Please try to imagine my surprised delight when, just before midnight on February the tenth, after a long afternoon-evening-night on the piss, I staggered into the library to check my e-mail, only to discover that not only had Lauren Laverne herself done my quiz, but she'd also sent me a letter to boot. Well, her it is, I've chopped out a little bit so that freaks and psycho's and the general public can't pretend to be me and nab my "waiting in the wings" copy of Catsuit City, but other wise, this is the full unexpurgated original with all the spelling mistakes and everything...
"Hello matt, is this your personal email adress? I don't know how these things work. Im a lover not a fighter and all that, anyway I hope it is. I couldn't get your guestbook to go so I thought Ih'd write personal-like. It's Lauren by the way (from the group). You problees already know that though cos I filled in your quiz before (did I win? did I? did I? etc). I can't believe I haven't seen your website before. It's good. You're CHEEKY. I don't know why I keep writing in capitals. I guess I'm just crazy. Anyhoo, I liked your site so much, especially the bit about how you got into us that I thought you might like a copy of catsuit city to replace the one that got stolen. It doesn't have a cover because I had to bike it down to record collector for a piece they were doing about valuable 7"s and they never sent it back. Cunts, but it's yours if you like. Just call - (my people) on **** ******* and ask them for their adress, then write to me, they'll pass it on and I'll send you some stuff back. I might even be able to send you some new photos and stuff for your site. OK? Sorry about this round-the-houses approach but you could be a complete psycopath, couldn't you? And so could I. There we are then.
What else? well gossip-wise, Johnny X was accused of the theft of a 1970s box today by the incompetent assistant of an ex-associate, EMI are talking about remixing a song for the first single. Fuck knows, eh? Marie's thinking about getting her hair dyed black and straightened into a bob ( i see her face all the time and this would look nice). Emmy_kate has returned from her boyfriend's gran's nintieth (or summat) birthday in scotland and is now with our mate Sarah in Leeds for her 20th birthday. I have been writing songs and buying stuff (including the new air album, that joy division box set, lots of pants, frames for my new flat, oh yeah and a new flat, which I'm actually renting but I see that as buying). Marie has joined x and my pact to buy the thousand pound stereos so now we get to ask uppity shop bloke for three instead of two. Good eh? Spanners has got a new girlfriend (he he he). I'm planning to throw a bucket of ice over chumbawamba at the next EMI function we both attend in a crazy postmodern revenge attack. Don't tell them, though it'll spoil the surprise. I'll thump your tub you wankers. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Do you watch Mystery science theatre three thousand? You should. Find someone with cable/sky. It's on the sci-fi channel on saturdays at 4pm and 11pm and is really funny. Me and x have been watching that a lot recently. I don't know what else to say really, except of course I do cos I can always talk shite. I'm not doing the glitter thing any more, my new fashion is workwear and stuff which basically involves me going into Alexandra's (where they sell cleaning /waitressing /chefing.. uniforms by the ton and buying single ones then having them altered by my mam (who used to make clothes for a living -fact.) My latest acquisition is a grey nurse's uniform which was about a tenner. It's a good shape. I've also had my hair cut inbto a louse brooks but blonde bob, which I had to convince the hairdresser to do (Shame on you toni and guy) because he said that layers were softer and more flattering. Fuck soft I said, cut the hair. So he did and then I went out a few places in it and somebody asked all about it and went wow and then had her hair done the same and went on telly. Tits. (that's my favourite cuss, to be said in an upper-class horseboy voice, under your breath). Emma's boiler is broken. God, this gossip isn't very rock n roll is it? Ok, ok, recently ems was at the cafe de paris and huw and tony off eastenders asked to meet her cos they love kenickie. Apparently they were lovely and so is Patsy Palmer. I was jealous because I had stayed in the house and did all Marie's washing which had piled up over 3 months after her washer broke. I offered to do it, don't get me wrong. She's just moved house and I've been staying at hers for a bit, so I wanted to do something to help out, especially because she gave me her bed (Matt or roadie and friend has moved into the spare room so we were sharing) but I was sorry I missed the lads cos I think they're great. I've been out a lot. Highlights that I remember include a semiclad man in Leeds doing a cossack-style dance around my mate Leanne, Fuck I can't remember anything! Where the fuck have I been in the last 4 weeks? This is scary. Oh yeah, I had an incident with eddie izzard where we were talking and I tried to make a joke about me wearing stilts and a tricorn hat but it backfired and he looked at me like I was a total spod. I apologised at the brat awards where I was LESS drunk and he was very funny so we are friends again. I told Jayne Midlemiss that no her top was not too low cut and that she should go after that Richard Ashcroft. She said he had left the building but for some reason I saw this as no obstcle. She's lovely. I got very drunk with mogwai at their brats show and emma had to get me down off a speaker at the aftershow to take me home because I had "gone bendy" (when I reach a certain stage of inebriation I tend to fold at the waist and knees). Apparently I maintained that I was going somewhere with arab strap (who are great, aren't they?) Basically I've been dancing a lot and falling over. Anyway I've wasted enough of your time already. Keep up the good work
love
Lauren xxx"