<-----I hate this Friggin thing!

Let me tell you a story about my life... I am a bit timid telling you this. I know that though I may not get heavy traffic on this sight, and mostly friends, that this story is personal. See, it's about the night I though i was gonna die. Corey liked the pot, Gary was the drinker, but I was the pill guy. Pills, and acid, pill's and drinking, or any combination. It didn't matter, the more i took, the newer the high. Gary, and Brad lived in East Taunton, actually, i think Gary was staying with me at the time, none-the-less. The house was throwing a cookout that faithless night. And we had gathered early enough to have a full night. I arrived to a few gifts, 3 or 4 vicadin. I immediately took those down with a shot of JD. Soon, after a few mixed drinks, the story becomes hazy. i don't remember much, and alot was related to me later the next day. But some parts were intresting enough to relate here. I was told I took 9 shots of JD all in a row. Shared two joints with 3 people. I do remember parts of that. The mention of it had woken me from my zombified state long enough. Needless to say, I was pretty fucked up. I remember people around me, and questions echoing through my deluded stupor of..."is he going to be alright." and "What did he take?" To top the evening off, I gave someone, "the most passionate night of their life" and i don't even remember it. So I guess the moral of this story is, I'm alive today after all that...so you can be to. Go crazy. Love Gey (But seriously be responsible)

May 30th 99, Not much going on these days. I hope this is just a passing phase. It is too nice out these days to be bored. I took Gwen to the Playground/Beach yestarday for the first time. We walked in the shallow water till I realized I had come unprepared. Wet dirty feet on a 14 month old results in wet dirty dad. But hey, she had fun. Props to Lorenzos Lasagna. Thats some great shit. I will be putting some new pics of Gwen up very soon. That is unless my scanner just crapped the bed. (Fingers crossed) I bathed today, that is nothing new though. These days, I like to be clean. Oh hell, I'm starvin. Ya'll keep kickin it to the beat of a different drummer, K?

June, 14th 1999 I took some time today to read the page. (My life page) And I really like the sincerity it had in the begining. But alot of that seemed to slip away over the months for no apparent reason. It's good to see traffic increasing on the site as well. Thank you for taking the time to read. I thought I would tell you more about my present. The past is draped in sheets of darkness, but i haven't expressed where I am today that well. Ever feel that void? That missing something? Well as of late, that void has grown in me. From an outsiders perspective, I should be doing back flips. But I don't feel like doing back flips. I feel unsatisfied, and maybe a bit selfish. There isn't a thing in my world that isn't complete. A great job, a good relationship, a nice car in good shape, health, Gwen, and the band. But lately it hasn't been enough. Maybe it is just the 40 hours a week, but I don't think it is. I have always felt a bit out of place. Like i was meant for something more. On a grander scheme. Like I wasn't just a small fish in a great see. But rather a part of the sea itself. Does this make me better than anyone? No, but different in a way few are. I try to play it off as just not having my own time. That is a lie as well. I can't draw this feeling to a conclusion, but i will let you know what it is as soon as i do. I leave friday morning to go camping for 2/3 days. It is definately a wierd thing. i haven't been away from Gwen yet. Or at least more than a few hours. So I am excited, and scared all in one. Maybe this is all I need. Just to get away for a few days. So thats it. The whole ball of wax. Kinda boring. I promise i will be back sooner than this last walk away. And will keep you posted more often. Geycen

June 23rd 99 Ever want true freedom? Not the kind you think you have, but the kind that has no restraints. The kind of dreams, and visions. Ever just wish you could run through a big field with the sun burning on your neck, or drive into the mountains, just to sit by a brook, and read a book? Man, that is how I feel. I feel like i am wasting away. Every element of my life is unbelievably beautiful, but I feel caged. And can't find a solution. I guess sitting here isn't solving anything... Let me get personal on your asses. I love my friends. And I know the honor, and privelage of having true ones. So this is for all of you, and all he things i never say.

Brad: What can I say? Whenever I think of our friendship, things come into perspective. You are one of the few I refer to as the "....here before, during, and after" Your self respect, and values is amazing. I have a great respect for the person you are. And I guess you are the hardest person to say something like this too. You are much like a knight who casts aside the compliments, and hides from showing off a "weak" emotional side. Then there is the fire in you. That of an adventurer, and that's is what makes us similar. The desire of the unkown, the art of learning, rather than the science of it all. So take that friend.

Gary: Brother, friend, and salvation. You often tell me it was I who saved you, but I can't deny that it was you who saved me as well. I really feel together we shattered the walls that hid our selves. You still save me from myself. Whenever the demon of reality, and responsibility comes for the kill, you jump in front with some insane antic. In you I see the me that hides. Your dream like visionary ways keep me hoping for a better tomorrow. And help me from drowning in the past. Thank you

Jess: I know I jest much, and I may call you a few select names, but seriously you rock. It isn't as often as that we get to hang, but I look forward to the times we do. You have a true appreciation of "late night coffee and cigarettes" and that makes you a.o.k. in my book. You have a true concern for peoples feeling, and are a great listener. Ina world of grey, you are that rainbow to those who know you. Someone, outside of just waking up that always smiles, a contagious smile.

Mike: I won't disclose the real you here. The one few see. And I won't boast your superior inteligence. What i will do is admire your giving nature, your big heart that hides behind a wall of fear, and miss the consistency of our hanging. We always see things in a different light. Twisted as some of things are, and less huorous to others, it seperates you. You are an individual with many faces, and layers. Even the best scholars couldn't come up with a synopsis for the book of "Mike" Till then.

Corey: Run as you may, and hate me with all your anger, but I won't let that kill what we were. Can you put your finger on it? Is there a title? I don't know. I live in the memories, and quest for the past. Maybe things changed, evlolved into something less than spectacular, or just faded away into a distant grey. I like to think that you think about it too. Our past, and maybe a future. I loved you more than myself. And would have "sailed an ocean anywhere" for you. I don't want to mention the reasons we are not still one, cause that is not what this is about. Here I need to send you a wish of God Speed, and Good journey...till the day when all are one.

Artie: You crazy mother fucker. In all my years, I have never met anyone like you. There is magic in you friend. A sparkle that shines with an odd dull. You have the mind filled with a thousand thoughts, and I can hardly read a one. In you is passion, for where you are. And you truely know how to Sieze the day. I see such a childish perfection in you. Not an immature one, but one unsccathed by your elements. It seems you are able to brush off the most savage of storms like they were sprinklee on an early spring day. Roads don't bind you, you seem to make your own

Brian: You are great. Seriously. I like to sit back and talk with you. Just to enjoy your company. I realized this quite recently. And found myself thrilled with the knowledge that we are friends. You always make me smile, and laugh. You have such a firm grip on what you are, but it doesn't hinder you a bit. You have something to say, and say it. The sun itself seems to follow you.

Matt: It feels like I have known you since I was a kid. You embody much that I desire to be. Your proffesional "go out and get it" attitude is so inspiring. But even through that you are wise enough to not let reality take control. You always have a good word of wisdom, and an ear to catch my woes, exactly when I need it. You are reliable, consistant, and organized. And I am glad to have you as my friend.

After writing all this, I wonder if you can appreciate it. I hope you don't despise me for posting it here. But it seemed the easiest way to reveal what I can't in words. I sometimes I wish I could frame you all, and put you up in a great art museum, or mansion for the world to see. It is hard to belive there are people as good as you out there. And if only the resst of the world could see how well them glue that binds us works, perhaps this world would be a better place.

Here we are at the end of another page. I never thought this would keep going. I imagined one day I would wake up and scrap the idea. But it seems educational, and worthwhile so far. So hey, I guess I will run with it. I just wish I got more than one e-mail a month filled with opinions, thoughts, and critisisms. Oh well, I guess you can't ask for everything. See ya on the next page... Geycen

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