Wednesday, January 17, 2001

"It’s impossible," Wade said. He shook his head back and forth as his crossed arms tensed even more. "No. No way. It. Can. Not. Be. Done."

"We’re going to try though," Chris said. His expression and stance matched Wade’s— a picture of stubbornness. "We all agreed last night."

"But to choreograph an entirely new song in two days and have you all be completely comfortable in it?" Wade asked. "It’s not going to work, guys. You’re going to have to go back to ‘Everybody’ and you will have lost valuable time on practicing that one…" He trailed off.

"We want to try it," JC said. "We know we’ll have to put in extra hours, but we think it’s worth it."

Wade huffed, sighed, and rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Fine." He turned to one of his assistants sitting by the wall. "Melissa, will you run the guys through their steps while James, Kelly, and I try to figure out what exactly MTV did on that calculus song?"

Melissa nodded. Her eyes were spread widely on her face.

"Good," Wade said. He turned back to the guys. "Go until three, take a four hour break, learn the song, eat dinner, take a nap, whatever. We’ll meet back here at seven and go until ten."

"The song’s not that bad, Wade," Chris said. He tried to give the choreographer a reassuring look. "You’ll have fun with it."

Wade rolled his eyes again, but nodded. "You had to choose the boy band farce, didn’t you? The one with the steps that makes every choreographer cringe?"

Joey nodded. "We only give you the best material to work with." He crinkled up his nose as he smiled.

Wade nodded for a third time, looked over at the rest of his assistants. He snapped his fingers. "Kelly, James, we have work to do. Let’s get crackin’." He stomped out of the room followed by two scurrying assistants.

Melissa hesitantly moved to the front of the room and faced the mirror. "Places, guys, okay?"

Joey smirked. "Mel, relax, girl. We know what we’re doing."

"I know," Melissa said. She blushed.

"And we don’t bite either," Chris said. "We’ll be good for you, I promise."

"I know," Melissa said again. Her voice sounded only slightly desperate.

"Stop torturing the poor girl and let’s get started," JC said. He smiled easily into the mirror. "Lance and I’ll keep Joe and Chris in line for you."

Lance nodded his reassurances, eyes sparkling. "Besides, you’ve seen us. We’re angels during practice."

Joey and Chris snickered slightly.

"Guys," JC said. He frowned, but the look that screamed a need for tough work and perfectionism wasn’t there. "Work. Now."

The four men got in line.

"You’re all I ever wanted," JC sang clearly. "You’re all I ever needed. So tell me what to do now when-"

"I," Lance sang.

"I," Joey sang.

"I," JC sang. His smile was real this time.

"I," Chris sang.

"I want you back," they sang together.

Justin whistled as he walked up the pathway to Kevin’s doorway. Trim grass bordered the concrete stepping stones giving the yard a kept look. His feet were loud as they banged up the steps. He turned around and waved at Maggie, who in turn moved the car down the driveway and back out onto the street.

Justin knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately.

He was greeted with a smile by a short woman with large brown curls, and a crisp white apron around her waist.

"Randy," the woman said. Her nose crinkled as she smiled even wider. "Welcome. My son’s just bringing in some more firewood. He’ll be in here in just a second."

"Thank you ma’am," Justin said. He stuck out his hand. "It’s a pleasure to meet you."

"And you," Kevin’s mother said. She shook his hand, her touch light. "It’s just been so much fun watching you boys play ball. And you all are doing so well too."

"It’s a lot of fun," Justin said. "A better experience than I’d ever dreamed it could be."

"I already am hearing whispers of State." The woman smiled as she moved back to the stove. "It would be so wonderful if you boys actually made it to some play off games. That hasn’t happened since the old coach first came to the town. John played on one of the teams that made it two games from State."

Justin nodded. "Well, we’ll go as far as we can."

"I know you will." Kevin’s mother stirred one of the pots on the stove. "I’m just making up some apple pie filling. Do you like apple pie, Randy?"

Justin nodded. "It’s one of my favorites."

"Well then, I’ll be sure to cut you a nice big slice before you leave."

Justin heard footsteps banging up the stairs to the kitchen and saw a heavily laden shadow through the curtained glass. He opened the door and Kevin nearly stumbled in. He walked straight through the kitchen to the living room where the fireplace was.

Kevin was taking off his jacket when he came back. "There’s the firewood, Ma," he said. He turned to Justin and stuck out his hand. "Thanks man. Thought I was going to lose it all there for a minute."

Justin nodded as he slapped Kevin’s hand. "Anytime."

"Thank you, dear," Kevin’s mother said. "Now you boys go run along and study, okay? I’ll bring in some pie and sandwiches later, okay?"

Kevin nodded and began heading out of the room. Justin followed behind. He looked around the rooms of the small house.

"My room okay?" Kevin asked. "We could work at the table, but…"

Justin looked at the dining room table and saw a sewing machine at one end, stacks upon stacks of papers at the other end, and bolts of cloth in the middle.

"We eat in the kitchen," Kevin finished. "This is sort of the ‘all purpose’ table. Unfortunately, my purposes are at the bottom of the useful purpose list."

Justin chuckled, a heavy sound. "Your room is cool."

"Coo," Kevin said. He walked through the dining room, and then the living room, and into the alcove that branched off, holding the doors to both bedrooms and the bathroom.

Kevin went to the door on the right, flicked on the light, and stepped into the room.

Justin gaped. The room was immaculate. The bed was made. The floor was picked up. He couldn’t even see a speck of dust.

"And Stu called me the neat one," Justin said. He laughed.

"Manda’s neater ‘n I am," Kevin said. He was laughing too.

"I might just have to see that," Justin said. He slid his backpack off his shoulders and set it on the ground. He looked around the room before sitting down on the bed.

"Should we start?" Kevin asked. He grabbed the calculus book from the shelf behind his desk and joined Justin on the bed.

Justin sighed. "Might as well. The sooner we start, the sooner we’re done."

Kevin nodded and opened his book while Justin dug his own out of his backpack.

"Problem one," Kevin read aloud. "Find the integral of 3XY³"

Justin moaned. "This test is going to kick my ass."

Thursday, January 18, 2001

This time the key painted on the basketball court was yellow, outlined in thick black lines.

Justin stood behind the half court line. He was leaning over, sweaty fingers splayed across his legs. His eyes were focused on the man behind the free throw line. The nylon of the white uniform stuck to the player’s back. The plastic lettering was shiny in the artificial light.

The ref threw the ball to the player: Number 26.

Justin watched the ball move between the player’s hands and the floor four times before it finally flew through the air and dropped into the basket.

"Shit," Justin muttered, the sound only slightly louder than his heavy breathing. His eyes moved to the score board even though he knew what it read.

Home: 39
Visitor: 36
Home Fouls: 5
Visitor Fouls: 8
Time: 1:17

Justin had four fouls. They were behind and he was getting frustrated. And when he got frustrated, he got a little more aggressive. And when he got a little more aggressive, well, he fouled more.

He began running backwards slowly, letting the other team’s point-guard catch up with him. He glared at the other point-guard, his gaze heavy, steady, undeterrable. He saw the other point guard move his right hand, ready to pick up the ball and pass it.

Justin made his move. He reached for the ball, slapped it away, and felt his hand come in contact with the other man’s wrist.

The whistle blew loudly through the gym.

"Fuck," Justin muttered quietly. He stood up. Sweat beaded his forehead. It dripped into his eyes, causing water to pool at the base of his eyelids. That was what he told himself, anyway.

"Number 39," the ref said. He walked to score table and held up three fingers, and then nine. "Holding."

Justin began walking towards his side of the bench. The fans, a sea of yellow sunshine began jumping up and down.

"That is number 39, Randy Smith’s fifth foul," the teenager announcing the game said. "Number 26, Matt Jones, will be coming in for Mill Creek."

Justin smiled grimly at Matt as his friend made his way to the court. He sat down on the bench, grabbed the towel that was offered to him and stared at the ground. He saw two large shoes enter his field of vision.

"It happens, Smith," Coach said. His voice was hard. "But we’ll work on making sure it doesn’t happen again for awhile tomorrow."

Justin nodded. He didn’t let his gaze rise from the floor.

He heard the collective "ahh," of the yellow side as the ball bounced off the backboard for the second time. He looked up as he heard the yells of Mill Creek when Kevin rebounded the ball and held onto it.

Matt took the ball down the court. He passed it to Josh, who passed it to Kevin, who took it outside the 3-point line and shot. The ball bounced off the rim, traveling wildly through the air and ending up in Stu’s hands. Stu went up for the two-pointer. The ball went into the basket.

Justin looked at the scoreboard. One point behind. 45 seconds to go. He prayed.

The yellow team took the ball down the court- passed it back and fourth, wore down the clock. With seven seconds left to go on the shot clock- 17 seconds on the regular clock- they shot.

Justin knew they’d made a mistake. Especially when the ball bounced out of the basket, swirled around the rim, once, twice, and fell straight into Kevin’s hands.

The Mill Creek team began running as fast as they could. Josh was almost at the other end by the time Matt got the ball. Matt lobbed the ball down the court. It flew to Josh. The sound of plastic hitting hands was loud in the nearly silent gym. He dribbled three steps, lifted the ball, took the obligatory lay-up step, and set the ball on top of the hole in the hoop. It fell in, strings flipping, net swooshing, and fans screaming.

Justin unclasped his hands. He smiled at the victorious looking Josh. He stood up slowly, and began walking towards the other team. He got in line behind Stu, and shook twelve sweaty hands as they met the line of other players.

The Mill Creek fans nearly stormed the court. They were talking loudly, hugging each other, crowding around the players. The cheerleaders were leading a chant that was taking over the crowd.

"Five and oh. Five and oh." The words echoed around the gymnasium. "Five and oh."

Justin pushed his way through the milling students towards Josh, and his ever-present companion Nick. He saw Emily’s bright red hair over to his left, and knew that Maggie would be with her. He kept walking.

"Perkins," he called. His voice seemed to stop the chatter surrounding Josh and Nick. He walked through the parted students. "Good game."

Josh looked at him, his eye appraising. "Thanks. You were doing pretty good, too."

"Looks like I can aspire to be you, now," Justin said. He was only a foot from Josh now.

"You’ll never be as good a player as Josh," Nick said. His fingers had clenched.

"You’ve always got to protect him, don’t you?" Justin said, he turned his head to look at Nick. "Tell him things it would have been better for him not to know."

Josh scowled at Justin. "What the hell are you talking about, Smith?"

"I think Nick knows," Justin said. He turned his eyes back to Josh. "Maybe someday he’ll tell you, instead of just letting you believe the skewed truth he chose to tell you to save his own ass." Justin stuck his hand out. "Good game," he said again.

Josh shook it, and looked between Nick and Justin. "What the hell is he talking about, man?"

Nick shrugged. He skin had gone a little pasty in the overly warm gym. "I got no clue." He eyed Justin warily.

"See you guys tomorrow," Justin said. He moved away from them, back through the crowd of students. He began scanning the crowds again for Emily’s hair.

He felt an arm link through his, and looked down to see Maggie smiling up at him.

"Hey," she said. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Justin said. He gave her a confused glance. "Why?"

"You were really aggressive out there tonight," she said. She laughed. "The players were just falling over at your touch."

"That’s what they were doing," Justin said. "They were falling down."

Maggie shook her head. "I saw your hand a few times."

"So did I," Justin said. "I just wish the ref hadn’t."

"We all wish that," Maggie said. "But we won."

"Yeah, we did," Justin said. "Thanks to Perkins over there."

"Yeah," Maggie nodded. "He did pretty good."

"He’s really a very good shooter," Justin said.

Maggie nodded. "I used to think so."

"And now what do you think?" Justin asked.

"I think that you’re the best player we’ve had at this school for a long time," Maggie said. She moved in front of Justin and kissed him.

Justin moved his lips over hers. He disentangled their arms and wrapped his around her. He deepened the kiss, not caring who saw.

When they pulled apart he felt a set of eyes on him. He turned around, expecting to find Laura somewhere nearby. He was surprised when he was met with Nick’s gaze. He’d never seen so much hatred in a single glance in his life.

"Holy shit," Chris said. He collapsed on the couch in the living room of the Compound. His face was pressed into the cushion of the sofa, while his feet were propped on the arm.

"I know," Lance said. He sat down gingerly in one of the chairs. "I’d forgotten how many muscles decide not to make their presence known until hell week."

"Ugh," Joey said. He moved across the living room to the dining room, all hanging arms and slow dragging steps. "It’s not even the quote unquote hell week yet."

JC’s fingers trailed a pathway through his dark hair. "I need a shower."

"We all need showers," Chris said.

"I know," Lance said again. He pushed himself out of the chair and began walking towards the hallway off which their bedrooms branched. "And I’m going to go take one."

"Coo," Chris said. The couch cushion muffled his voice. He shifted forwards so that he was lying down in a more comfortable position. "Have either of you heard back from Justin yet?"

Lance stopped before he got to the hallway. He turned around.

"No," JC said. "I was hoping, but…"

"I know," Chris said. "I was sure my letter would evoke a response out of him."

"Maybe he hasn’t checked his email yet," Lance said.

"Yeah, right," Joey said. "He sent off the most important email of his life, and you expect him to not have checked his email for responses?"

Lance shrugged. He crossed his arms.

"I expected something by now," JC said. "Just an, ‘okay, I’ll see you before the fourth,’ or something."

"Something to tell us we weren’t doing this for nothing," Chris said.

"You can’t think like that," Joey said fiercely. "We are doing this for something."

"I think you’re reading too much into this guys," Lance said. "Maybe he just hasn’t emailed back."

"He should have," Joey said. "Just so—"

"Enough," JC said. "We’re doing the tour, we’re happy to be doing the tour, he’ll be back before the tour's over."

"Exactly," Lance said. "He said he’d be back. Jace told him exactly how long we were going to keep going without him. He’s not ready to give up on us yet."

"He’d better not be," Joey said.

The room was silent for a few moments.

"Okay," Lance said. "Now I’m going to go take my shower."

"Dear Justin," Justin read quietly under his breath. "Lance told us about your girlfriend. I want to say that’s great, wonderful, all that shit. I can’t though. She’s just a girl, Justin. You’re choosing her over us— your brothers— and over your career. I know how love is, Justin. I’m there, remember? The longer you stay, the more accustomed you guys become to each other, and the certain way you think things are supposed to work, the harder it’s going to be for you to leave. You’d better love her, Justin, and not just think you do. She’d better be the one, because if you sacrifice our careers for a fling, I’m going to do more than just kick your ass. Enjoy it while you can. Chris."

Justin sighed. He pressed reply and erased Chris’s message.

She’s more than just a girl, Chris. I like her so much; I can feel it radiating from my bones. I see myself with her for a long time. I see all of you loving her because I love her so muc

This was different though. He could tell, just by his reaction to typing it. It was too soon.

He closed the window he had been typing the email in, pressed the all-purpose shutdown-startup-restart key, and watched as the screen flicked black.

Slowly, he stood up, walked over to the bed, cuddled under the covers, and stared out the window.

Sleep was a long time in coming.