Monday, February 5, 2001

The first thing Justin saw when he walked into the school foyer was a long sheet of white butcher paper painted with huge red letters and hearts: Valentines Day Dance! February 10! 8:00! Be there!

"The Valentines Day dance," Maggie said. She squeezed his hand lightly between her fingers. "Yay."

"What’s so bad about a dance?" Justin asked, squeezing back gently.

"It’s a high school dance," Maggie said. "You know, where the boys stand on one side of the room and the girls on the other, and they stare at each other all night. That’s sure what I call fun."

"But the only person you’d be staring at is me," Justin said. He tightened his fingers around Maggie’s. "And I know that I’d have fun staring at you all night."

Maggie rolled her eyes. "We’re seniors, Randy," she said. "Aren’t we a little old to be going to a high school dance?"

"No," Justin said, shaking his head. "We’re only in high school once, you know. Come on, Mags. It’ll be fun." He smiled in an ingratiating manner. "Besides, what else are we doing this weekend?"

Maggie rolled her eyes again and huffed. "Fine. We’ll go to the dance. But you owe me one, Smith."

"Of course," Justin said. "Besides, who knows, you might actually end up having fun."

Maggie looked up at Justin and smiled. "Who knows? I actually might."

Los Angeles, CA

JC lay sprawled across the hotel room bed, notebook in front of him, pen scratching across the lined pages. The soft knock on his hotel room door startled him, and he looked up with annoyance.

"Hold on," he called. He rolled off the bed and walked over to the door, pulling it open. "What?" he asked, before looking at the girl in the hallway. "Oh. Hey, Brit."

"Hey," Britney said.

JC looked back at the bed with his still open notebook and then back at the girl in front of him. "What’s up? Did you want to come in?"

"You’re busy, aren’t you?" Britney asked. She sighed. "I see that glazed look on your face that you always get when someone interrupts your writing."

"No," JC said quickly. "I mean, I was writing, but it wasn’t really flowing. You can come in if you want."

"I was just coming to see if maybe, since we were in LA, if you wanted to go to a club tonight after the show." Britney smiled.

"I haven’t gone out in forever," JC said. He shot a quick glance back into the hotel room again. "Yeah, that would be fun."

"Cool," Britney said. She smiled and ran her fingers through her hair. "I’ll let you get back to your writing. Sorry I interrupted you."

"Really," JC said. "It’s okay." He looked down at his watch. "Are we saying like eleven?"

"Sure," Britney said. "Tell the other guys, too, if they want to come. We’ll have a good time."

"Will do," JC said.

"Yo, dawgs," Matt said.  He walked up behind Justin and Stu and sat down on the end of the bench in the locker room. "Guess what’s coming up in two weeks?"

"What?" Stu asked. He rolled his eyes in Justin’s direction.

"The talent show," Matt said. "So, what’re we going to do?"

"We?" Justin asked. At Stu and Matt’s nods, he shook his head quickly. "Oh, no. I’m not doing a talent show."

"The basketball team always does something," Stu said at the same time as Matt said, "You don’t got no choice, yo."

"Word," Justin said. He closed his eyes for an instant and swallowed. "Seriously, guys, I don’t like that stuff."

"Come on, Stu," Matt said. He gestured in Justin’s direction. "Convince him."

"It’s fun, man," Stu said. "People like to see the us make fools of ourselves."

"We just sing really off key," Matt added. "People like that, ‘cause they all know we don’t got no talent. It’s fun." He turned to Stu. "I was thinking we could get Kevin and Josh, or someone else if we can’t work around that proverbial tension," he looked at Justin, "and do one of those boy band songs. My cousin did one at his school and he said the girls just ate it up."

"Yeah," Stu said. He nodded.

Justin felt adrenaline flush through his bloodstream.

"We should totally farce one," Stu continued. "Be really bad."

"We could do, what’s that song? ‘It’s gonna be you?’" Matt scratched his head. "That one where the group--I think it’s ‘N SYNC--they’re in that toy store? That’d be fun."

"I’m not doing ‘N SYNC," Stu said. "My sister’s in love with them and I hear their songs 24-7. We should do Backstreet. Or 98-degrees. Ooh! How about Britney?" He glanced at Justin.

"What do you think, D?" Matt asked Justin. "The question that’s decided every day on MTV. ‘N SYNC or the Backstreet Boys."

"Neither," Justin said. "I told you. I don’t like that stuff. I’m not going to do it. Get Brent to do it."

"You have to," Matt said. "If we’re going to make fools of ourselves, then you’ve got to also. And besides," he said as he leaned forward and dropped his voice to a stage whisper, "Brent sucks at stuff like that. He doesn’t make it look funny, he just makes it look stupid."

"So will I," Justin said. "I don’t like getting up on stage, you know?"  He found his fingers crossing and uncrossing as he fiddled with them.

"It’s not like you don’t get up in front of the entire town twice a week, anyway," Matt said. He rolled his eyes. "Come on, Randy. You’ve never done a Mill Creek Talent Show before and this’ll be your last chance. Everybody who’s anybody does it at some point."

"What if I didn’t want a first chance," Justin said. He sighed, though, and looked resigned.

Matt turned to Stu. "We should probably pick a song this week so we can get together this weekend and start getting something together."

"I’ll try to steal some of my sisters CD’s," Stu said. "That should provide us hours of entertainment. And her videotapes, too. We could just take those moves."

"That should be simple enough," Matt said. "How hard can those moves be?"

"Yeah," Justin said. He grabbed his water bottle and flipped open the top. "How hard can they be?"

"You know what you should do?" Joey asked, slinging an arm over JC’s shoulders and looking around the crowded room. "You should cuddle up to Brit in front of a photographer, get the pictures splashed all over the tabloids, and drive Justin insane with jealousy. I bet that’d bring him home. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier."

"Yeah." JC laughed into his glass. "I’d hate to be with him when he saw those pictures."

"He’s got his lady, though," Chris said, his voice only slightly mocking. "Ten to one he’d care, but not enough to come home."

"I don’t want to find out," JC said. "That would be enough to end the group right there."

"Yup," Joey said. "It’d be funny to see his reaction though--one of those truly priceless moments. What would it be? Tight ass leather pants on male celebrity: 200 dollars. Barely concealing halter-top on pop princess: 66 dollars. Seeing pop princess draped over male celebrity and watching other male celebrity’s reaction: Priceless."

Chris gave Joey a level stare. "Promise me, man, that you will never go into advertising after this is all over."

Joey rolled his eyes. He raised his left hand in the air, and put his right hand over his heart. "Fine. I promise I will never go into advertising. Now, I’m going to go dance."

"Go," JC said. He smiled. "Please, just go."

"I’m gonna go hit the floor, too, C," Chris said. "You coming?"

JC shook his head. "No. I’m going to sit here for awhile."

Chris nodded and moved out to the dance floor. "See you out there, man."

JC sipped his drink, rolling the liquid around his mouth. He nodded as Britney slid into the seat next to him, clutching a drink in her hand.

"You don’t look like you’re having fun," she said. Her glazed eyes were shiny from the reflected club lights. "We were supposed to have fun tonight."

"I’m having fun," JC said. He lifted his drink into the air. "See, fun."

"Dancing is fun," Britney said. She gave a drunken shimmy to illustrate her point. "Sitting in a booth staring at your drink is boring."

"I’m doing more than staring at my drink," JC said. "I’m staring at the people on the dance floor, too. That’s pretty funny."

Britney smiled. "I people watch sometimes, too. Justin and I used to--" She stopped talking.

"Yeah," JC said. "He was big on watching people before he left, wasn’t he?"

Britney nodded. "I’m sorry I haven’t been hanging around with you guys so much this tour. I feel bad, it’s just, I don’t know--Awkward."

"It’s okay," JC said. He took another swallow of his drink. "I don’t think any of us have been the most sociable for the last week or so."

"I don’t want you all to think I’m not grateful to be here," Britney said. She laid a hand heavily on JC’s arm. "Because I am, really."

"It’s only right that you’re here with us," JC said. "You’re just as much a friend of Justin’s as we are."

"Yeah," Britney said.

February 5, 2001

Okay, so yeah. Now, apparently, I’m participating in Mill Creek’s talent show, singing--yes, me, mister I’m not going to get up on stage for as long as I can--to one of the boy band songs. Why couldn’t I say no?

Matt wanted to do ‘It’s Gonna Be Me’, but Stu--thank god for Stu sometimes--pushed him away from that idea. I don’t want to sing BSB though. You can’t dance to their songs. The only song you can dance to is ‘Everybody’ and that song is way old school.

I don’t want to do any boy band song. It feels totally wrong to be singing one of our rivals songs and I just can’t do us… It brings back too many memories and things I don’t want to think about, and… I don’t know. I could just back out now and watch them make fools of themselves doing a boy band song, or I could try to get them to do a different song.

I guess the question would be whether or not I want to actually participate in this thing. Yes or no. The answer should be a simple no, so why isn’t it?

Justin sighed and bit down on the cap of his pen. "Why am I even contemplating doing this show?"

I told the guys I didn’t want to do it, but they ‘peer pressured’ me into it. I could have fought harder. I could fight harder.

Or I could do the show. It would be a good way to ease into going back to the guys. Perform in front of a small crowd before being dropped into an amphitheater with 60,000 people. Get me sort of used to performing again, maybe.

What song though, cause I don’t want to do anything involved with a boy band.

"What song indeed?" Justin mumbled. He got up from the bed, carefully closing the journal and placing it back under the pillow, before he walked over to his desk and began flipping through his CD case.

"Do you think it’s bad that the hurt is getting less?" Britney asked, removing her hand from JC’s arm. She clarified: "That I’m missing him less?"

"No," JC said. "It’s not bad.  I doubt it’s that you’re hurting less, or missing him less, but that you’re getting used to the feeling." He paused for a moment. "I’m getting used to it."

"That’s what I meant to say," Britney said. The words sounded like they were being forced between her lips. She took another long drink from her glass. "I just can’t put thoughts into words now." She pushed the glass away from her across the table. "So you don’t think it’s bad that I’m getting used to the feeling?"

JC shook his head. "You live with anything long enough and you get used to it."

"Good," Britney said, nodding her head. "I’ve been feeling guilty because I thought it was bad that I was missing him less. And then I get on stage every night, and I watch your guy’s dedications to him, and I listen to Lynne, and I feel worse. I feel like maybe I don’t care as much as you guys do. It feels like I’m betraying him, or something."

JC laid a hand on Britney’s shoulder. "You care, Brit. We know you care. He knows you care."

"Does he?" Britney asked. "He doesn’t care that I care, though. So why should I care about him?"

JC stared at Britney. He could see the tears beginning to well up at the bottoms of her eyes. "Because you’re a good friend to him and when he comes back, you’ll be there to help him readjust, just like we’re all going to have to help him."

Britney nodded. She grabbed her glass again, and drained it. "Do you think she’s pretty?"

"Who?" JC asked.

"His new girl," Britney said. "Do you think that’s why he’s with her? Because she’s pretty? Is she prettier than me?"

"You know Justin, B," JC said. "You’ve known him as long as I have. You know he wouldn’t stay with a girl just because she’s pretty."

"That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear," Britney said. She rested the side of her face on the table. "I want to hear that he’s only with her to forget about me and that when he gets back here he’ll see me and realize that she was just a diversion."

"Maybe she is," JC said. He rubbed his hand over Britney’s bare shoulder. "But somehow, B, and I’m sorry to say this, I don’t think she is."

"I know," Britney said. She sighed sadly, her breath blowing a clump of hair out of her face. "I know."

Wednesday, February 7, 2001

"I’m still thinking we should do ‘N SYNC," Matt said. "Backstreet Boys just don’t have any, like, dancing songs."

"No," Stu said keeping his gaze carefully focused off of Justin. "I refuse to do them. If I learn a dance to one of their songs all my sister's little friends are going to start hanging out at our house and bugging me to do the dance for them every time they’re over." He shook his head empathetically. "No."

"I’ve got an idea," Justin said slowly. "How about something that’s not a boy band, but’ll still have the same following?" He spun the CD around his second finger.

"What song?" Stu asked. He took the CD from Justin. "Dream? Britney?"

"This could be the ultimate spoof," Justin said. He looked from Stu to Matt. "Who doesn’t know Right Said Fred."

"Right Said Fred?" Matt asked. He took the CD from Stu. "What?"

"I’m too sexy," Justin said. "You know, ‘I’m too sexy for my shirt, yeah, I’m a model, yeah,’ or something?"

"I do my little turn on the catwalk, " Stu sang, completely off-key. He laughed and slapped the palm of his hand against his knee. "That would be a performance no one in this town would forget."

"I don’t know," Matt said. He looked at the CD again and then back at Justin. "It’s not a boy band."

"People come to this for entertainment, right?" Justin asked. "They can turn on MTV and see a boy band any day of the week. They want to be entertained by something different. We could totally cheese this up, have fun with it." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Besides, boy bands are on their way out. You can ask anyone. This’d be funnier. I promise."

"We should at least let Kevin and Josh listen to it," Stu said. "If they aren’t down with it, we’ll go back to the boy band."

"It could be sort of funny, I guess," Matt said. He looked at the CD and back at Justin. "And if anyone in the school could pull it off, it would be us five."

"Because we are the basket ball team," Justin said. "It would be different from anything anyone’s done before, right?"

"Hell, yeah," Stu said.

"Then it’s settled," Justin said. "Because we’re too sexy to do anything else."

Stu cuffed the back of his head.

"That song?" Josh asked. "That song is so annoying." He looked at Stu, Kevin, and Matt.

"It’s funny," Justin said, leaning forward. "It’s the ultimate spoof." Josh gave him a steady, uninterested stare.

"You need to come up with a new line, dude," Stu said. "I know it worked on Matt, but there’s only so many times one can listen to it without—"

"Shut up," Justin said. He turned back to Josh, ignoring the other teen’s cool attitude. "We will redefine the traditional Mill Creek Talent Show jock singing experience. We will be so bad we’re good."

"We could still do a boy band," Matt said.

"No," Josh said. "God, no. I hate boy bands."

"You’re just jealous because you know you want to be in one," Justin said, his lips curving slightly.

Josh glared at Justin. "Anything but a boy band. No ‘Bye, Bye, Bye’ or ‘I Want it That Way.’ No."

"I agree," Justin said. He turned to the rest of the guys. "See, I told you. No."

"I’m in," Josh said. "You, Kev?"

Kevin nodded. "I can’t sing worth crap, though. Okay?"

"I can’t sing very well either," Justin said. "Just so you guys know, don’t expect me to be singing lead or something, okay? But I’ll try to make up for all my off key notes with my volume."

"That’ll get us first for sure," Josh said, the corner of his mouth cracking up just slightly in a smile. He looked at the four other guys.

Justin felt a sudden surge of adrenaline pulse through his system. "This might actually be fun," he said.

"Of course it will be," Matt said. "This is our first step to becoming stars."

San Francisco, CA

"He’s doing it again, isn’t he?" Joey asked the other three men in the room with him. "He’s disappearing on us."

JC nodded. He stared out the hotel room window at the office building across the street.

"That would seem to be the case," Chris said. "It’s been another week, hasn’t it?"

"Over," Lance said. "The last time he emailed was Joey’s birthday."

"How can he just do that?" Joey asked. "I go crazy not talking to you guys."

"He’s had lots of practice," Chris said.

"He’s probably trying to forget we exist for the next month," Lance said. "Cause that’s when he has to come back and become Justin Timberlake again."

"It’s less than a month now," JC said. "It’s only three and a half weeks."

"Close enough to a month," Chris said.

"But it’s less," Joey said. He grinned widely. "Guys, if everything goes according to plan he’ll be back in less than a month."

Even Chris had to smile at that.

Britney stared at the computer sitting on her lap. She chewed on her lip and rested her fingers on the keyboard. She lifted one hand and ran it through her hair.

"Dear Justin," she read. "Hey! How’s it going? I’m sorry I didn’t write you a note on your birthday. Here I’m trying to prove to you that I can be the friend you need and I don’t acknowledge your birthday."

She rested her fingers back on the keyboard. She continued saying the words under her breath as she typed. "JC mentioned today that you’d be back in three and a half weeks. I’m sure the guys say this all the time, but honestly, Justin, I can’t wait for you to come back. I didn’t appreciate you enough when you were here and you aren’t going to be able to get rid of me once you’re home."

She pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth again as she deleted part of the last line.

"I didn’t appreciate you enough when you were here. I’m not going to let you disappear on me again, okay?" Britney took a deep breath and tapped the return key with one manicured nail. "JC, the rest of the guys, and I went out to a club on Monday. I know, partying it up on a Monday! Woohoo! It was fun though. I haven’t spent too much time with any of them since… Yeah.

"I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this girl that seems to have won you over. Is she really that special? She must be if she’s keeping you away from all of this. Especially since she’s keeping you away from all of this. I hope you’re really happy, J, and not just telling yourself you are. Hugs B"

Britney sighed, crossed her left ankle over her right, and deleted most of the last paragraph of the message before pressing the send button.

"You can’t be happy with her, Justin. You just can’t be."