A MOM'S LOVE

Dear Amanda, I've wanted to tell you this for awhile now, and tonight as I write this you are sound asleep. Looking like an angel.'S' Soon you will be seven and it seems like just yesterday you were born. Where has the time gone, Amanda? You are needing me less with each new day, while I need you that much more. I wish time would just stop and let me enjoy you that much more. Do you know how much Mommy wanted you and how many nights I cried to hold a child in my arms that was mine?

They told me that I might never have a child and that day foward I begged God to give me the only thing that would make me whole. I remember looking back now the day I was told after all the hardship. I walked around on a cloud for nine months. I shared you with not a soul and protected you from the world. I can't do that now baby, but I can promise you Mommy will always be there for you no matter what path you take in life. It is so much fun watching you grow and learn, and see everything there is to know about life.

With all my heart I wanted a daughter. And when you were born I looked at you and knew at that moment that this is why I was here on Earth, to give you life. I couldn't believe, I was a Mommy and I had a daughter. Even when you were inside me I knew you were a girl and i'd have a best friend for life. But oh Amanda, it's hard to still believe your here and I love you with all that I am.

You had in a wink of an eye, in a flash of that toothless grin, changed my life forever. And to say captivated my heart wouln't even explain the love I felt on that day. From the moment you were born time changed and I became different and new. My life was measured in heartbeats instead of minutes. Everything that happened is a part of that magical moment. When you opened your eyes and we saw you for the first time. I'll never forget that sight for as long as I live. I gave life and we were no longer one. You were a person, seperate and complete.

I can never describe for you the moment I counted your fingers and toes. And crawled your damp perfect little head. All I can tell you is that I waited for that moment for a lifetime. And it was something I could never have read about in a book. I never wanted to leave your sight and Amanda, I still never do. 'S'

Some say that I am too protective, but I don't care, you're all I have in this crazy mixed up world. As I write this I wonder what it must be like for a mother to make the decision to have an abortion or to give her child up and miss all that I am sharing with you now? Sad thought Amanda, but all I know is that I would sell my soul for you....

WOW Amanda! You are going to be seven! I remember your first day at pre-school and you were just so happy to be among children and to learn. As I kissed you goodbye, you were brave and Mommy walked you to the door. Looked back and you didn't look for me. I turned me head and cried, ran home called Grandmom and cried more. I let you go that day and Mommy had to be the brave one and Amanda, that was the hardest day of my life. Then there was kindergarden, that was worse for me. While you loved being there all day, I had to adjust again.'S'

You always loved to learn, and not because you are mine . But because, you are brillant. With the ability to keep wanting to learn. I try to tell you even now, when you're small. The one thing that's most important is education, because no matter what you do in life. Not a soul can take that from you. Time is flying by Amanda and you're in first grade. Gosh, I miss you and you are so much like me that it scrares me.'S' (My little princess) You cry so easily when you make others think you are strong, just like me. You want what you want and when you want it. Don't know where you get that from?'S' You are so much like me that it's funny....

I treasure you Amanda. And I wish that I could just show you what I know. But you will need to learn the rest as you grow. As I end this letter tonight. I want to leave you with these last thoughts.

Be the best person you can be. Know that there is a world of bad, but when you look around Amanda. There is that much good. Know that education is so important. And never stop wanting to learn. Know that there are drugs and alcohol out there and that's not the path to take. Know that friends are important but it doesn't matter how many you have. As long as you have one special one. Know that your family is always there for you. But important Amanda, know self respect.

I as your Mommy, want you to know that the day will come and all too soon. That you will fall in love. Amanda, please, don't give yourself to anyone unless they are worthy of you. And know the difference between sex and love. If they don't go together then it is worthless and meaningless. And most important, Amanda, always know right from wrong. And the rest will all come.

My little one, we have so much more to look foward to together. I love you and always come to me first, because I will always be there for you. Love, Mommy