In Malay a traditional marriage was seen as an alliance between two families.
Romantic love was not popular because it was seen as a terrible marriage.  Because
once the love fell out of the marriage, they would have nothing left to keep the marriage
going on.  If a man and his wife were too emotionally involved, they were seen as
bewitched and were experiencing temporary insanity.

    Once a proposal has been accepted for engagement, the boy's family sends an elderly
representative to make the arrangements with the girl's family.  The representative is
usually the groom's uncle.  The parents do not engage in negotiations because it is not
right for them to talk face to face about financial matters.  At the meeting they decide on
a date for the wedding and bride price, which usually goes toward paying for the
wedding.  A ring is given to the girl and she gives a ring to the boy in return.

    The date of the wedding is usually set for a year or two in advance.  During this time
the girl and boy date.  This time allows them to grow close to each other and allows the
boy's family time to get ready to pay the bride price.  The boy gives the girl a monthly
gift of money to show that he is taking on responsibility for his future bride.

    A Malay wedding is full of music and excitement.  Before the ceremony begins the
bride is attended by a professional wedding arranger.  The groom's family pays for her
special skills.  The arranger shaves the girl's forehead, trims the eyebrows, and cuts off
any extra hair from her hairline.  She would also file the front teeth.  This ensures that
the bride has a fresh and clean appearance.  The arranger also instructs the girl on the
physical side of marriage.  On the first night the bride is expected to put up a show and
resist her husbands sexual wants to show that she had been brought up properly and
was a pure and modest woman.

    The husband could divorce the wife for specific causes.  Such as failure to bear him a
mal heir, neglect of his parents, bad tongue, theft, jealously, an incurable disease, and
adultery.  A wife could not divorce her husband, and divorce by her husband was
regarded as deep disgrace.

Under Construction