It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
sleeveless with T straps.
As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very
large gorilla, the gorilla goes nuts. He jumps up on the bars,
holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his
chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty
lady in the wavy dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, playfully suggests to his wife
that she tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her
lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She plays along and Mr. Gorilla
gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, the
does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down.
"Now try lifting your dress up your thighs", the husband
suggests. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy! Quickly the
husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, slings
her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a
headache."
Jack and Jill were on their way home from the Bar one night and Jack got pulled over by the police. The officer told Jack that he was stopped
because his tail light was burned out. Jack said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was, I'll get it fixed right away." Just then Jill
said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed". So the officer asked for Jack's license and after looking at it said,
"Sir your license has expired". And again Jack apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing
in the morning. Jill said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired". Well by this time Jack is a bit
upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer and he said in a reather loud voice, "&$&% Jill, will you SHUT UP!". The officer then leaned over toward
Jill and asked, "Does your husband always talk to you like that?" Jill replied, "ONLY WHEN HE'S DRUNK."
There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house in the country.
The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmmmmm, I smell sausage."
The mama mole reached her head outside the hold, and said "Mmmmmmmm, I smell pancakes."
The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said,
"The only thing I can smell is molasses."
A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married.
On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise
to be gentle,.....I am still a virgin."
The startled groom says, "How can that be? You have been married 3 times before."
The bride responds---
"Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it"
"My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it."
"And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was ............"
God I miss him!!"
A couple was golfing one day on a very,very exclusive golf course, lined
with
million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said,"Honey, be
very careful when you drive the ball-don't knock out any windows. It'll
cost us a fortune to fix."
The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest
house on the course. The husband cringed and said,"I told you to watch
out for the houses! Alright, let's go up there, apoligize and see how
much this is going
to cost."
They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on
in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken
bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you
the people who broke this?" "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband
replied.
"No, actually I want to thank you-I'm a genie that was trapped for a
thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant
you three wishes-I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one
for myself." "Ok, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars
a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem----It's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?"
the genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country in
the world," she said. "Consider it done." the genie replied. "And
what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a
woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." The
husband looks at the wife and said,"Well, we did get a lot of money and
all those houses, honey. guess I don't care."
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After
it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How
old is your husband, anyway?" "35" she replied.
"And he still belives in genies---that's amazing!!!"
