It's Easter, a time to forget all talk of dieting and self-restraint in favour of gorging yourself on 17 eggs before breakfast and throwing up during Sunday's roast dinner. To celebrate the season's festivites - and because she'll do anything for free chocolate - we've enticed Marie from Kenickie into the office to see what delights The Maker Bunny has brought along. As a self-appointed confectionery connoisseur there's no one better qualified to chomp merrily through our pyramid of chocolate treats and seperate the delicious from the disgusting. Burn those slimming magazines, and join us in the Great Maker Easter Eggstravanganza!
CADBURY'S CREME EGG
25p
"I'm not keen on these at all. I don't like the gooey inards. Hmm...how would I eat mine? Well, I'd bang it against the table like so (bangs it against the table like so), scoop out the yucky middle which looks like eye jelly, and just eat the outside. If I ate the middle it would just dribble down my chin. How could I walk around like that? And the insides stick to your teeth, making you feel sick before you've even eaten any. Truly horrible. Emmy and Lauren like them though."
IF IT WAS A POP STAR? "This would be Louise. She's getting really pretty now, but, really, I can't be having it."
EGG RATING: 5/10
KINDER SUPRISE
42p
"Ah three in one: a chocolate, a suprise and something to play with. I like the idea, but not how they taste. I'm looking forward to what the toy might be. Damn, I can't open the bloody thing. Maybe the suprise is that you can't open it. I need a chisel. (The Maker lends a hand. Five minutes later...). What kind of a toy is this? It's a...thing!! I have no idea what this is. It's impossible to make, "The Krypton Factor" would be easier. It's a strange type of robot. Oh sod it, I give up. (Marie looks disheartened.) The chocolate is disgustingly European. Grim."
POP STAR? Slint - "Because the toy was so difficult to get into to, just like the group."
RATING? 1/10 (0/10 for the toy).
WINNIE THE POOH
99p
"This'll be good. Now that's a brilliant egg. It looks like a magical, faraway egg of Xanadu. Oh, it doesn't rattle. not a good sign. that will lose it points. It comes with a hat (Marie balances the packaging on her head), which is always to be encouraged. Oooh, it's cheap chocolate, the type Santa would give you for Christmas. the Jelly Tots inside are nice though, but I shouldn't eat them because they make me go mental. Jelly Tots look like magic money and I used to play with them when I was little. the red ones were worth most, but the green ones are crap. They're the half-pence that went out of circulation ages ago."
POP STAR? Ultrasound - "Because Tiny looks like Winnie The Pooh."
RATING: 7/10
CADBURY'S MINI EGGS EGG
£1.49
"You can't fault these, with the star parrot here. We've got a roadie who looks exactly like this (you mean eggs-actly, Marie?). Now look at this. you open it up like this and it just says "Welcome to Egg Heaven". This reminds me of being young during Easter when I'd get very territorial about my eggs with my sister. So what you do is write your name on the inside of the upturned shell just like this (she scrawls "Marie" in the chocolate). Then you know which egg belongs to who. You can use the other half as an ashtray at a cocktail party. Mmmm, this is delicious."
POP STAR? Sparks - "Because Ron, the skinny one, would make a mini egg last all Easter. He'd feast on it."
RATING: 9/10
MR GRUMPY
£1.99
