You Know You're a BFFer When...

The list of "reasons," true and pathetically funny.

Submit your own "reasons"

You are at this site.
You know Julianne, ...she wouldn't approve.
You wanna wanna wanna be Kate!
1 + 1 + 1 = 5.
You're "missing the war." You were never in the war.
You have (or want) all of the BFF singles.
When someone tries to give you advice you say that Great Caesar's ghost knows what's best for you.
It bugs you when you read a magazine like 'Teen, or Seventeen, and you see "BFF" and think, "ooh, yay!" and then realize it stands for 'best female friend.'
To you, three weeks is "two weeks and seven days."
Some armchairs are magical.
You have one in your living room.
You call to see if Paul can score some weed. You don't even know a Paul. ("...Hello, operator. Can you put me through to a Paul?")
You think Rockford Files is cool.
You want a BFF shirt for your "back to school" clothes.
Every day is a glaring, random day.
You tuned in for every webcast of BFF there ever was.
You taped most of them.
On a video tape and audiotape.
Your two most valuable possessions (in order of most important) : 1 - your BFF stuff. 2 - your mind.
Your nick name has something to do with BFF. (Kate, Emaline, Julianne, Steven, Tamara Eastern, Frally, Ben, Darren, Rob, Alice Childress, Eddie Walker, Jane, Summer B., Uncle Walter, Cheryl, Joe Caparo, the girl that looks like Axl Rose, Reinhold Messner, Melantha, One Angry Dwarf, Jane from Second Grade, Mary Jo, Tom, Mary, Ken, and the girl who roped him in, etc.)
You plan to (or already have) named your kids out of the following names : Kate, Emaline, Julianne, Steven, Tamara Eastern, Frally, Ben, Darren, Rob, Alice Childress, Eddie Walker, Jane, Summer B., Uncle Walter, Cheryl, Joe Caparo, the girl that looks like Axl Rose, Reinhold Messner, Melantha, One Angry Dwarf, Jane from Second Grade, Mary Jo, Tom, Mary, Ken, and the girl who roped him in, etc.
As of April 27, 1999, you say you are a narcoleptic by choice.
This week you feel like you've been born again.
Dreams and demons meet when you're half asleep.
You don't use jelly.
Sometimes you think you can hear a pin drop on the carpet floor.
You know all the funny noises in the BFF CD's (crickets in Cigarette, phone in SLNIT, laugh in YRP, etc.)
You drove home again...pissed and bleeding/beaten.
In the winter, you love to say, "Hey, summer, where ya been?" because you don't know anybody named Summer.
You think you know almost everything about the guys.
You probably do.
You can't stop singing BFF ("Ooh, la la la, ooh la la la, ooh la la la la..." - Kate).
Seconds pass slowly, and years go flying by.
You used lettered beads to make a necklace that says 'Ben Folds Five' even though it cost you at least 50 cents a letter, plus spacers and cord.
You think you've "got the gesture and sound, got the timing down."
Your notebooks have BFF quotes scribbled in the margins.
You can't wait till the future gets here.
Sometimes you wish you were that way.
You have a feeling you might never see Steven again.
You have faith that there's a soul somewhere that's leading you around.
You feel gulity for not giving a sht.
You will never rest, fighting the battle of who could care less.
When your money talks, you hate to listen.
Lately it's been screaming in your ear.
You were so excited the week before TUBORM came out that you couldn't sleep all week.
You were at the music store three hours before it opened the day TUBORM came out.
You drag your bag of trash down the road.
You're the first to post to the 'chair when the official site is updated.
You didn't like boxing before you "discovered" BFF. Now you do.
You're "singing...whatever and ever, amen."
You don't read the newspaper - you read the Magical Armchair.
You've written fan mail to BFF.
You've written fan mail to BFF more than once.
You see BFF videos in your dreams.
You have a BFF webpage that gets updated about twice a week.
You remember when misery thrilled you much more.
You have a VCR tape and an audio tape of the same interview (BFF, of course!)
You LOVE cool whip.
You would sell your soul for BFF concert tix.
You wish you could wake up late every day.
You think you can smell the cold.
You're counting the days till you live in a "Video."
You think it's cool to be bored.
You're on a Darren Jessee mailing list.
You "poured your heart out. It evaporated...see?"
You submitted about 5 questions to the ask Ben thing Mr. Frank Maynard did.
You probably already know the answers to some of them.
Satan is your master.
You already knew everything in my trivia section before you read it.
You wanna be lonely.
You think it's cool to be alone.
Raindrops keep falling on your head.
You have a heap of junk that pours from your top drawer.
You did a school report on Reinhold Messner.
You took a class to lose your southern accent.
You don't have a southern accent.
You never had a southern accent.
You're sure back home they think you've lost your mind. (Haven't you?)
You usually speak in BFF song titles and lyrics.
You also speak in BFF quotes, whenever possible.
You've had more than one awesome dream about going to a BFF concert.
You think you can be happy underground.
Everytime you say "goodbye," you say "kiss my ss" right before it.
You taped Politically Incorrect and didn't tape over it, even though Ben didn't say anything until the very end.
You wonder, "On a good day, can Ben fold six?"
The wind don't blow, and the grass don't grow on your street, according to you.
You think that you can't love a woman with "...Celllllulite!"
You always figure you're sinking in the "Someone Should Pay."
Your opinion on your sense of humour : "Yeah, well, natural selection has weeded it out..."
Your mix tape's a masterpiece.
Your "mix" tapes are completely BFF.
You think you know what happened in "Tom and Mary."
You think you'll get it done yesterday. ("oh, sht.")
You learned to play piano only so you could play BFF.
You smile and it's a rainbow.
At the end of the school year, you throw out your notebooks "leaf by leaf, page by page."
The end is growing near.
If you ever get to Silver Street, you're never leaving.
When you get bad service, you say "Gimme my money back, gimme my money back, you btch!"
You try to remain "Selfless, cold and composed."
When someone says, "I need your advice," you holler "Girls need attention!" before they can say anything else.
Every time you go into a book store you go straight to the music section to look for a book on BFF even though you're pretty sure there isn't even one in existance.
You're looking for the WAEA song book, even though you don't play any instrument.
When you are neither happy or sad, you say you are "between the shores of joy and sadness."
You've bought more than 1 compilation, just because it had a BFF song on it, even if you knew you probably wouldn't like any of the other songs.
You try to juggle one-handed.
You know all the abbreviations having anything to do with BFF or any thing else mentioned on the MA.
You bought Fear of Pop just because it was Ben's project.
You want a piece of that sweaty towel. (See Armchair #16?? - anybody know?)
You have a piece of that sweaty towel.
You want to go to Kalamazoo.
Your future's in the mail.
You regularly visit the internet CD retailers to see what they have for BFF stuff, even though you have all the stuff there.
After a while, you don't have to look to at those CD retailer's sites because you know what's there.
You look anyway.
You wish you had the same initials as one of the boys.
You know the boys' middle names.
You know their birthdays.
You celebrate their birthdays.
You have a good suggestion for this list. (Click here to submit.)
You don't think that way no more.
You "wanna borrow some duct tape!"
You know the exact date when Ben and Frally were married.
You know the dates when the twins were born.
You think you know James Earl Jones. You don't.
Your advice ("Girls need attention!") on how to cure insomnia : "Let the moonlight take the lid off your dreams."
Your favorite thing to say when someone's pissed off at you : "How many of me would it take to screw up your life?"
You never visit your grandma.
If someone really wants to see you, you say, "Check the papers and the T.V."
The Magical Armchair is both your favorite thing to read and your favorite place to read.
You do things "for the benefit of Tom and Mary."
You think you know French. ("Désolé...Je suis Américain..." "...Je ne parle pas français...")
Tu ne parles pas français. (You do not speak French.)
You slam doors like it's something to strive for.
You are listening to BFF right now.
If you ever move, you are going to buy a house on Rosemary, Cameron, Mitchell Lane or Silver Street.
Your excuse for not being able to think : "Novocaine our brains, we're out like lights."
You put pictures on the floor in rooms of your house, and you don't go in those rooms anymore.
You are looking for (or already have) the Majosha tape.
You dress up like the Cure.
You hate that darn Crosstown Traffic.
Your friends wouldn't dig this town.
When you don't understand something you say that you "can't see the forest for the trees," not because it's a common expression, but you heard it in that BFF song.
You send away for an autographed BFF picture.
When your 8X10 picture comes in the smaller envelope you sent away, you say that it got "FOLDed."
You want a "badss mother G. I. Joe." (for your little minds to blow...)
You go to your favorite search engine, type in 'Ben Folds Five', and all the links show up as visited.
You like Billy Idol and Kool Moe Dee because they are mentioned in "Your Redneck Past" by BFF.
You think you understand Emaline.
You have a BFF section in the bookmarks section on your browser window.
It would be a "Bad Idea" not to bookmark this site.
You think you have an uncle Richard. You don't.
You want to be called by your first name and your last initial. (ex. Summer B., Jenna A.)
If you were anywhere near any of those Levi's billboards, you'd take more than a few pictures.
You call your baby pictures "Naked Baby Photos."
Riding the bus anywhere, you can't resist yelling, "Stop the Bus!"
Everyday you wear the same thing.
When the school lip synch contest came around, you tried to convince your friends to do a BFF song. You tried so hard that they did their own - without you.
You seriously considered doing your own act, BFF of course, but you canned it when you realized how hard it would be to impersonate 3 people at once.
Whenever you go to a music store, you look to see what they have for BFF, even though you have all the CDs.
If a store has 50% or more of all the full length BFF CD's, it is "an awesome music store!"
Unearned unhappiness is all right...you guess.
You're not short, you're a "dwarf."
You wish it was last September.
Someday you're going to go to Ireland to look for U2.
You passed my trivia quiz in less than 20 minutes.
You were never cool in school.
When you broke up with your girlfriend/boyfriend you yelled "Gimme back my black T-shirt!" even though you knew s/he didn't have your black T-shirt.
You don't think you'll be on this planet very long.
You got beat up by the class.
You own every CD Ben has ever said he liked.
Your favorite type of music : Punk rock for sissies.
You consider yourself proud to be a sissy.
You thought about the army.
You know where the guys live.
You've never been out in the woods alone.
Whenever somebody gets exasperated and says "What-Ever!" you say, under your breath, "...and ever, amen!"
Your dream job is at a Chick-Fil-A.
At those little silent parts in any conversation, you break it by saying, "Oh, I...have you got nothing to say?"
You feel like a quote out of context.
It's easy to be easy and free when it doesn't mean anything.
There is ALWAYS a BFF CD in your CD player, regardless of how many it holds.
The expressions "Brickhead" and "Armyant" make you laugh and cry at the same time.
You're in a hospital nowhere near North Carolina (Winston-Salem) and you think you can see Silas Creek Parkway out of your window. (Ummm...maybe that's why you're in the hospital...!)
You try to cover your redneck past even though you're from New York City.
You know all the tour dates by heart, even when the shows are halfway around the world.
You wish you were 47 inches high in September of '75.
You're not tired.
You think Mother Nature told you, "Boy, you come and go as you please."
You wish you could've seen that musical that those highschool kids in North Georgia did (see justthemusic.com, mix tape 11)
Your phone is disconnected and your sht's out on the lawn.
You are wearing a BFFshirt right now.
You have a philosophy, but you can't specify what it is.
You have a list of BFF websites on your hard drive, but there are no addresses because you know them by heart.
You hound the clerk in the music store (looking for BFF stuff).
You're in the music store every second day (looking for BFF stuff).
The clerk calls you at home if they get any new BFF stuff.
You bought a drumset just so you could play "Wipe-Out" like Kate.
Nobody - NOBODY - can beat your imitation of you.
Your favorite time of the year is the day after Christmas.
Your favorite time of day is 6 AM.
"Bad Idea" makes you wanna dance like a little kid who has to pee.
Your brother is far from Earth.
You laugh yourself silly when a voice you know says, "Dear, he probably can't hear you."
At 7:30 you call, "Her name!" because nobody else will.
You have a book of miscellaneous quotes. Over half are BFF quotes from songs, interviews or whatever (...and ever amen!).
You can try as hard as you can, but you don't miss Julianne. You don't even know Julianne.
You have a zillion black t-shirts.
Your hard drive is full of BFF sound files.
You have cassette tapes of the sound files on your hard drive.
When your Japanese exchange student was staying with you, you played your tape of the Japanese version of "Song for the Dumped" (from your tape of sound files) constantly.
You got her to write out the words for you. (In letters AND characters.)
You know what song each of these "reasons" involving quotes are from.
Your signature for your emails has a BFF quote.
Your signature for your emails has the address for a BFF site, whether it's yours or not.
You're happy when you're cold.
Whenever you get pissed off, you say that someone's "been pushing you like a sore tooth."
You have a binder full of BFF interviews you got from magazines and printed off the internet.
The Inbetweens you never understood.
You are "...smoke."
You know the order of the songs on every single BFF CD by heart.
You could tell me how many songs are on each CD without looking.
You want your friends hanging out with no one but you.
You hand out the Bhagavad Gita in your neighborhood.
You buy magazines just because they have BFF in them. (Even if it's just a little blurb.)
You search your town for the intersection of Rosemary and Cameron, even though you know that Rosemary and Cameron don't intersect.
There proabably isn't even be a Rosemary and/or a Cameron (street) in your town.
All you know is you gotta be where your heart says you oughta be.
You have a picture album full of BFF pix you printed from the internet.
You think this would be a perfect world if your uncle Walter was president.
You have back up copies of those BFF pix and interviews you printed off the net.
They take up all the space on 7 or 8 floppy disks.
You know how old you were when BFF got together.
Your fave instrument to play is piano.
Your second fave: air piano.
In "Video," when Ben sings, "Turn around, turn the volume down," you do, and then complain that you can't hear the music.
You walk through the garden so the roses can see.
You always have a favorite song, and it always changes, but it's more than likely to be a BFF song.
Your all-time favorite song is a BFF song.
Someone says a word or a line that happens to be in a BFF song, then you start to sing it. - Crystin
Instead of saying "That's so gay," you say, "that's so sports and wine." - Sarah Z
You know the counting before SFTD by heart.
You always know what anniversary it is of Septmber '75. (Hmmm...today is the 25.1324454th anniversary of September '75)
You celebrate that anniversary every year/day.
You wear fanny packs (and pony tails).
You go to your high school reunion and nobody remembers you, and you constantly mutter, "Where's the mosh pit?" (Email me!)
When you are at the dentist, and he starts pushing on your sore tooth, instead of screaming, you smile and think about that crazy couple. - Sara P.
You scream every scream and laugh every laugh in all BFF songs.
You even do that (see above) when you aren't listening to the CDs.
When you hear crickets, you sing "Smoke."
Your definition of "dilema" is when your CD player only holds 3 CDs. (There are 4 BFF CDs. See the problem?)
Your password for your email account has something to do with BFF but is not 'benfoldsfive' because anyone who knows you could guess it on their first guess.
When your friends' birthdays roll around, you give them BFF CDs, in hopes of "converting" them.
You did that BFF crossword I have on my page without the wordlist.
When you were little, you slept with your teddy bear. Now that you're big, you sleep with your digi-pak (Spare Reels).
You have both versions of WAEA.
You have 3 different versions of TUBORM.
You worry you won't get in the front row (at a concert), even if you're the first person in line.
You can mention one of the boys by their first name, and all your friends, your family, and your co-workers know exactly who you're talking about.
The people from BFF songs are significant enough to you for you to put them in your address book.
You know you are beyond obsessed.
You like BFF like Homer Simpson likes something to eat. ("Mmmmm... BFF!")
You crave Toxic Popsicles.
You dream of touching that piano.
You can predict the set lists.
Your SIBLINGS know the boys' middle names. (This was my brother's idea, so you don't have to laugh. ps>> you can find his page here. He made me put that!)
You love it when you meet someone new and say you like Ben Folds Five and they say, "Ben...what?"
When you say you LIKE BFF your friends say that's a MAJOR understatement.
You know it is.
You pride yourself in having the same initials as one of the boys.
You want to write a book on BFF.
You could probably do it.
You managed to get a couple Toxic Popsicle midi file downloaded to your computer, even though there is almost nothing about them on the 'net. (If you don't have these, and want them, try Napster.)
You consider your BFF webpage homework.
Checking your email involves checking for new news at Frank Maynard's site.
When you hear a pressure cooker, you sing Regrets.
You have a separate section in your ICQ for BFFers.
It's bigger than the other sections.
The other sections put together.
You knew right away why Ben was wearing a Guns 'n Roses T-shirt on the cover of NBP.
Your BFF CD's are the only CD's you won't lend to your friends under ANY circumstances.
You believe there is a BFF song for every situation you find yourself in.
You take pride in the fact that your mother has the same initials as the Magical Armchair.
Your friends know you love BFF, and they would get you something to do with BFF for your birthday, but they know you probably already have it.
Sometimes when you sing Uncle Walter, you substitute in the name of your own crazy old uncle who thinks he knows everything.
All IS fair in love.
Your lisence plate has something to do with BFF.
You recognize each song by the first note.
When your mother doesn't know what to get you for Christmas, you say to her,"If you want to get something really cheap, get me a BFF poster and get it signed!"
When she doesn't like that idea, you say,"Ok, then, order me anything from the official site (www.benfoldsfive.com)," and point out what few things you don't have yet.
When your computer crashes, and you're off the internet for a month, you make sure to read EVERY issue of the 'chair to make sure you didn't miss ANYTHING.
You make up stories about how the band got together.
You make up stories about what happened to "the other two" members.
You wrote the lyrics section to your webpage just by singing the songs, as opposed to listening to the CD's.
You made very few mistakes.
You wouldn't part with your BFF CD's for a billion dollars, even though you could just buy new ones.
It's not worth a billion dollars to be separated from your CD's for even a few minutes.
You need BFF like some people need caffeine.
Half the time you can't remember the name of your second favorite band.
You might not even have a second favorite band.
Your favorite joke: How many chairer's does it take to change a light bulb?
You have most (or all) of the compilation CD's that have BFF on them, even though you already have the tracks.
Your BFF webpage takes up quite a bit of space on your hard drive.
It REALLY annoys you when people say THE Ben Folds Five.
You always type "email" like "emali" as in "emaline."
You love to look for Ben Folds Five sheet music.
Even if you can't play any instrument.
Five is your favorite number.
"Folds" is your favorite verb.
You have a million black t-shirts.
When you die, you want to go to that big BFF concert in the sky.
Your display properties on your computer are set at "brick."
You have a BFF screensaver on your computer.
You have a BFF startup screen.
All your program icons are BFF related.
Your background is a BFF picture.
You think that more than half of your hard drive is BFF stuff.
You think that's normal.
It pisses you off that your computer won't let the titles of programs and things be displayed in BFF font.
You know the words to "Kane wo Kaese" by heart.
You've made your own BFF shirts.
They actually aren't bad.
You've made Ben Folds Five magnets, and notebooks, etc.
You made enough to give them away as gifts.
You have a BFF tattoo somewhere on your body.
You love to beat up the baby grand piano you put in your living room specifically for that purpose.
No one borrows any of your black tee-shirts for the fear that you'll get hostile and yell angrily "...And don't forget to give me back my black tee-shirt!"
You bought the Spin 2001 Calendar because it had a picture of BFF in it. (The June page.)
In your house/room, it's always June.
You bought a Dawson's Creek book because there was a picture of BFF in it, even though they were not mentioned anywhere in the book.
You have cats named Tom and Mary.
Everyone EVERYONE knows why.
You have a locket with pics of the boys in it.
You never take it off (except maybe in the shower).
When you filled out the yearbook survey for the graduating class, you put Ben Folds as your hero.
You lobbied for a BFF song as the grad song.
You've got BFF songbooks, even though you can't play any instrument.
Your teachers know you like BFF.
You want to redo a room in your house to have purple plaid wallpaper and rusty red portraits.
You think it would look good.
You have 340 "reasons" how you can tell you are a BFFer.

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