Tuesday, November 21, 2000

The first thing that Justin became aware of was that the right half of him was very cold. He could tell because he had goose bumps despite his T-shirt and flannel pajama pants. An involuntary shudder ran through his body.

The next thing he noticed was that there was a warm solid weight on his left side. His arm seemed to be pinned down and something seemed to be cuddled into his side.

He slowly opened his eyes and saw the sleeping girl pressed to his side. They were both lying above the covers. He blinked his eyes, trying to get rid of the sleep-induced blur. He moved his head looking for the alarm clock and located it just to the right of his head.

6:29

The alarm would be going off in a minute.

Maneuvering his arm in an awkward direction he managed to flip the off switch. Better for him to wake her than for her to wake up to the alarm and find him in her bed.

"Maggie," Justin whispered.

Maggie stirred slightly, but ended up just cuddling into Justin more.

"Maggie," Justin whispered again.

"Not yet," Maggie mumbled against Justin’s chest. She threw an arm over him and froze. It only took a moment before she looked up at him. She was suddenly wide-awake.

"Hi," Justin said. He didn’t know quite what else to say. How could he explain his emotional state the night before? He couldn’t. "Thanks for, um, last night." He prayed that she’d understand.

"You’re welcome," Maggie said. She yawned and blinked a few times. "You know I’m always here for you."

Justin nodded.

Maggie suddenly seemed to realize that she was lying on his chest. She sat up quickly. She laughed slightly, an embarrassed grin on her face. "I guess I got cold last night."

Justin nodded. "Thanks for letting me stay here. I didn’t mean to fall asleep."

"It’s okay," Maggie said. "I didn’t really mean to fall asleep either." She looked at the time.

6:34

"You should probably go back to your room in case my mom comes up here. She sometimes will if she hasn’t heard my feet on the floor."

Justin put his feet on the floor and muffled a gasp. The floor was icy.

"Yeah," Justin said. "That wouldn’t be a good thing."

"Really not a good thing," Maggie said.

Justin put his weight on his feet, making them adjust to the coldness of the floor and got off the bed. He walked gingerly across the wooden boards and opened the door.

"I’ll see you downstairs."

"Yeah," Maggie said. "Downstairs."

Justin closed the door behind him and made his way to his room. He could still feel Maggie’s warm weight on the left side of his body.

Johnny stared at the email on the computer screen in front of him. He glanced over the top of the laptop at the four guys sprawled on the compound’s couches.

"So you’re saying that this is either a cry to be found or a load of complete bull?"

Chris nodded. He was the only one who was alert enough to respond.

"And you got this this morning? At around one?" Johnny continued.

Chris nodded again. He stifled a yawn. The excitement of hearing from Justin had worn off a few hours before.

"Well that doesn’t help at all," Johnny said. He leaned back in the straight-backed chair. "And you can never tell with the time stamps. They always seem to be off."

Chris nodded into the pillow that he’d rested his head on. Lance murmured agreement with Johnny’s statement.

"Have you emailed back?" Johnny asked.

Two heads raised to look at JC and Lance. JC and Lance looked at each other.

"No," JC said. He yawned. "We thought about it, but we don’t want to appear too eager… No, that’s not the right word, but, well, you know." He trailed off incoherently.

"I think the problem is that we don’t know how to respond to that," Lance said. "How do you respond to that?"

Johnny shrugged. "I guess the next question is do we feed the clues to MTV."

The four guys looked at each other.

"It’s probably bull," Chris said. "I mean Justin’s not stupid."

"It couldn’t hurt," JC said. "It’d up the ante a little bit, get everyone looking for the disguised Justin Timberlake."

Johnny nodded. "I agree." His eyes met JC’s and he smiled slightly. "Do you guys want me to call them?"

The four guys looked at each other and then back at Johnny.

"It couldn’t hurt," Lance said.

Stu slid into the seat across for Justin. He unwrapped the saran wrapped sandwich. A piece of limp lettuce stuck to the plastic. He wrinkled his nose.

"How can you eat that stuff?" Justin asked. "Hasn’t it been sitting in the fridge for like a month?"

"They swear it’s fresh daily," Stu said as he separated the bread from the top layer of the sandwich. He swiped the mayonnaise and lettuce off with the white plastic knife. "I think they properly age the lettuce first though."

Justin laughed and looked at his own peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "I’ll stick with my PB and J thank you very much."

"Can I sit here?" a soft voice came from over Justin’s shoulder.

He turned his head around and saw Maggie standing behind him.

"Yeah," he said. He moved his backpack and brown paper bag. "Go for it."

Maggie set her own wrinkled paper bag on the plastic tabletop and sat gingerly in the chair beside Justin.

"I couldn’t find Emily," she said with a hesitant smile in Stu’s direction and a slightly bigger one towards Justin. A hint of pink rose in her cheeks as she looked at him.

"Hey, anytime," Justin said. He looked across the table at Stu who was staring at him intently. Justin pushed his eyebrows together in an indication that he had no clue why she’d sat with them either.

They sort of sat there awkwardly for a few moments. Justin looked at the girl next to him only to see her turn her head back to her own peanut butter and jelly sandwich quickly.

"You could have told me you weren’t going to sit at our normal table," another female voice broke through the silence.

A smile broke through Maggie’s strained expression. "I couldn’t find you and I sure wasn’t going to sit alone."

"I had to finish up a test," Emily said as she sat next to Stu. "Hi Stu, Randy. Hope you don’t mind us intruding."

"You guys aren’t intruding," Stu said quickly. "Believe me, I could use someone else to talk to besides him."

"I know," Justin said with a smile. "I mean there are only so many times I can rub in that I don’t have to get up and milk the cows at 4:30."

"Shut up," Emily and Stu said at the same time.

"You too?" Justin asked. "Damn, I’m surrounded by farmers."

"You’re in Mill Creek asshole," Stu said with a laugh. "What do you expect?"

The tension had broken for the moment.

"Randy!"

Justin looked at the girl with braided hair running towards him.

"Hey Mindy," he said. He withheld a laugh as she turned bright red. "What can I do for you?"

Mindy clutched her book to her chest and looked like she was about ready to faint.

"I just wanted to tell you that the article will be out in the paper on Monday."

Justin smiled and watched as she impossibly melted a little more. "I look forward to reading it."

"I hope I did a good job," Mindy said.

"I’m sure you did," Justin said. Inwardly he was laughing. He’d never had to reassure a ‘reporter’ before.

"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you…" Mindy trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Thanks," Justin said. He looked towards the gym. "I’ve got to get to practice."

"Yeah," Mindy said somewhat gratefully. "Have fun, or good luck, or something."

"Thanks," Justin said. "Talk to you later."

"Yeah," Mindy said happily. She walked back towards the main building to where a group of sophomore girls were waiting. Most of them were staring and giggling.

Justin continued to walk towards the gym. His eyes graced the parking lot and stopped at one particular beat up truck.

Josh was standing beside the bed of the truck, the driver’s door open. He was staring at the gym and even from a distance Justin could see the look of longing on his face. He seemed to shake himself out of his trance as Nick approached him though. Nick slapped him on the back and said a few words before Josh got in the cab. He slammed the door, turned up the stereo so that the speakers were blasting some random country song, and sped out of the parking lot.

Justin felt a twinge in his chest. As much as he might not like Josh for the stunts he’d pulled at the party and practice, he wished he’d come back to the team. It was where he belonged.

And Justin wasn’t sure he did.

Justin aimed the ball for the hoop and watched as it bounced off the backboard toward the three-point line.

The coach blew the whistle and the nine guys stopped running.

"That’s it," Coach yelled. "Smith, come talk to me for a moment."

Justin stood up from the crouched over position he’d taken— hands on knees, head down, sweat dripping to the floor. He walked over to the bench and grabbed his shirt, wiping it harshly across his face. Slowly he walked towards the coach. It had been a bad practice and they both knew it.

Coach rested a hand briefly on Justin’s sweaty shoulder guiding him away from the rest of the guys.

"Is everything okay Randy?" Coach asked softly.

"Yeah Coach," Justin said. He wiped the shirt across his chest briefly.

"’Cause it sure as hell don’t look like everything’s okay," Coach continued. "You’ve been out of it all week. Now we have our first game next Tuesday and I expect you to be at your best."

"I will be Coach," Justin said. A sick feeling welled up inside of him. "I’ve just had a lot on my mind."

"You can’t do that Randy," Coach said. "I know you’ve never played on a competitive team before, but you need to leave the world behind. It’s just you and the nine other guys on the court. It’s not the fans, or the refs, or the scoreboard. It’s just you and the other players. Do you think you can imagine what I’m talking about?"

Justin closed his eyes. It was just like getting up and performing. He’d always known that. He’d always been good at playing to the crowd, yet blocking them out at the same time.

"Yeah Coach, I know exactly what you’re talking about."

"Good," Coach said. "Now is there anything I can do to help you?"

Justin looked at the shorter man in front of him. "You can tell me why me." He wasn’t sure if he meant the team, or his life the life he’d left behind, or why he’d been chosen to lead the life that he did.

"I thought we went over this already Smith," Coach said. "You’re the best damn point guard I’ve seen in a long time. Whatever school you went to before really missed out. You have this ability to lead, to put in the work to get what you want. I didn’t know that when I first asked you to do it, but now I know and I know I made a good choice."

Justin felt his cheeks heat up slightly. "I just don’t get it," Justin said. "I mean, I’m no one special." Again he wasn’t sure what he meant by the words.

"Don’t doubt you’re abilities Randy," Coach said. "You’re good and not just at basketball."

Justin nodded. "Thanks Coach."

"Now just work on losing the rest of the world, okay?"

Justin smiled and nodded. That’s what he’d spent the last month doing. He didn’t think he needed any more practice.

Orlando International Airport

The VIP waiting room was silent. The four men were sprawled over the chairs and were staring at the floor. Lance was twiddling his thumbs, JC was playing piano on his thigh, Joey was tapping his foot on the ground and amazingly enough Chris was sitting entirely still.

"Untied Flight 2036 to JFK is now boarding. United Flight 2036 to JFK is now boarding at gate D19."

Joey stood up from his chair. He avoided the eyes of the other guys for a moment before looking at JC and Lance. They were both looking up at him.

JC stood suddenly and wrapped his arms around Joey. Lance followed suit, and then their whole cluster was forced a few steps over as Chris threw himself into the hug. They all smiled.

"It’ll be okay guys," Chris said. "It’s Thanksgiving. I think that’ll wake him up."

The three other guys nodded.

"Have a safe trip Joe," Lance said as he pulled away from the hug and clapped Joey on the back.

JC nodded and gave Joey another quick squeeze.

"Bye guys," Joey said. He hoisted his bag over his shoulder and left the room, followed closely by Lonnie.

Lance and JC sat back down. Chris remained standing and began pacing the room.

"I don’t want to go," Lance said suddenly. "I want to stay here with you guys."

JC nodded. "Does it feel to you like if we leave…" he trailed off.

Lance nodded quickly. "It’ll all be over if we try to come back."

Chris stopped his pacing in front of the two seated men. "At least we’re out of that stupid compound."

The other two smiled.

"Heck yeah," JC said.

"United flight 3254 to DC. United flight 3254 to DC is now boarding at gate D5."

JC stood up and was immediately holding Chris who’d jumped into his arms and wrapped his legs around the taller man’s waist. "Baby, you can’t leave me."

"I’m sorry honey," JC said laughing. "I’ve got to go." He sighed dramatically. "But the sooner I leave, the sooner I’ll come back and we can say hello again."

Chris jumped off of JC and began pushing him towards the door to the lounge. "Go. Get on the plane and come back to me."

Lance was holding his sides from laughing at his friends’ antics. He walked over to JC before he left the lounge and pulled him into a hug. "Bye guy."

JC squeezed him and pulled away. "Say hello to your family for me."

"Will do," Lance said. "Try to finish your song, okay? I want to hear it when I come back down here."

JC nodded. "There’s just something missing."

"Josh, we need to get you to the gate," Lonnie said from the door to the lounge.

JC nodded and followed the large man out the door. He looked into the room one last time and waved.

Lance and Chris smiled wanly. And then he was gone.

Lance turned to Chris. "You don’t have to wait if you don’t want to."

Chris shrugged. "I want to. It was like you and Josh were saying. It feels like if I leave, it’ll never come back."

Lance nodded. "I hope Justin will come to his senses over the holiday."

Chris shrugged. "I don’t think he will. He will be back. Curly doesn’t break his word, but when he does come back…"

"It might be too late," Lance finished.

Chris nodded.

They stood in silence for a few moments.

"United flight 1709 to Jackson, United flight1709 to Jackson is now boarding at gate D 22."

Chris and Lance looked at each other. Lance moved and pulled Chris into a hug.

"Have a good thanksgiving," Lance said quietly.

Chris nodded and gave Lance a squeeze. He didn’t say anything. When he pulled away Lance was surprised to see tears glistening in Chris’ eyes.

"It’ll be okay," Lance said and he gave Chris’s arm a squeeze. "We’ll survive this."

Chris nodded and followed Lance out of the room. They looked at each other one last time before Lance moved towards his gate and Chris began walking towards the exit.

Justin slammed his book closed on his desk. He couldn’t concentrate anymore. The words on the page had run together over and over in his head. He’d reread the page six times already and none of it had entered into his brain.

He pulled out the bound book from the top desk drawer and opened it to the first blank page. The pen he’d been chewing on moved down to the page.
 

That’s why I left, you know? So I could learn who I was, and become the person that I wanted to be.

Even here though it’s like I’m leading a charmed life. I mean I come from out of the sky and they accept me as one of their own. I have a real family for the first time in my life, I’ve got friends who like me for me. I’m the freaking point guard on the basketball team when I’ve never played competitively in my life. Why me?

I feel so blessed, I mean, I’ve always felt blessed in everything I’ve done. Getting that part on the MMC, getting in touch with Chris, every concert we’ve done. Even if it is, was, too much for me to handle, I’ve always felt blessed. And now here too.

There are some people who deserved the spot so much more than I did. I know that Matt had the spot and he didn’t want it, but Josh did. And he probably would have done just fine. Really. But I got it and it’s not fair.

He has a right to be pissed at me. I know if some random guy had joined ‘N SYNC and stolen ‘my’ spot I would have upped and quit.

I guess that’s what Josh did. I don’t want him to though. Stu said that he was their best shooter. We need him. I want him on the team. He should be there and I shouldn’t.

Maybe I should quit so that he’d go back.

But that’s running some more.

Why shouldn’t I keep running though? I left the freaking tour, what’s a little basketball team.

Coach says I have talent though. I can sing and dance, how much more talent do I need.

And how long am I really planning on staying?

So I’ll quit.

But won’t I always wonder, what if?

Yes.

Justin shut the book and briefly rested his head on his arms. Yes, he would always wonder what if. But Josh deserved to be on the team. Wasn’t it worth wondering what if, if it meant that Josh got to live his high school dream?

He got up from his desk and walked down the steep staircase. He needed the brainless activity that was encompassed in TV watching.

The lights were off in the den, but the blue light of the TV played on the wall. He walked in and saw Maggie curled up on one end of the couch. He sat down beside her making the cushions give under his weight.

She turned to look at him. Her brow was furrowed in a playful glare. "There is another couch you know."

"But I wanted to sit next to you," Justin said batting his eyelashes.

"Fine," Maggie sighed playfully. "You’ll be happy. I think Britney’s up next."

Justin groaned inwardly. TRL? This was supposed to be a brainless activity.

"Great!" he said with fake enthusiasm.

"You don’t like Britney?" Maggie asked in shock. "You’ve got to be the only guy I know who doesn’t have a poster of her somewhere in your room."

Justin shrugged. If only Maggie really knew his feelings towards Britney.

The video ‘Stronger’ came on. Britney was in another one of her skin-tight outfits, this one made out of leather. Her hair was short though. Justin was glad. He’d always liked it that way.

It had been short and just slightly wavy the night he’d kissed her first. He closed his eyes and almost remembered the feel of her lips on his. Not quite. He frowned. He thought he’d always be able to remember the feel of something that he’d wanted to do for so long, even if they did remain just friends afterwards.

"She’s okay," Justin said. He turned on the fake lisp. "Now it’s the Backstreet Boy’s video I really want to see."

"They’ll probably be at number one," Maggie said. "I mean, their new video did just come out. And Hanson’ll be two and I’m guessing ‘N SYNC is number three."

"Three?" Justin said before he could stop himself. "We’re never three." He immediately froze. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

"We?" Maggie asked. "Are you the sixth member or something?"

He smiled widely and raised his right hand, crossing the middle finger over the index. Returning to the lisp he said, "Baby, we’re just like this."

Maggie laughed and slapped him lightly on the shoulder. "You are so funny."

"Thank you," Justin said bowing his head. "I do try."

He returned his eyes to the screen. Carson was on with Brian McFadden.

"Well I guess it’s time for our daily update," Carson said. "We have Brian McFadden here with the latest from TRL’s own Justin watch."

Brian smiled from the camera. He was probably the most accurate when he read from the cue cards but he also sounded the least natural.

"Justin watch?" Justin asked.

Maggie nodded. "Oh yeah, MTV’s just eating this up. Especially since no one expected Justin to last this long."

"It has been awhile," Justin said.

"Yeah," Maggie said. Her face lit up slightly. "Two weeks since the start of the game, three since he disappeared. Exactly, I think."

Justin nodded as if he didn’t know this already.

"We do have some news from ‘N SYNC’s manager, Johnny Wright," Brian was saying. "Apparently since it has been two weeks since the start of the game it’s time to give the public a few clues as to Justin’s whereabouts."

Justin’s eyes bugged open. They knew where he was. He’d screwed up somewhere. They were coming to get him.

"Apparently in an email the guys received from Justin yesterday he gave a few clues as to his appearance and location."

Justin felt relief flood through his body. He muffled the sigh that wanted to escape his lips.

"Apparently Justin has died his hair black and at the moment is in a city with docks. Johnny wanted me to remind all of you that Justin’s location changes often and his hair color is probably just as versatile."

Maggie began giggling. "That was corny. Can you imagine Justin Timberlake with black hair?" She shook her head. "Sorry, stupid question. You probably don’t even know what he looks like."

‘This I Promise You’ came on the screen. Justin looked at the bright happy colors and the five guys floating around the screen.

"Yeah, which one is he again?"