Saturday, November 4, 2000: Manhattan, Kansas

A loud ringing brought JC out of a deep sleep. He groggily shot a hand out towards the nightstand and grabbed the clunky handle of the generic beige plastic phone.

"Hello?" he asked as he opened his eyes hissing as the bright light of day flooded them.

The phone kept ringing.

JC looked at the cell-phone on the nightstand. He dropped the other phone and grabbed the smaller one, flipping it open and pressing it to his ear. Only a few people knew the number to the phone.

"Justin?" he asked eagerly.

"No," a female voice said. "This is Brit."

"Hey Brit," JC said. There was a large amount of disappointment and a very slight hint of disgust in his voice. He’d watched how she’d pulled away from Justin after their supposed engagement had been announced. He knew how much Justin cared about her. "What’s up?"

"I was calling to find out where Justin is," Britney said. "He left a message on my phone two nights ago saying that he was going away for a little while. He thanked me for being his friend. I don’t know; it sort of scared me. He sounded lost."

"He is lost," JC said.

"Well can you give me a number where I can reach him?" Britney asked. "I tried calling his cell but he’s not picking up."

"We don’t know where he is Britney," JC said. "He got off our bus after the Wichita show and we don’t know where he is now."

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"Oh my god," Britney said finally. "He really meant that he was going away?"

"Yup," JC said.

"How could he do that to me?" Britney asked. "He knows he’s the only one who keeps me sane. He’s my best friend."

JC couldn’t stop the snort before he did it. "You sure have a funny way of showing it," he said sarcastically.

"What’s that supposed to mean?" Britney asked indignantly.

"It means that you’ve been nothing but a bitch to him for the last four months. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what pushed him over the edge." It felt good to say that, but it wasn’t really fair. They’d all pushed him over the edge.

"Don’t you understand that I like him too much?" Britney asked. "I mean, I’ve always liked him, but I know we can’t be together now. Especially after the whole engagement thing. It was just easiest to stay away from him."

JC sighed. "Well I guess it doesn’t much matter now does it?"

"So what are you guys going to do?" Britney asked changing the subject.

"We’re waiting a week and then we’re going to announce some stupid where in the world is Justin game."

"He’ll never survive that," Britney said with a bitter laugh.

"I know," JC said. "I’d give him 24 hours."

"So why aren’t you doing that now?" Britney asked.

"We think this is just some stupid teenage rebellion thing and that he’ll come back on his own. The story now is that he’s sick and we all needed a break so we’re canceling the weeks concerts."

"Uh-huh," Britney said. "I just can’t believe he’s gone."

"Lance and I are gonna go look for him," JC said after a moment of silence.

"Where?"

"I don’t know… every small town between Wichita and Manhattan."

"You really think he’d stay in a small town?" Britney asked. "I don’t know about that."

There was a soft knock on his door.

"Come in," JC called. "Hold on one second," he said to Britney.

Lance peered in through the cracked door. "You’re actually awake," he said in surprise.

"Yeah," JC yawned. "I’m on the phone with Brit. Apparently Justin left her a message saying that he was going."

"He did? What did he say?"

"Thanked her for being his friend, said he was taking a little trip. Basically a shorter version of the note he left us."

Lance nodded. "I’m about to go talk to Johnny. Don’t suppose you want to come for moral support do you?"

JC laughed. "Hell no! But I’ll go. Just let me say goodbye to Britney first, okay?"

"’K" Lance said. He sat on the edge of the dresser by the door of the room.

"Brit? I’ve got to go."

"Okay," Britney said. "Be sure to let me know if you find him, okay?"

"I’ll make sure you’re the first person I call," JC said as he rolled his eyes for Lance’s benefit.

Lance chuckled lightly.

"Bye Josh. And good luck."

"Bye."

JC hung up the phone and threw the covers down to the foot of the bed. He stood up and grabbed a T-shirt that was lying across one of the chairs. Scratching his chest and then running the hand through his thick brown hair he followed Lance out of the room and into the living room to talk to their manager.

Justin walked into the small hotel room and dropped the bags he was holding onto the rickety fake oak dresser. He’d been up for four hours and it was only eleven o’clock.

The bed had been neatly made while he was gone. The old bedspread was pilled and the sheets had the look of being bleached too many times, but to Justin it looked more comfortable then any of the beds he’d stayed in recently. It had certainly been comfortable the night before.

He sat down on the bed and leaned back so his head was resting against the textured wall. He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the TV remote, pressing the power button. The screen of the old black box crackled to life.

Justin began flipping through the channels, pausing every once in awhile to watch a few minutes of a show and then continuing on his never ending journey. The journey stopped though when he saw Eminem’s new video on the screen.

The video was just finishing up and he was about to continue flipping through the channels when Dave Holmes came on the screen.

"And that was Eminem, a constant on the countdown. He just can’t seem to beat out Backstreet or ‘N SYNC though. Speaking of ‘N SYNC," Dave paused and Justin could tell that he was improvising. "It seems that we have Lance Bass on the phone. Lance? Can you hear me?"

Justin felt his heart begin to pound and his blood ran cold. The texture of the wall seemed to be painfully digging into his neck. He leaned forward. A picture of Lance appeared on the screen.

"Hey Dave," Lance said in his familiar deep voice. "How’s it going?"

"Good," Dave said. "So what’s this I hear about you postponing the last two weeks of the show until further notice?"

"Well Dave," Lance said. It was obvious he was reading from a script. "Many of you all have noticed that Justin just hasn’t been, well, Justin for a while now. The truth is that he’s been battling exhaustion and it finally caught up with him. The doctors say that he needs at least a week to recover fully and since the rest of us are pretty worn down too we decided to make sure that we’re all up to 100 percent before we go out again."

"Wow," Dave said. "I bet there’re a lot of disappointed little girls out there tonight."

"Well everyone who has a ticket will still be able to see the show," Lance said. "We just want to make sure that everyone gets to see the best show we can put on. We know it wouldn’t be the same without Justin so we don’t even want to try to make it the same."

"I’m sure Justin appreciates your faith in his abilities."

"I hope he does too," Lance said. "He’s the glue that holds this group together."

Justin stared at the TV. He felt a tear begin to well up in his right eye.

"Dammit Lance," Justin hissed. He looked at the bags resting by the TV and smiled. "You aren’t going to get me back that easily."

He thanked god that the guys hadn’t announced he was gone. He got at least a little amount of time to himself it seemed.

"And now," Dave was saying. "At number two we have ‘N SYNC with ‘This I Promise You.’"

"That was good Lance," Johnny said as he took his phone back from the blond man. "Now what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Josh and I are going to go find Justin," Lance said. It wasn’t a question.

"Oh no you’re not," Johnny said. "You’re all staying right here."

"No Johnny," JC said. He stood up and walked up to their manager. "We’re going. We still have a chance to find Justin. I can feel it."

"I already have one ‘N SYNCer on the loose. I’m not going to lose two more."

"You can’t keep us here," Lance said standing up next to JC.

Chris and Joey watched in amazement. Lance rarely raised his voice and he certainly didn’t do it to Johnny.

"The sooner we find Justin the sooner we can get back on the road," Lance continued. "Besides you said it yourself. We’re on vacation. We can do whatever the hell we want."

Johnny sighed. "You’re just going to drive around Kansas until you find Justin?"

"Something like that," JC said.

"I want calls every day," Johnny said. "I can’t have all of you disappearing on me now."

"Thanks Johnny," Lance said. "Now can you arrange to get us a car?"

I wonder if Britney knows I’m gone yet. I wonder how she’s taking it? I’m not going to think about Brit. I’m out here to discover me, not dwell on the me of yesteryear. Okay, that was cheesy.

So now I’m here. What am I going to do? School. Make friends. Be me. Do I get a job? Like a real job? Not that ‘N SYNC isn’t a real job, but… well, you know.

This is just such an awesome feeling. It’s like I’m someone completely different. Is this the Justin I haven’t been in forever?

It’s just like I’m free, you know? Free from bodyguards, constant supervision… the guys never ending jesting.

For the first time in years I’m alone in a room with no chance of anyone walking through the door.

And you know what? I like it.

Lance leaned against the counter of the hotel where they’d stayed just three days ago.

"Mr. Bass," the concierge said. "We weren’t expecting you back so soon. Did you forget something?"

Lance shook his head. "No, we were just driving through and decided to see if you had any rooms available."

"But of course, Mr. Bass," the concierge said. "We have your suite available still."

Lance turned to JC.

"Actually," JC said speaking for the first time. "I think we’d like a room with two beds. There’s only the two of us here. The suite would be a little big."

"Fine, fine," the concierge said. His fingers clicked away at the keyboard. "I have room 612 which has two king size beds. Will that be satisfactory?"

"Wonderful," Lance said. "Do you know where we could find a road map?"

The concierge leaned down below the desk and reemerged with a AAA map in his hand. "Right here sir."

"Thank you," JC said as he took the map.

The two singers began walking towards the elevators. JC could barely resist opening the map and laying it down on the floor in the middle of the lobby.

They had to find Justin. They just had to.

The bell on the door of the hotel office jingled as Justin pushed it open. He smiled when he saw Stu behind the counter.

"Hey man," Justin said.

"Randy! What’s up?" Stu said as he looked up from the book that was propped in his lap.

"I got bored sitting in my room so I decided to come down and see if you were working tonight."

"I am," Stu said as he rolled his eyes. "I’m gonna be taking a break though after this weekend. That’s when practice starts and I won’t have time for a job anymore."

"Practice?" Justin asked.

"Basketball," Stu said. "This town lives and dies by it."

Justin nodded his head enthusiastically. "I love basketball."

"You going to try out? It’s probably not too late."

"I don’t know," Justin said. "I’ve never really played competitively, mainly one on one or two on two."

A smile came to his face as he remembered the hours he and the guys had spent playing basketball in various parks around the country when they’d first started out and later in hotel gyms where security kept the fans away.

Stu was nodding. "Well be sure to come to the games anyway. Everyone’s there. And I mean everyone."

Justin nodded. "I will, for sure. Do you mind if I just hang down here for awhile?"

"Nope," Stu said. "I’m glad for the company. Believe me."

"Cool," Justin said as Stu motioned for him to come behind the counter.

"So Randy," Stu said as he propped his feet back up on the counter. "Tell me about yourself."

Justin swallowed and smiled. It was time to bring out those mad acting skills everyone seemed to think he had. This was the story that would define his future.

Sunday, November 5, 2000: Mill Creek, Kansas

The 4-Runner pulled into the dry parking lot and stopped. Two men got out of the car and looked at the gray building.

"What’s this place called again?" JC asked.

"Mill something or other," Lance answered. "Well, shall we?"

JC nodded and began walking towards the office, the shorter man following right behind.

The door jingled and the man behind the desk looked up.

"Can I help you?" Stu asked.

"Yes," Lance said. "We’re looking for a friend of ours and we were wondering if he’d been here."

Stu narrowed his eyes at the two men. "What’s his name?"

"Justin," JC answered. He unfolded his hand from the picture of Justin he’d been lugging around.

Stu looked at the picture. It could have been Randy if the hair were shorter and frosted.

"Yeah," Stu said. "I seen him."

"You did!" Lance said enthusiastically. "Is he here?"

Stu shook his head. "He took out of here Friday morning. Hopped on the bus."

He saw the look of disappointment on the two men’s faces. He almost felt bad for lying.

"Do you know where he was going?" Lance asked.

Stu shook his head. "Sorry."

JC nodded. "Well, thanks anyway."

"Anytime," Stu said. "Good luck finding him."

The two men nodded and walked out the door back to the car.

It was a scene they’d repeated multiple times before that day. This time the letdown seemed to be worse though.

"Should we go back to Manhattan?" JC asked quietly from the passenger side of the car. "Seems like he's gone now."

"Might as well," Lance said.

The car started and began driving down the empty road again. Little puffs of dust floated in the cold air.

Back in the motel Stu looked at the retreating car.

"Justin?" he mouthed quietly. "Why’s he going by Randy?"

In a small room on the second floor of the motel a curtain closed. Justin fell into the chair by the window. His heart was pounding loudly in his ears and he could feel the sweat dripping down his neck.

He'd heard the car pull up and two doors slam. Something had drawn him to the window. He'd gotten there just in time to see the two men enter the office.

He'd watched in trepidation as they'd emerged five minutes later. He knew they were going to head towards the stairs and come knock on his door. They were walking his direction, and they were stopping at the car. And they were gettting in the car.

It couldn't be that they didn't know. Maybe the clerk at the desk hadn't seen him. Maybe they'd said no one new had come to town.

And they were driving away. Justin had felt a small pang of sadness as the car left the driveway. He'd felt the brief temptation to run after them. Tell them to take him with them.

But he didn't. Instead he'd collapsed in the chair, sighing in relief.

And again, he was all alone in a place where he could be just Justin.