Friday, November 3, 2000: Mill Creek, Kansas

Justin woke up for the first time in months on his own volition. The sun was shining in his eyes and he was uncomfortably warm. He had sprawled out over the queen-sized bed and he hadn’t gotten up to change out of his clothes.

His red curls were in disarray and his fingers running idly through them didn’t help in any way. He pulled himself up off the bed and looked in the mirror. He felt more alone than he’d ever felt before. He didn’t have his four brothers and the bodyguards constantly watching over him. He felt naked.

Slowly he got up off the bed and made his way to the shower dropping his clothes on the floor as he went.

Manhattan, Kansas

"Guys?" JC said coming into the sitting room that connected the bedrooms of the suite, "Where’s Curly?"

The rest of the guys shrugged. "He’s not in his room?"

JC shook his head. "His bed doesn’t look like it’s been slept in."

"Maybe he found a chick on the way up," Chris said. "Hey Jace? Can I check my email on your computer?"

JC nodded. "Go for it. I’m sort of worried. I don’t remember seeing him get off the bus last night."

"He must have," Lance said reasonably. "The guards check."

JC nodded. "Maybe Lonnie knows where he is."

"Sure," Joey said. "He’s probably with the Lon-man."

"Lonnie?" JC called. He was about to continue when Chris interrupted him. He was pale.

"Jace? I think you should read this."

JC hearing the concern in his friend’s voice went to his computer. He gasped when he saw the note in the sticky on his desktop.

Lance and Joey immediately came to look.

"This had better be a joke," Joey said. "And when I catch his scrawny ass he’s not going to think it’s so funny anymore."

Lance looked slightly green. "I think I’m going to be sick."

Lonnie lumbered into the room. "You called Chasez?"

JC just nodded and indicated the computer screen.

Lonnie read through the note and read through it again. "This isn’t a very funny joke guys," he said.

"We aren’t the one’s joking," Joey replied. "It’s all Curly."

"He never got on the bus?" Lance asked. "We would have noticed."

JC thought back to the night before. "Remember he said he was tired? He wanted to go directly to the bus and go to sleep."

"So you mean he never went," Lonnie said. "But I escorted him to the bus myself. Ryan was guarding the bus. I’ll go talk to him."

The big man began walking out of the room.

JC nodded. "It looks like he stayed in Wichita."

"What’s in Wichita?" Chris broke into the conversation.

Lance looked at the rest of they guys sadly. "We aren’t."

Justin walked out of the hotel and into broad daylight. He felt nervous. This was the first time in three years he’d been out on the street without Lonnie. He had a baseball hat pulled low over his face and sunglasses over his eyes even though the day was cold and cloudy. He couldn’t afford to be recognized. Not now.

There was no one on the street. He kept peering over his shoulder though feeling as if he was being followed. Or maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t being followed by one of the guys or a bodyguard.

He hadn’t realized how accustomed he’d become to his life. It was a good thing he’d gotten out when he did. Who knows how paranoid he’d be in another year? It wasn’t good to worry about your safety at the hands of your fans every time you thought about going outside.

Justin saw a sign for the barbershop. That was where he needed to go. That was the first thing— to make sure that he had a chance to make it on his own. To make sure that he had a chance to start his life the way he wanted to restart it.

"He was on the bus," Lonnie said. He was carrying one of Justin’s bags in his right hand. "Cause one of his bags and his backpack are gone. I borrowed his Walkman last night from the backpack. I put it back around 1 a.m."

"So he’s here somewhere?" Chris asked.

Lonnie shook his head. "I think he got off the bus last night. His other suitcase was sitting in his bunk. Tom always pulls over to smoke a cigarette in the middle of the night. Normally we’re asleep."

"But Justin got off the bus while we were stopped?" JC asked.

Lonnie nodded.

"Why don’t we call him?" Joey suggested. "Curly would never leave his cell phone behind. He needs to feel connected."

The rest of the guys brightened as JC flipped open his own cell phone. He dialed the number quickly and they all held their breath.

The suitcase by Lonnie began to ring.

"We could email him," Lance suggested brightly. His face fell. "But he wouldn’t email back."

Lonnie opened up Justin’s suitcase. There lay the cell phone. And the game boy. And all of the ‘N SYNC clothes and paraphernalia.

"He really wanted to forget didn’t he?" JC said.

The rest of the guys stared at the suitcase. It was all that was left of their friend.

Justin drummed his fingertips against the countertop in the office of the high school. He let his eyes traverse the room and almost yawned at how typical it was.

"Now Randy," a secretary said as she came up to him. "We need you to fill out this paperwork and we’ll need to get these signed by your parents."

Justin cringed at the mention of his family. That was the one thing he felt bad about. Not telling his little brothers where he was going. His parents he could live without. He’d stopped being their kid Justin and had become Justin of ‘N SYNC a long time ago.

"I’m eighteen," he said. "Can’t I register myself?"

The secretary looked at him. "Yes, I guess you can."

Justin nodded. "I’ll do that."

She pursed her lips. Justin guessed random kids didn’t just show up and register themselves very often.

Justin looked over the paperwork and quickly filled it out.

"So I can start Monday?" he asked.

The secretary nodded.

"Great," Justin said turning on his charm. "I’ll see you then."

"Thanks Randy," the secretary said. "Have a good weekend."

"Thanks," Justin said. "You too."

He walked out of the office and into the narrow road. He began walking back towards the downtown of the town he now called home. The air felt weird on his head. It was the first time in over a year he hadn’t had the puffball of red curls. Now his hair was short on top and shaved on the sides. He’d dyed it brown and frosted the tips. The look was decidedly un-Justin Timberlake and decidedly Randy Smith.

Justin was sitting in the local diner sipping a coke as he looked through the classified section of the local newspaper. He wasn’t quite ready to tackle an apartment all by himself, and he knew that in high school he wasn’t going to find a desirable roommate.  The words ‘room for rent’ caught his eye. He read through the descriptions of the five places listed and finally placed his finger on one.

"That sounds perfect," he said to himself.

He walked over to the payphone on the wall of the diner and deposited a quarter in the slot. The black plastic was cold against his ear. It rang twice.

"Yes ma’am, my name is Randy Smith and I was wondering if you still had that room available to rent. You do? When could I come over ma’am? That sounds great. Yes. See you then. Thanks. Bye."

Justin didn’t notice the girl behind the counter looking his way, or the smile that grew on her face as she realized that he was going to be staying in town for awhile.

It was a cute house about three blocks away from the high school. There was a white picket fence and a dog in the yard. Normal suburbia. Something that Justin hadn’t experienced in years. Not since the seven foot fence had gone up around his home in Ruskin.

Justin let himself into the yard and scratched the head of the dog that came bounding up to him.

"What’s your name?" he asked the animal as it wriggled in ecstasy at the attention. He didn’t hear the front door open.

"Well, I see you like dogs," a friendly voice said.

Justin looked up at the middle-aged woman standing on the quaint front porch.

"I miss having one," Justin answered. He did have one but it was at home in Orlando and he rarely got to see it.

"Well Molly’s friendly," the woman said. "You must be Randy."

Justin nodded. He was going to have to get used to answering to Randy.

"Yes ma’am," he said.

"I’m Cathy," the lady said. "Please come in. Would you like to wash your hands and have something to drink?"

"I’m fine ma’am," Justin answered, "but I would like to wash my hands if that’s all right."

"Please call me Cathy," Cathy said and motioned Justin to come in.

"You don’t look very old," she said. "Are you in college?"

"No," Justin said. "I’m going to be finishing my senior year of high school. I’ve traveled around a lot so I’m about a year behind. My parents sent me out here so I could get situated before they move here in the spring. That way I don’t have to go to three schools this year."

A look of sympathy crossed Cathy’s face. "That was intelligent of them. It’s your senior year. You should be in one place the whole year."

Justin nodded seriously.

"Well, this is the kitchen," Cathy said. "You’re welcome to cook anything you want, or join us for dinner. I cook for Maggie and Bob anyway so one more isn’t a problem for me."

Justin nodded. "That would be wonderful," he said. "I’m not too handy in the kitchen."

Cathy smiled. "I’ll show you the room now."

She led Justin up the stairs of the house and into an attic looking area. There were two bedrooms.

"This is my daughter Maggies room," Cathy said. "And this would be your room."

Justin walked into the room and immediately felt at home. There was a warm aura around it that he hadn’t felt in awhile at his own house in Florida. The room wasn’t big, but it was big enough for him.

"I’ll take it," Justin said. "Can I move my stuff in Monday?"

Cathy nodded.

"Let me show you the rest of the house."

They walked into the den room and Justin saw a girl lying on a couch.

"This is my daughter Maggie," Cathy said. "She’s a senior this year also."

Maggie looked up from her place on the couch. "Hi."

"This is Randy," Cathy continued. "He’s going to be living in our room."

Maggie looked Justin up and down and smiled. "I’m sure I’ll get to know you pretty well then."

Justin smiled his smile reserved for making girls drop at his feet. "I hope you will."

It worked. Maggie melted before his eyes.

Justin could tell he was going to like living here already.

"What are we going to do guys?" Lance asked the four other men in the room. Johnny Wright, the guy’s manager had joined them at the hotel in Manhattan Kansas.

"We need to come up with some story," Johnny said.

"Why?" JC asked. "Why can’t we just tell the truth?"

"It would devastate you guys," Johnny said. "If Justin isn’t enjoying ‘N SYNC that’s the end."

"We need to keep going," JC argued. "He said so. Find a replacement."

Johnny glared at JC. "We can’t do that. Justin pulls most of the crowd to your concerts. You know that."

JC gritted his teeth. He and Johnny didn’t see eye to eye most of the time. "There is no I in ‘N SYNC."

Lance looked up brightly and interrupted the two arguing men. "The way I see it we’ve got two options. First we go back down that road and stop in every town and find Justin."

All four men looked at him.

"You think Justin would stay in a small town?" Joey asked. "So he left his cell behind. The guy needs to be connected. He needs malls and theaters and freeways. He’s long gone by now. I mean can you see Curly staying in Kansas?"

The rest of the guys looked at Joey and then at Lance. Their expressions mirrored agreement for Joey’s statement.

"Or," Lance continued, "we tell the fans that we’re doing a ‘Where in the World is Justin Timberlake thing’ and ask them to find him. Justin can’t be that hard to find. He’ll be recognized instantly."

Joey and Chris smiled. Johnny nodded.

"I like it," their manager said.

"I don’t," JC said. "Curly was obviously having issues if he ran away from our tour. If we turn this into a media stunt, people are going to expect him to be happy to come back."

"He will be," Chris said. "Justin’s young. He just needed to rebel a little."

JC shook his head unbelievingly. "If he needs to rebel a little don’t you think he’ll come back on his own? Can’t we just give him a week?"

Johnny stood up. He looked frustrated. "Fine Chasez. One week. If he’s not back by next Thursday we’re going with Lance’s where in the world idea. Now I’ve got to go call Lynn."

All of the guys, JC included, shot Johnny a sympathetic look. Lynn was not going to be happy. Not happy at all.

"He’s what?" a tinny voice came through the phone. Johnny was holding the small plastic contraption away from his ear. The four guys in the room with him grimaced.

"He seems to have run away," Johnny repeated after he hesitantly put the phone back to his ear.

"What do you mean he’s run away?" Lynn continued to yell. "He’s Justin Timberlake! How can he just disappear?"

"We think he got off the bus when the driver stopped to rest this morning," Johnny explained.

"Have you fired the bus driver yet?" Lynn asked. "How could he let this happen? Have you called the police yet?"

"We aren’t going to," Johnny said quietly. "We’re going to wait a week and see if he comes back on his own."

"You’re going to let my baby boy sit out there for a week? What about the tour schedule? What about ‘N SYNC? This will mean canceling shows and unhappy fans…" Lynn trailed off.

"Lynn, Justin needed a break. All the guys need a break. Justin will be back. I’m sure of it. And if he’s not back within a week we’ve come up with a little plan to get him back and improve the guys images at the same time."

"Do tell," Lynn said. Her voice had calmed down considerably.

JC rolled his eyes as Johnny explained the details of the plan.

JC knocked hesitantly on Lance’s hotel room door.

"Yeah," the deep voice called.

JC placed his hand on the doorknob and pushed the door open.

"You busy?" he asked as he walked in.

Lance was sitting on the bed with a stack of papers on his lap.

"I should be," Lance said. His voice took on a sarcastic tone. "But for some reason I can’t concentrate."

JC nodded and crawled up onto the bed next to Lance.

"I liked option number one," JC said suddenly. When he saw Lance look confused he continued. "You said we had two options: go look for Justin and do that stupid game."

Lance nodded. "You want to go look for Justin?"

"Yeah," he trailed off. "I can’t just sit here while he’s out there."

"I know what you mean," Lance said. He looked down at the papers in his lap. An awkward silence descended on the room.

"Do you want to go look with me?" JC asked suddenly.

"You’re actually going to go look?" Lance asked. "I doubt Johnny would let us go."

"What good are we here?" JC asked. "I mean we can’t do anything because people’ll notice Justin’s missing. And if we find him we can get on with our lives."

Lance looked at JC and slowly a grin spread across his face. "So what color convertible do you want to rent. Personally I’m partial to red, but really it’s up to you."

"Scoop," JC said. "It’s the middle of winter. I’m not renting a convertible."

Lance pouted fakely. "Well can we at least get a Jeep?"

JC nodded. "I’m down with a Jeep." He grew serious for a moment. "Will you talk to Johnny? I think it might go better coming from you."

Lance nodded. "Yeah, I’ll handle Johnny. After the chewing out Lynn gave him I’m sure anything we do to bring Justin back will be welcome."

Justin flopped down onto the hotel room bed. The springs creaked slightly as his weight settled on them. He unfolded his hand from around a small bound book. He pulled the pen out from the spiral binding and opened the book to the first empty page.
 

I actually did it. Today I got a hotel room for myself. I got a new do. I found myself a place to live with a family that’s like my ideal and I registered for school. I know, why would I want to go back to school since I’ve pretty much graduated already. It’s part of the whole experience I’m looking for. I want to be normal. I want to go to high school.

I’ve got this really giddy feeling, like for the first time in ages I feel alive. I’m actually being Justin, well, Randy. But Justin is Randy, or Randy will be Justin. I hope that made sense.

I can’t believe I actually did it. I’m on my own. One day down and I really like it. I could definitely get used to not having anyone know who I am.

I wonder how the guys are doing? Think they noticed I’m gone yet? Stupid question. How could they not notice? I wonder if they told my mother yet… I don’t envy them that job… I wonder if there will be an ‘N SYNC to go back to. I can’t think like that. Then I’ll start to regret. I can’t do that. Not now.

This is what I had to do. I was dying inside. Now I feel alive for the first time in I don’t know how long. That’s what matters.