all about you was divinity
and though you had (and still have)
a tendency to avoid responsibility
(must've had too much of it when you were younger) I believe you
rape was a swear word.
and recipitated the inevitable recounting of the encounter
so we went cross country skiing
he was like a brother to me
a guardian that didn't guard if you will
and you haven't talked to your poppa bear in years(will you soon?)
you look good sometimes... only when you wear make-up though.
thanks.
lets meet at the office right before christmas
ill wear burgundy and you'll wear tight jeans
and i'll tell you how sorry I am for having doubted you
and you'll forgive me by putting me back under your thumb
only i don't know it yet because i'm not old enough to
have any perspective on this
and you only hope that one day when i have the time (1997?)
i will forgive you (and so i did)
we could've done this amicably
and they wouldn't have publicly made fun of me because i performed dramatic
monologues in drama class
because I didn't tell them the truth the whole truth so help me buddha
I didn't think it relevant to my present expression(would you have heath?)
but it would certainly clear things up wouldn't it
it would certainly explain a few things
(like my procrastination)
would there have been as much mud slung had they known?
probably
I have a gift for you it's back at the house
you can follow me.
truth is (and I know this sounds fucked)
I still love you and I hope that you can begin to heal as well.
say it was on the tenth day
not prejudiced.....was offered
a ride she took the drive and embellished her story
she told the man why he had gotten divorced
(he played the parent too often and their sex
life suffered among other things)
"you're scaring me", he said,
"you're only ten years old".
the family tree they drove along the icy northern roads
he wasn't always "right" although when religion was
the topic he
said things that changed my life forever
he was not married anymore
he had cats (and some mice) and crates of diet coke in
his house
he used to be in a band
he used to tell her what to do and she would oblige
he didn't ever take advantage of the young and he
lived in his head
in his intellect and I haven't seen him in a long time
she hadn't even changed her canadian thanksgiving clothes
when she heard the news of her brother-in-law
her friends packed her bag for her and she got
on the soonest plane
her hands were shaking and she ordered juice like I did
"just keep trying"
I said
"it's okay".
"I feel like I know you"
she said
"like god sent you to me".
"I think god sent you to me"
I said
her hand was warm
and we jumped between reminiscing, memories of europe
and grief
"thank you elana!" she yelled as I left baggage claim
"god bless you" I yelled and ran to a white car
I hope she enjoys the books.
"here baby, let me pet your hair." hell yes.
and any time anything went wrong I would run to
a woman.
when I was robbed.
when I was sick.
when I was violated. when I was broken.
a bosom.
now the challenge would be to run to a man
when the who-do-i-turn-to shit hits the fan.
at some point perhaps we could sit cross legged,
facing each other.
(I have not felt this attracted to someone in years)
let's go lie down in your houseboat…
venture in (with god nestled in the green carpet)
say things like "so have you read all these books…."
etc…
you will tell me tragic stories and try to fluff them
off as though
everyone has members
of their nuclear family die when they're young….
and you will be so curious about how I handled
everything with
such dignity
(we'll debate about whether it was dignity or denial)
I will then ask you the same.
and I may never tell you about the dream I had…….
you bought me olivia newton-john posters
and black lights
and I had you all to myself for an hour and I pushed
you
up against the wall and kissed you and it was
electrifying
No regrets. Growth. Give yourself credit. Everybody is different. Their view of you may not be correct. Does it really matter? Who Matters? You. Who do you love? What do you know that no one else knows? Take a chance. Talk, listen, cry. You know how to laugh. Make a fool of yourself. Honesty. Enjoy the highs, appreciate the lows...they are humbling. Learn, learn about you. Be aware. Patience. Be positive. Be hopeful. Don't ever let anyone destroy who you are and what you believe. Be open to change and evolution. Accept. Reach out. Ask questions. Hear the answers. Are they right? Live for the moment but anticipate the future. A good one. You deserve it. Work very hard. Don't stop. Admit weaknesses...your strengths will speak for themselves. Use your gifts. Yes, you have gifts. Forgive. Let go. Swallow your pride. But spit it up when you're done to make sure it's still intact. Be gentle. Strong. Kiss. Kissing is wonderful. Keep a promise. Conquer a fear. Don't be perfect, be excellent. Falter. Balance. Be grateful. Be real. Never give up. Don't be afraid. I believe in you."~Alanis Morissette 1992
"I wouldn't date guys in high school if they said "funner"...it didn't take much..I was usually single."
