Victimised, outcast, bullied, unwanted, rejected, abused, neglected - they are just some of the words i use to describe my friends treatment of me, there attitudes towareds my very existance. I don't care for them, they can burn in hell for all i care, they are no longer part of my life now. The effects are still there, they will never leave. Years of living behind an emotional firewall helped, no emotions really came out, none really got in. Close friends doing nothing but victimising me for little or no reason, was it really worth it? friends being friends when it suited them, that's not a friend, i wish i knew that back then, i really do.

Closed off from the outside world, while making friends with people who did respect me was good, those friendships never lasted as long as i'd wanted, they moved away, or i moved away and we lost contact. People i saw everyday and became friends with only turned out like everyone else.

The past, like the present is dark, there are some good points, parts where there is a light, a glowing ember in a blackhole. it sheds no light on it all, but it's there.