Tuesday, December 5, 2000: JC's Apartment, Orlando, FL

JC took the end of the pen cap out of his mouth as his eyes lit up. He quickly scribbled some words on the page of the notebook in front of him.

He hummed lightly to the empty room as he heard the words to the song in his head. With a satisfied smile he stood up, first placing the notebook on the coffee table in front of him, and stretched the tired muscles in his back. His brain felt lighter, happier, as it always did when he finished a song. Unfortunately it wasn’t the song he’d wanted to finish, the one he’d dubbed ‘Justin’s Song’ in his brain. A song was a song though and he liked the way this one had turned out.

He glanced over at the grandfather clock on the far wall by the small entry hall. He raised his dark brown eyebrows at the time.

1:45

He always lost track of time when he was writing, but he’d lost a whole four hours on that song.

His stomach chose that moment to rumble, reminding him that he’d eaten breakfast a very long time ago and it was way past time for lunch.

And way past time for the mail to be delivered.

The phone company said his bill would be sent out on Friday. He’d hoped, prayed, that it would be there on Saturday. He’d been sure that it would be there on Monday. Lance had even come over from Joey’s apartment to walk down to the mailbox with him.

It hadn’t been there.

JC didn’t want to get his hopes up as he headed for the door. It would just be that much more of a letdown when the box was filled only with letters from fans who had managed to get his address.

He was anxious though. He took the steps two at a time and was feeling slightly breathless when he finally stood in front of the little beige door on the unobtrusive box.

He stuck his hand in the pocket of his jeans and fumbled for the key to the box. With his luck he would have left the key up in the apartment, but no, there it was, hiding in the corner of his pocket.

His hand shook as he tried to fit the key in to the small hole. He turned it and the door opened. The box was filled to overflowing with pastel colored envelopes and scented papers. But there, stuck in the middle of the mass of fan letters was the plain white envelope of a bill.

His heart began to race as he pulled it out, mindless of the fan letters that fell to the ground.

The phone companies logo was in the corner. JC felt the adrenaline course through his veins and felt faint all at the same time. He hastily picked up the letters that had fallen to the ground and stuffed them back in the box.

Shoving the bill into his pocket he ran toward the gated apartment complex across the street from his own. He punched in the code Joey had told them all long ago. Before he knew it he was knocking on Joey’s door.

Lance answered.

"Josh?" he asked. He looked surprised at the look of absolute glee that had settled on JC’s face.

JC pulled the bill out of his pocket and shoved it in Lance’s face.

"Is Joey here?" he asked. He didn’t wait for Lance’s answer. "JOEY!"

Joey walked into the room, a confused look on his face.

"Josh? What’s up?" He too had registered JC’s absolutely unusual happiness. "Did they find him? He’s coming home?"

"Not yet," JC said as he made his way into the apartment. "But this is going to tell us where he is." JC showed the bill to Joey before he ripped the envelope open. His eyes scanned the list of phone calls and found the ones from Wednesday. All the numbers looked familiar except…

"This is it!" JC said. He put a shaky index finger on the number and traced it across the bill. "And it’s from…"

Joey and Lance looked over JC’s shoulder eagerly.

"What do you mean you can only pinpoint the number to Madison County?" JC said loudly into the phone. He paced Joey’s apartment in long strides. "Do you realize that Madison County covers a good quarter of Kansas?"

Joey and Lance sat on Joey’s couch. Despite the disappointment of the situation, they had amused looks on their faces. It was rare that a complete stranger was on the end of JC’s rants. Normally one of them was.

"My friend is out there somewhere and you can only narrow it down to a quarter of the freaking state!" JC stopped and looked at the two men on the couch. Their faces had immediately become the perfect picture of consternation. It had taken years of practice to change looks so quickly. JC looked like he was going to explode. "NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!"

JC picked up his pacing again. As soon as his back was turned Lance and Joey silently snickered at one another. JC’s knuckles were turning white from the death grip he had on the phone.

"Thanks," JC finally growled before he slammed the phone down on the base. "Imbecile."

Lance frowned at his friend. "It’s not their fault," he said quietly. He didn’t want to draw JC’s anger onto himself.

"He made the call from a payphone located somewhere in one quarter of the state of Kansas," JC said.

Joey and Lance exchanged looks. Justin had stayed in Kansas?

"Are you sure it’s him?" Joey asked. "I mean it could be just some random fan who got your number online. They probably freaked at hearing your voice and hung up."

"Who called from a payphone?" JC asked. "I don’t think so. It was him. Most definitely him."

Justin knocked on the door of the small farmhouse. The green paint on the door was peeling and the old dry wood showed through. He was just about to knock again when the door opened.

"Oh my gosh!" a young girl said. "You’re Randy."

Justin nodded. "Shell?"

The girl nodded happily. "You did really good in the game last week."

"Thanks," Justin said. He felt the fan smile form on his face. It was the best way to deal with 12-year-old girls. "Is Stu here?"

Shell blushed. "STU!" she yelled. "Randy’s here!" She turned back to Justin. "Come on in."

"Thanks," Justin said again. He stepped into the small house. The living room was friendly looking. An older man sat in a recliner looking at the TV.

"Hey Randy," Stu said as he came down the hall. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you about something," Justin said giving Stu a look.

Stu looked at both his sister and his father.

"Dad?" Stu said.

The older man turned to look at the three young people standing in the doorway.

"This is Randy. The point guard?"

"Good to meet you," the man said. He turned back to the TV and Stu started down the hallway.

Justin couldn’t help but look in the rooms as he passed. He nearly jumped when he saw a picture of himself on the wall of Shell’s room. He found that he’d stopped and was staring.

"Shell’s a little boy band obsessed," Stu said pointedly.

Justin smiled weakly and continued down the hall. He sighed as Stu shut the door of his room behind Justin.

"What’s up?" Stu asked when Justin didn’t immediately say anything. He motioned for Justin to take a seat on the bed.

"What we talked about yesterday," Justin began. He trailed off. He didn’t know how to say what he wanted to say.

"What about it?" Stu asked.

Justin took a large breath and closed his eyes for a brief instant. "I’m really glad you know and everything, but can we not talk about it? Ever?"

"Sure," Stu said. "Why?"

Justin shrugged. "I’ve spent a month here building a new life for myself and there are so many ties that I’ve been trying to break. I just want to forget about ‘N SYNC. I’m not ready to go back yet."

"That’s cool," Stu said. "I wouldn’t have said anything around anyone else, you know?"

"I know," Justin said quickly. "It’s just that now that you know if I were to talk about it with you I might slip. If I slip the game’s up."

Stu nodded. "We’ll never speak of it again," Stu said. He smiled suddenly. "I just have one question though before I forget everything you’ve told me."

"What?" Justin asked. He looked at his friend.

"Is Britney a good kisser? Guys only dream of kissing her and now I can have the information straight from someone who has first hand knowledge? This sort of opportunity doesn’t fall into your lap every day."

Justin smiled, again weakly. A month ago he would have been furious if someone had asked him that. Britney had been his, had been meant for him. Now he realized he didn’t care.

"Yeah," he said slowly. "She was."

Stu smiled. He looked at Justin’s worried expression They contact covered eyes seemed to hold a sadness that hadn’t been there before.

"I’m sorry," Stu said suddenly. "Have we met? My name’s Stu."

"Randy," Justin said with a sudden smile. He stuck his hand out. "Randy Smith."

"Now where are you from again?" Stu asked.

Both guys laughed.

"Mill Creek," Justin said. "Born and bred."

"Funny," Stu said. "I’ve lived here a year and a half and we’ve never met?"

"Oh it’s a big town," Justin said. "I’m not surprised."

The two guys continued laughing. Justin felt the tension fall away from him.

So Stu knew. He trusted Stu not to say anything. It would all be okay.

‘N SYNC Compound: Wednesday, December 6, 2000

Johnny looked around the dining room table. The four men collapsed in the chairs didn’t look happy to be there. Joey was leaning heavily on one arm, his mouth opened slightly by the force of his hand pushing his cheek up. Chris had his head resting on the table. His hands were palm down on either side of his cheeks, his elbows splayed across the wooden surface. Lance was leaning back in his chair. He had his arms crossed over his chest. His lips had formed a pout. JC was the only one who looked slightly willing to be there. His hands were clasped gently in front of him resting on the table.

"We have a clue of where he is," JC said.

Johnny focused on him. "Where?"

"Kansas," JC said. "Somewhere in Madison County."

"Why do I have a feeling it’s not quite as simple as you’re making it sound," Johnny said.

"Madison County covers about a quarter of the state, including Wichita and about 200 small farming communities," Lance said.

"He called from a payphone," JC explained. "It’s somewhere in that mass of 200 cities."

Johnny groaned. "But we know he’s in Kansas still. That’s a good thing."

"We think he’s in Kansas," Joey said. He sat up. "He could have just been passing through, or it might not have been him at all."

"It was him," JC said. He glared at Joey.

Johnny nodded, absorbing the information. "I talked to The Firm and JIVE yesterday."

"What did they say?" JC asked. The glare that he’d spent seven years developing in his conversations with Johnny wasn’t there.

"You guys are going back out the second week of January." Johnny sighed. He didn’t like relaying news he knew the guys weren’t going to like.

"We won’t," Joey said. "Not without Justin."

"You guys are bound by contract," Johnny said. "You have to."

Lance shook his head. "Bands break up all the time. We’ll break up."

"Contract," Johnny repeated. "You guys signed one. You know the penalties associated with breaking it."

"Justin broke it," Chris pointed out. He’d lifted his head slightly off the table. As soon as the words left his mouth his head went back to the hard wood.

"He’ll be dealt with," Johnny said. "You guys aren’t Justin."

Joey sat up and looked around the table at the other three members of ‘N SYNC. "We talked it through. We aren’t going out without Justin."

Johnny closed his eyes. "It is your choice," he said quietly. "As your manager, can I make a suggestion?"

Chris picked his head off the table. The four men nodded.

"Start practice," Johnny said. "Christmas is coming up. Justin will probably get really homesick and come back. He said it might be soon. Hell, he’s already called once. If that doesn’t signify homesickness I don’t know what does. If he comes back, great. If he doesn’t, well, we can deal with that when the time comes."

"He’s not going to come back," Chris said. "He has new commitments."

"Christmas jogs a lot of peoples memories," Johnny said. "People think of their friends and family. Justin won’t have any of that. It will increase the likelihood of him coming back. And he’s called already."

JC nodded. "Should I tell him what’s going on?"

The guys seemed to ponder the question. Lance nodded, followed by Chris, Joey and finally Johnny.

Chris suddenly looked wide-awake. He began bouncing in his chair. "Do you think we can bluff him into coming back?"

"Bluff him?" Lance asked. "How do you propose we do that?"

"Tell him we know where he is," Chris said. "Say we know he’s in Kansas. Give him a date to be back here by and if he’s not here we’ll come get him and make a huge media spectacle of it."

JC and Joey smiled. Lance looked a little skeptical.

"He’s hidden from MTV for over a month. Why would he go along with our bluff?"

Chris shrugged. He couldn’t think of a good reason.

"Because he will," JC said. "He knows when the game’s up. If we can just make him think that it is, he’ll come back to us."

Lance nodded. "It’s worth a shot."

JC pushed the chair away from the table. "Are we done here?"

Johnny nodded.

JC headed back towards his room. Time for the weekly update.

Justin turned on his computer, a growing dread floating through his body. He didn’t want to look at his email, but he was compelled to. He had to know the latest news on the group. He wanted to know.

Checking his email seemed like the perfect break from studying from his AP Biology final. It would give him something different to worry about.

He tapped his fingers on the desk in front of him. Every time he turned on the computer it seemed to take longer and longer to boot up.

And loading the Internet Browser seemed to take even longer.

He waited with baited breath as he typed in his password. He let it out as he saw the unexpected. The inbox was empty. There were no new messages.

He felt a sense of relief. He didn’t have to agonize over the guys words. Maybe they’d given up. He could always hope.

He was also feeling something he didn’t expect to. He felt disappointment. He’d almost been looking forward to JC’s letter.

Almost.

JC pressed the delete key in a repetitive motion. He couldn’t make the email sound right. No matter how many times he’d drafted it on paper, no matter how many times he’d written the words into a new message. It wasn’t right.

He heard the door to his room open. He looked at the reflection of the person in his computer screen.

"How’s it going?" Joey asked as he stepped into the room.

JC shrugged. "I can’t bluff well. You know that."

"Want some help?" Joey asked. "You know I can."

JC pushed his chair away from the computer and motioned Joey to pull up another one.

Joey sat down at the keyboard. He scrolled to the top of the message.
 

Hey Curly…

I guess I’ve got to ask this… how’s Kansas? Snowy at this time of year? You’ve never had much experience with snow have you?

We know you’re there Justin… phone bills tell where incoming calls are from, doncha know? Funny how that works. Using the payphone didn’t throw us off.

I hate to do this to you bro, but I’ve got to. We’re going back on tour the second week of January. Management’s orders. We know where you are now. We can come and get you anytime. We got moved to the compound today to start practice. I suggest you give up this game and come back. You don’t want to head out on tour cold do you? We’ll give you until the 20th to come back to us without a big media circus. If you aren’t here then we’ll come get you with every reporter we can lay our hands on in tow.

You opened this email to get the group update though didn’t you… Joey sent his screen play off. No more drag queens for me. Lance is continuing to be boring. Chris is ready to kick your ass. I’m still writing new songs. Just finished one yesterday. Not the song I want to look over with you though. I guess we’ll be doing that soon huh?

Well, I gotta go. Talk to you soon in person bro. Enjoy your last days of freedom while you still can.

Josh
 

"It sounds okay?" JC asked. "I wasn’t sure. It doesn’t sound like me."

"It sounds like you’re fed up," Joey said. "Maybe that’s what Justin needs to hear. He’s been on the wrong side of your anger before."

JC sighed. "So it sounds okay?"

Joey nodded. "Want me to press send for you?"

JC nodded. He felt sick. He watched as the message was sent.

"I hope this works," he muttered. "Please let this work."