Re: Dog Wins Cat of Year Award
Rat & Swan wrote:
>
> Wes Payne wrote:
>
> > Oh, come on! A cat with a cleft palate sucking its nourishment through a
> > straw? That's at least bizarre...
> >
>
> My thoughts exactly! I wonder how it nursed as a kitten... And how it
> sounds when it miaows!
>
> Just think of it, dribbling Little FriskyMash out it's eyesockets
> whenever it eats!
>
> "Meowpthhh, meofphthhh!"
>
> Good for a laugh! And consider this... Cats clean themselves by
> licking. Yeah, they bathe in catspit. Dizguzting, but why tasteless?
> Well, a cat's tongue has little barbs on it, like the KittyChoad and,
> like the KC, they point backwards! Anybody see where we're going with
> this? Let's not see all the same hands...
>
> Yes, HAIRBALLS! The reason cats get hairballs is that with the
> backward pointing tongue French Ticklers, the hair cannot be spat out
> and it ends up in Kitty's stomach... unnnnnlessssss... kitty has a cleft
> palate...! Imagine, if you will, that the owner of this intriguing
> little feline is happily congratulating himself on feeding his little
> KitTard, certain that Pussums is getting on very well, indeed. He
> notices a certain... "sluggishness" about Kitty, but doesn't pay it much
> mind. The cat has its off days, just like people. Meanwhile, inside
> the cat's skull, behind the eyeballs, is a growing pad of felt/fur.
> With every lick, the cat ingest more and more hairs, compacting them
> into a doughy wad behind its eyes. The eyes start to protrude and
> pressure on the brain increases... stronger... every day stronger...
>
> Finally, crazed with pain and demented from the constant pressure, the
> cat goes nuts! with its eyes hanging from their stalks, finally popped
> out of the sockets, and gummy catfur oozing from its ears, the cat goes
> insane, leaping violently at its master's throat during a routine
> feeding! "RRRROOOOWWWWWRRRRRRPPPTTTHHHHHHHH!" screams Kitty as her
> vicious hooked claws fine their mark in kindMaster's jugular. Blood
> sprays the blind, insane cat as human and feline engage in a hideous
> dance of death! the man, desperate to survive, locks his hands about
> Kitty's trachea, squeezing, as the cat bits viciously through his
> thumbs, its eyes dampening his fingers! CatFeltFur spurts from the head
> as the man bleeds out from his gashed throat and the police find them,
> days later, forever embraced in death!
>
> Works for me!
>
> Swan
>
> Psi corpsE
>
> Miaowppttthhhh!
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