My culture also has arranged marriages as a way for the girl and boy to find a companion in the world.  The first traditional Mienh wedding that I attended was the one where my mother and father were the bride and groom.  I was twelve years old and my parents wanted to have a second wedding because their first one wasn’t full of tradition and family.  Family is very important when you have a wedding, the date has to be set to a day where everyone can attend.

    The engagement is also a big event.  The guys family goes over to the girls house, and people know that they're coming and what they're coming for.  The guys family usually gives the girls a gold necklace and sometimes depending on wealth give everyone in the family a gold necklace.  The guys family also gives gifts of gold or silver bars and money.

     I never attended a traditional Mienh wedding before because kids were not wanted at a wedding.  I would stay home and my father or mother, or even both, would attend the wedding.  My father only attended the weddings if the bride was on his side of the family.  This is because in a traditional wedding, or even a Western wedding with a little twist of traditional Mienh ideas, the groom’s family has to do all the work in the wedding.  The planning of it, the serving of food, the invitations, and cleaning up of the wedding.  The Brides family sits back and enjoys the wedding and really get to conversant and talk to others about their new in-laws.  The groom’s family has to do all the work to show how much they want the bride’s family to like them.  I personally see it as the grooms family trying to woe the brides family.

     When the groom is part of my family my father hates going.  He doesn’t want to do anything, just party.  This is when my mother usually attends the wedding.  She goes and helps out with the wedding.
 In the weddings the bride and groom wear all black clothing which is made out of very light fabric.  They then wear lots of silver jewelry everywhere, especially the women.  They have it around their necks, wrist, back, and heavy head wraps they have to wear. Some of these weddings last for three straight days.  That means that the bride and groom wear their same outfits for those three days and nights.  Of course, these types of weddings no longer take place because of all the trouble they are.  The point of these weddings is to show how dedicated the bride and groom will be to each other.  Their clothing is very hard to put on and very hard to take off.  People have to help dress them, especially the women.  The bride usually has two or three people help her get dressed.  It is also very hard to go to the bathroom and make sure that none of the clothing falls in the toilets.
 
 

This is the back of a Mien Bride.  Lots of silver on the back, and take a look at her head wrap. To the right is a picture of the Bride, Groom, one of the bride's maid and two the the grooms men. The wife and husband are the two in the middle next to each other.
 

    My favorite part of these traditional weddings is when the bride and groom walk around the tables where the guest are seated and give them candy, a cigarette, or a cup of tea.  In return the bride and groom receive from the guest money or sometimes jewelry.  These gifts go into a big traditional purse that the bride carries.  This part of the wedding is one that I think is smart, and one day, I would like to have this ceremony at my wedding.