TRIALS AT ST TIMMY'S 44
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THE TRIALS AT ST TIMMY'S --
The Continued Saga of Paul Ess's Rehabilitation
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Welcome to episode 44 of the Trials. I spent some time this
evening in Miss Ralph's office helping her shred some patient
records dating from 1984. When I wondered into his lair, the
first thing he put in my hand was a 5x7 color photo of an ample
naked woman displaying a quite nice gapped-open pussy (if you go
for that sort of thing) and a large asshole which appears also to
have been to the well a number of times.
Miss Ralph told about the time he was a CNA in this place and met
up with a certain Mrs Chin, the possessor of astoundingly
deplorable personal habits. She would hike down her Chairman
Maos, crap into her hand, and throw it out of the room. She
would then clean off her hand on the doorpost. Miss Ralph went
to get a clean towel from the linen cart one day and put his hand
right into a huge snot goober Mrs Yee horked up. Not wishing to
waste perfectly good towels, she had put it back on the cart.
As we went through the files removing metal objects such as paper
clips, we came upon the ocassional set of instant photos. I have
here four views of a particularly nasty bedsore or external
presentment of a cancer. The skin of this unfortunate beast is
plum-colored over a 5x15cm area. There is a weeping sore about
the size of a hen's egg in the center.
I addition to this disgusting sight, I have a splendid photo of
the ass end of an old salt. He went on liberty with his buddies
once when very young and was taken to a tattoo parlor in an
exceedingly inebriated state. He emerged unbeknowst with the
most darling cherub face on each butt cheek. We are treated in
the photo to a full moon view of this art work -- and his skanky-
looking crack.
These five pictures (more if I can obtain them and the quality
stays up) will become the centerpiece of my TSS gift this year.
You all had better be nice to me. I am going to try to nick a
few knacks such as a feeding syringe with its storage housing.
I'm sure the recipient will find some sexual way to use it. The
housing alone ought to make an interesting dildo.
Miss Ralph also told about Old Bailey who had the disgusting
habit of picking up cigarette butts and dropping them into his
large economy size urinal pitcher. At lunch and dinner he would
dip his bread in the pee/buttjuice mixture for extra flavor. One
day he got, if you'll pardon the expression, pissed at nurseypoo
and flung the contents all over her. She shrieked. She reeked.
She hit the shower room and peeled off every stitch. They took
all her clothes to the laundry and kept her in the staff room
wrapped in a sheet and a light HappyJuice[tm] fog until the
clothes were finished and she quit freaking.
Aunt Edna was good for pointing at strangers and screaming
accusations such as YOU ARE THE DEVIL! -- GET AWAY FROM ME! One
day she was wandering the corridors scouting demons and
approached the nurse's station. She squatted, grunted, and
reached under her wash dress and produced simply the largest
grogan anyone had ever seen. Edna was ecstatically proud of her
creation. The charge nurse nearly puked. Auntie then took this
work of art to the water fountain and mashed it into the catch
tray. Even though Danny, the maintenance man, took the whole
thing apart and cleaned all the bits with phenolic disinfectant,
no one who was around at the time has since slaked thirst at this
fountain. Miss Ralph says every time he passes the fountain, all
he can see there is this great flattened, smeared turd.
And now for a rant on a subject near and dear to my heart, the
outrageous and criminal expense necessary to secure adequate
medical gear and adaptive equipment by the injured and
incomplete. I found this advice in the fountain pen collecting
newsgroup offered to a newbie who is studying to be a doctor:
Are drug and medical equipment sales reps already contacting
you? If so, let them know that you prefer fountain pens to
ballpoints and rollerballs they disperse in abundance. Maybe
next time they visit you'll be accommodated.
Business (and profits) must be good among the medical purveyors
for them to be able to hand out nice, shiny pens to their marks.
Fountain pens do not have to be super expensive, but they will
cost more than ballpoints. Chances are this doctor-in-waiting
will be accomodated. After all, these firms are raking it in and
the insurance companies and government programs are holding still
for the rape.
The Nurz and I have been dickscussing diabetic and caregiving
issues. She told me they do a lot of implants at Mengele
Memorial where she works, a lot of dick implants in diabetics.
Whaddaya think, Mr Cheez? Shall I get the John Holmes model or
the Jeff Stryker? Which one can you stand? Actually, I think
my dicklet is getting better. It may even stand up one of these
times if the duuuuurty peeeekchures in the binaries groups
continue to be impure thought-provoking. The Nurz calls my slide
board my Ouija board. Heheheheheh...
Beginning this coming week, I am going to set up a trek each
Friday to the mall by ambivan. Whoever wants can meet me there
and we'll party. It's time to get a life.
The Nurz sez--
20 years from now we don't want to be reading your posts,
"NURZ!!! NURZ!!! I PEE'D THE BED. I'M COLD. I WANT A
DRINK. WATER GIRL!!! WATER GIRL!!! WHERE ARE MY TEETH?
SOMEBODY STOLE MY TEETH! MR. CHEEZ, MIZ KOOKY, MY PEE PEE.
I HAVE TO GO KAKA!!! AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Damn, and I thought it would be phun to act like that. Seems to
work for The Buzzard...
In a few years when she's all wore out and dried up, you can send
her a card addressed as follows--
NurzRachet
Room 418, St. Prepuce Home for Wayward Sluts
1234 Whoredom Stroll
East Buttfuck, New Jersey 09876
When you get to her room, you will hear her say--
"Why's it so fucking hot in here?
I want some Diet Coke NOW.
I can't get logged on, Ethel's on the phone.
My underwire broke and it's stabbing me in the ribs.
Turn on the air conditioning.
When I was a nurse we didn't pull this shit!"
and her favorites--
"What's going on?
Where am I?
Who the fuck are you?"
I read this list to George and he almost peed his pants. We've
been listening to Mary Mary Quite Contrary across the hall in
addition to The Buzzard. It's been fucking living stereo this
morning. It must be the full moon. Mary was all, Will somebody
close my doorrrrr...? I falsettoed to George, Will somebody shut
the fuck uuuuup...? George laughed.
I went out to take a look at the newbie down the hall who got
nursey top dead center with her orange juice this morning.
Nothing remarkable; just another toothless old hag. I also
looked in on Buzzard. When he turned his head toward he so he
could see me out of his one eye, he smiled his toofless grin and
winked at me (with the eyeball, not the socket side) and giggled
and simplered like the old queen I suspect him of being.
I told the Three Graces, Mr Cheez, Miss Kooky, and Demon that
when I get out of here--
I want to fast for 24 hours and then have a great big
hydraulic enema (none of these sleazy little chemical ass
grenades, thank you), high, hot, and a [w]hole lot. Then,
when I am still sopping wet in there, I want a nice big
choad lubed with a half a tube of good old fashioned KY and
shoved up there to take down ten years of cobwebs.
I'm old fashioned. I think anal torpedoes and butt bombs are
environmental pollution; use natural soapsuds and water and help
put the pharmaceutical glomeruli out of business. (Sorry, Peter,
but some modern "conveniences" are just fucking stoopid.)
Mr Cheez offered--
... a 25" double headed dildo that would not only take down
the cobwebs, it'll kill the entire nest. Alla way up to your
sinuses! Although I think that you will prolly need the 50 gallon
drum variety of KY. What DOES "KY" stand for anywayz?
Demon chimed in--
And just think, all these years I've been using Benedryl for
my sinus problems. Who Knew? :)
That's OK! We'll just swipe a high-pressure spray hose from
the local car wash and hook it up to the industrial-strength
compressor they have at St. Timmy's. _That_ should get the
KY to where it'd do the most good.
Demon thinks KY stands for--
Klean & Yummy?
with Kare, Ya fuck?
Kindered Yearnings?
I'm using this so I don't Kill You?
I am terribly thankful for my friends. Polite reacharounds for
all.
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