Sitting up i bed at night, feeling low, knowing that nothing in life will actually work out, slowly beginning to accept the fact that i am a failer. Yes i have suceeded in what i want to do, but i know that over all i've failed. I'm good at what i know, and being smart, that's a blessing, but what does it mean? it means nothing to me.

Sinking lower, the deeper i go the more i begin to wonder whether all the love that is felt for me is really worth everything, i want it to mean the world to me again, i want to feel loved again. I know i am, it just doesn't feel it. That's what gets me, it makes me sink lower.

The future seems bleak, a dark and scarey place that i don't want to venture to, i don't want to go there, the past - to me - is nothing but a blur, a blur with swirling emotions, not one of which is good. Why me? why am i like this? why does the depression come and go? is it all really worth it?

I could kill myself, but i won't, nobody should, i know i'm loved, everyone is, that's enough to keep me alive. I just want to feel loved again.

Pressing cold steel against my flesh, pressing harder and harder until crimson spots appear, there they are, i am alive, pain doesn't hurt when your like this. I feel better now, i feel loved again.