~RULES OF ETIQUETTE~ For Moving To and Living In: New Brunswick
Driving etiquette
* Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles,even if the
gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
* When approaching a four-way stop,the vehicle with the
largest tires always has the right of way.
* Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
* When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it
is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
* Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially
when driving.
* Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids
can fit in.
* Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Personal Hygiene
* Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be
a hand-me-down item.
* If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
* While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
* Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work.A
cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can
accomplish the same goal and save hours.
Note: It's a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when
using this method.
Dining Out
* Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After
all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.
Entertaining In Your Home
* A centerpiece for the table should never be anything
prepared by a taxidermist.
* Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter
how good his manners are.
* If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the
decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.
Dating ( Outside The Family)
* Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
first date.
* Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested:"I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
men's bathroom wall two years a go."
* If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom
wall, water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the
date will end in frustration.
Theatre Etiquette
* Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately after the movie has ended.
* Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests
have proven they can't hear you.
Wedding Etiquette
* Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
* Its not okay for the groom to bring a date to the wedding.
* When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot
it is.
* A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost
effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
* For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cumberbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty
appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and
shoes for this special occasion.
Etiquette For All Occasions
* Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press
charges.
* Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
* Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's
car.
* It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
* Even if you're certain that you are included in the will,it's considered
tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
* The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if
other people are around.
* ALWAYS provide an alibi to the police for family members.
