James (to Donna at school before the announcement of Laura's death) : Good day for a picnic.
Cooper: Diane, I'm holding in my hand a box of small chocolate bunnies.
Cooper: Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just...let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee.
Senior Droolcup: Your milk is gonna get
cool...
Cooper (lying on his back, bleeding) :
OhKaay
Truman: Lucy, you'd better bring Agent Cooper
up to date.
Lucy: Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Renault
was strangled, the mill burned,Shelley and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine
and Josie are missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills.
Cooper: How long have I been out?
Truman: Six hours.
Pete: This smoke inhalation is nasty buisness. I feel like someone taped my lips to the tailpipe of a bus!
Doc Hayward: You're not going anywhere.
Cooper: Doc, when the will is invoked,
the recuperative powers of the physical body are simply extraordinary.
Just give me a couple of hours to get dressed.
Truman: You saw a giant?
Cooper: Yes.
Albert: Any relation to the dwarf?
Gordon: HOLY SMOKES! WHO IS THAT?
Cooper: Shelley Johnson.
(Gordon motions he didn't hear)
Cooper: SHELLEY JOHNSON.
Gordon: WHAT A BEAUTY! KINDA REMINDS ME
OF THE STATUE, THE BABE WITHOUT THE ARMS.
Cooper: Venus de Milo.
Gordon: THE NAME WAS MILO, BUT THAT'S BESIDE
THE POINT. THAT'S THE KINDA GIRL THAT MAKES YOU WISH YOU SPOKE A LITTLE
FRENCH. 'SCUSE ME COOP WHILE I TRY MY HAND AT A LITTLE COUNTER-ESPARANTO.
Cooper: Good Luck, Gordon.
Gordon: HELLO. I WAS WONDERING IF I MIGHT
TROUBLE YOU FOR A CUP OF STRONG BLACK COFFEE AND IN THE PROCESS ENGAGE
YOU WITH AN ANECDOTE OF NO SMALL AMUSEMENT. THE NAME IS GORDON COLE AND
I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU FROM THE BOOTH. AND...WELL, SEEING YOUR
BEAUTY NOW I FEEL AS THOUGH MY STOMACH IS FILLED WITH A TEAM OF BUMBLEBEES.
Shelley: You don't have to shout. I can
hear you.
Gordon: I HEARD THAT. I, I HEARD THAT.
Shelley: Um, do you want anything else
besides coffee?
Gordon: I HEARD YOU PERFECTLY!
Shelley: And I can hear you, honest.
Gordon: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. You don't
understand Miss. Do you see this? For twenty years I've been asking people
to please speak up, but for some weird reason I can hear you clear as a
bell. Say something else.
Shelley: Um, um, do you want pie with your
coffee?
Gordon: Good Lord I can hear you perfectly.
This is like some sort of miracle. A...a phenomenon.
Log Lady: What's wrong with miracles?
Gordon: WHAT'S THAT?
Log Lady: This cherry pie is a miracle.
Gordon: WOULD YOU PLEASE ASK THE LADY WITH
THE LOG TO SPEAK UP.
Shelley: Um, the pie, she was talking about
the cherry pie.
Gordon: I heard you again. I heard you
again.
Shelley: Would you like some pie?
Gordon: MASSIVE, MASSIVE QUANTITIES AND
A GLASS OF WATER, SWEETHEART. MY SOCKS ARE ON FIRE.
Shelley: Do you want some more pie? A whole
pie?
Gordon: YES I WOULD MISS JOHNSON. AND A
PIECE OF PAPER AND A PENCIL. I PLAN ON WRITTING AN EPIC POEM ABOUT THIS
GORGEOUS PIE.
Cooper: Two penguins were walking across
an iceberg. One penguin turned to the second penguin and said, "You look
like you're wearing a tuxedo."
Shelley: Annie.
Gordon: I HEARD THAT!
Annie: Wait a minute. I'll be right back.
(She leaves)
Cooper: I wasn't quite finished.
Harry: How long have you been in love with
her?
Cooper: Harry, who said anything about
love?
Harry: Cooper, you just tried to tell her
a joke.
Cooper: I did? (Annie returns)
Annie: So what did the second penguin say?
Cooper: Well, the first penguin said to
the second penguin, "You look like you're wearinga tuxedo." And the second
penguin said,"Maybe I am."
(Annie and Cooper both laugh)
Harry: Defense rests.
Bobby: Dad?
Major: Yes, son?
Bobby: What is it that you do exactly?
Major: That's classified.
Bobby: Oh.
Cooper: This must be where pies go when they die.
Albert: Sounds like you've been snacking on some on the local mushrooms.
Cooper: Harry, my dream is a code waiting
to be broken. Break the code, solve the crime.
Lucy (taking notes): Break the...code,
solve the...crime.
Truman: What's going on?
Lucy (watching a soap opera): Thanks to
Jade, Gerard decided not to kill himself. And he's changed his will, leaving
the Towers to Jade instead of Emerald. But Emerald found out about it,
and now she's trying to seduce Chet to give her the new will so that she
can destroy it, and Montana's planning to kill Gerard at midnight so the
Towers will belong to Emerald and Montana but I think she's going to double
cross him though he doesn't know it. Poor Chet!
Truman: What's going on here?
Pete: And how do you take your coffee, Agent
Cooper?
Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless
night.
Pete: Pret-ty black.
Albert: I've performed the autopsy in Jacques
Renault. Stomach contents revealed, let's see, beer cans, a Maryland license
plate, half a bicycle tire, a goat, and a small wooden puppet. Goes by
the name of Pinocchio.
Cooper: You'r making a joke!
Albert: I like to think of myself as one
of the happy generations.
Gordon: COOP, YOU REMIND ME TODAY OF A SMALL, MEXICAN CHIHUAHUA.
James: When'd you start smokin'?
Donna: I smoke every once in a while. Helps
relieve tension.
James: When'd you get so tense?
Donna: When I started smokin'.
Cooper: There's a large group of insane men staying on my floor.
Leland: Sing hallelujah, c'mon, get happy--c'mon and chase all your blues away!
Ben: Jerry? Please kill Leland.
Cooper: Wanna know why I'm whittling?
Truman: OK, I'll bite. Why are you whittling?
Cooper: Because that's what you do in a
town where a yellow light still means slow down, not speed up.
Albert (after Andy boards himself): And
it's another great moment in law enforcement history.
Pete: Audrey, there are many cures for
a broken heart, but nothing quite like a trout's leap in the moonlight.
Albert: Coop, about the uniform.
Cooper: Yes, Albert?
Albert: Usually, replacing the quit elegance
of the dark suit and tie for the casual indifference of these muted earthtones
is a form of fashion suicide. But, call me crazy, on you it works.
Nadine: I think I've gone blind in my left eye!
Dr. Jacoby: What he needs right now is both your understanding and a Confederate victory.
Sarah Palmer: Don't ruin this too!
Log Lady: You wear shiny objects on your
chest.
Major: Yes, I do.
Log Lady: Are you proud?
Major: No, acievement is it's own reward.
Pride obscures it. Cream?
Gordon: YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER
VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT. (to Shelley) Acts like he's
never seen a kiss before.
Cooper: Uh, Gordon.
Gordon: TAKE ANOTHER LOOK SONNY. IT'S GONNA
HAPPEN AGAIN.
Leland: Mares eat oats, and does eat oats,
and little lambs eat ivy...a kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you?
Quite!