Have you ever been on a blind date? Was that date the date from Hell?

If you want to make sure your date doesn't ask for another date try these tips.

1.  At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give
    the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who 
    reaches for it.
2.  Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, 
    and balance them in a tower on your table.
3.  Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.
4.  Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.
5.  Repeat every third word you say say.  Twice.
6.  Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your 
    high school yearbook.
7.  Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
8.  Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.
9.  Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what 
    they are talking about.
10. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms 
    outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
11. Order a bucket of lard.
12. Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in 
    fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.
13. Howl and whistle at womens' legs, especially if you are female.
14. Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.
15. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins 
    talking about themselves.
16. Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme.
17. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.
18. Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate 
    than they do.
19. Drool.
20. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray 
    crumbs.
21. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in 
    front of you.
22. Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head 
    waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the 
    restaurant. Order another meal.  When your date finally finds you, 
    exclaim "What took so long in the restroom?"
23. Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.
24. Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
25. Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing 
    the subject up.
26. Ask your date how much money they have with them.
27. Order for your date. Order something nasty.
28. Communicate in mime the entire evening.
29. Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, 
    where you have a good view of all exits, and where you 
    can keep your back to your date.
30. Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.
31. Hum. Loudly. In monotone.
32. Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper 
    shakers, silverware, floral arrangements... i.e anything on the 
    table that isn't bolted down.
33. Hold a debate. Take both sides.
34. Undress your date verbally. Use a bullhorn.
35. Auction your date off for silverware and leftover food.
36. Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.  Bring a
    portable TV.
37. Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your 
    food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for 
    the potato you "never got".  When he brings it to you, already
    have the first potato back on your plate.  
38. Order beef tongue. Make lewd comparisons or comments.
39. Get your date drunk. Talk about their philosophy. Get it on tape, 
    and use good judgement in editing to twist their words around.
40. Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.
41. Speak in pig latin throughout the meal (Or ubber-dubber language, or 
    just nonsense).
42. Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the 
    table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the 
    chairs. Insist that they "just need drying out".
43. If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take 
    one bite.
44. Bring 20 or so candles you, and during the meal get up and arrange 
    them around the table after drawing a pentagram on the 
    tablecloth with the catsup. Chant.
45. Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them 
    home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper 
    than actually feeding her.
46. Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.
47. Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order coffee, and 
    fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free 
    refills.
48. Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces. In a 
    simliar vein, insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, 
    to make sure no one poisoned it.
49. Accuse your date of espionage.
50. Make odd allusions to dangerous religious cults.
51. Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.
52. Pass the hat in the restaurant. Use the proceeds (if any) to pay the 
    bill.
53. Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.
54. Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you've brought along.
55. Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.