Dear Mo, Barry, and Rob,

While on a drive with my family the other day, I had an Idea! You see, all Bee Gee fans believe that you should play in their hometown, but I intend to PROVE to all exactly why you need to come to Pittsburgh, PA.
*aka home of Bethie/PastinaShuwee/ShyButDeadly and assorted other names*
(please, bear with me here, I'm gonna be cheesier than Cucumber Castle and be warned I get even more desperate as the letter goes on)

Sure, you have experienced Tokyo Nights, South Dakota Mornings and Nights On Broadway, but don't spend Another Lonely Night In New York. Leave High Civilzation behind and come to Pittsburgh! Don't get on the Road To Alaska, take the Railroad to the Burgh! Here is a short list of things to do while in the Pittsburgh. I'll be the tourguide, after all, It's My Neighborhood.

• I live right down the road from a very nice little Amphitheatre, Lucky Me! It has only 27,000 seats so it's a much, much nicer venue for your shows. At the huge stadiums it can be so hard for the fans in the cheap seats to get even a good look at the monitors. From the stage you can look out and see a veritable Sea of Smiling Faces. At Starlake Amphitheatre, even the lawn seats are good!(not horrible at least) And now, right next door to Starlake is the Pepsi Roadhouse. This is a very nice venue, where no seat is more than 75 ft from the stage, Don't you guys miss preforming in a more intimate setting. We all know you can sell out stadiums, but we would love to see you, upclose and personal.
• Just as you are Men For All Seasons, Pittsburgh has many attractions. If it is too cool to do an open-air concert, you can just relax and catch a Pittsburgh Penguins Hockey game! The team boast Jaromir Jagr, the best player in the league currently, and has recently been purchased by Mario Lemieux....so we are bound NOT to suck sometime in the not too distant future..right?
• If any of you enjoy rollercoasters, you MUST come to Pittsburgh. Our local amusement park, Kennywood has a history and beauty that is unmatched by today's huge, impersonal theme parks. According to a poll taken of rollercoaster enthusiasts asked what were the best steel and wooden coasters in the world, Pittsburgh ranked #1 in the categories of Best Wooden Coaster and won the overal best title with the "Thunderbolt"! Our "Steel Phantom" ranked 2nd for steelcoasters and 4th overall. The Steel Phantom once held world records for the biggest and fastest drop *225 ft at 80mph. I Do realize that coasters are not for everyone. Barry, you can take it easy, enjoy the Sweet Song Of Summer and just stroll through the lovely grounds of the National Historic Monument that Is Kennywood.
• Just a short drive from Pittsburgh, is Lake Pymatuning, where there are so many fish that the ducks walk on them to steal the food that people toss to them! Really entertaining site to behold. And while at Lake Pymatuning, we could always drive just a bit further to the North East and....visit the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. As a Pittsburgher, I must dislike Cleveland..it's a football rivalry thing, but I will even sink so low as to use Cleveland as a lure to get you guys here! *I apparently have no pride left..should I reside in a House Of Shame?(get your minds out of the gutter people)*
• You haven't played the Burgh since Sept. 4th, 1979 *day before my 11th Bday* and my mom wouldn't ever think of letting me go to a concert back then, so I missed it! What better time to visit again than the Turn Of The Century?
• Okay, the real reason you need to come? How about simply because you are Really And Sincerely loved here? If you were to come visit, I would feel as if I were living In Another World, on the Edge Of The Universe! It would really take me Above and Beyond my Lonely Days.

Also, when you leave here, you won't need to be Walking Back To Waterloo, I will give you Warm Ride to the airport myself.(again, get your minds out of the gutter people....I am NOT the Worst Girl In This Town!)

Dreamin' On,
Helen/Bethie/whatever

P.S.
Yes, I realize it is highly unlikely any of the Gibbs will see this page, but...someone brilliant once said "Miracles Happen".
I purposely restrained from using the word Grease, See I didn't get Carried Away.
Wonder what my friends said after reading my letter?

I'm not really crazy...Just waiting for the Men in the White Suits to come and take me away.*CosCon18 coined this phrase*

Finally, please forgive me, I obviously have entirely Too Much Time On My Hands...wait, that is a Styx song!

Assorted Oddities

Home