Monday, March 5, 2001

Justin stared at the clock as the numbers changed to 6:00, and then 6:15. Just like he’d watched them change from 3:00 to 4:00 to 5:00. He sat up on the bed, bent his knees so that he could rest his chin on them, and wrapped his arms firmly around his legs. He watched the sun creep up over the horizon, illuminating the world in a happy, golden glow.

All he saw was gray.

Justin stared out the window of the cafeteria. His chin rested heavily on his palm. His expression was blank.

"You here, Randy?" Maggie asked. She rested her hand on his arm. "Earth to Randy."

"Huh?" Justin asked. He turned to Maggie and gave a small smile. "What?"

"Nothing," Maggie said. She cocked her head to one side. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Justin said. "Just figuring out the best game plan for tonight, that’s all."

"Oh," Maggie said. She turned back to Emily. "Do you think they’re going to announce today?"

"Yeah," Emily said. "I mean, why drag it out any longer?"

"Drag what out?" Justin asked. He felt Stu staring at him and met the other teen’s gaze. Stu shook his head slightly.

"We think they’ll announce the end of ‘N SYNC today," Maggie said. She smiled sadly. "I bet they do it on TRL. Something live, you know? Make one last plea?"

Justin turned back towards the window and tried to block out the conversation again.

He wasn’t nearly as successful as he wanted to be.

Justin was shaking as he sat down on the couch in the den. He used the remote to turn on the TV and flipped the channel to MTV. It was TRL time and he wanted to see what the guys would say. They had to say something, after all. Something to the effect of "It’s all over, yo. Blame Justin."

He watched Carson Daly pace the Times Square studio. "First of all, for those of you who are watching for the sole purpose of finding out the future of ‘N SYNC, you can turn off your TV’s. We don’t got no news."

Justin stared at the TV. He was confused. No news?

"Have they said anything?" Maggie asked, running into the room. "I thought I heard Carson mention ‘N SYNC."

"Nope," Justin said. "He just said, and I quote, they don’t got no news."

"Oh," Maggie said. She sighed. "I thought, you know, after JC’s comment last night about ‘midnight, Justin’ that Justin might have gone back."

"I told you," Justin said. "There’s no way Justin was there last night."

"Yeah." Maggie sighed. She started back out of the room. "Call me if there’s any news, okay?"

"Yeah," Justin said. He sighed audibly. When he knew Maggie wasn’t behind him any longer, he spoke again, softly. "Justin wasn’t there because there is no Justin anymore."

"D!"

Justin sat up, startled. He rubbed at his eyes and noticed that the TV was still on in front of him.

"Dude," Stu said. He looked at his watch. "We got to go."

"Oh," Justin said. He looked at his watch.

"You know, so we can go whoop Parker’s ass?" Stu said. He stared at Justin. "The reason you’re still here?"

"Oh, yeah," Justin stood up. He shook his head. "Yeah. Kicking Parker’s ass is certainly at the top of my list of things to do."

"You can get out some aggression," Stu said.

"That," Justin said. He paused. "That I need to do."

The gym was as full as Justin had expected. The entire town of Mill Creek was there. Parker’s entire community was there. It was the battle of red and blue.

Justin saw a TV camera positioned in the corner of the gym filming the commentator. Justin quickly moved out of sight.

"Each team has won two of their previous four meetings," the commentator said. "This is the most contested game of the season. Whichever team wins tonight will have the right to call themselves champions and will move onto the State finals."

Stu stared at the small TV in the locker room.

"They’re freaking televising this game," he said. He turned to Justin. "Can you believe that? We’re going to be on TV."

"Wow," Justin said. His voice was emotionless.

"This," Matt said as he draped an arm over Stu’s shoulders, "is our ticket to fame. Some scout will see us and will think that we just have to be on TV."

"Oh, yeah," Justin said, turning away from the television. "That’s really the way it works."

It was all too familiar: the view of the other point guard’s face, the always-alternating lead on the scoreboard, the same routine passes and formations.

"I’m tired of this," Justin said at halftime. "I want to make this game different. I don’t just want to win, I want to win by a mile."

"Yeah," Kevin said. "We need to show Parker that we are the only team in this game worthy of going to State."

"Because we are," Justin said. "I mean--" he trailed off, not sure what he was going to say.

Coach motioned for them to get in a huddle. They all stuck their hands into the middle. "WIN!"

There was only a one-point difference in Parker’s favor, though, with 4 seconds left on the clock as Justin moved the ball towards his basket. He was at the three-point line, and he took at step inside with three seconds left on the clock. He ducked under his defender’s arm with two seconds left and released the ball with one.

"If it was worth it--" he mumbled. He watched the ball fall through the net. Immediately he felt as if time began moving at half-speed. He watched as the scoreboard flicked up two points, and the Mill Creek fans stormed the court, and the Parker fans stared at the basket in shock, and as the tears rolled down the Parker player’s faces.

Justin felt a tear drip down his cheek, followed by another, and another, and another. And suddenly he was crying hard, his face buried in Maggie’s shoulder, her arms around him, and her soft voice whispering in his ear, "you did it, Randy. You did it. It’s okay."

He hugged her, and kissed her, and felt himself being lifted up onto the shoulders of the crowd. He smiled when he saw the banner being handed to Coach, but the tears returned and he didn’t stop crying until he was tucked safely in his bed, and the lights were out, and he had cried himself to sleep.

Wednesday, March 7, 2001

Maggie stood just in side the door of the school foyer. She looked through the glass window as her boyfriend leaned up against the outside wall of the building.

"Hey," Stu said, coming up behind her.

Maggie nodded. "He should be happy," Maggie said. "We’re going to State. Why isn’t Randy happy, Stu?"

"He gave up his life for this," Stu said. "I think he’s in shock."

Maggie swallowed. "I think he needs to go back."

"What?" Stu asked. He openly gaped at Maggie. "You were the one that bitched me out for telling him he should go back."

"And I also said that if I thought he needed to go back, I’d tell him to." Maggie sighed. "He’s miserable." She motioned to the lone figure standing outside. "Just look at him."

"He’ll snap out of it," Stu said.

"You know what he did yesterday?" Maggie asked. She waited for Stu to look at her before she continued. "He stared at MTV for seven hours. He didn’t move. He lay on the couch staring at the TV."

"Huh," Stu said.

"He needs to go back," Maggie said again. "I’m going to tell him that."

"Good luck," Stu said.

"Will you be there?" Maggie asked. Her eyes were wide as she stared at Stu. "Please. For both of us?"

Stu shook his head. "I think, Mags, that this is something you need to do on your own."

"What?" Justin asked as Stu pushed him into an empty classroom.

"You need to tell her," Stu said. "She needs to know the truth."

"Why does it matter now?" Justin asked.

"Because you’re killing her," Stu said. "All she sees is that her boyfriend is a miserable lump of sub-humanness and she doesn’t know why."

"I’ll be fine," Justin said.

"Uh-huh," Stu said. "Tell her, Justin. Maybe she’ll surprise you."

"And maybe she won’t," Justin said. "I love her, Stu, and if she can’t look past who I am--"

"And you aren’t even giving her the chance," Stu said.

Justin had just shut the door of his locker when he heard a set of footsteps approaching him.

"Randy," Maggie said softly.

"Hey," Justin said. He took Maggie’s extended hand in his own. "What’s up?"

"I think we need to talk," Maggie said.

"About?" Justin asked. He swallowed and stared at Maggie out of the corner of his eyes.

"Why you’re still here," Maggie said. She pushed open the door of the school building.

"I’m here because I chose to be here," Justin said. He let go of Maggie’s hand and shoved both his hands in his pockets.

"I think you made the wrong choice," Maggie said.

"How can you say that when you don’t even know what the choice I made was?" Justin asked.

"I’m saying that because I don’t know the choice," Maggie said.

They walked in silence for a few moments.

"Maybe if I did know the choice I’d feel differently," she continued.

"It doesn’t matter now," Justin said. "I made my choice."

"So why can’t you tell me?" Maggie asked. She gently tugged at his arm leading him over to the playground. They sat down on one of the benches.

"Because if I do, you’re going to change how you look at me," Justin said. "And I’m not sure I can take that now."

"Please have a little faith in me," Maggie said.

Justin sighed and looked at his hands. He wove his fingers together and clenched them tightly.

"Before I tell you, I just want to reinforce that this is the real me, okay? The guy you’ve seen for the past four months, that’s the real me."

"I know," Maggie said.

"Here goes," Justin said. He swallowed. "You know, um--" His pulse sped up and his voice cracked. "My name’s Justin."

"Okay," Maggie said. She blinked. "So I’m in love with a guy named Justin."

"No," Justin said. "My name is Justin. Justin Randall Tim--" He stopped, unable to say the name fully.

Maggie stared at him. She blinked.

"My name," Justin said, "is Justin Timberlake."

"That's not funny," Maggie said. She stood up. "Just because you know I have a celebrity crush on--" She paused. "This is a joke, right? It’s not funny, Randy." She stared intently at Justin for a moment and suddenly all of the color drained from her face. "Oh my god."

"Yeah," Justin said.

"So the reason you can’t go back?" Maggie asked. Her voice was faint.

"Sunday was it," Justin said. "I had until the end of the tour and I chose not to go back."

"Oh my god." Maggie ran her fingers through her hair. "Oh my god. You sat there and watched them do that show?"

"And cried all night," Justin said.

"What--" Maggie stopped. She stared at Justin. "What are you still doing here?"

"I couldn’t leave," Justin said. "There was too much riding on me here."

"You stayed for the team?" Maggie asked. "For one little basketball game? That was the rest of your life, out there, and we aren’t that important."

"You are to me," Justin said. He looked at Maggie with sad eyes. She sat down on the bench again, farther away from Justin than she had been before. He scooted closer. "*You* are to me."

"Oh my god." Maggie scooted away from him. "Why didn’t you tell me?" she asked.

"Because I love you," Justin said. "And I couldn’t bear to have you not like me anymore."

"Stu was right," Maggie said softly. "He told me I was in love with a person who didn’t exist and he was right."

"I exist," Justin said. "You know me, Maggie."

"I don’t know you," Maggie said. "I--You aren’t even named Randy."

"It’s my middle name," Justin said.

"I should’ve known," Maggie said. When she looked at Justin, there were tears in her eyes. "I should’ve know, Rand--Justin."

"I’m the same person," Justin said. "This is why I didn’t tell you." He stood up and began pacing in front of the bench. "I knew you wouldn’t be able to see past the front."

"I can see past it," Maggie said. Her voice sounded indignant.

"Can you?" Justin asked. "Then what’s going to happen to us?"

Maggie was silent.

"I’ll let you think about that," Justin said softly. "I told you I’d leave our relationship up to you, and I will. I’m still me, Maggie. Just know that. The person who came back to you in December, that was me."

"Don’t say you came back for me," Maggie said.

"I did," Justin said. "Because I knew you were someone special who I wanted to be with. You were someone Justin Timberlake never would have had a chance with."

The park was quiet around them and the awkward silence seemed to stretch out between them.

"I’ll let you think," Justin said. "But I’m here now, so it doesn’t really matter who I was, does it?"

He turned on his heel and began walking out of the park.

"Give me time," Maggie said suddenly, loudly. "Give me time to get to know you again."

Justin turned around slowly. He smiled sadly. "You’ll have as much time as you need." Then he turned again and walked out of the park.

The silent, cool, dusky air surrounded Maggie as she sat in the park. She stared at the swing set and heard one of the chains creaking slightly in the wind.

Maggie sighed. She picked up the portable phone that was lying beside her on the bed and set it back down.

She stared at the picture sitting on her nightstand--the one with Justin Timberlake’s signature scrawled across the surface. She felt a tear travel down her cheek and she wiped it away.

"You made the wrong choice, Randy," Maggie said. "We aren’t that important."

She picked up the phone again and dialed a number she’d once made fun of.

"MTV," a voice said. "This is Rosie."

"Hi," Maggie said slowly. "I’m calling because I know where Justin Timberlake is."

JC folded a pair of pleather pants and stuffed them into his suitcase, ignoring the careful folds he’d just made. He had just reached for a pleather shirt when his cell phone rang.

"Hello," he said, cradling the delicate piece of plastic between his shoulder and his ear.

"Mr. Chasez," the voice said. "I’m patching through a girl who knows where Justin is."

"Wait--" JC said. "No. Stop."

"Hello?" Maggie’s voice asked.

"Hello?" JC asked. "This is JC."

"Oh my god," Maggie said.

"This better not be a joke," JC said, "because quite frankly it’s too late for jokes."

"I know where Justin is," Maggie said. "That’s why Rosie patched me through, because I convinced her I knew where he was."

"Really," JC said. "Then please tell him I hope he enjoys the rest of his life."

"You aren’t going to give him another chance?" Maggie asked.

"Why should we?" JC asked. "We’ve given him multiple chances over the last four months."

"Because he made the wrong choice," Maggie said. "He needs you guys."

"Obviously not," JC said. "If he did, he’d be here."

"He’s basically cried for 72 hours," Maggie said. "Except for a few moments after the game, but--"

JC didn’t say anything.

"He thought he had to stay to help us win our basketball game," Maggie said. "It’s really important to this town, and he knew we couldn’t win State without him."

"He gave up his life for a *basketball game*?" JC’s voice grew louder through the phone. "A *basketball game*?"

"He made the winning shot," Maggie said. "With one second left and we won."

"Where are you," JC said. His voice was brusque.

"Mill Creek," Maggie said. "Kansas."

"Is that in Madison County?" JC asked.

"Yeah," Maggie said.

"Why are you telling me this?" JC asked.

"Because I love him," Maggie said.

"Wait," JC said. He walked to the door of his bedroom and out into the hallway. He ran down towards Lance’s room. "You’re Justin’s girl?"

Lance looked up at JC with wide eyes.

"Yeah," Maggie said. Her voice was sad. "Except I didn’t know it was him until this afternoon."

"I knew he wouldn’t stay for a basketball game," JC said.

Lance looked at him with confusion.

"He did," Maggie said.

"He stayed for you," JC said. "That’s what he told us."

"No," Maggie said. Her voice was fainter in the phone. "He stayed for the town."

"Believe what you want to believe," JC said.

Maggie’s voice was suddenly angry. "I just wanted to let you know where he was. The State game is Friday night and then he won’t have anything to stay for."

"Well, wish him good luck," JC said. "And tell him I hope he lives happily ever after."

There was a dial tone loud in his ear. He closed the phone and laughed. "They deserve each other. They both hang up on me."

Lance sighed. "What did she have to say?"

"She says he’s in Mill Creek," JC said.

"Didn’t we stop in that town?" Lance asked. "When we went looking for him?"

"I think so," JC said. He sighed sadly. "He was there all along."

"So now that we know where he is, what are we going to do?"

JC shrugged. "He stayed for a basketball game, Lance. A basketball game."

"And--"

"This girl said that the State game was on Friday and after that he wouldn’t have anything to stay for."

"That would be the week," Lance said.

JC walked out into the hallway of the Compound. "Guys! Get in here!"

Maggie wiped the tears off of her face. She took a deep breath and looked at the picture again.

"I’m sorry," she said softly. "I can’t keep you here. I just can’t."

She stood up from her bed and walked to her door. With slow, deliberate steps she walked down the hallway to Justin’s room. She knocked slowly.

"Yeah?" Justin’s voice sounded different to her.

Maggie opened the door to the room and walked in.

"I’m sorry," she said. Tears dripped down her cheeks again. "I can’t do this, us. You trusted me, and I can’t do it."

She saw tears well up in Justin’s eyes.

"Okay," he said. "I meant it when I said I’d leave it up to you."

She sobbed loudly and before she could leave the room, Justin had his arms wrapped around her.

"We’ll always be friends, okay?" she said. "I just can’t do--"

"I understand," Justin said. He petted her hair. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Maggie said. "I just-- I can't."

"I know," Justin said. "I know."