Friday, December 22, 2000: Somewhere in New York City, NY

Carson Daly walked into his apartment after finishing the latest installment of TRL. He liked the Christmas season because the same videos didn’t play day after day. It was always Christmas videos and this year, like the previous two, ‘N SYNC’s ‘Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays’ was sweeping the countdown.

He sorted through the mail in his hand. He’d glanced at it in the elevator on the way up to his apartment. There were the normal bills, a letter from Tara, and a small package. He was curious about the package, but it was the size of a camcorder tape so he figured a fan had just sent it to his home address instead of to the MTV studios.

He placed the mail on the counter separating his kitchen from his living/ dining room. He opened the card from Tara. She was on location in Italy and they talked on the phone at least four times a week, but they also sent each other letters to ease the constant loneliness when they were apart. He was smiling as he propped the card up on the counter. He threw the bills onto the pile he was collecting and was left with the small package wrapped in yellow paper. He could open it or he could just give it to the studio. They were the one’s who chose the fan video’s anyway.

He weighed it in his hand. It felt just a little too heavy to be a tape. It was just slightly off balance too. He looked at the return address. There were only three initials. ‘JRT.’ Fans normally would leave their addresses and phone numbers in that corner. Curious, he finally decided to open it. The package was too well wrapped to tear open with his fingers so he walked into the living room, searching for a pair of scissors. He gently slit the tape along the wrapping seams. Once he’d opened the end he tipped the package, spilling the contents into his hand. It was a box, but not a tape box. He opened the end and again tipped the contents into his hand. There was a piece of paper wrapped around something. He opened the paper and nearly sat down on the ground when he saw what was enclosed.

Confused he walked over to the couch. He sat down and studied the pendant in his hand. It was huge and gaudy and only one person in the world owned it. The bejeweled JRT pendant glistened in his hand. He set it on the couch and took a closer look at the writing scrawled on the paper. It was handwriting he that recognized from the Christmas card he received every year. Coupled with the initials in the corner of the package there was only one person it could be from.

Carson! Whazzup!

Carson smiled. There was definitely only one person this letter could be from.

You probably be wondering why I’m writing you. There’s something MTV needs to know and I felt that you would be the best messenger. I didn’t know if this would get through to them otherwise.

The guys have been lying to you. I shouldn’t say lying, I guess, more like saving their own asses. I’d do the same thing in their place, probably. There is no ‘Where in the World’ game and there never was. The truth is that I ran away. I succumbed to the pressure and I ran away.

Carson felt the smile fall off his face. Justin Timberlake had run away from ‘N SYNC and from tour.

You’re probably thinking that I’m insane and why would I do this? I don’t know. It was just a ‘what If’ thought that caught my brain. Now you’re probably wondering why I’m writing you at all if I’m on the run. The truth is that I’ve settled and I’m happy where I am. I don’t want to run anymore.

You may not believe me… you may think I’m a poser, cause why would Justin Timberlake run away. That’s why my necklace is in there. Take care of it, okay? I would like it back. Show it to the guys and show them the letter. They’ll tell you this is true.

Merry Christmas! Say hi to TRL fo’ me, okay?

Justin

Carson read over the letter again. It was Justin. That was obvious from the tone and was only reinforced by the jewelry in his hand. Justin wanted to tell the world what he was up to and the rest of ‘N SYNC had been trying to cover it up for two months. He was being pulled in two directions. He felt a loyalty to the guys of ‘N SYNC. They’d always been supportive of whatever demands MTV and TRL had put on them, and rarely asked for favors in return. On the other hand he was a journalist, a music journalist at that, and the fans deserved to know the truth. Justin deserved to have his wishes respected. Justin had trusted him with very important information.

Knowing he was going to hurt somebody, Carson picked up the phone and punched the numbers for the head of MTV Studios. It was dinnertime, but this was something that could interrupt dinner.

Johnny had his feet propped on the desk in his office in the ‘N SYNC compound. He had a headache pounding at his temples. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He didn’t want to see ‘N SYNC go under, but there wasn’t a whole bunch they could do without Justin. Except go on without Justin— which he didn’t think the guys would accept— but he was even more sure that the fans would throw a fit.

He felt a vibration at his side and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. He pulled down the mouthpiece.

"Hello?"

"Johnny?" a woman’s voice asked. "This is Erica Reese."

Johnny sat up quickly, his feet hitting the floor hard. Erica Reese was the president of MTV Studios. "Erica, hi."

"I’m going to cut straight to the point," Erica began, "because I’m a busy woman and you should be a busy man."

"I am," Johnny said. He knew Erica wasn’t one to bullshit pleasantries. "What’s up?"

"Did Justin run away?"

Johnny felt bile rise in his throat. How had Erica found out? They’d done everything they could to hide the truth.

"Why would Justin Timberlake run away?" Johnny asked. He cursed the fact that his voice quivered and sounded faint.

"Let me quote this," Erica said. "I believe his words were, ‘I succumbed to the pressure and I ran away.’"

"You’ve talked to him?" Johnny asked. "Where is he? Is he okay?"

"Well that answers my question," Erica said. "When Carson read the letter to me I thought it was shit even though he believed it."

Johnny cursed himself again. He was in the business. He knew the games people played to get information out of you.

"That’s about the gist of the note he left us," Johnny said.

"MTV has been good to your boys Johnny," Erica said. "We like them. They’re nice guys."

"Yeah they are," Johnny said.

"But we don’t like to be fucked with Johnny," Erica continued. "I want all of you in my office at 9 tomorrow morning. MTV is going to break the story. The question is how cooperative you all are going to be."

"We’ll be there," Johnny said. He heard the connection end and he pushed his phone shut. His lips moved forming one word. "Fuck."

JC looked at the sheet music resting in his hands. He was standing outside the door to Johnny’s office, trying to figure out the best way to tell the manager what he and the other three guys wanted to do. He could hear Johnny talking and since he was only hearing Johnny’s side of the conversation he was assuming that it was a phone call. He heard Johnny say "we’ll be there," and then he heard the man say something much quieter. He listened for a few more seconds and when he didn’t hear anything more he knocked on the door.

"Yeah?" their manager’s voice came through the door. It sounded stressed, tired, aggravated.

JC pushed the door open. "Hey, Johnny, if you have a few moments…" JC trailed off as he looked at their managers face. He might not get along with Johnny well, but even he knew not to cross their manager when he had that expression.

"Group meeting, now," Johnny said. He got up from his desk and stalked past JC.

JC moved out of the way and watched their manager walk to the kitchen and pull out a bottle of scotch that was hidden in one of the cupboards. JC heard the faint sound of liquid splashing in a shot glass and then the sound of the glass hitting the counter top.

JC hurried down the hall, anxious to get to the other guys. When Johnny called an unannounced group meeting and then chased it with a shot, something was terribly wrong.

He could only think of one thing in their lives that could have gone terribly wrong. Justin.

Justin walked down the hallway to the den. He was feeling slightly sick. Maggie had been distant the whole day. She’d been nearly silent during their lunch and at dinner she’d refused to look at him.

Justin wanted nothing more than to take back their kiss. Actually he didn’t want to take back the kiss; he wanted to take back her reaction. He felt a small surge of adrenaline whenever he thought of their lips pressed together, softly resting against one another.

He walked into the den and saw the light of the TV flickering against the white walls. He saw the back of Maggie’s head over the top of one of the couch. He stared for a second, trying to will away the longing and the urge to sit next to her, to hold her hand, to pull her close and cuddle up to her.

He sat down on the chair on the opposite side of the room. She looked over at him, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. Her eyes were wide and her expression serious. She tried to smile, only succeeding in a lopsided half-grin. She looked back at the TV.

Justin tried to watch the TV, but he felt his eyes being drawn towards her. He wanted to know what she was thinking. He noticed the twitch of her neck muscles as she resisted the urge to move her head toward him.

He saw the show on the TV end and the credits begin to run up the screen. Maggie got up off the couch. She began walking out of the room seemingly intent on not looking at Justin.

Justin felt something inside of him snap. His arm flew out and his hand grabbed Maggie’s arm as she passed him.

"Maggie, wait."

Maggie looked down at his hand on her arm and back at Justin. She didn’t make any move to get him to drop his hand. Her teeth went back to her bottom lip.

"I’m sorry Mags," Justin continued.

"It’s okay," Maggie said. Her voice sounded somewhat watery.

"No," Justin said. "It’s not. Obviously it’s not. You haven’t looked at me since yesterday morning."

Maggie was silent. Her eyes fell from Justin’s face and went down to the ground.

"Just tell me why this is so awkward," Justin said. He was staring at her downcast eyes.

"You know why it’s awkward," Maggie said, still not looking at Justin. "You agreed that it was a mistake."

"If we both agree that it’s a mistake then we should be fine now. We should be able to talk, to be in the same room." Justin slid his arm down and lightly tugged on Maggie’s fingers, pulling her close to his chair. He heard her sniffle slightly.

"I just want things to go back to the way they have been for the last month and a half."

"Fine," Justin said. He stood up and rested his hand on Maggie’s cheek, bringing her face up to look at him. He wasn’t surprised to see tears in her eyes. "It’s forgotten."

Maggie opened her mouth a few seconds before she said anything. "I can’t forget though." Her voice cracked as she tried to talk and swallow at the same time. It came out as a muffled sob.

Justin ran a thumb across Maggie’s cheek, wiping away a tear that was threatening to fall. "Neither can I," he whispered.

"I don’t want to lose you," Maggie said. "Look at me and Josh."

"You aren’t going to lose me," Justin said. His eyes were focused on her lips as they moved. They seemed to exude a magnetic force to him. "I’m not Josh."

"You can’t promise that," Maggie said.

"No one can ever promise anything dealing with relationships," Justin said. His fingers were traveling through Maggie’s hair. "But isn’t this worth a shot?"

Maggie stared up at his face, her eyes searching his for any sign of uncertainty. Her nod was almost imperceptible.

Justin’s lips found hers immediately. His tongue was delving into her mouth, tasting her, getting his fix of the addiction he’d developed the morning before. He felt her sob into his mouth, the catching of breath as she pushed her lips onto his.

Justin pulled her closer and ran both his hands over her hair. He pulled away and rested his chin on top of her head. He hugged her close and smiled.

"Thank you," he mouthed.

Johnny stared at the guys across the table from them. They were silently staring back at him.

"We don’t have a choice do we?" Chris asked.

Johnny shook his head.

"So, basically we have to decide what we want to do tonight?" Chris continued.

Johnny nodded.

"We want to keep going," Joey said. "We have a song already picked out for the next single."

"I’m not worried about the next song, or the next tour," Johnny said. "I’m worried about the fans."

The other guys were silent.

"They’re going to feel betrayed," Johnny continued. "We need to do something to offset that."

"Why didn’t we come up with this in the last month and a half?" JC asked. He was frustrated.

"Because we never thought Justin would be gone this long!" Johnny yelled. The alcohol he had consumed was obviously affecting his emotions. "Because the story surfacing wasn’t a possibility."

"But it did," JC said. "And now we have one night to deal with it."

"We have this single," Joey said again. "Josh wrote it. It’s really good."

"I’m thrilled," Johnny said sarcastically. "Don’t you guys realize the shit is hitting the fan?"

"Johnny," Lance said. "You’ve been pushing us to decide whether we’re going to keep going or whether we were going to break up. We’ve decided."

"But the fans…" Johnny trailed off.

"If they support the four person ‘N SYNC, great," Lance said. "If they don’t, we can say we tried. We’ve had a great run."

"MTV is pissed," Johnny said.

"We aren’t going to go away," JC said. "This song I wrote. We were thinking, dedicate it to Justin. Make him the video."

Johnny sighed. He couldn’t see why the guys weren’t more concerned. "Let’s just get through tomorrow, okay? Then we’ll talk about the song. We’re leaving for the airport in thirty minutes."

Saturday, December 23, 2000: MTV Studios, New York

JC was slouched over in his chair. It wasn’t a comfortable chair: the hard, modernly styled, plastic back was digging into his spine.  He didn’t want to be sitting there watching Johnny pace the office, watching Chris try to bury his head in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, watching Lance sleeping with his head resting against the wall, and watching Joey rub his fingers over his goatee. He didn’t want to get yelled at by the president of MTV Studios.

The door to waiting room flew open and a woman with blond hair hanging midway down her back stalked in.

"You all look comfortable," she said. "Let’s just do this here." She sat down cross-legged on the coffee table and leaned back on her palms.

"Erica," Johnny said walking up to her and extending his hand. "So good to see you again."

"Cut the crap Johnny," Erica said. She looked around the room at the four other guys who had perked up upon her entrance. "I’ll just fill you in on something. MTV is not happy with you at the moment and ass kissing isn’t going to help."

"What will help?" Johnny asked.

"The whole story," Erica said, leaning forward. "Exclusive interviews."

"Okay," Johnny said. He looked at the rest of they guys. "What do you want to know."

"Start at the beginning," Erica said. She leaned back on the table, crossing her arms behind her head. "And I want the story from the guys. Not you Johnny."

"I guess I’ll start then," Lance said. "We probably should have known something was wrong."

"He’d been withdrawing from us," JC jumped in. "Becoming introverted and almost angry."

"And then one day he disappeared," Joey said.

"He got off our bus in Kansas," Chris said. "I always knew there was something wrong with him. To get off the bus in Kansas?"

Erica smiled. "So has he moved or is he still in Kansas?"

"We don’t know," Joey said. "We got a phone call from somewhere in Kansas."

"And we’d been talking through email," JC said. "We had him coming back."

"And then he changed his mind," Lance said. "He’s apparently settled and is living an anonymous life. He likes it."

Erica moved and pulled a small sheet of paper out of her pocket. It had been folded and unfolded a few times. She opened the paper and read it over. "Yeah, that’s what he said. ‘The truth is I’ve settled and I’m happy where I am. I don’t want to run anymore.’"

"Can we see that?" Johnny said as he stood up. He took the proffered paper from Erica’s hand.

Erica reached back into her pocket and pulled out the gold pendant. "He also sent this."

There was a gasp from JC as he saw the necklace. "He sent that away?"

Erica nodded. "Said it would make you guys tell me the truth."

"So what do you want us to do?" Joey asked.

"TRL Tuesday. We promote it big time," Erica said. "Are you guys staying together?"

"Yeah," JC said. "We’ve got our new single picked out and we’re going to do a—"

"I don’t care what you do next," Erica broke in. "You aren’t going to change your mind about staying together are you? If MTV gives you support on this you aren’t going to fuck us over again are you?"

The guys shook their heads.

"We’ll go as long as we can," Lance said. "We don’t want to give up yet. And Justin will be back."

"Just remember," Erica said. "You dick us, we will dick you."

"Okay dude," Stu said as he sat down next to Justin on the bench in the locker room. "What drug did you get in Denver and can you please share it with me?"

Justin smiled even wider. "I’m not on anything dude."

"Why are you so happy?" Stu asked. "You’re actually starting to scare me a little. I mean, you just came back to Mill Creek."

"Nothing," Justin said. "It’s nothing."

Stu eyed his friend. "If I knew you better I’d say you just got laid."

Justin turned bright red. "I didn’t just get laid."

"But it has something to do with Maggie," Stu said. When Justin turned even redder, he clapped Justin on the back. "Are you guys finally sucking face?"

Justin just shoved his clothes in his bag and stood up. "Something like that. I’m late meeting her for lunch."

"Well don’t let me keep you from your love tryst," Stu said quietly. "You guys deserve each other."

"I’m going to take that as a compliment," Justin said as he walked out of the locker room.  There was a new bounce to his step.

Stu turned on the bench and saw Josh glaring at them. He closed his eyes and mentally groaned. Josh looked even more unhappy than the time Laura had hit on Justin.

Lance sat down at his laptop. He turned on the computer and logged into his email. There was a faint flicker of hope that Justin would have emailed, but the hope proved fruitless.

He rested his fingers on the keys and began typing.
 

Hey Justin… Think maybe you could have told us you were sending a letter to MTV? Some warning might have been nice Bro. Anyway, to answer the burning questions I’m sure you have: the game is up, we’re announcing on TRL Tuesday, we had to sell our souls to MTV and the group is staying together.

I hope things are going well with you. I really do. Hope things are going good with that girl. If you feel like sharing details, I’d like to know. She must be special to have gotten this good a hold on you in this short amount of time. If you want to share anything I’ll keep it between us. You know you can trust me, right Justin?

Merry Christmas.

You’re in our thoughts.

Lance