you fool
Come on and kiss me you fool
Come on and kiss me you fool

For you I'd scale the Gandees
I'd swin the Piranese
I'd wade through vats of leeches
In the nude, just as a tease.
I'd open up my heart for you
And various other things
Your eyes are most inviting
Your lips are so exciting
C'mon let's play,
Don't run away
I need you so, it's frightening!

Feel me you fool   (feel me you fool)
Feel me you fool   (feel me you fool)

Oh it (it would) be bliss
Get a grip ( a grip) on this!
And feel me!  (and feel me!)

C'mon and feel me, touch me, squeeze me, tease me,
Bump me, pump me, hump me, jump me
Root me, poop me, hoop me, scoop me,
Hurt me, squirt me,
Belch me, felch me,
Whip me....
Just fuck me!

And the captian cried with a mighty heave-ho,
"Enemy sighted on the starboard bow
Load your cannons let 'em go
For God
Is on out side boys"

In the dust and sand
Of a foreign land
With hands afire
He buried his friend
He beat his brow
And cursing foul he said
"I am the solider"

And the private laughed as he reached the bluff
His gun barrel smoking and enough's enough
"We've done more damage than Old MacDuff
And God
Is on our side boys"

He flew through the flak
On the first attack
The bomb bay open
On a missile's back
"Here's the pay load"
He crudely spat
"I am the airman"

And the general sighed "This is our last stand
Let every man say 'amen'
For we'll not see daylight again
And God
Is on our side boys"

Well the airman plunged into the pine
And the sailor drowned in the briny brine
And the soldiers in haste put his foot on a mine
And it comes to all in time boys
For on the day they died boys
God
Was on the other side boys.

O man, o male, o sapien, o cock.
Viril volvick pole vaulter
Creamy contorted control tower
Penetrating the pink fluffy clouds of all wimmin

O man, o male o sapien o cock!
Ramrod frothing spring roll
Dipping, dunking, drooping
Into the soya sause bowl of all sisters
To create a sweet and sour pork.

O man, o male, o sapien, o cock.
Siamese eyed invader
Cake decorator
Squidginy, squirting, splodging
The cheap white carborhydrates
Apon the womans lemon meurainge spounge.
Actually make that black forrest.

O man, o male, o sapien, o cock!!
I reject thee, I reject thee, I reject thee,
Thrice.

O man, o male, o sapien, o cock!
Veculent fist, thrust cruelly
Within the mother earth glove puppet.
Front end loader,
Mining, hating, scraping, defiling.
Filling the unwilling velvet gold mines
With splodges and wet wadds of baby gravy.

O man, o male, o sapien, o cock!
Loathing laden ladle lavishing lumps of creamy, hairy white sause
Apon the womans chicken Maryland... hairyland.

O male, you wish to fuck this body?
You wish to fuck... it ... now?
Well thou shall not, thou shall not, thou shall not, thou shall not,
Thou shall not, thou shall not, thou shall not, thou shall not,
Thou maybe son, but thou shall not, thou shall not...
Thrice.

O man, o male, o sapien, o cock!
Furious frown, invading the loving, understanding verticle smile of all wimmin.
O man, o male, o sapien, o COCK!!!!
Single headed dog, pissing on the felopian tree.
O man, o male, o sapien, o COCK!!
Pink and purple Pajero family wagon
Drinving around the vulvic cul de sac.
O man, o male, o sapien, o cock!
You total sexist bastard
Get out of our lives!!
 

I'll just be able to pick and choose
You'll just be one is a line
When I get famous there'll be so many people
Clambering to touch my finger tips
I don't care if your love ain't real
I just want to know that feel
I want someone to love me
I want someone to love me
Because you rejected me
You rejected me
But when I get famous there'll be so many people want to know me!

And lie back in your couch
After this there'll be no doubt
I don't care if your a Miss or a Missus
You done been kissed by the worlds best kisser.

Ho ho sit up and straight and pout
I'll suck your face until I pull your mollars out
A tongue so long you'll call me more than friend
One kiss from this you'll never bruch your teeth again.

Go back to your husband now
Tell him you done break your vow
Stand proud and say, Hey Mister,
I've just been kissed by the worlds best kisser.

Ho ho sit up straight and pout
I'll suck your face until I pull your wisdoms out
A tongue so long, it really grows and grows
Put it in your mouth and it'll clean out your nose

I've only kissed on girl before
My Grandma on the kitchen floor
She dribbled and grinned and said, Hey Kid,
You taught me things your Grandpa never did
She added there'd be hell to pay
If Ma found out we'd gone astray
So hurry boy, go and get some sleep
You've finally got some skills to teach.... the sheep

Hey hey - calm down and pucker up
There lips are strong enough to stop a truck,
A tongue so long it really packs a punch,
One kiss from this
And I'll know what you had for lunch,
One kiss from this
And I'll know what you had for lunch...
Yesterday!