LYRIC ARCHIVE

LYRIC ARCHIVE

ALL I AM TO YOU
Copyright 2002 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I want to tell you everything
I want to tell the world
I want everyone to look at me and know
But this shit just won’t be heard

You will undoubtedly treat me different
Though I was different all along
So I’ll write up my pleasant soliloquy
And I’ll strum it up and strum along

You think I’ve suddenly become something you never liked
But really I’m the same as always
You just have no more tolerance for double blind solutions
That’s all I am to you

I made one too many jokes tonight
And I think some of you are catching on
I told you that hey “I’d do it for free”
And did you believe me? I think you did

You think I’ve suddenly become something you never liked
But really I’m the same as always
You just have no more tolerance for double blind solutions
That’s all I am to you

I hugged you goodbye, and felt something inside
But you were just pulling to let go
I can’t hold onto you or your life forever
And you’re not willing to let me know

I wish I could be totally with you
Honestly, positively, nothing more to give
I wish I could open my mouth and spit out the words
But really, how would that change me?

You think I’ve suddenly become something you never liked
But really I’m the same as always
You just have no more tolerance for double blind solutions
That’s all I am to you

ARE YOU SORRY NOW?
Copyright 2000 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

You couldn't have done anything for me
I rarely did anything at all
I just ran around in circles 'cause I'm told
I do what I'm told, philosophy sold

I took the bait and left you by yourself
I never do something like that now
I pull the cord, I pulled the plug
an afternoon and I just shrug it away

I left you alone
are you sorry now?
are you sorry now?
you never picked up the phone
are you sorry now?
are you sorry now?

I push the pillow further into my head
my rhymes unsynced now and then it's gone
the room is getting dark around me now
are you sorry now, are you sorry now?

I bet you never thought I felt like this
I know I wasn't taken seriously
take me now, take me now
there's nothing I can take now that won't take me down

I left you alone
are you sorry now?
are you sorry now?
you never picked up the phone
are you sorry now?
are you sorry now?

AT MY DOOR FOR CHRISTMAS
Copyright 2000 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I want to see you
At my door for Christmas
Standing there feet sunk in the snow
Looking back on times we couldn’t have known
At my door for Christmas
And what I say comes around to you
And what I do would leave you in the cold at Christmastime

Looking back, and remembering you and me
Before the rights all turned into wrongs
Standing hand in hand
As if this were exactly where we belong

And if time stands still
And hearts only beat this time of year
Then tell me you are there for me
With open arms without hurt or fear

Leave you in the cold at Christmastime
Leave you in the cold at Christmastime
Leave you in the cold at Christmastime

AXED
Copyright 2003 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I have been stultified
not liberated
I am trapped in the abyss of an angry god
who takes away from me
every little piece of dignity
to see the paradigm in me

You thought I smiled the other day
but I was only daydreaming
picturing a time
when I can clench my hands around your neck
so I can feel you die
without a last breath
then maybe you will feel
just like I did when you stultified

Inside this dirty fog
the water consumes me
just when I thought I can't sink lower
I discover another world
but now is this your hell?
or only a figment
of my imagination
saying you never kiss and tell

Say you never kiss and tell
say you never kiss and tell
say you never kiss and tell
until I got axed

Reach out
touch me like you did before
liar found out
scorn me like I don't deserve
you take
my only friend away from me
I've found
a solitude but then I explode!

BLACK SATURN
Copyright 2003 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

This woman in this black Saturn is following me
She's old and she looks like my hand therapist
But she's going to know where I live
Every signal
Every turn
Every red light
She's there with me
Do you see her?

I was screaming at you today
Screaming silently

I asked you all about your life, told you I wanted your life story
I cared, but I also wanted you to ask me mine
I want to cry out to somebody: "this is what I'm doing to myself!"
But I can't, but I can't

I know that you know about the slashes
And you think you know about the aspirin
But do you realize that it was last week?!
That my ears were ringing last fucking week?!
That I wanted to die this time last week?!
And that I want to go home now and take some more
So that maybe I'll sleep longer next time?!
Or do you just not care?

Do you see me whispering to myself?
You think I'm trying to act crazy
But I'm not crazy, I've never lost it like a schizo, but I need to tell you what I am
Did you realize when I asked you how you felt
That I was lying and dreaming that you'd joke and pretend that you felt the same way?
'Cause I don't feel that way, but I could
Ohh, I so could
It's the type of thing that you don't allow yourself to do
It's the greatest kind of talking to yourself, only you're talking yourself out of something

And mom, you thought I was dizzy 'cause I had a cold
Ha! You thought I was dizzy 'cause I had a cold
Not sixteen aspirin, no not her
She researched and researched and looked until she found out
The toxicity and overdose levels of aspirin, but not her! (150mg/kg)
Not her! (300 mg/kg)
We didn't raise you like that!
We didn't raise you like that! (At least I'm not in denial, mom!)

Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn
Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn
Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn, Black Saturn

CONFUSED
Copyright 2000 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I want you in the backroom now
I want you in the backroom now

I never thought I’d feel like this
And I’m not supposed to feel like this
Almost told someone that I barely knew
But now it’s true, I have to know

What’s going on in my head?
I’m confused
I’m confused

It feels bad to feel like this
To think you’re with one thing and then you’re not
You touched my back and I thought it was then
I thought you were there then
But you’re not
I’m confused

I never felt like this before
Maybe something oppressed but not something out
I want you in the backroom now
Take me in the backroom now

And you closed the door
I’m confused
I’m confused

I can’t tell because it’ll be worse for us
You’re not me, not like me, and it’s bad
I never thought you’d be the person I never had
I thought you were the one I’d find

I found you and you ran away
I’m confused
I’m confused

I never felt like this before

COVENTRY
Copyright 1998 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

Working class individual soup
I can see where you're gonna go to
working hard to pay off my bills
I need a vacation, a trip, can't you see?

I'm going to Coventry
I'm going to live there, can't you see?
I'm heading out to Coventry
I'm the Finnish working class industry

Hard at work at a job, I get paid
I can see where you got it going
but you can't pay me enough to sweep
or pick a dirty hot dog up off the floor

Because I'm going to Coventry
I'm going to live there, can't you see?
I'm heading out to Coventry
I'm gonna finish out the working class industry

My time, my bills
my money, my fill-up gas card
my loan, my mortgage on a house I can't afford

I'm going to Coventry
I'm going to live there, can't you see?
I'm heading out to Coventry
I'm gonna finish out the working class industry

Because I'm going to Coventry
and I'm going to live there, but why can't you see?
I'm the only one in Coventry
not working for the working class industry

END IT ON THIS
Copyright 1998 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

Are you a Hebrew?
It doesn't make it right
If you are see-through
Then I am pacified
And you are wishing
I was behind you
You cross your fingers
And it might come true

I see you're focusing on the abuse
If you begun it, then that's what you choose
You like to lie awake and make me sleep too
When you bring it, I bring it to you

And when you started you could not finish it
And when you ended with a winning hit
Then you were running away from the past
Away from family who could do nothing more than laugh

Because you brought it down
Brought it back up
Thought it was the way
You wanted things done
I did you wrong
You punish me for it
When I did you right
Then you'd just sit
Then you'd just sit

I will stop pitying you when you die
When what you live for is your suit and tie
And that's your mirror and your image too
And when you spoke it now it will ring true

And if I turn you in I will be pushed aside
And if I stop you now you won't be pacified
I've begun to hate you once again
To hate you at the start and hate you in the end

Because you brought it down
Brought it back up
Thought it was the way
You wanted things done
I did you wrong
You punished me for it
When I did you right
Then you'd just sit
Then you'd just sit

Brought it down
Brought it back up
Thought it was the way
You wanted things done
I did you wrong
You punish me for it
And when I did you right
End it on this
End it on this
End it on this

ESCALATED
Copyright unknown White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

Oh no, the feeling’s back again
Gripping and squeezing me tighter than before
Oh dear, I look into your eyes
And I see a reflection of what I felt before

But it’s escalated
Complicated
Masturbated
Pain
Time for torture
Down for forfeiture
Running up
Insane

Oh no, I am staring at you
And yet I feel that you are staring right back
Oh look, I turn around and
You’re looking at my back, yeah

But it’s escalated
Complicated
Masturbated
Pain
Time for torture
Down for forfeiture
Running up
Insane

Taking my time and slipping away
Running around and going insane
Taking my steps a bit at a time
Do you feel I am feeding a line?
Do you feel I am dropping a dime?
Do you think I am tripping this time?

But it’s escalated
Complicated
Masturbated
Pain
Time for torture
Down for forfeiture
Running up
Insane

EYE WASH
Copyright 2002 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

Shield your eyes from the fire from the crumbs of our desire
And what we asked for was taken and we got it in our bacon
That we bring home from the market and this nuke where can we park it?
Up your ass, in my town, because you know you’re not around

To see this tiny child watching all this poli-bile
And I walk another mile just to watch him anyway
See his face change from the smile to the frown down on the tile
And see his eyes glow, with the hate and with your greed

What have you taught him?
What are you doing to us?
What are you teaching your children?
Are you watching the puss?

Scream!
Squeeze out of his eyes
Scream!
Come out of his eyes
Scream!
Are you seeing through his eyes?
Scream!
We are watching him die

Inside, and I take another moment, to wash another moment from my head
To die! Is to leave without reflection, to spit without inflection, goes away
But to thrive! Is to beat me to a pulp, so I cannot even look around at you
And this is live, this is how we do it wrong, run around in song, and wash away

Scream!
Squeeze out of his eyes
Scream!
Come out of his eyes
Scream!
Are you seeing through his eyes?
Scream!
Watch him die inside

FAME
Copyright 1999 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I wanna be a pioneer but you
You wouldn't let me do it
You wanted to impress me? Well you
You went about it wrong
Power-hungry Anti-Christ you
You messed up my ideals
I wanted to be good but you
You held me down so strong

Where's my shining moment?
When will my time come?
I thought it could be yesterday but you
You held me down so strong
You held me down so strong

Why can't I be recognized when you
You write not what you preach
A thousand special flavors just were
Not enough to last long
I don't think we're similar when you
Take the coward's way out
At least I could do something 'cause you
You hold me down so strong

Where's my shining moment?
When will my time come?
I thought it could be yesterday but you
You hold me down so strong
You hold me down so strong

You can't hold me down
You can't hold me down
And you can't tie me down
You won't hold me down

Where's my shining moment?
When will my time come?
I thought it could be yesterday but you
You hold me down so strong
You hold me down so strong
You hold me down so strong

FOREVER BOUND
Copyright 2003 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I gotta know
will it always feel like this?
or were you just in luck
to make me feel such bliss?

Will all tongues be the same?
I'll have to hazard the guess
I never got this history
are we in the long haul yet?

I gotta know
will it always feel like this?
no matter who's around
will I always moisten at your kiss?

Why'd I have to find you now
I'm not ready to settle down
if only I was 24
I think I'd know so much more
to see if I'm forever bound

Five more years to grow up
experiment
or just shut up
and then I'll know if you're that special
or if I can let you go

Why'd I have to find you now
I'm not ready to settle down
if only I was 24
I think I'd know so much more
to see if I'm forever bound

Will all tongues be the same?
when we go in for the kiss
is this a unique feeling
or are you just like the rest?

I gotta know
will it always feel like this?
I need to taste the smorgasbord
before I'm comfortable with saying yes

Why'd I have to find you now
I'm not ready to settle down
if only I was 24
I think I'd know so much more
to see if I'm forever bound

Five more years to grow up
experiment
or just shut up
and then I'll know if you're that special
or if I can let you go

Why'd I have to find you now
I'm not ready to settle down
if only I was 24
I think I'd know so much more
to see if I'm forever bound

FORTRESS (SHE SCREAMS IN HER SLEEP)
Copyright 2003 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

Disappearance without ever looking back
And just when you think you're gone you discover all that you lack
And left behind along with all the dread
The feelings of the world and the things you left unsaid

So I sit here for way too long
Writing simple verses that I hope become a song
Then I wait here for a silence and a sleep to come
Wishing now to close my eyes so my words remain unsung

And Jamie doesn't know that I know that she screams in her sleep
And Jamie doesn't know that I know that she screams in her dreams
Idyllically, a descent from all unseen
And Jamie doesn't know that I know that she screams in her sleep

So the fortress that was long ago torn down
Will rise up again from out of the ground
Just to see her fall and the bricks become a wall
All over again, all over again

FRACTIONARY HEART
Copyright 2004 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I could not imagine a love I’d feel so deep
You are so far away but I perceive that I can reach
Beyond a distant ocean, across a sea so wide
It feels like you’re so close ‘cause you’re always in my mind

Now I can’t imagine never knowing this
It started as a murmur, something I could resist
I could not envision how you’d make me feel
A love so unexpected, a yearning that’s so real

Now I can’t ignore it, these feelings deep inside
I’ve never known this love but it’s something I can’t deny
Forever comes so quickly then we’ll never be apart
Until then I will live with a fractionary heart

So I confess to you
Acquiesce to you
In my mind it’s what I wanna do
But I can’t manage to form a single word
Speechless, so my thoughts will go unheard
To be a love deferred

I never would have believed this kind of love exists
A love I never had, but now a love I miss
You are that special person I admire from afar
When the only place I want to be is in your arms

I never could have fathomed a love so far away
Living for tomorrow, instead of dying for today
It seems like such a distance, but we’ve already gone so far
That the time will come when I can hold you in my arms

So I confess to you
Acquiesce to you
In my mind it’s what I wanna do
But I can’t manage to form a single word
Speechless, so my thoughts will go unheard
To be a love deferred

To confess to you
Acquiesce to you
In my mind it’s what I wanna do
But I can’t manage to form a single word
Speechless, so my thoughts will go unheard
To be a love deferred

FRACTURED
Copyright 1998 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

Fractured!
Fractured!
Fractured!
Fractured!

I see your buddy climb into the window
And I thought that I would climb in it to see you again
I see your gang is climbing in the car after the girl again
And should I call the police ahead?
Am I partially responsible if I’m partially to blame?
Or do I fade right into the back?
Not if someone hears me, sees me talking about it
And I know who you fucked with again.

I saw you f_ with them
I said nothing
F_ed again
Still I said nothing
I can’t hide
Unless I say nothing
I think I will say nothing again

Fractured!
Fractured!
Fractured!
Fractured!

Can you blame me if I leave the phone hanging off the hook
If you know what we’re doing tonight?
Can you see as I stay away avoiding what I know will come
If I know what’s coming ahead?
If I see your posse follow me and teach me like I’m dumb
Do I think that I can see the world?
If I spot that it is just you will I believe that it is just you?
Or will I strike out again?

They saw you f_ with me
They said nothing
F_ed again
Still they said nothing
They can’t hide unless they say nothing
I think they will say nothing again

Fractured!

GET IN LINE
Copyright 2003 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I don't cry for people who choose to be lost
I've been judged and damned and forsaken all my life
Get in line, fucker

I don't talk to people who don't listen
What? Huh? When'd you get an opinion?
Get in line, fucker

You pray for me 'cause I need to be saved
I pray for you 'cause I see sun and you see rain
Get in line, fucker

Stop calling me "honey," fucker
Stop calling me "sweetheart," fucker
I'm not 12 years old, fucker
And yes, I have read about that, fucker

Get in line, fucker
Are you surprised, fucker?
I'm not stupid, fucker
You associate un-Christian with un-smart (ha!)
Stupid fucker
Stupid fucker
Get in line, stupid fucker
Get in my line
I'll put you in line, fucker

GONE
Copyright 1999 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

Ripped from our arms all too soon
and we can be nothing but numb
knowing our time could come too
and being sure, lock the door

I'm afraid I will follow you down
and scared that I might hit the ground
so simple, so quick, but the pain just won't leave
and words can't say how we must feel

that you're gone
left our strong Earth
why are you gone?
so easy to see you
but you're gone
and you're gone
gone

But we've done it a million times
so easy to get lost in that thought
that we do the same thing everyday
even today, when our pain just won't go away

and you're gone
so easy to see you
but you're gone
smiles that shined so bright
but they're gone
and you are you

but we'll grow up, grow strong
and be right, be wrong
yet you know we will love you
no matter how long you are here

but you're gone
gone
gone

and I turned the truth into a song
turned the truth into a song
turned the truth into a song
now that you're gone
gone

HOW I WALK TODAY
Copyright 2002 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I wash you out of my soul
but this blood on my hands is not clean
I'm feeling out of control
but this deep-down feeling in my heart is not my own

I suck up all this bullshit
and take it away
pretending not to notice
how I walk today
but inside it pulls me down
rejects me and it hurts
I can't feel dejected
if I don't feel perturbed

Drive 40, when the sign says 51
dry faster, when the feeling's just begun
how come I can't fathom why I'm going backwards?
how come I am feeling this way?
it's how I walk today

I suck up my dejection
and run it around
so I can pretend not to affect
my walking downtown
with my hands up in defense
and I'm skipping around
I will never fly away
with my feet flat on the ground

Tired distance, when I've not driven far
spirit lifted without remembering who you are
how come I can't come up with how to walk ahead?
how come I can't feel this way?
it's how I walk today

I suck up all this bullshit
and take it away
pretending not to notice
how I walk today
but inside it pulls me down
rejects me and it hurts
I can't feel dejected
if I don't feel perturbed

INTRINSICALLY TRUE
Copyright 2001 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

If I told you what I saw
would you lie to me?
say I didn't see?

If I ran too far away
Would you run to breathe?
Catch up to me?

Or leave me here
Too far away from me
Let me see
What’s comically
Intrinsically true
Intrinsically true

If you took a chance to be
Would you sigh at me?
Maybe cry at me?

If you put the best out of me
Why’d you run from me?
So confidently?

Why not leave me here?
Too far away from me
Let me see
What’s comically
Intrinsically true
Intrinsically true

JUST IN TIME (BEFORE I CUT IT OFF)
Copyright unknown White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

You take all you can find
To fondle, fuck and smile
Walk another inch
I’ll make you walk another mile

Take another guess
If I meant just what I wrote
Kiss me like that again
I’ll stuff my fist down your throat

Keep your hands away from me
Before I cut it off
Don’t believe I won’t do it
‘cause I won’t suck your cock

keep on trying, you think you’ll get it
“she likes it I can tell”
if you put your hand back there again
you’ll realize it’s in hell

I’ll push you down, kick you around
Smack you where it hurts
Don’t get fresh with me again
You impotent tiny jerk

So keep your hands away from me
Before I cut it off
Don’t believe I won’t do it
‘cause I won’t suck your cock
Keep your hands away from me
Before I cut it off
Don’t believe I won’t do it
‘cause I won’t suck your cock

OBVIOUS
Copyright 2002 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

Running, screaming in my silence
I can never see the end
Of my tangled mystery abyss
And I how I always try and pretend
Walking, whispering down the hall now
I am never looking back
To the darkness that’s behind me
And all the mystery that I lack

Obvious!
It tangles me up, in it’s
Obvious!
Running, ditching away and it’s
Obvious!
Static, clinging, disappearing
Obvious!

Pushing, pulling against my will
And I will not shatter my wrist
Into the well, the cat goes again
And never existing to exist
Lifting, rocking, now the baby cries!
I cannot sleep with you inside
Bleeding, harder, and now it tears me
Do you think you’re hurting me if I cry?

Obvious!
Taking away, it’s everything it’s
Obvious!
Running away from me it’s
Obvious!
You think like a tentacle
Obvious!
Obvious!

ONE NIGHT IN MUNICH
Copyright 1999 White Crash Music
Words by D. Walls, music by S. Walls

One night in Munich as the snow flies
Blurring the silver eagle poised
In the airport window like a photograph
Sleek steel wings and sterile technology.

Still somehow foreign to their 1950s eyes
One night in Munich as they step into the storm
To return home as kings, as champions
The unscathed snow gives easily to their footprints
As easy as the victory they will bring home on a silver bird they board.

Laughing and joking, so carefree so young
With the eyes of the world resting on one young team headed home
As the snow courses harder through the silent terminal window
The photograph lurches into motion and a silver heave takes to the air.

But the night won't bear its silver wings
And the stars in a jealous envy send the eagle
With its young champions screeching to the ground
So easily those ice-cold winking stars are joined by eight others
As the snow slowly fills their footprints, one night in Munich.

And the rest of the world weeps for the loss of a team so young
So hopeful, they rivaled the stars in the sky
At Old Trafford, the ball boys carry wreaths on their arms

The executives bear tears in their eyes
And the fans feel pain in their hearts
For the shattered team before them lost for the victory of their country
One night in Munich.

OPPRESSED PEOPLE
Copyright 1997 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

You're a racist ruler as your status shows
Bad-boned baby to Tibet you go
Among an oppressed people all around and mingle
And it scares you think and your spine tingles
Like a funky new trip and now you're bought
You don't want more but you can't stop the thought
The thought, the thought, I thought it is not fair
The beating and punishing going over there
So you gotta continue, finish the cause
Sign a petition, cuss China without pause
You know you are hungry for politics, activist
But nothing's at the library statisist

Now continue on it's sunny over here
You're a shiny happy people but they are with the tear
If the whole world ain't happy it ain't good enough
You gotta stand up for your rights and now you'll be tough
Don't accept the bribes, don't accept the "no"
You don't know what's happening until you go
To an oppressed people, alone with a cause
Sign a petition, cuss China without pause

If the whole world ain't happy
It ain't good enough
If the whole world ain't happy
Free Tibet
If the whole world ain't happy
It just ain't good enough
And if the whole world ain't happy
You gotta free Tibet

No one seems to care except for Adam Yauch
But we should climb the hills and from there we'll shout
As long as Tibet is not free, neither are we
It can't take forty years for us to finally see
Tibet is not free, neither are we
Being overhauled by the Commy Chinese
It's taken forty years for us to finally see
Tibet is not free so therefore neither are we

It's a total takeout over of a culture on the skids
Prison punish everyone, some eight year old kid
And the bullets spray and glow like a tiny firefly
But the U.S. is strong, and afraid to blink an eye
Smiling through it all as if nothing's going on
Tomorrow's another day, wait for another dawn
Why fight for a nation that can't fight for us?
Why not as long as they can't fight on us?

And the sun makes you look like you shine
In your burly armor and Cologne Number Nine
We're across the border with our culture intact
No one bothers us, no one dares to attack
Someday we will dream of a brand new world
No fight, no war, no A-bombs hurled
But let's face it now we are far from it
So we can start at the beginning and free Tibet

PUT YOUR FACE BACK ON
Copyright 2002 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

Alone, as I sit here lying breathless, thoughtless, meaningful
but not listening
long ago, innocent and thoughtful, time now long forgotten
see me fold

Away
away
take it away

Away
away
I am throwing away tonight

Crying, another knife in my hands
I am listening to my thoughtless commands
Sighing, to wait another day
'cause today is not the day I'll throw it away

Away
away
take it away

Away
away
I am throwing away tonight

I will take my trip around the world
and I will run
I will run
and I am too afraid to let it go
so I will run
I will run

Away
away
take it away

Away
away
I am throwing away tonight

RED-HEADED MOMENT
Copyright 2003 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

So I'm thinking of flapping my arms and flying away
a simple move but my feet won't leave the ground
rolling out and keeping distance from the world today
my wings make a sonic boom but I'll never hear that sound

Everything is behind me
and I can't find the clouds
everything is forgotten
but I can't make my whispers loud
everything is decoy
I have been left out here to thrive
but everything is fantasy
and all I want is to make it home alive

So I'm thinking of throwing myself out the door
for a tiny moment where my body can't be found
flapping harder but finding myself headed for the floor
that can't be moved so that my feet won't touch the ground

RESURRECTION
Copyright 1999 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

When you left me in the lurch inside my candy coated dream
I thought it was the end, that I would die
you never did explain when I gave you the chance
so I still can not help but wonder why

People have given up on me so many times along
that I can't count the chances anymore
excuses running rampant and there's nothing I can say
to understand why nobody came back for more

and I thought that I would die to run away
thought that I would die if I were to stay with you

But what's important to me is moving along
not to be controlled by outside hands
and what is brought on by me can be ended the same
as quick as it was started and do it again

and I thought that I would die to run away
I thought that I would die if I were to stay with you
with you

It's my time and nothing more
not for you anymore
and I won't make it anymore with your help
it's divine and nothing more
not quite true anymore
that I can't make it anymore not with your help

and I thought that I would die to run away
I thought that I would die if I were to stay with you
with you
with you

SADDLE SORES
Copyright 1997 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I've been riding this aching pain for too long
now I'll give up, shut up, be whole again
it's a nice thing to dwell on those that kill you
that way your death is easier in the end

Why am I a declaration of a mindless, thoughtless process?
a hopeless higher risk is all they'll call me
I try but I'm recoiled, revamped, ready
ready to be rebuffed once again

I'm trying, buying into it
giving my all for such a dead cause
I wanna be everything but
I just can't bring myself to do it

Why will I give up when I've never even tried?
never tasted the success of a lenient bliss
whenever I try I get thrown back to the dogs
because I'm wrong to try in the first place

I've been riding this aching pain for too long
I'll shut up!

Do you feel my pain as I sit here in silence?
legs crossed 'cause they're broken
why can't you feel in pain and pretend not to care?
eyes crossed, unfocused

Don't you see
how you ripped me from my sanity?
ecstasy
but I can't even begin to see

Now can you feel the rain as it beats across my back?
I'm naked and tainted
are you seeing fame when you rip the clothes right off of me?
just crossed the casualty

Don't you see
how you ripped me from my sanity?
ecstasy
but I can't even begin to see
don't you see
how you ripped me from my sanity?
ecstasy
but I can't even begin to see

And you read into my past that you know the future
and you pretend not to notice that I just bought a gun
and you read along the present and pretend that you are here
pretend that you can hear as I swallow you up as one!

Don't you see
how you ripped me from my sanity?
ecstasy
but I can't even begin to see

I’ve been told
That you walk away in your sleep
That you dream so deep
That you’ll never be happy with me

But I’m growing old
Just thinking of what we’ll be
In time, I’m sure, you’ll see
If you ever walk in your sleep
Then please don’t walk away from me

I have never known this
I have never owned up to this
This feeling
This needing
This wanting exists
I have never understood
Even though I should
And I would
If I could if you promise you’d
Never walk away from me

My bed is so cold
Because you’re not here with me
You’re only in my thoughts, my dreams
But it seems like we will never see

The days unfold
And my nighttimes are so free
When you’re walking through my dreams
But please
Don’t ever walk away from me

Sometimes a deep breath is all I need to straighten out my brain
To get my head onto the right track, instead of the insane
Lately this is not enough, but there’s nothing I can do
No matter how I try to steer, my thoughts all turn to you

But it isn’t bad
It is oh so good
And I’m not sad, you see
This is the happiest that I could be
Forever seems like so far away
But I’ll wait for you forever, and our someday

Sometimes a simple word or two makes my mind spin around
A basic thought, and no mixed feelings, and I find I’m falling down
Is it strange to feel this love without a single question in my head?
You couldn’t be more far away but I’ll continue to walk ahead

‘Cause it isn’t bad
It is oh so good
And I’m not sad, you see
This is the happiest that I could be
Forever seems like so far away
But I’ll wait for you forever, and our someday

Why was I so sorry to fall in love?
Was I afraid of something I would fall just short of?
I thought I’d wander around so misguided
But somewhere I decided
To be the best person I could be
Just for you and me

‘Cause it isn’t bad
It is oh so good
And I’m not sad, you see
This is the happiest that I could be
Forever seems like so far away
But I’ll wait for you forever, and our someday

SPLATTERS AND DOTS
Copyright 2002 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

He's telling her yes
She's telling him no
Who do you think will get their way?
He's wanting the rest
She's wanting to go
Who do you think will feel the most?

Red paint splatters on my wall
I'm seeing dots in my eyes
Green grass turning brown
And the colors that fade to lies

And the purple memories of shallow photographs
Mom won't listen and dad just laughs
Yellow feelings that are turning green
Have my emotions gone unseen tonight?

He's telling her yes
She's telling him no
Who do you think will get their way?
He's wanting the rest
She's wanting to go
Who do you think will feel the most?

Tiny swallows drink me up
Birds and bells are all I hear
Little sparrows tell me "what the fuck?"
Disassociative distance near

And the black thoughts
The lost fights
I fought I know
And the white images are now
Black forever
And my red scars will never get better and

He's telling me yes
I'm telling him no
Who do you think will get their way?
He's wanting the rest
I'm wanting to go
Who do you think will feel the most?

Can't anyone hear me?
Or shall I scream some more?
Can't anyone hear me?
Or do you want some more?

SURVIVAL MONOLOGUE FOR THE DAMNED
Copyright 2000 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

There's something wrong with my brain

I always think that I have some kind of deadly disease like cancer
and I just don't know it yet
and when I find out, it will force me to fight
to stop taking the easy road
and be a flame

I can see myself paralyzed, at my computer, in a wheelchair
but inside I'm know I'm really just paralyzed
with my fear in my dreams, a wimp
and I'm not a sacrificial hero after all

Just a lazy underachiever, scared of being late
for fear that people will look at me, knowing something that I don't
and thinking their own negative thoughts about me
God knows my own hateful thoughts are enough

I hate myself, and I hate what I do
but it's not enough to drive me
it's only enough to push me further into my shell
so I can hate myself more
(more, how can I?)

How can I drive if I don't think I'll get where I'm going to?
it's all about having just enough to survive
drive to make the other people happy
because they say you'll be happy in the end
but what's there to believe?

I just want to sleep
'cause when I sleep my eyes are closed
and I can't see the people laughing at me
shaking their heads in disapproval and disappointment

God damn stupid monologue let me sleep

Let me sleep
and leave this world
and forgot everything
and instead travel only in my head
with my friends and my rules
'cause there's something wrong with my brain

I can feel it pushing
you can't feel it pushing?
pushing me to sleep
I will be nothing

God damn stupid monologue let me go in peace and sleep

Is it all the same because I see the people watching me?
so that I can be seen as legendary after all
even though it's all in my head
the bugs crawl in my head and there's something wrong with my brain

God damn stupid monologue let me sleep
God damn stupid monologue let me sleep

TEN (CALL YOU OUT)
Copyright 2001 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

Don't make me call you out
show you baby pictures when you were ten
do you like how it feels?
not to control yourself while you control others

Don't make me show what you are
how stupid you look with a bright red nose
how dumb you look when you babble and drool
and how you make me think that you were ten again

Ten is not enough
to stop you
ten is just enough
to bring you down
nine down, one to go
tell me will you make it to ten times two?

It goes unstated that you don't deserve what you did
but you deserve what you got for doing it
a fucked up car and a fucked up job
better for you, 'cause you fucked up her life too

Don't make me show you what I always knew
you are just an impulsive little kid
but just don't sit there in orange and try to tell me
that it's just an impulse and you won't do it again

Ten is not enough
to stop you
ten is just enough
to bring you down
nine down, one to go
tell me will you make it to ten times two?

I can stand here watching you but I cannot say a word
A prisoner of your gaze I glance away
I take a mental picture and hang it on my wall
I wonder if I'll ever have the courage to say to you

What I feel
Is what I see
But in your mind
It's not for real

I must go on working now because my gaze is growing long
For fear that people will know I'll move on
I'll keep thinking my own thoughts inside but I cannot speak
You make me weak, I will sing to you again

What I feel
Is what I see
But in your mind
It's not for real

And what I see
Is what I am
And I take away your smile
And bring it back again

Three more days is a long time
Thinking of what you might say
I dreamed for nineteen years about slitting my wrist
But I didn’t want it to end this way

Two more days is torture
Waiting for that long sigh
You sit me down, say “nineteen years for nothing”
And “now I must tell you you’ll die”

I can’t let it end this way
Three more days
I can’t let myself go away
Three more days

Three more days is just crazy
When three weeks was so long
But it seems so short when I think of nineteen years
Of dancing, writing, and song

Two more days of normalcy
At least, two more days of pain
Thinking about how I’ve lost nineteen years subverted
No more dancing in the rain (Quote!)

I can’t let it end this way
Three more days
I can’t let myself go away
Three more days

What will I do the last day of my life?
Will I sit here in silence, reflecting on life?
Or will I cry?
Stay weak and die?

I can’t let it end this way
Three more days
I can’t let myself go away
Three more days

When I was five years old and so helpless and so cold
I was left alone
thrashing in the water, flailing arms, falling and sinking
I was left to drown
I couldn't move or make up ground, I just kicked in place
circled around
my feet kicked hard, my arms flailed long until my feet touched
and felt the ground

When I was twelve years old in the ocean on a boat
I jumped away
I left my little sanctuary, sank into the sea
and I prayed
that I am Janet Evans, Olympic swimmer, and I can move
but I went down
I couldn't move my feet, so tired and so weak
I pushed on
I pulled myself along praying for the sand
to touch my feet
I pushed myself down, praying God I won't be found
down below
I wanted to give up, to stop, and just drop
into the depths
my feet kicked hard my arms flailed long until I paused
and felt a helping hand

Pulled away from destiny
fought to sink down to the water's floor
pushed ahead by someone else
asked to swim just a bit more

when I was sixteen I had it made I had a dream to graduate
number one
wear the cap and wear the gown, walk the platform
ride the town
drive my Mustang down to South, move on and live better
figure it out
be my perfect self that I had already pictured
I was at home
but I ran around the edge, slipped and fell
hit my head
I let go of everything I had, I dropped
I didn't move
I gave in to the peace and what was easy for me
to do
I wanted to feel, like my perfect star
in the water

Stars fall in the water
stars fall in the water
burn up in the water
burn up in the water
stars fall in the water
stars fall in the water

Pulled away from destiny
fought to sink down to the water's floor
pushed ahead by someone else
asked to swim just a bit more

Pulled away from talent, fame
forced to swim, no ground below
pushed ahead out on my own
moved my stroke nice and slow

Paddle out
sink or swim
don't stop now
try to swim
paddle further
don't stop now
sink or swim
just don't fall

Pulled away from destiny
fought to fly to the stars above
pushed myself beyond the clouds
pushed myself up to the sun

WHAT AM I TO DO?
Copyright 1999 White Crash Music
Words and music by S. Walls

I know
every little thing
I think
but where to begin
I fear
therefore I am
I can feel this
and here I am

I can see the world's flashing all around me nice and fast
I can tell that you wanna know me nice and fast
I predict that you will move it nice and fast
but if I'm not right, then what else can I be?

If I can see
through you once again
why do I put myself
into your hands?
I know I
can do better than you
I know that but
what am I to do?

I can hear the stories of all your other girls
I can see their faces, the faces of little girls
I can tell why you'd prey on the young and the small
I can't tell why you'd prey on me at all

If I can see
through you once again
why do I put myself
into your hands?
I know I
can do better than you
I know that but
what am I to do?