Denver, Colorado: Wednesday December 20, 2000

Justin weighed the small package in his hand. The package was rectangular and wrapped in sturdy yellow shipping paper. It was a familiar weight: one he used to wear around his neck as a symbol to the success he’d, they’d all had. It had been his trademark. Something he’d grown to love. Now it was the key to his final freedom— he hoped.

The package was completely encased in transparent tape, the address showing clearly through the covering. He hadn’t written a return address in the corner. He had written three letters though. ‘JRT.’ It should be enough to tip Carson off that it was something he should open and not throw away unopened. The letter inside explained it all.

"Next please," one of the postal workers called from behind the counter.

Justin stepped forward and leaned against the Formica top. He’d been in line for twenty-five minutes, the entire time spent huddled underneath the hood of his sweatshirt. To be recognized now, on the brink of success would be the ultimate cruelty.

"That all for you today?" the lady asked as she pulled the package across the counter. Her face was lined and brown, a sign of too much time spent on the tanning bed. Her hair was dyed a bright ‘natural’ red.

"Yeah," Justin said. He felt a sharp stab of guilt through his conscience. Except for a picture of the guys hidden at the bottom of his suitcase this was the only souvenir he’d brought from ‘N SYNC. He fought the feeling though.

"Heavy little bugger," the lady said with a smile.

"Yeah," Justin said again.

"First class?" the lady asked.

"Uh-huh," Justin said for a slight variance.

The lady’s fingers danced over the keys as she typed in the address.

"Carson Daly," she said. "Isn’t he on that music channel?"

Justin just nodded. Out of all the rumored rude postal workers in the world he had to get the nice, inquisitive one. He felt his palms break out in a sweat.

"Do you know him?" the lady continued. She didn’t let Justin respond, which was good because he didn’t know what he would have said anyway. "I met Garth Brooks once."

"Really," Justin said, trying to appear interested and hide farther in his hood at the same time.

"He was really polite like," the lady said. "That’ll be four eighty-six."

Justin handed over a five-dollar bill and waited for the fourteen cents change. He would have preferred to leave the post office immediately, but at this crucial moment he had to appear completely normal.

"There you go," the lady said with a smile. "It should be there Friday."

"Thank you," Justin said. He pushed himself off the counter. He glanced quickly at the holly decorating the entire office. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too," the lady said, her face lighting up.

Justin headed out of the post office. Friday. Two days. He could last that long.

'N SYNC Compound

"You told me Justin would be here," Lynne said as she glared at the five men around the table. "You said he was coming back."

"He did say that," Johnny said as calmly as possible.

"Then why isn’t he here?" Lynne’s voice rose in volume with every passing word.

Johnny looked around to the four guys. They were all intently studying the tabletop.

"I didn’t talk to him," Johnny began.

"Wait," Lynne said. She got out of her chair and began to pace the room. "He’s called twice now and we still don’t know where he is? Don’t we have caller ID boxes in this house?"

"He called my cell," Lance said quietly. "It just said ‘out of state.’"

Lynne stopped her pacing and turned to Lance. "He didn’t give any clues as to where he was?"

Lance shook his head.

"What did he say Lance?" Lynne asked. Her voice was tinged with annoyance.

"It was short and sweet," Lance lied. "He said he didn’t think he could come back. Then he clarified and said he couldn’t come back and that we were going to have to drag him back here kicking and screaming."

"That was it?" Lynne asked. Her tone suggested she was talking to a two year-old.

Lance nodded. He moved his hands from the table to his lap.

"You didn’t try to stop him?" Lynne asked. She glared at Lance.

Lance looked up and his pale green eyes flashed. "Of course I tried to stop him," he yelled. He stood up and slapped his hands indignantly against the wooden tabletop. "Why am I suddenly to blame for this?" He felt tears prickle his eyes and wasn’t sure if they were real or part of the innocent act he was putting on. "Did it ever occur to you why he called me?"

Lance paused and looked at the other people sitting around the table. JC, Joey, Chris and Johnny were looking up at him shocked. Lynne looked about ready to explode. Lance focused his eyes on JC.

"I’m the only one in this room who hasn’t yelled, said they were going to kick his ass or done any of that sort of shit over email. Would you want to come back if you knew all that was waiting for you was anger?"

Lance pushed his chair away from the table. "Now since I seem to be the only one who hasn’t used this expression in the last several days, I’ll take my turn. Fuck this. Come find me when you have a reason for making me sit in the same room with you all."

The room was silent as Lance stormed down the hall, so silent that the slamming door echoed around the walls.

Justin stepped happily onto the bus. His nerves were tingling with the excitement of going home.

That’s what Mill Creek was to him now. Home. Or home away from home. Something like that.

His brain felt lighter. The guys didn’t know where he was. He didn’t have to run. He could go back to Florida when he was ready and not a minute before.

The bus lurched to a start and Justin couldn’t help but smile. Home, here he came.

JC knocked lightly on the door to Lance’s room. "Can I come in?" he asked.

The door to Lance’s room opened and Lance began walking back towards the bed. When he sat down and looked at JC, the older man noticed the redness in Lance’s eyes.

"You okay?" JC asked as he moved towards the bed. He sat down next to his friend.

Lance nodded, but the movement was hardly noticeable.

"Sorry about earlier," JC said.

"Why?" Lance asked. His voice was slightly raspy, the withheld tears burning the back of his throat. "You didn’t do anything."

"Yeah I did," JC said. "Maybe not directly, but I did."

Lance looked over at him.

"You said it yourself," JC said. "Why did Justin call you? He called me once so why didn’t he call me again?" He paused. "I haven’t been fair to him, or to you."

"What have you done to me?" Lance asked.

"I didn’t think you did everything you could have to get him to come back," JC said. "I thought that if I’d talked to him he would have been back by now."

Lance looked down at his hands. He was rubbing his thumbs together lightly.

"Maybe I’m the reason he hasn’t come back though," JC said. He too was staring intently at his hands. "I’m the one who’s been sending the emails because they seemed to get a response. Maybe I stepped over the line though."

"You did what you thought you had to do Josh," Lance said softly. He rubbed his thumbs harshly together as he said it.

"It’s just that when we got that call I was so sure that we would have him back. I didn’t think he’d believe me if I didn’t sound harsh when I told him we knew where he was."

"He did believe you," Lance said. "He was going to come back."

"Obviously not," JC said. He made a scoffing noise. "He’s not here is he."

"Maybe he’s happy now," Lance said. "I know it’s hard to sit here while he’s off out there," Lance said gesturing with his arm, "but isn’t it important for him to be happy?"

JC was silent for a few seconds. "Can’t he think about us though? We’re dying without him here and we can’t tell the world why."

"We could," Lance said.

"Wouldn’t that kill us quicker though?" JC asked. "That’s the reason we didn’t say what happened originally." JC took a deep breath. "The group is dying Lance."

Lance nodded. "I know."

"We don’t talk anymore. None of us do. We just yell, worry. That’s been my life for the last two months. We should be focusing on developing new stuff. We should be out there touring. We should be friends again."

"We’ll always be friends Josh," Lance said. "And you have been developing new stuff. What about that song that you were working on for Justin."

"It’s not good," JC said. "I just can’t get it right."

"It is good," Lance said. "Really good."

JC shrugged. "Is this the end?" he asked finally.

"We’ve still got New Years," Lance said.

"But what about after New Years?" JC continued. "What then? Are we just going to pack up and leave? Not look back? I don’t think I can do that. I don’t want to do that."

Lance looked at his friend and then back down at his hands. "I don’t know Josh. I don’t know."

It was dark when the bus pulled into Mill Creek. Not the 2 a.m. darkness that Justin had originally entered the town in, but dark. He was the only one to get off at the depot. His backpack was slung over his shoulder and the handle of his suitcase was clutched in his hand.

He looked down the street. In one direction was Maggie’s house. His house. In the other direction lay the motel. Stu should be working. It would be just like old times.

Justin began walking down the dark street. Even at 7 p.m. the street was still empty. He felt happy and excited and well, it was a feeling he hadn’t experienced in forever. He grinned widely as he walked through the parking lot of the motel.

He looked through the glass door and saw Stu sitting behind the desk. His feet were propped up and he was reading a book. The bells on the door jingled as Justin pushed it open.

Stu looked up and his face went slack.

"Randy?" he asked. "Oh my god. Shit Bro. You’re supposed to be in Florida."

"I couldn’t do it," Justin said. His smile was so wide he felt like he couldn’t talk properly. "I couldn’t leave you guys willingly."

Stu hopped over the desk and gave Justin a backslapping hug. When he pulled away he was frowning. "So they’re going to be coming here?"

Justin felt his grin grow even wider. "No, they aren’t. They don’t know where I am."

"But you said," Stu stopped. "They said—"

"I called from Denver," Justin said. "I called Lance. He said that they didn’t know where I was. The phone call registered as Madison County not Mill Creek."

"Dude!" Stu said. He was smiling widely too. "That is so awesome. Did he just like tell you out of the blue?"

Lance nodded. "I never thought I’d find an advocate in him."

"He’s my new favorite member of ‘N SYNC," Stu said with a smile.

"Mine too," Justin said. "He was so cool about it."

Stu hopped back behind the counter and motioned Justin to join him. "So what now? You here for good?"

Justin nodded. "Yeah. I know I couldn’t leave."

"This is going to be so awesome. We’ve got basketball games and parties. I’m having a New Years party. You and Mags have got to be there for that."

"I wouldn’t miss it," Justin said.

JC picked up the notebook in front of him. The words to Justin’s song were scratched across the lines of the paper.

Lance was right. It was a good song. He just wished he could put his finger on what was missing. The words worked and he’d already picked out a tune on the keyboard in the corner of his room. He could hear the voices of the four other guys harmonizing with his voice in his head. He couldn’t hear it without Justin’s voice in the mix. Maybe that was what was missing.

"If I was down, would your arms lift me up," JC sang softly, "to higher ground, with just the strength of your love."

His walked over to the keyboard and began playing the notes he’d decided on earlier. He began forming the notes into chords and the chords into the song. He began singing again, slowly, changing the chords in his head into notes on the page in front of him.

"It's easy to be there through the good times, but when the times get hard would you stay or walk away."

Justin opened the gate in the white picket fence. The familiar golden retriever came bounding up to him wagging excitedly. He bent down and petted the soft head as the body wriggled against his leg.

"Hey Moll," Justin said softly. He began walking toward the front door with the dog following closely at his heel. He slowly took the steps of the porch and hesitated at the door. It didn’t feel right just to walk right in. Technically he wasn’t still living there. He rang the bell.

He heard footsteps approaching the door. Cathy’s from the sound of it. She peered around the curtain that covered the window. She opened the door quickly.

"Randy? What are you doing here? Come in."

Justin stepped into the house and looked down at the ground. "I met my parents at the Denver Airport and we talked a lot," Justin said. "They agreed with me that it wasn’t fair for me to change schools again this year, especially when I told them how happy I am here."

"Wow," Cathy said. "You aren’t even going to spend Christmas with them?"

Justin shook his head. "No. They’re going out of the country and aren’t getting back until after school starts. I decided to come back here. I hope the invitation to spend Christmas here is still open."

"Of course," Cathy said. "I’m glad I didn’t advertise your room again."

Justin nodded. He hadn’t thought of that. "So am I."

"Well go on up," Cathy said. "It’s good to have you back. It just felt like something was missing these past 36 hours."

Justin began walking towards the stairs leading to his room. The excitement and happiness of the day had turned into nervousness. All he’d wanted to do for the last 36 hours was to hold Maggie and tell her how much he needed her. Now that the reality was a few minutes away he suddenly felt unsure.

Her door was closed as he walked into his room. He put his suitcase down on the bed and slung his backpack to the floor.

His palms broke into a cold sweat as he walked down the small hallway to her room. He knocked twice.

"Yeah," Maggie called.

Justin smiled at hearing her voice. He’d only been gone for 36 hours, but he’d missed her. He put his hand on the doorknob and turned the handle.

"Hey," he said softly.

Maggie looked up and turned pale. "Oh my god! Randy!" She was out of her desk chair and hugging Justin so fast it didn’t appear that she’d even touched the floor. "Why are you here?"

"I couldn’t go home," Justin said. He clutched the girl to his chest and ran a hand over her hair. "I couldn’t willingly give up the life that I’ve built here."

"But aren’t they going to come?" Maggie asked. "Isn’t that what you said."

"I decided to push my luck," Justin said. He squeezed Maggie tightly. She felt so good, so solid in his arms. Just like he’d remembered. "I couldn’t leave you," he whispered. Maggie didn’t give any indication of whether she’d heard or not. She just maintained her grip on Justin and didn’t let go.