A Day In Tulsa

A parody of what an obsessed fan's day might be like in Tulsa.

A day in the life of a Hanson fan in Tulsa.....................
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This means you.










Stop looking at the guy behind you...








Yeah you.








You step off the plane. Hanson air is the first thing you think of. Then the second thing is They're breathing the same air that I'm breathing! And the third thought is Where is my inhaler?

You glance around the terminal to discover that no one there is wearing a Hanson shirt. And they call themselves Tulsans?! My god.

You glance down at your watch and realize that it is already 5:30 AM. "Come on, let's get a move on, (insert name of person you are with here), Hanson awaits!"

You run down the big corridor, stopping only to buy the latest issue of Tulsa World, and finally make it to your rented car. Mmmmm, I love the smell of new cars in the morning.....

A small drop of drool escapes your mouth as you take a picture of the Welcome to Tulsa sign. You silently wonder if Hanson has ever touched that sign, but soon dismiss the thought since you see no reason that they would get out of a car on a highway and touch a sign thats about 10 feet taller then them.

You pull into a hotel. "I'm sure that Hanson has stayed here at least 5 times!" you say cheerfully to your companion.

"Why would they stay in a hotel in their own home town?" he/she/it asks.

"Stop being logical, we are here and they have stayed here at least 5 times," you say a little more forceful than you expected to.

*****

After you get your luggage in your now Hanson-infested room (posters and all), you decide to ask the lady at the desk a few harmless questions.

*****

"Where were you on the night of November 17, 1980?!"

The lady at the desk slowly backs away as she says, "Well, hon, I'm not really sure about that."

You raise one eyebrow as you say, "So you weren't being born?"

She shakes her head slightly, deeply disappointing you that she is isn't in fact Isaac Hanson in disguise. And you're usually so on the nose about things. You must be slipping your old age.

You ask her if she knows Hanson. "Who?" she states quietly.

*****

After you hit that old hag hard for not knowing who Hanson was, you and *your traveling partner in crime* venture out.

As you drive to the Bluse Rose Cafe, you keep your eyes open as wide as they'll go for any signs of hitch-hiking brothers. "Was that a Hanson?! No.. OH! There! No.. I think I see one! Dog gone it." You must comment everytime you see a person with long hair and examine them as you pass.

After a while, you tire of doing that, and wait until the stoplights to have your fun. As a red car pulls up next to in your rented-what-seems-like-it-has-the-same-amount-of-room-as-a-golf-cart car, you hold up a Hanson shirt and peek around the side to see thier reaction. Then you blast MMMBop as loud as it will go with the windows rolled down. Apparently the guy wasn't familiar. You examine the finger he is showing you closely and ponder on how nice the people in Tulsa seem to be so far.

*****

Once you arrive, you take 5 rolls of film. A few pictures of you on the deck, of you under the deck, of you looking at the deck, of you holding the thumbs up sign while sitting on the deck, of you touching the deck, and of course one or two of you standing in front of the sign.

Now, your goal, is to get in. Sure you're not 21, but come ON, you are a Hanson fan, and that's gotta count for something.

You open the door, ignoring the sign that says 21 and over. As you stroll on in, you get a few weird looks as well as someone's hand tapping on your shoulder.

"Yes?" you say innocently as you turn around.

"May I see some ID?" a tall man asks you apparently doubting your age.

"Sure." You rummage through your wallet and eventually pull out your MOE card and flash it in his face.

"Cute, now can I see some real ID?"

"Um... that is ID. ID telling you that I am a Hanson fan." You think of getting up on a table and leading everyone in your own rendition of MMMBop, but notice beforehand that the crowd doesn't exactly look like a festive bunch. Well, they're definitely not the brightest crayons in the box/ Not even the second brightest. The more you look around the more you think to yourself. As a matter of fact, they're probably the ones that have the paper torn off the tops, and have been sharpened over and over again. They're most likely bronken-

Your thoughts are interrupted as you again see the light of day, followed by "And stay out."

So far, your luck is running ragged.

*****

You stare up at the large sign that reads Rex's Boneless Chicken and quickly snap a photo of the wonderful sight. After reading the chatroom section of MOE #2, you found out Hanson has been there twice in their entire lives. You make it a personal goal of yours to touch everything in the place. That way, you have to touch at least one thing that they did... sometimes your reasoning scares you.

After you have walked on every tile as well as sat in every booth, you finally pry yourself away.

*****

"Wow!" You marvel at the mounds of Hanson merchandise that is being sold at a local Spencer's Gift Store.

I've got to have the Hanson soap, I mean geez, Hanson will be taking a shower with me... actually that's a rather scary thought... maybe I'll just keep it for show. You pick up the soap. Then the Hanson door mat. Then the bean bag, dinnerware set, shoes, nail polish, whoopie cushion, ballon, alarm clock, 'Hanson Brand' soft drink, mousetrap (you've been meaning to catch that rodent), luch meat, and fill out a form for a chance at winning a house. I never knew they had so much merchandise... You question the validity of a few items for just a second before forgetting the whole thing. Who cares if it dosen't have the offical symbol? Maybe they forgot to put it on. Thinking about it all is giving you a bit of a headache.

*****

Now the trunk is full of Hanson treasure that you can't wait to put to use.

*****

"Yes, um, do you know Hanson?" You ask the waitress at 'Goldie's' politely as she asks what you'd like to order.

"Uh, no I'm sorry."

More than anything, you'd like to say 'sorry dosen't cut it'. But she continues.

"They do come in here an awful lot though! That youngest one was just in here the other day with a few friends."

You freeze for a quick moment before regaining your voice. "H-h-he was?! Zac? What did he order?! What was he wearing? Do you happen to remember whar foot he stepped in the door with first?"

She laughs a little, and says, "No, I'm sorry."

You slump down in your chair. Who could be so ignorant? There's one dollar off her tip.

*****

Next stop: Hanson's house. (or old house, you're not quite sure if they've moved onto another one yet...) But as fas as you know, it is being used for "MOE Headquarters".

As soon as you step out if the car, your legs seem to stop working, as you fall flat on your face. Of course you get up and play it off as if you were looking at something extremely interesting down there on the ground. Then you glance around to make sure there are no hidden cameras.

You eyes fall apon a little red sign, no more than one foot tall and 2 inches in diameter that reads:

P
R
I
V
A
T
E

Ahh this must be it. You giggle a little at the fact that sign could SO not hold you back. You put your hands in fists and begin circling it. "Come on, Come on, gimme all you got! Come on!"

"Okay, you look like an idiot." *insert name of friend* comments ever so tactfully.

You slowly put down your hands and fefrain from approaching the fire hydrant a few yards away that seems to be calling your name....

Then, slowly, it sinks in. You are at Hanson's house. Hanson once lived there, They walked where you are walking. Maybe, if you are lucky, Talyor even spit right where you are standing! I won't lick the ground. I won't lick the ground. I won't lick the ground...

You take a home video of the house as well as a few pictures.

Then you look down to see the grass. That wonderfull green-tuning-brown-gone-in-a-few-patches-grass. You have never seen anything more breath taking. Then you spot a tree. Slyly, you move behind the tree and pick up a couple of blades of grass so that no one sees you. You really aren't as bad as some may think.... really you aren't.

You glance around and see a mailbox. I wonder... no... no, I definitely could not pull that out of the ground with my bare hands. And of course, if it wasn't illeagal, you might even consider looking inside it. But, you don't want to tamper with US mail. The mailman brings it come rain come sleet some snow... or night... or something to that effect. You decide to return the act of kindness.

*****
Five hours and no Hanson later, you stand up ready to leave. Well, really, you're no where near ready to leave, but alas, everything must come to an end. You glance again at the writings of I love Hanson and The MMMBop is my friend that you wrote in the driveway with chalk and step slowly into the golf-cat-car.

You sigh heavily at the fact that you are leaving their neighborhood. You grab one of your 12 copies of Middle of Nowhere, and pop it in your CD player. And in a MMMBop you return to your hotel. (No, really, you listened to MMMBop once and you were back by then.)

*****

As you lie in bed, you begin to reflect on the day that has passed. Okay, so I didn't meet Hanson. But close enough! I've got their grass in my possesion! You go into slight convulsions just thinking about it. Maybe I can plant it and grow a bunch of Hanson grass! *laugh evily* I will take over the world with Hanson grass... I will pant it everywhere... plant a seed, plant a flower, plant some Hanson grass... *snore*

And so ends your day in Tulsa... until next time *salute*

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