"You can't pee into a Mr. Coffee and get Taster's Choice!"-Dana Carvey
"You know, the dentist is a real freak, I mean, he takes pictures of your teeth, shows them to you and when you ask him for a copy he screams 'NO!'. What, does he jack off to them at home or something?"
"Yeah, I mean our symbol is the maple leaf, and we go hey look at us if you challenge Canada, we'll wither up and blow away!"
"It'd be really cool if Canada decided to,like, invade another country. I mean no one would see it coming! They wake up one morning and we'll say, 'That's right we're taking over Turkey..and guess what? We're calling it Chicken!'"
"Nate, did you like sticking you fingers in light sockets for fun?" - me *had to have been there*
"Axl Rose dances like the Coco Pops bird!"
"I'm trying to see it from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass."
"Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "- Winston Churchill

"When someone hurts you write it in sand so that the winds of time will blow it away. When someone is good to you carve it in stone so that you never forget. If you can live your life this way, love will always win." 1