This was probably the biggest event of my summer, I’d been planning to go and see Kenickie for months (ever since the Christmas gig was cancelled, in fact) and I got my ticket almost as soon as they became available. So, unlike my attendance of the Alleycat gig, my plan of action was well prepared and rehearsed. Essentially it was:
1) Visits as many pubs possible,
2) See Kenickie play before I pass out.
I succeeded on both counts.
Allow me to introduce your hosts:
I am Matt, fresh out of a Biochemistry exam with a maniac glit in my eye. Beneath that battered and shabby, but otherwise quite friendly facade lurks a battered and shabby, but otherwise quite friendly grade A sarcastic bastard with a Genetics exam next week. Kenickie fans don’t come any scarier than me - and that’s official.
Accompanying me in my adventure is Alex. A student of environmental science - along with all that entails - and mighty fan of Kenickie, not least ‘cos he can understand their accents. He stands a proud six foot in his Para boots, is rarely seen out of combat trousers, and wears glasses and long brown hair - which has nice pink and yellow dyed streaks.
Act I: At The Pub
Scene I:
In which we are introduced to our heroes, Alex and Matt, who drink some beer.
And so, the dynamic duo set out upon their quest at about half past one on the afternoon of Wednesday the third of June. Stopping off briefly at the C P Snow building to submit some coursework, we had originally planned to take the bus to the station, but missed it and had to walk instead. Arriving at Hatfield station, we discover that by missing the bus, we have also missed the train, but no matter. Instead we hold the fort in the Hatfield Arms until the next one arrives and sink a couple of Carlsbergs. The train journey is generally uneventful. On arrival in Kings Cross we head first for Burger King and then to the tube station. However, en route to our second objective we are waylaid by mutual friends Alex (a different one), Andy and company. So instead we go to the Coopers pub on platform 9 and settle a couple more beers.
Scene II
In which Alex and Matt arrive in Camden, drink more beer, avoid buying some records and instead buy beer.
Finally, we can linger no longer, and Alex and myself enter the dim and dingey network of the London underground Northern Line. We emerge into the sunshine in the centre of Camden. Our strategy springs into well oiled motion as we enter the Good Mixer, famed as hang out of Blur and miserable muso types like Richard Ashcroft. We see no one famous, but we do see a bar - and we like what we see.
We drink deeply and slowly, the whole afternoon ours for the taking. We also ply the pub with our choices of the Jukebox, including the Kinks, the Jam and the Velvet Underground. Then we move on.
Next stop, the Boar’s Head. This is where we discover that the Dictaphone I borrowed especially for the occasion is NOT WORKING. Much panicking, changing of batteries, fiddling with contacts and eventually punching the damn thing fail to make it work again. I worry not however, for the likelihood of me actually meeting the ‘Nicks anywhere but on stage is virtually nil. Or so I thought.
Anyway, next stop an music shop over the road, and then Rhythm Records, where I bought my vinyl copy of IWFY the day before. Inside Rhythm Records, Alex and I each have to constantly slap each other then pull ourselves away from whatever exotic musical gem we’ve just uncovered and gone into shock over seeing. We both see the potential of leaving very much poorer and unable to afford any more beer. This sorry state of affairs cannot be allowed, so, before we succumb to temptation of vinyl, we go to the Oxford Arms, where we succumb to the alternative temptation of beer.
Scene III:
In which, rather than meeting all the other internet fans, Alex and Matt waste their time drinking beer.
More exactly, we succumb to Becks, which at £2.50 a pint is the most expensive I’ve bought for a very long time. But, for hells sake - it’s Becks, and it’s on TAP. I allow myself only one pint before we move on the Elephant’s Head over the road.
The evening is drawing in and the light beginning to wane as we head for the Halfway House. Two pints and much longer than expected later. We finally arrive in the Worlds End an hour later than promised. Kenickie internet fans are conspicuous by their absence, or at least they don’t notice me - dressed as promised in a red shirt, kakhis and a battered black leather jacket - or Alex - resplendent in a bright pinky red jumper, green combat trousers and army boots. This is a shame, Alex had re-dyed his multicoloured streaks especially, and even (and even I hadn’t expected this) shaved.
Anyway. A couple of pints later - eyesight beginning to go hazy - we finally decide that it is time. And enter the Ballroom.
Act II: At The Club
Scene I:
In which Alex and Matt, having drunk their fill, actually go into the Electric Ballroom, where they are separated.
The Ballroom is a big place and this is swiftly evidenced by the fact that Alex and myself swiftly lose each other. No matter, we’re both big boys now and we’d already agreed to meet out side afterwards. Seafood are playing, and they are just as bad as last time. I find myself at the front on the right of the stage and drink deeply from my can of Grolsch. Fortunately, I’ve already missed most of Seafood’s act and they promptly leave the stage. So do I, as nothing much seems to be happening. Instead I go to the toilet, which in the case of the gents is up on the balcony around the back of the pit. It’s a bit of a trial getting up there, especially considering the crowd and the fact that a good dozen pints and not enough to eat are finally catching up with me. However I manage and then attempt to return to the ground floor. I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.
Scene II:
In which Matt has an unfortunate run in with Kenickie - which results in lead singer, Lauren, throwing him out of the sound box - and drinks some more beer.
I wander nonchalantly down some stairs then up a few more running along the edge of the auditorium and find myself inside a big glass sided room hanging precipitously from the wall. The word "sound" and "box" drift carelessly through more cerebellum. I look round. I am surrounded by familiar figures, only not...
"Shit," I think to myself, I’m not at all supposed to be here, however Pete looks relatively pleased to see me and I burble incoherently to him about how Earl Brutus look determined to murder each other on stage, and that I’ve recently got some more Mogwai stuff and it’s really good and I like the stuff he did with them (he seemed quite chuffed by that, or perhaps he was being polite) then finally lapse into puzzled silence. Eventually, Lauren politely but firmly throws me and another ligger called Richard out (at least I hope that’s what she was saying - I couldn’t hear a damn thing. What if she’d actually said "why don’t you drop in on us after the gig, handsome." Oh infamy! Or arrogance...). I manage to leave with dignity by grandly announcing that it’s quite alright, I was lost anyway.
I chat briefly with Richard who also confesses to having been lost upon entry, then decide that I need to drink myself back sober, and proceed to do just this with a further three pints of Heineken. By the time Kenickie came on stage, I’d passed right though inebriation and out the other side into a surreal sobriety of my own. I may have been talking bollocks, but I assure you I was thinking straight.
Just before I made my way back down to the pit, I bumped into the familiar face of Martin, who I’d last seen chasing Lauren and Emmy up Reading High Street. It would seem he had become a full time Kenickie groupie. Good luck to him I suppose.
Scene III:
In which Matt gets badly squashed in a crowd and is briefly reunited with Alex. With musical interlude.
Anyway, Kenickie take the stage as I am - actually rather successfully - attempting to get somewhere near the front. Immediately the audience are transfixed and I wriggle past about a dozen people before realisation sets in.
The band had been on the road for nearly two weeks at this point, and it showed. Compared to Reading, the performance was infinitely more polished and poised. Unfortunately, there is rather less back chat - but maybe they’re trying to get away from the "comedy act with songs" accusation, which is fair enough. The set remains largely the same as for the last weeks. Lauren announces I Would Fix You buy chattily saying that she was sure that all of us had bought it - big cheer at this point - then adding wryly,
"It’s a shame no one else did"
The 411, is announced as "Montrose gets the horn," a double entendre that I got, but not many of the people around me seemed to - and they gave me funny looks as I guffawed. At about this time I pogoed into Alex and spotted someone who might or might not have been Flossie, as he was shouting at an oldish bloke with a rotten hair cut. But I didn’t know it was him at the time. We shout and jump for joy at Lunch at Lassiters, performed with style and getting better every time I hear it. Magnatron causes probably the worst case of surging all night, until - of course - In Your Car is wheeled out. Then it’s every man for himself and my battered old jacket gets slightly more battered and half wrenched off my shoulder.
The gig ends, the lights darken, the smell of disappointment hangs heavy in the air. Or maybe it’s just sweat. Whichever, I have no time to speculate as almost as swiftly as they left, Kenickie are back - Marie sings Girls Best Friend, and then it’s back to Come Out 2nite, finishing just as we began - except this time in a searing blaze of red hot adolescent attitude. Yeah!
Act III: All sorts of other Places
Scene I:
In which Matt successfully interviews Johnny X, which greatly aids his pulling technique.
The Ballroom clears extremely quickly - they must have big doors - and the lights come up. Towels and things are thrown to the teaming masses. I remain aloof of such fripperies and instead head back to the sound box, sight of my previous embarrassment, determined to make it up to myself. Inside I find one single solitary soul. He turns out to be DJ Downfall, and I tell him that I prefer his remix of IWFY to the Mint Gun Club effort. We discuss websites, most specifically official ones. I think he said he’d heard of mine (probably along the lines of "beware of the one known only as Matt - of MKW") and I explained how wanted to remain unofficial, and threw in a couple of poor Lo-fi underground jokes to boot.
Then Pete X turned up. He had some problem with too many people at the backstage party, however - I seized my chance and introduced myself...
M: Hi, my name's Matt, I run a Kenickie website...
X: Oh yeah, I've heard of you.
M: Any chance of a quick interview?
X: (probably glad I wasn't trying to get backstage)
Yeah, all right.
M: Ok, errm. So, you've been on the road for a couple of weeks now, how did the tour go?
X: We thought it's all gone quite well, we've had a good time.
M: How's the new material gone down?
X: It's gone down really well. We've had a good response everywhere.
M: Did any particular gig stick out in your mind?
X: Well, this one was really good. Yeah, we enjoyed this one.
M: I do my humble best, even when I'm being pulped in a crowd. Which reminds me, there was some trouble at the Portsmouth gig. Any messages to those people there?
X: Yeah, fuck off the lot of you, we don't need your shit.
M: And the other people at the gig?
X: You were great, thanks for coming, never mind thoe other wankers.
M: I Would Fix You only charted low, how did you feel about that?
X: Ah well, we do it for ourselves you know. And the fans. So it didn't matter that much. It's a shame but... Anything else?
M: Well, I worked out some questions to ask before I came - but I can't remember any of them. I think it's because I'm drunk...
X: Hah! Yeah...
M: Some people think the single didn't sell so well 'cos the logo's changed and all that. I always liked the cartoon single covers...
X: Yeah well, we that was last years thing, you know...
M: Fair enough I suppose.
X: That all?
M: I suppose so. I can't think of anything much else to ask. Give me love to the girls and all that, and sorry about invading the sound box earlier. I was trying to find my way down from the loo.
(We shake hands)
Oh, did I say? I think the stuff you've done with Mogwai was really good.
X: Oh, thanks.
M: (Columbo moment)
Oh. Just one thing - any chance of a sneak preview of the next single?
X: We're thinking it'll probably be Physic Defence.
M: Oh, really?
X: Yeah.
M: Well, I'd better let you go. Cheers very much. Say hi to the girls for me and everything.
X: Yeah, sure.
(we shake hands once more) M: See you, thanks...
X: Bye.
Pete disappeared though some mysterious doors behind him, and turned to go, gladdened that I had somehow made amends for my drunken interruption.
By the way, the interview was recorded with a good old pencil and paper plus my rather dubious shorthand about five minutes later - and re-written on the train on the way home, so I'm not pretending that I've got it word for word perfect. Instead, consider this interview to have been conducted after the fine tradition of lo fi recordings - and the general gist of it's all ok.
Scene II:
In which Matt and Alex are once again reunited before being separated by an irate woman with blue hair, and Matt goes home.
Actually. I have reason to thank Pete for something more however. A young lady named Lucy latched onto me after seeing me having a prolonged discussion with a band member. Hello Lucy, if you’re reading this. Sorry I couldn’t get you into the back stage party, you brazen ligger you...
Well, we had charming time together, but I wanted to find Alex so I promised to meet her outside later. I did find Alex, as it happens. He was in a phone box with a woman with blue hair. I popped my head in to say hello, but she wasn’t too pleased to see me. Instead I chatted to Lucy and finally decided that I’d better let Alex know I was going, nearly getting my eyeballs gouged out by the blue haired woman in the process.
On the platform of Camden tube station I ran into internet Kenickie person Nick Horne (see his entry in the latest caption contest). He and his friends were wondering how to get home and I advised them that they would almost certainly miss the last train from Paddington and in a fit of drunken generosity offered them temporary lodgings at my place - even though I lived a good thirty odd miles outside London in the wrong direction. They declined, and I am given to understand ended up sleeping in Paddington. Well, that’s their prerogative.
I rejoin Lucy in the train and we travel to Kings Cross together, where we share a Burger King. She wisely declines my drunken lecherous advances and we part. I - somewhat surprisingly - catch my train with time to spare but still have to walk home from Hatfield station having missed the last bus by, ooh - a couple of hours.
Scene III:
In which Matt and Alex are finally reunited, and Alex recounts his adventures.
I spent the best part of Thursday in bed, asleep incidentally, not hung over. Upon awakening I went to the library to catch up on all the over internetpeople who’d been to the Ballroom, and spent a little while sorting my page out. The day passed without incident. Anyway, on Friday my next door neighbour told me that Alex had been looking for me yesterday, so I wandered over to his place where we compared notes.
It would seem that the blue haired woman - called Sarah incidentally - kidnapped him and took him hostage. Alex proudly showed me the bite marks, or at least the ones he was prepared to show. Finally, Alex made a daring escape and got home by taxi mid afternoon on Thursday. Something like that anyway.
It was certainly a most pleasant break from revising.